STURRIDGE DOES A U TURN!

Posted 11 00pm bells Woodall truck park M1 Munday 29th January 2018

News that Daniel Sturridge haz opted to join WBA instead of NUFC iz a kick in the teeth for aall Toon fans!

We 'fink' that West Brom offered to pay hiz £100,000 wages per week---and we of course didnt!
Aalso the deal to sign Jorgensen from Feyenoord haz fell through coz we didnt want to pay any more than €17,000,000 for him!

With just 2 days of the transfor window left we feel that we wont make any progress whatsoever if The Fat Controller doesnt listen to Rafa---and relegation iz now a very real possibility yet again!

He will NEVER LEARN---WILL HE!

CHELSKI OAPs 3 THE TOON 0 *** FA CUP 4th ROOND

Posted '12:22pm bells' Munday 29th January 2018

"A TOTALLY EXPECTED RESULT!"

A year to the day since we lost 3-0 away to Oxfaad in the FA Cup, we got exactly the same score az then!

I divvint 'fink' there woz one Toon fan in the crowd who thought that we would win and so it proved az we were unable to break doon Chelski's defence with wor powder puff attack.

Dwight Gayle, for example opted to pass rather than shoot when the score woz 0-0 az we attacked The Shed End where the 2,400 Toon fans were housed (we were allocated 3,000 tickets, but couldn't sell oot!)

Then!---on the half hour mark the home side took the lead when an unmarked Batshuayi <(hope av spelt that reet?) had the easiest task on sidefootin the baall into wor net to give Chelski the lead!

Again we had chances to equalise, but we just don't have the quality players to de it---hence, it iz VITAL that we sign somebody who CAN score goals before the transfor window shuts, or else we fear the worst!

It woz 2-0 just before the break when 'Bat Man' <(its easier to sppell!) scored again when he hit a shot ,which deflected off Lascelles and looped ower Darlow for a very lucky goal!

In the 2nd period we hardly got into their half, but Shelvey did have a decent effort saved!

The ineffective Gayle then came off for Joselu in the 64th minute, but he woz ne better!

And then the 'killer goal' in the 72nd minute, when Alonso sent in a free kick from the edge of the box to beat Darlow and seal the win!

They had more chances to increase the score, but Darlow woz in fine form and stopped at least 2 more goals

The biggest cheer of the day from The Toon contingent, woz when a fan slid doon a metal barrier towards the exit, az we applauded loudly!---He did this twice before bein restrained by an over zelious steward!---and THAT WOZ IT!--- az the ref blew for full time to see 'US' slide doon the exit pole and oot of the competition before the end of January, for the ELEVENTH year runnin'!!!!

'Chelski OAPs', an explanation: We caall them this az their owner iz Russian and 'OAPs' (Old Aged Pensioners) comes from the fact that their nickname back in the 1960's woz 'The Pensioners' after 'The Chelsea Pensioner war veterans! (below)

Toon team: Darlow, Clark, |Lascelles, Mbemba, Manquillo (Murphy 78), Hayden (Atsu 83), Shelvey, Haidera, Saivet, Gayle (Joselu 64), Richie

Attendance: 41,049 (Just 2,600 Toon fans with 400 empty seats in wor end!)

* For "Lets gan on the bevvy in Janu-ery!" pub crawl pix AND more match pix see next article doon!

"LETS GAN ON THE BEVVY IN JANU-ERY@ CHELSKI!"

Posted from '10 00am bells onwards Sunday 28th January 2018

The day before @ Dover some of the lads went groundhoppin'!

The night before aroond the King's Cross area!

Gettin rat arsed on rats p*ss

In The Water Rats!

I bought a pint of 'Bee sting'

cider here and woz STUNG

 for £5 50 !

Next day!

Az it woz an orly kick off at Chelski ('1 30 bells') we plonked worsels doon in The Shakespeare near Holborn tube station----and then Stamford Bridge for expected 'punishment!

I woz reet aboot the 'punishment'!

NUFC lost 3  0 and are oot of the FA Cup for the 11th year runnin before the end of January!

Match report tomorrow

Pix of match and the 'drownin of the sorrows' soon when a get on the train back later this evenin'!

Chelski's lion mascot signs 

autographs?

(I didnt realize that lions 

cud read and write!)

Where are seats

7 to 14, like!???

A Toon fans slides doon the

 banister rail and got the biggest 

cheer of the afternoon!

The "drownin of the sorrows"

post match took place here

at King's Cross!

FRANKIE 'FINGERS' RIP!

Posted '4 44pm bells' on the train to King's Cross Saturday 27th January 2018

It iz with great sadness that we hear that Toon fan 'Frankie Fingers' haz passed away!
Frankie hadnt been to a Toon game for a while but there are some great stories aboot him!
(He had massive fingers-- hence hiz name!)

