CHELSKI OAPs v THE TOON *** FA CUP 4TH ROOND*** SUNDAY

Posted '12:33pm bells' Friday 26th January 2018

THE LAST WE WERE HERE---LAST MONTH!---LOST 3-1 !

"CAN WE HAVE A FEBRUARY FA CUP TIE PLEEEZE!!!"

We heed for 'the smoke' (London) once again---this time for an FA Cup tie v Chelski at Stamford Bridge on Sunday, with a ridiculous '1 30 bells' kick off time for live telly! (We were anly here last month when we lost 3-1 in the leegue!)

Those Toon fans travellin by train on the day are ' chancin it' as ANY delays and they are 'cattle trucked' (F****D!)

Those gannin by coach or car will have to leave at the ungodly hour of '5 bells' to make the start!
We have taken an allocation of just 3,000 tickets and we have ne idea if we have sold the lot?

We fully expect a weakened team (unlike the last roond v Luton) az we have a crucial leegue game at home to Bornley next Wednesday!
(New signin Kenedy iz ineligible to play)

Because of the kick off time The Geordie Times entourage  iz leavin tomorrow for (yet anothaa) overneet stay!

The most shockin' cup stat we have foond iz that since wor beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller', haz haz been in 'control' (since 2007), we have failed to get past the FA Cup 3rd roond stage on NINE occasions and have been knocked oot at the 4th roond stage ne less than on FOWER (4) occasions!
And NUFC have NEVAA reached the 5th roond under hiz 'leadership'!!!

In that time we have NEVAA got into February in the competition, with wor latest 'date exit' bein' at Oxfaad last season (Jan 28) and Brightin on the same date in 2012!
 A TRULEEE SHOCKIN STAT!----IZ IT ANY WONDER THE LOYAL FANS WANT RID OF HIM!?
(And this doesnt include 2 relegations and several othaa relegatoin battles--includin this season!)


More to follow on aall this tomorrow when we will be on the train to King's Cross (London)

Updated Saturday from 'high noon bells'

With just 4 and a half days left till the transfor window closes, we are still ne closer to a permanent signing than we were on Jan 1st!

The saga ower the price of Feyenoord striker Nic Jorgesen iz still ongoin with the Dutch club wantin much more than the £17 million we have offered so far!
It iz very worryin!-

Aalso Rafa haz indicated that az expected, he will be forced to field a weakened team at Chelski tomorrow, az we dont have enough quality players to cope with the demands of Leegue and FA Cup fixtures!
(See below)

The back page of today's

'Ronny-Gill'

WEMBLEY ON A FRIDAY NEET!?---OR NOT! AZ THE CASE MAY BE!???

Posted '12:45pm bells' Wednesday 24th January 2018

The telly fixtures for March have been annoonced and we will play 'The Liverbirds' away on March 3rd with a '5:30 bells' kick off time (BT)

But then it gets very complicated!
Wor game v Sporz at Wembley haz been moved back a day to Friday 16th March with an '8:00 bells' kick off!

HOWEVAA! Shud eethaa Sporz or 'us' make the 6th roond of the FA Cup, then that game will be postponed az its due to be played on 6th roond weekend! (and of course 'The Cup' takes priority)

If ethaa Sporz or 'us' need a replay in the 5th roond, then we wont know if its on or off till February 27th!
If eetha of us do get through to the 6th roond, then wor game at Wembley will be moved to a midweek date!

In othaa words!---We will be gannin' to Wembley on a weekday, no matter what happens!

Both home games v Sooothampton and 'uddersfield in March are unaffected and stay at the traditional Saturday '3:00 bells' kick off!

A LITTLE BIT OF CHEER AT LAST!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 23rd January 2018

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!

Finally, with just 8 days left in the transfor window, we have brought a new addition into wor squad, albeit in a loan deal!
The Geordie Times'z papparazi photographer got this excluuusive shot of Chelski's Kenedy (with one 'n') last neet, az he arrived at 'The Central' (station) from King's Cross for a routine medical!

He haz arrived 6 months on from wor failed attempt to sign him in the summer transfor window!

A left winger who can play at wing back iz a much needed boost!

We can anly hope that more signins will follow in the next few days, az Rafa haz been 'promised'? that he can buy 3 more players, includin a much needed striker!

Fingers (and toes!) crossed!

THE BLUE MOONIES 3 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted from '10:30am bells' onwards (on the train home) Sunday 21st January 2018
Updated Munday @ '11:40am bells'

VIEW FROM THE 2nd TIER OF THE SOUTH STAND

After just 3 hours 'shut eye' after workin nightshift aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of bed and heeded for 'the Central (station) to catch the '9 bells' train to Manc-land via 9 other stations and eventually arrived 3 hours later

It woz there a case of findin wor hotel (above a pub!) before gannin oot 'on the hoy' before the match which kicked off at '5 30 bells'

The last time we were here we lost 6-1 and az Man City are miles better than any othaa team in The Premyaa Leegue, we had visions of a similar scoreline, come '7 15pm bells' (when the match woz due to finish!)

To compensate for this aa had drank 4 cans on the train and several more in central Manchester before the game!

