NE NEWS IZ BAD NEWS!

Posted just before high noon bells Wednesday 20th December 2017

It iz with increasin anxiety that The Geordie Times keeps lookin at the internet for any news of a takeover! (Aboot 5 times a day!)
The Fat Controller said he wanted rid of NUFC by Xmas, but az this iz less than a week away now this seems highly unlikely!

I have the same problem at work. A new company bought the business I work at last February and we were told that we would have "new trucks within 6 months" with new livery on the side of the vehicles!
10 months doon the line and we are still drivin the old trucks!

And then theres the A1 between Scotch Corner and Leeming Bar in north Yorkshire
The signs told us that the upgrade to a motorway would be completed by "SPRING 2017!" ---they STILL havent finished it az I speak, 9 months after they promised!?
They stated that when they dug the old road up they foond some Roman coins and broken Roman crockery and this stopped progress! (They could have my old NUFC cup which I broke the othaa week in mee kitchen, if they want some broken crockery!)

The point I am tryin to make iz that yoo cant believe anything yoo read theeze days! Especially anythin promised by The Fat Controller! (ie: A major trophy---Champions Leegue---sellin the club etc!)

THE ARSE 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 17th December 2017

View from row 12, seat 725 in 'The Clock End'

"IT'S SO SOUL DESTROYING!"

Yet anothaa defeat, which, with othaa results gannin against us, puts us into the relegation zone in 3rd bottom place!

Whereas many Toon fans thought that 'The Arse' would beat us by a 'cricket score', a 1-0 defeat still gives us zero points at the end of the day!

Backed by 2,900 fans in the away end, we watched in trepidation az the home side missed a few chances az they attacked the end we were in!

The breakthrough came at the mid point of the half when a wayward heeder from Florian Lejeune just outside the box fell nicely for Ozil to volley the baall past Rob Elliot in the Toon goal!

They couldn't add any more and we went in just 1-0 doon at the break!

We just seemed to be gannin through the motions az wor powder puff attack failed to dent The Aresholes defence!

The home side nevaa seemed to get oot of forst gear az gaps in the crowd told yoo that we wornt considered a threat and that those who stayed away went Xmas shoppin' instead!

Perez had 2 chances near the end but predictably missed them both and a 1-0 defeat didn't seem so bad, but it still put us in the bottom 3!

Since the clocks went back in late October we have went backwards doon the table from sixth top to thord bottom!---and it could get worse today if  WBA avoid defeat v Moan U and Swanzee win at Evaatin, we will end up in bottom place!!!

It's so soul destroyin' watchin' this cr*p week after week and ANLY a change of ownership can save us now we 'fink'----but 'The Fat Controller' wants more than £300 million for the club and 'Amanda' wont budge from hor £250 million offer, so we have 'stalemate' in the negotiations!

When oh when will wor misery end????

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Manquillo, Hayden, Merino, Atsu (Richie 54), Perez, Murphy (Gayle 68), Joselu

Attendance: 59,379 (no way!--They coonted the 5,000 Xmas shoppers who wornt there az well!) 

(2,900 fed up Toon fans, who torned on wor 'beloved/beleagered' owner for the forst time since Rafa became manager!)

Footnote: "N-n-n-n-n-n-Nine-teen!"

On the way between bars we caught the number 19 bus from Holborn in London to Islington (where Arsenal play)

On the way the driver stopped the bus, got off and waaked doon the street!---where the hell haz he went to we thought???---the next thing a 'dibble van' with blue lights flashin' pulled in front of the bus and they remonstraited with the driver!

Apparently, he got off to have a 'slash' on a waall doon a back lane and the 'dibble' 'caught him in the act'!---they let him off with a warnin' and we carried on wor jorney to Islington!

Yih couldn't make it up!!!!

Passengers look on in amazement az the

bus driver gets a 'bollockin' off

'the dibble'!

A rather 'drunken' lamp post on the way to the groond!

  "Lets gan on a bender in December" pub pix below!

"LETS GAN ON A BENDER IN DECEMBER @ ARSENAL!

Posted from 1:00pm bells onwards Saturday 16th December 2017

The Shakespeare

Holborn

FT lost 1   0😨

Match report tomorrow!😨

AMANDA WANTS A CLAUSE IN THE TAKEOVER CONTRACT!