He came from Winlaton and hiz claim to fame iz that one day he woz 'mortal' and jumped off the bar coontaa in The Highlander pub and swung off the chandelier in the middle of the ceiling, like The 3 Musketeers did in the film!

Unfortunatly the ceiling gave way under hiz weight and he and the chandelier came crashin to the bar floor, complete with the plaster off the ceiling!
He woz barred for life!

On anothaa occasion at an away game he went into a Catholic club where a statue of Jesus bein crusifide on the cross woz in the entrance and caused uproar when he said!
"Wots up with him?   Did he not pay hiz subs, like!?"
And YES he WOZ a Catholic!

RIP FRANKIE 'FINGERS'

CHELSKI OAPs v THE TOON *** FA CUP 4TH ROOND*** SUNDAY

Posted '12:33pm bells' Friday 26th January 2018

THE LAST WE WERE HERE---LAST MONTH!---LOST 3-1 !

"CAN WE HAVE A FEBRUARY FA CUP TIE PLEEEZE!!!"

We heed for 'the smoke' (London) once again---this time for an FA Cup tie v Chelski at Stamford Bridge on Sunday, with a ridiculous '1 30 bells' kick off time for live telly! (We were anly here last month when we lost 3-1 in the leegue!)

Those Toon fans travellin by train on the day are ' chancin it' as ANY delays and they are 'cattle trucked' (F****D!)

Those gannin by coach or car will have to leave at the ungodly hour of '5 bells' to make the start!
We have taken an allocation of just 3,000 tickets and we have ne idea if we have sold the lot?

We fully expect a weakened team (unlike the last roond v Luton) az we have a crucial leegue game at home to Bornley next Wednesday!
(New signin Kenedy iz ineligible to play)

Because of the kick off time The Geordie Times entourage  iz leavin tomorrow for (yet anothaa) overneet stay!

The most shockin' cup stat we have foond iz that since wor beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller', haz haz been in 'control' (since 2007), we have failed to get past the FA Cup 3rd roond stage on NINE occasions and have been knocked oot at the 4th roond stage ne less than on FOWER (4) occasions!
And NUFC have NEVAA reached the 5th roond under hiz 'leadership'!!!

In that time we have NEVAA got into February in the competition, with wor latest 'date exit' bein' at Oxfaad last season (Jan 28) and Brightin on the same date in 2012!
 A TRULEEE SHOCKIN STAT!----IZ IT ANY WONDER THE LOYAL FANS WANT RID OF HIM!?
(And this doesnt include 2 relegations and several othaa relegatoin battles--includin this season!)


More to follow on aall this tomorrow when we will be on the train to King's Cross (London)

Updated Saturday from 'high noon bells'

With just 4 and a half days left till the transfor window closes, we are still ne closer to a permanent signing than we were on Jan 1st!

The saga ower the price of Feyenoord striker Nic Jorgesen iz still ongoin with the Dutch club wantin much more than the £17 million we have offered so far!
It iz very worryin!-

Aalso Rafa haz indicated that az expected, he will be forced to field a weakened team at Chelski tomorrow, az we dont have enough quality players to cope with the demands of Leegue and FA Cup fixtures!
(See below)

The back page of today's

'Ronny-Gill'

WEMBLEY ON A FRIDAY NEET!?---OR NOT! AZ THE CASE MAY BE!???

Posted '12:45pm bells' Wednesday 24th January 2018

The telly fixtures for March have been annoonced and we will play 'The Liverbirds' away on March 3rd with a '5:30 bells' kick off time (BT)

But then it gets very complicated!
Wor game v Sporz at Wembley haz been moved back a day to Friday 16th March with an '8:00 bells' kick off!

HOWEVAA! Shud eethaa Sporz or 'us' make the 6th roond of the FA Cup, then that game will be postponed az its due to be played on 6th roond weekend! (and of course 'The Cup' takes priority)

If ethaa Sporz or 'us' need a replay in the 5th roond, then we wont know if its on or off till February 27th!
If eetha of us do get through to the 6th roond, then wor game at Wembley will be moved to a midweek date!

In othaa words!---We will be gannin' to Wembley on a weekday, no matter what happens!

Both home games v Sooothampton and 'uddersfield in March are unaffected and stay at the traditional Saturday '3:00 bells' kick off!

A LITTLE BIT OF CHEER AT LAST!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 23rd January 2018

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!

Finally, with just 8 days left in the transfor window, we have brought a new addition into wor squad, albeit in a loan deal!
The Geordie Times'z papparazi photographer got this excluuusive shot of Chelski's Kenedy (with one 'n') last neet, az he arrived at 'The Central' (station) from King's Cross for a routine medical!

He haz arrived 6 months on from wor failed attempt to sign him in the summer transfor window!

A left winger who can play at wing back iz a much needed boost!

We can anly hope that more signins will follow in the next few days, az Rafa haz been 'promised'? that he can buy 3 more players, includin a much needed striker!

Fingers (and toes!) crossed!