It woz eventually time to gan for wor 'punishment' and we pushed wor way onto a very crowded tram to the groond! 

Like aa said, it ended up a very predictible result, az Man City laid seige to The Toon goal in the forst half and they eventually made the breakthrough when Agruero glanced a heeder past Karl Darlow in The Toon goal in the 34th minute!

Thats the way it stayed til the break

A TOON FAN HOLDS HIZ HEED AZ WE MISS A GREAT CHANCE TO EQUALISE!

We played a bit better in the 2nd period and actually ventured into the City half this time, but fell 2 goals behind when Aguero scored from the penalty spot after Manquillo fouled Stirling in the box in the 62nd minute!

We pulled 1 back a few minutes later when Murphy got clean through their defence to calmly place the baall into the corner of the net to send the 3,000 Toon diehards behind that goal, wild with delight!

We had chances to equalise but couldnt break their defence doon again and a 3rd goal for Aguero to complete hiz hat-trick came in the 83rd minute to seal wor fate! (at least it wasn't 6-1 !)

Factfile: The Blue Moonies have now scored 22 goals against us at home in the leegue in the last 5 games played!
NUFC in the meeentime have scored 2 against them!

NUFC are now just 2 points off the drop zone and 3 points below the top half of the table!----Unreal!!!

A more detailed report to follow when we eventually get back on wor train jorney aroond the world via Stockport, Sheffield, 'Donny' and York! (PS: now updated--eventually!)

'Blue Moonies', an explanation: We caall them this az Man City fans 'anthem' iz the song 'Blue Moon'

Toon team: Darlow, Manquillo (Yedlin 66), Clark, Dummett, Hayden, Diame, Shelvey, Murphy, Atsu (Perez 64), Joselu (Gayle 76)

Attendance: 54,452 (3,000 Toon fans spread ower 3 tiers of The South Stand)

For wor "Lets gan on the bevvy in Janu-ery!" pub crawl, see next post doon! 

"LETS GAN ON THE BEVVY IN JANU-ERY @ MAN CITY!"

Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards Saturday 20th January 2018

A rather large erection in the centre of Manchester!

Toon lost 3-1 !

Post match drownin of the sorrows took place in the bars we had been te before the match

Plus

Match report tomorrow sometime!

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON(IES!) *** TOMORROW TEATIME!

Posted '12:58pm bells' Friday 19th January 2018

We face the daunting task of beatin Man City in eest Manchester tomorrow @ '5:30 bells' and with the late kick off time (for live telly, of course!) we have plenty of time to get 'completely comatosed' in the various 'liquid lubrication locations' aroond Piccadilly (Manchester) before the game and (hopefully!) not 'take in' the hidin' that many expect!

Yoo nevaa know though? and we aim to be the forst team to beat them at home since Chelski beat them 3-1 in December 2016!

That's ower A YEAR unbeaten at home and NUFC are 20 to 1 to get a result!

 We will of course have a match report on Sunday (or Munday, dependin on the score!) and hopefully it wont be a bad one!
PLUS!--wor "Let's gan on the bevvy in January!" crusade from 'high noon bells' tomorrow (watch this space from then onwards!) 

In othaa news wor youth team are in action tooneet @ Selhurst Park in south London v 'Cry baby Palace' in the FA Youth Cup 4th roond and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be represented by 'Glennn from Ashington' who woz at Stockport last neet for wor U23s game against Bornley U23s (match report on THAT game iz below this (somewhere!---ground 331 Edgeley Park) 

Glennn stopped owerneet in Stockport and travelled to London today and will be back in the north west for wor game in Manchester tomorrow! (It kicks off at '7 bells' and its an extorshanate £10 for big kids and £1 for sprogs!)

Dependin' on your opinion, Glennn haz eethaa 'the heart of a lion' OR! 'the brain of a sheep'!---- or BOTH!----the choice iz yours!

Posted 11 11pm bells from Woodall truck park M1
Breaking news!
Wor youth team beat Palace 3-2 with wor goals comin from Adam Wilson, Oislen McEntee and Kellard Watts
Attendance: 1,774

THE PANTO SEASON ISNT OVER YET, FOLKS!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Friday 19th January 2018

"OH YES WE DID!"--"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!"
---"OH YES--------!"


Both 'The Ronny Gill' and wor 'little sister' 'The Times' of London, have stories aboot claim and counter claim aboot takeover talks!


Amanda Staveley says hor group have made THREE bids to buy the club and NUFC have said "Oh no they didn't!"


The NUFC pantomime just gans on! and on! and on! and on! and-------!

331 edgeley park, stockport

Ground number 331
Date of First Visit: 18th January 2018
Edgeley Park, Stockport

Burnley U23s  0
Newcastle United U23s  4 (Charman 2, Barlaser 2)

Premier League Cup
Attendance: 120 (est) includin 5 Toonhoppers! (plus 3 NUFC exiles we spotted!)

"THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR!"