Posted 5:30pm bells Friday 15th December 2017

News reaches The Geordie Times that a stalemate haz been reached between Amanda and The Fat Controller in hor takeover bid!

She wants a clause written into the contract in case we are relegated!

NO!   NOT THAT kind of 'claus'!

THE ARSE v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted just after high noon bells Friday 15th December 2017

Tomorrow we heed for the 'delights'? of "norf Landan" where we take on 'Wengers mob' in Islington.
We aim to end wor shockin run of 'ne wins' in the last 8 weeks and the odds are stacked against us!
A selloot 2,900 Toon fans will be there and they know that even a draw would seem like victory az we try and end the misery!

The decision in the summer not to invest heavily iz now bearin 'rotten fruit' az quite simply yoo cannit survive in The Premyaa Leegue with 'Championship' players!

Takeover talks are gannin on az we speak and anly a change of ownership will save us now!

Pleeze god let it happen or else this 'winter of discontent' will anly get even more 'discontented'!

On a personal note, mee forst ever visit to London came way back in 1968 when NUFC drew with Arsenal 0-0 at their old Highbury groond and that result would de nicely tomorrow!----believe yoo me!

A match report on that archive game 49 years ago will appear below here, sometime this afternooon and a match report on tomorrows game at The Emirites will appear here sometime on Sunday!

THE TOON 0 THE TOFFEE NOSES OF EVAATIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '1:15pm bells' Thorsday 14th December 2017

VIEW FROM MILBURN STAND BALCONY

Anothaa disastrous day at 'HQ' resulted in us losin' 1-0 to a very average Evaatin side!  Nothin' went right for us---that's for sure!

From Karl Darlow fumblin' the baall to give 'that thorn in wor side', Wayne Rooney the chance to toe poke the baall home at The Leazes End! (hiz 15th goal against us!) 

And then 2 screamers from Matt Richie and Mikel Merino which both hit the inside of the Evaatin post, but bouncin' back into play, denied us 2 goals before the break at The Gallowgate End!!!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (1st half)

To compound matters, Mo Diame missed a sitter in the 2nd half when he 'air kicked' the baall and the chance woz gone! (Rooney wouldn't have missed it!)----and the Jonjo Shelvey's sendin' off in the 4th minute of stoppage time for a daft, stupid and ridiculous lunge on an Evaatin player, just summed up the situation we are now in!---ONE point above the drop zone with 2 away games in 'The Smoke' (London) against 'The Arse' this Saturday and 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham the week after, and an EASY home game against 'The Blue side' of Manc-land (not!) on the 27th of this month, meenz that more than likely we will be in the relegation zone by then!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE LEAZES END

Lascelles retorn to the side failed to stop the rot and with just ONE solitary point from the last 24 it doesn't look az though it will be a merry Christmas for us!

Wor only hope iz for the takeover to happen very quickly (if indeed it does?) or else we are doomed! (see story below)

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lejeune, Manquillo, Merino (Perez 86), Shelvey, Atsu, Richie (Aarons 74), Diame (Joselu67), Gayle

Attendance: 51,042 (wor lowest of the season!) 2,500 happy Toffee Noses!)

*
The lets gan on a bender crusade continued in The Leazes End club!

And the Newcastle Arms!

   

NUFC SALE IMMINENT???

Posted '2;00pm bells' Wednesday 13th December 2017

IZ 'THE FAT CONTROLLER' ABOOT TO SELL HIZ 'TRAIN SET'?

News iz bein filtered through to 'The Geordie Times' via WhatsApp and text messages that wor 'beloved, beleaguered'? owner known 'affectionately'? to Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller', iz aboot to sell NUFC to the Amanda Staveley consortium for a reported £300 million!

We understand that significant progress haz been made ower the last few days az panic haz no doubt 'set in', due to wor alarmin' slide doon the Premyaa Leegue table! 

A 'sell by' date for hiz 'train set' iz said to gan through later this week and be completed by February, with much needed transfor funds bein' supplied by him, which will be paid back when the takeover iz finalised! (£30 million we understand)

Yet again we awaited with baited breath for the outcome!
FINGERS (and TOES!) CROSSED!!!😨

"FAT CONTROLLER OUT!!!"

THE TOON v FAT SAM'S TOFFEE NOSES *** TOONEET!

