THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '7:30pm bells' Thorsday 1st March 2018

On Saturday we will 'attempt' the trip across the Pennines to Scouseland where NUFC will 'attempt' to win at Anfield for the forst time since 1995!

With treacherous weather conditions not expected to get any better in the next 2 days, we can anly hope that 'The Trans-Pennine express' iz runnin to schedule and that we make it for the '5 30 bells' kick off on Saturday evenin'!

We are on the '9am bells' train from 'The Central' and hope to take in a visit to The Cavern Club in Liverpool and the surroondin' pubs where The Beatles frequented in the orly 1960's!

This year will be 50 years since aa forst visited Anfield in 1968 and amazingly I have NEVAA visited The Cavern, despite bein' a big Beatles fans since aa woz a young child and havin visited Liverpool for Toon games many, many times since then!

Indeed, when aa did the match report from that game half a century ago, aa gave it the title 'She loves you! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!' az the Scousers used to sing Beatles songs on The Kop, az well az 'You'll never walk alone' by Gerry and the Pacemakers--- anothaa Scouse group of course!

The archive match report from that game iz printed below!

"BLANKETY BLANKETY BLANK!"

Posted '9 50pm bells' Wednesday 28th February 2018

Because of Sporz 6-1 win ower Rochdale in the FA Cup 5th roond replay tooneet, we will have a blank 3 weeks withoot a game from Saturday 10th March v Sooothampton at home and Saturday 31st March v 'uddersfield at home! (Wor 2nd 'blankety blank' enforced 2 week (plus) break this year alone! (Because we aalso exited at the 4th roond stage of the cup in January!)

This iz because Sporz will be playin Swanzee in the qwaataa finals of the cup and that will take priority ower wor leegue game against them, which will now be cancelled!
(We have absoluteleee ne idea just when that game at Wembley will now be 'fitted in'?)

An international break will aalso render anothaa weekend 'blankless' az well!

Aall this talk of a winter break rings very true for us---NOW!----az we have nevaa got to the 5th roond stage of the FA Cup since 'The Fat Controller' took 'the controls', 11 years ago!

'THE BEAST FROM EAST' SPOTTED IN A GATESHEED CAR PARK!

Posted '9:06pm bells' Wednesday 28th February 2018

A snowstorm envelopes the tower blocks in

Newcasil's west end at 3 bells this mornin'!

"WHERE'S THE TOWERS GONE!?

The arctic weathaa haz reached Tyneside with minus 15 temperatures bein' reported!
Accordingleee the local lasses have wrapped themsels up in waam clothin'!

Somewhere doon the quayside this afternoon!

'The beast from the east'

spotted in a Gatesheed car park!

Somewhere in the centre of the Toon,

2 feet of snow fell doon from the sky!

"Woof! Woof! Where's a St Bernard when you need one? Woof!"

APRIL TELLY GAMES ANNOONCED!

Posted '1 22pm bells' Wednesday 28th February 2018

The telly games for April have been annoonced and anly 1 of wor 4 games have been moved----the home game v The Arse which iz live on SKY!

The Basil Brush Brigade, away
Sat 7th April @ 3 bells

The Arse, home
Sun 15th April @ 1 30 bells

The Toffee Noses, away
Sat 21st April @ 3 bells

The Baggie Troosers, home
Sat 28th April @ 3 bells

"WE'RE NOT THE ANLY ONES!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 27th February 2018

Toon fans are not the anly ones who want rid of their owner(s)!

BOURNEMOOOTH 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 25th February 2018

1st HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON (in blue) ATTACK THE FAR GOAL

The diary of a lang sufferin' Toon fan!

"WE NEARLY HOYED IT AWAY!"

The day started off at 3 45am bells when aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of bed az the alarm went off!
A shower, shave and s**t later and it woz time to gan!
The taxi a'd ordered torned up at 4 25 bells and  aa heeded for 'The Central' (station) to catch the 5 25 bells train to King's Cross (London)
Az the taxi pulled oot of my street it nearly hit a bus which woz comin alang the main road and the bus driver blasted hiz horn and sworved across the road to avoid a collision! (Great start to the day!)

I arrived at The Central 5 minutes later (still in one piece!) and met up with the usual 'crew'

It woz then onward to KX and then a tube ride to Waaterloo station to catch anothaa train to Bournemoooth! ( but not before catchin a quick liquid lubrication the the station's bar!)

We arrived at high noon bells, some 6 and a half hours after leavin Tyneside and heeded for a boozer 5 mins waalk from the station, where it woz packed with Toon fans in a boystrus ⬅(Geordie Times spelllin!) mood!

We decided to stay there az some of the othaa boozers anly let home fans in and we left in good time for the kick off after a GOOD session on 'the hoy'!

We played in wor blue away kit and to cut a very lang story short we were cruisin by half time thanx to 2 goals from Dwight Gayle!