The day started off badly az the thick snow which had arrived the day before woz coverin' everything in its path, includin' many main roads.
'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' woz takin' hiz car doon to Stockport, where Bornley play their home resorve games for some reason?
Aa woz picked up at wor hoose and az we were travellin' doon the A1 near Durham a text message came through from 'Glennn from Ashington'.
Hiz lift to Stockport had went 'tits up' and he asked if we could pick him up at Durham station!

"OK!" we said and heeded there, but got stuck in traffic which put 30 mins onto wor jorney!
Unfortunately Glennn missed the train to Durham and we had ne choice but to heed south withoot him 'in tow'!
The game woz at '1:00pm bells' and we didn't have much spare time az it woz aalready '10:00am bells' and the road trip woz at least 3 hours!
And then some 'saving grace'---a text message from 'wor club insider' told us that the game woz in fact a '2:00pm bells' kick off, which gave us an hour's extra time to get there!

However!--we encountered anothaa traffic jam south of Durham on the A167 and had to de a 'U turn' to get to the A1 motorway!
When we got there it woz solid traffic az well!-- and we ended up heedin for the A19---prayin' that there would be ne more delays!

Thankfully there wornt and we arrived at Stockport Coonty's groond bang on '1:00pm bells', which woz the original kick off time!
Az we now had an hour to spare we 'scouted' for the nearest boozer, which we were telt woz "just along the road" by a Stockport official
We 'foond it' and managed to grab a quick 'gargel' (or 2!) in The Prince Albert, which, az mentioned, woz "within hocklin distance" of the groond where 'fellow' groundhoppers, 'Dave from York' and 'Alec of St George' were guzzlin' pints!

"THE GOALS RAINED IN, AZ IT P*SSED DOON!"

As the game woz played mid Thorsday afternoon in the pourin' rain and woz 40 miles from Bornley, there woz a sparse crowd in attendance and the main stand woz the anly one open!
Glennn had made it by train (eventually!), which meant that (in total) 5 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' were in attendance!

Luke Charman opened the scorin with a fine heeder in the 22nd minute with Dan Barlaser addin a 2nd with a deflected shot 3mins later, on this mudbath of a pitch, az the rain pelted doon!
HT 2-0 to 'us'!

It took NUFC just 3 mins from the restart to increase the lead when Charman sidefooted home from a Sterry cross!

'The rout in the rain' woz completed in the 64th minute when Barlaser rounded the hapless Bornley keeper to send the 5 mad sad groundhoppers who had travelled doon, wild with delight! (Whey! polite applause anyway!)
FT 4-0 to 'us'!

TOP PIC: BARLASER (9) ROUNDS THE KEEPER

BOTTOM PIC: AND HE SLAMS THE BAALL INTO THE NET

FOR WOR 4th GOAL!

A magical away win, but still a mystery why Bornley play their resorve home games 40 miles away from their home!?

NOTE THE NUMBER 7 SUBS FOR BOTH TEAMS!

"Ground control to

Major Tom!"

Ladies toilets

up the post!

Spot the goalie 

come linesman!

Welcome to Burnley!

THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR*** NEW GROOND! *** NEW GROOND!

Posted '12 48pm bells' Wednesday 17th January 2018

The NUFC mad-sad  groundhoppers are off on wor travels yet again tomorrow afternooon at '2 00 bells'!
This time to Stockport where Bornley U23s are playin a HOME GAME against wor U23s in The Premyaa Leegue Cup!

Its a complete MYSTERY to us, just WHY they are playin their resorve home games there, az Edgeley Park iz aboot 40 miles south of Turf Moor (in Bornley!)

We 'fink' that there must be at least 10 lower leegue and non leegue groonds nearer, like Accrington and Bury where they could play resorve games on!

We ARNT complainin though az we've nevaa been to Edgeley Park and az this iz a former leegue groond it iz anothaa old leegue one to add to the list   (136th on mine!) Its MAGIC!😊

Update 6 46pm bells Trowell truck park M1

Wor club insider told me the game woz bein moved to Borley's trainin groond but then told  me it woz at Stockport again but with a '1 00 bells' kick off tomorrow afternooon!



A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here on Friday--provided the game isnt cancelled by bad weather or moved somewhere else!--'God forbid!

 Update '11:30pm bells' at Woodall truck park M1

Been listenin to Chelski's game v Norwich in the FA Cup and Chelski won on pens 5-3 after extra time (1-1) and will play The Toon at Stamford Bridge on Sunday week with a '1 30 bells' start for live telly (BT)

MORE MAGPIE MISERY!

Posted 11 34pm bells @ Woodall truck park M1 January 16th 2018

"YOU'LL HAVE A HELL OF A JOB TO GET RID OF ME!"

I nearly crashed mee truck on the M42 when aa hord on the radio that the takeover deal for NUFC from 'the Amanda Staveley mob' iz 'dead in the water'!

In othaa words we are stuck with The Fat Controller for some considerable time yet!

Az mentioned last week, its like havin your muthaa in law livin with yoo for 10 years and yoo are unable to get rid of hor! (or HIM az the case may be!)

Just what Rafa makes of aall this iz anybodys guess???
We have 2 weeks left to get some transfors ower the line---but will 'yee naa who' give him any dosh to save wor season????