THE BLUE MOONIES 3 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted from '10:30am bells' onwards (on the train home) Sunday 21st January 2018
Updated Munday @ '11:40am bells'

VIEW FROM THE 2nd TIER OF THE SOUTH STAND

After just 3 hours 'shut eye' after workin nightshift aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of bed and heeded for 'the Central (station) to catch the '9 bells' train to Manc-land via 9 other stations and eventually arrived 3 hours later

It woz there a case of findin wor hotel (above a pub!) before gannin oot 'on the hoy' before the match which kicked off at '5 30 bells'

The last time we were here we lost 6-1 and az Man City are miles better than any othaa team in The Premyaa Leegue, we had visions of a similar scoreline, come '7 15pm bells' (when the match woz due to finish!)

To compensate for this aa had drank 4 cans on the train and several more in central Manchester before the game!

It woz eventually time to gan for wor 'punishment' and we pushed wor way onto a very crowded tram to the groond! 

Like aa said, it ended up a very predictible result, az Man City laid seige to The Toon goal in the forst half and they eventually made the breakthrough when Agruero glanced a heeder past Karl Darlow in The Toon goal in the 34th minute!

Thats the way it stayed til the break

A TOON FAN HOLDS HIZ HEED AZ WE MISS A GREAT CHANCE TO EQUALISE!

We played a bit better in the 2nd period and actually ventured into the City half this time, but fell 2 goals behind when Aguero scored from the penalty spot after Manquillo fouled Stirling in the box in the 62nd minute!

We pulled 1 back a few minutes later when Murphy got clean through their defence to calmly place the baall into the corner of the net to send the 3,000 Toon diehards behind that goal, wild with delight!

We had chances to equalise but couldnt break their defence doon again and a 3rd goal for Aguero to complete hiz hat-trick came in the 83rd minute to seal wor fate! (at least it wasn't 6-1 !)

Factfile: The Blue Moonies have now scored 22 goals against us at home in the leegue in the last 5 games played!
NUFC in the meeentime have scored 2 against them!

NUFC are now just 2 points off the drop zone and 3 points below the top half of the table!----Unreal!!!

A more detailed report to follow when we eventually get back on wor train jorney aroond the world via Stockport, Sheffield, 'Donny' and York! (PS: now updated--eventually!)

'Blue Moonies', an explanation: We caall them this az Man City fans 'anthem' iz the song 'Blue Moon'

Toon team: Darlow, Manquillo (Yedlin 66), Clark, Dummett, Hayden, Diame, Shelvey, Murphy, Atsu (Perez 64), Joselu (Gayle 76)

Attendance: 54,452 (3,000 Toon fans spread ower 3 tiers of The South Stand)

For wor "Lets gan on the bevvy in Janu-ery!" pub crawl, see next post doon! 

"LETS GAN ON THE BEVVY IN JANU-ERY @ MAN CITY!"

Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards Saturday 20th January 2018

A rather large erection in the centre of Manchester!

Toon lost 3-1 !

Post match drownin of the sorrows took place in the bars we had been te before the match

Plus

Match report tomorrow sometime!

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON(IES!) *** TOMORROW TEATIME!

Posted '12:58pm bells' Friday 19th January 2018

We face the daunting task of beatin Man City in eest Manchester tomorrow @ '5:30 bells' and with the late kick off time (for live telly, of course!) we have plenty of time to get 'completely comatosed' in the various 'liquid lubrication locations' aroond Piccadilly (Manchester) before the game and (hopefully!) not 'take in' the hidin' that many expect!

Yoo nevaa know though? and we aim to be the forst team to beat them at home since Chelski beat them 3-1 in December 2016!

That's ower A YEAR unbeaten at home and NUFC are 20 to 1 to get a result!

 We will of course have a match report on Sunday (or Munday, dependin on the score!) and hopefully it wont be a bad one!
PLUS!--wor "Let's gan on the bevvy in January!" crusade from 'high noon bells' tomorrow (watch this space from then onwards!) 

In othaa news wor youth team are in action tooneet @ Selhurst Park in south London v 'Cry baby Palace' in the FA Youth Cup 4th roond and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be represented by 'Glennn from Ashington' who woz at Stockport last neet for wor U23s game against Bornley U23s (match report on THAT game iz below this (somewhere!---ground 331 Edgeley Park) 

Glennn stopped owerneet in Stockport and travelled to London today and will be back in the north west for wor game in Manchester tomorrow! (It kicks off at '7 bells' and its an extorshanate £10 for big kids and £1 for sprogs!)

Dependin' on your opinion, Glennn haz eethaa 'the heart of a lion' OR! 'the brain of a sheep'!---- or BOTH!----the choice iz yours!

Posted 11 11pm bells from Woodall truck park M1
Breaking news!
Wor youth team beat Palace 3-2 with wor goals comin from Adam Wilson, Oislen McEntee and Kellard Watts
Attendance: 1,774