The forst came in the 17th minute when Gayle backheeled the baall into the net!
The second came bang on half time when a Kenedy corner foond Paul Dummett who crossed the baall and Gayle woz on hand to tap in and claim hiz second goal of the game az the Toon fans celebrated wildly!
The sun blazed doon from the top of the far stand (see photo below) and it woz that hot I actually took mee coat off and stood in mee short sleeved T shirt! ---In FEBRUARY?

"I CAN SEE THE LIGHT!"

We shud have increased wor lead on 2 occasions in the second period when Perez missed a sitter and Jonjo Shelvey inexplicably shot ower the bar from 3 yards oot with the goal at hiz mercy with just 11 mins left on the clock!

VIEW OF THE TINY MAIN STAND 

That woz the tornin point in the game and Bournemoooth went straight up the field to the othaa end a scored with a shot by Smith!
Havin takin wor strike force off by this time it woz 'backs to the waall' defendin az the home side pounded wor goal!

The heartbreak moment came in the last minute of the game when Bournemoooth equalised through ex Toon player Dan Gosling!

5 mins injury time woz added az the home side pressed for the winner with a sucsession of corners but thankfully it nevaa came az the ref blew for full time!
2-0 up with 10 mins to gan and we nearly 'lost it'----UNBELEEEVIBLE!

We heeded back to London, where some 'liquid lubrication' and sarnies were bought in Tesco's for the jorney back (but not before a quick pint in The Scottish Stores boozer near King's Cross station!)

We eventually arrived back just after 'midneet bells', totally 'cream crackered' after the 700 mile plus roond trip in a day!

We've said it before----and we'll say it again!---
WHO WUD BE A TOON FAN!?

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett, Ritchie (Manquillo 84), Shelvey, Diame, Kenedy (Atsu 64), Perez, Gayle (Hayden 78)

Attendance: 10,808 (1,360 'shell shocked' Toon fans!)
*

"LETS GAN ON THE BEVVY IN FEB-BREW-ERY @ BOURNEMOOOTH!

Posted from '9:45 am bells onwards Saturday 24th February 2018

London Waterloo

(9 45am bells)

Bournemoooth

(Just after high noon bells!)

Stopped here til match time

Match report tomorrow

FT 2  2

*

BOURNEMOOOTH v THE TOON THIS SATURDAY

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Thorsday 22nd February 2018
Updated Friday---onwards

On Saturday we face wor thord 'trek' of the season to the south coast when we take on Bournemoooth at Dean Court (the groond's origional name!)

Its a very orly start and I will have to get up at the ungodly hour of '4:00 am bells' az the train leaves 'The Central' at '5 25 bells' for King's Cross (London)
From there its a tube ride across to Waterloo and anothaa train to the south coast and hopefully we will be there by 'high noon bells' for wot 'liquid lubrication crusade"!
(Its 3 hours to London and then 3 hours to Bournemoooth!)

*'The Geordie Times'z "Lets gan on the bevvy in FebBrewery!" will be published in a live 'pub stream' az we de them!

Hopefully Islam Slimani will finally make hiz debut 'up front' and that we play like we did against Moan U and can get a good result?
Not suprizingleee we have sold wor allocation of 1,365 tickets for the away end

After the game its the same 'slog' back' and it will be after 'midneet bells' when we arrive back on Tyneside!

*A match report from mee forst ever visit to Bournemoooth 29 years ago iz printed below (ground number 090)

*Update Friday afternoon
Slimani iz very UNLIKELY to make the startin' line up!

*Update Friday neet

Slimani will be out for the next 2 weeks at least!---and will miss at least 4 of wor next 5 games (he cant play against hiz 'parent club' Lestaa!)
So!---- Huddersfield are the anly team he can play against in the next 5 games!!!
Wots the point!!!!😨

090 dean court bournemouth

(GROUND NUMBER 90)

Date of First Visit: 9th SEPTEMBER 1989

DEAN COURT, BOSCOMBE

A.F.C. BOURNEMOUTH  2 
NEWCASTLE UNITED  1 (Quinn)

(OLD) DIVISION TWO---ATTENDANCE 9,882 (1,000 Toon fans) <(eventually!)



"YI'LL NEVER MAKE THE MATCH, SON!"

THE BRIGHTON BEACH END!



This was one of those trips that yih want tih forget in a hurry, but many years later aa can still remember it az though it was yesterday!.

Things did'nt start off well when the coach pulled up at the 'Central' at friday midneet.

Aall the lads had been on the 'hoy' aall neet and were canny sorved az they staggered from 'Yatesys' ower the road towards wor transport.

Yih could tell that the driver was'nt ower happy at the prospect of tekin wih on a 700 mile roond trip tih Bournemooth and things got off to a bad start when he telt one of the lads that he could'nt bring any cans on the bus!.

Ah had an 'eight pack' and protested to him that even though ah could 'drink a bit', even Aa could'nt shuvel eight pints of 'X' doon mee 'gregory' in thorty seconds flat!.

But it was nee good!---he was adament that nee drink would pass the front door of the bus!.

One lad threatened tih, "KNOCK HIS TEETH THAT FAR DOON HIS THROAT, THAT HE'D HAVE TIH STICK HIS HAND UP HIS ARSE TIH CLEAN THEM!".

Yih could see that his 'bottle' had went by nuw, and so he 'gave in' and let wih on with wor cans and drove off towards the Redheugh Bridge. (So far so good!)

However!---az he approached the 'Durham Ox' (aka: 'Heroes') he did a 'u-torn' and heeded up Clayton Street and made his way towards the TYNE Bridge.

THIS! torned oot tih be a 'fiendish plan' because az he approached Market Street 'Cop Shop' he soonded his horn to attract the attention of a 'Dibble' and a 'Dibblette' who were waalkin' by.

He opened the door and telt them nervously in a broad south Durham twang, "A WANT THEM OFF THE COACH---THEY'RE CAUSIN' TROUBLE!"

To cut a lang story short we were told by 'The Dibble' to 'get off', az the driver waz refusin' point blank to take us to Bournemooth---Aaall hell then broke loose when we realised we were gannin' 'ne where' and aall of a sudden a load more 'boys in blue' came oot of the 'Cop Shop' and we were forced to get off the bus!--or be arrested!

It torned oot to be the 'latter' az they decided to nick everybody on the bus (even though a'd done nowt wrang!--honestly!) and aa spent a night in the cells with aboot 40 others before bein' released at '7 bells' withoot charge!
"Yi'll never make the match, son!" a grinnin' officer said to me az he gave me my possessions back, alang with mee match ticket! 

Aa waz determined to prove him wrang! ----So there waz nowt else for it!--- and aa ran alang Pilgrim Street and flagged a passin' taxi doon to take me yem, before jumpin' straight into mee 'jam jar' an' drivin' doon to the south coast at break-neck speed---on mee todd!

Hopefully aa wasn't 'ower the limit' or tooo late to make the kick off, but aa HAD to gan az a'd never been to Dean Court before and this would bee mee 90th ground watchin' The Toon!---and to hell with the petrol costs!

Aroond aboot '1:30 bells' aa arrived in Bournemooth where chaos had ensued on the roads, az there had been a forest fire in 'The New Forest' not far away

A'd made it!--despite the best efforts of wor mackem coach driver and 'The Dibble' to stop me---and az aa entered the groond aa couldn't help smilin' and thinkin' wot that 'Dibble' had said to me aboot 'Not makin' the kick off!'  <(*'Harvey Smith style gestures' to both of yooo!) <(see below for explanation!)

The 'end' we were in waz bizzarly called 'The Brighton Beach End' az it had ne sand on it!--unlike Bournemooth beach--apparently! <(They hate Brighton in theeze parts!)

Mickey Quinn opened the scorin' for us after just 3 minutes but the home side came back and equalised before half time!-------------And then (az iz typical of NUFC!) disaster struck when Bournemooth scored a 2nd goal at the mid point of the 2nd half and we lost 2-1! <("Er!"--Wish a'd never made the match!)

10 minutes before the end of the game 2 coach loads of Toon fans from the supporters club had torned up!---They'd been delayed by that forest fire and they anly saw the dyin' embers of the game! (sic!)---After the match they were ushered straight back onto their coaches and driven straight back to the north east!--a roond trip of 720 miles to watch TEN minutes of futbaall!!!

Aa had some company on the way back az well, when a Toon fans known az 'Cappy' asked for a lift back to the Toon!---aa waz anly tooo happy to oblige and get a bit 'petrol money' off him to help with the costs on the lang haul yem!

(*Harvey Smith (below) waz a show jumper in the 1970s/80s and famously stuck two fingers up to some judges durin' a show jumpin' event!)
  

THE TOON U23s 1 SOOOTHAMPTON U23s 5

Posted 12:30pm bells Tuesday 20th February 2018

"SAINTS ALIVE!"

Last neet in the 'resorve leegue' wor U23s got hammered 5-1 at Whitley Park in Benton by Sooothampton!
(We aalso lost the away game against them by 6-2!)

This iz wor resorve squad that shud be challengin for 1st team places--- but have yoo ever hord of them apart from El Mhanni?
This iz wor team that started last neets game!

Woolston, Newberry, Aziakonou, O'Connor, Yarney, Smith, Heaney, Hunter, EL MHANNI, Bartlet, Gallacher

(Thats 4 defeats in a row for wor 2nd string, with anly one clean sheet in the last 11 games!)

Of course we have several players oot on loan, but this resorve squad  iz ne where near the forst team in torms of quality!
Which begs the question----Wots the point in havin players who will NEVER play in the senior team?!

The ANLY point in havin a resorve team it seems, iz for the benefit of 'The NUFC mad sad groundhoppers'!----like 'ME'! --- when we visit new groonds like Colchester and Stockport!

The 'crowd' numbered 150!