Posted 2 35pm bells Tuesday 12th December 2017
Updated 12:45pm bells Wednesday

The Strawberry corner of

The Gallowgate Stand from

The Strawberry car park

"ELEVENTH TOP OR SECOND BOTTOM!"

We gan into tooneets game @ '7:45 bells' lookin for wor forst win in 8 weeks, when we take of Fat Sam's new charges at SJP!
In that time we have plummited from 6th to 16th in the table and are just 2 points from 3rd bottom place!

Thankfully Lascelles iz fit again which might just help stem wor shockin goals against record, which iz 15 conceded in the last 5 games in hiz absence!
Atsu iz aalso expected to retorn aftaa injury

Ne doubt that Fat Sam will put 10 men behind the baall with Rooney up front!

Can we get a win?  Who knows? but we must try or else we will end up in the relegation zone with hard games against The Arse and The Blue Moonies of Manc-land to come later this month!

IF we can beat Evaatin this evenin' and othaa results gan wor way we could climb az high az 11th place in the table---
HOWEVER!---shud we lose and West Ham,West Brom and Swanzee win, then we will end up in 2nd BOTTOM place----such iz the tight nature at the lower end of the Premyaa!

Match report to follow on Thorsday!

BIG AL HAZ HIZ SAY!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 11th December 2017

News that wor record goalscorer woz conspicuous by hiz absence when players of the past were introduced at half time to commemorate NUFCs 125th birthday, sez it aall aboot the plight of wor great club!

Eeethaa Big Al (who woz in hiz private box in The Milburn Stand) wasn't invited, OR that he refused the invitation to gan on to the pitch, iz not clear--but the fact he watched the half time proceedings from hiz box tells yoo everything yoo need to know aboot the mess we are in!

Of course the club wasn't happy with hiz criticism a few years ago and changed the name of the bar underneath The Gallowgate End from Shearer's to Number 9 to get their own back on him!

And Big Al had plenty to say in the papers and on 'Match of the Day' aboot wor predicament and urged 'The Fat Controller' to "sell up and get oot before it's too late!" (ie: yet anothaa relegation!)

It's so sad it's unbeleeevible!  

THE TOON 2 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 3 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 10:40am bells' Sunday 10th December 2017
Updated Munday

THE BLACK AND WHITE FLAGS WERE OOT IN FORCE BEFORE THE GAME

TO 'CELEBRATE' 125 YEARS TO THE DAY SINCE WE CHANGED WOR NAME

FROM NEWCASTLE EAST END TO NEWCASTLE UNITED!

"A NOT SO HAPPY BORTHDAY!"

Anothaa display when wor defence collapsed cost us the game on wor 125th birthday 'celebrations'?

With the flags wavin' it enspired us to gan for goal straight from 'the off' and we took the lead after just 4 minutes when Murphy foond Gayle who crossed to Joselu and he fired home at The Gallowgate End to send the 'birthday boys' into a frenzy!

Personally, aa woz prayin' for a good result az this woz mee 1,100th competitive game 'in a row' watchin' wor forst team!

Mee hopes were soon dashed though when Lestaa equalised in the 20th minute through Manrez and the norves started janglin' after this! (Half time 1-1)

Gray doubled wor visitors lead on the hour mark and the doom and gloom enveloped the stadium! (apart from the 3,000 'Basil Brush' foxes in the away end that iz!)

We came back again 13minutes later when a Merino heeder foond Gayle and he wellied the baall into the back of the net at The Leazes End to send the Toon fans into raptures---BUT!---az seems to be the case theeze day, we shot worsles in the foot when sub Perez toe poked the baall into hiz own net with barely 3 minutes left on the clock to inflict wor 3rd home defeat in a row az we slide doon the leegue ladder!

That's 7 games in a row withoot a win and just 1 point taken from  the last 21----we are nuw just TWO points above the abyss and the 'winter of discontent' iz nuw upon us!

Geordie Times comment: Theeze are desperate times for NUFC---quite simply if 'The Fat Controller' (he woz absent again!) doesn't sell the club to 'The Amanda Staveley consortium' then we fear the worst and wor 'beloved owner'? could well oversea a 'hat-trick of relegation under hiz tenure in 9 years! (that (on average) would be a relegation every 3 years since he haz been in charge!!!!)
"FOR GODS SAKE SELL UP AND GET OOT OF WOR LIVES!"  

NUFC team line up and more pix to follow later az a'm gannin' 'oot on the hoy' shortly to drown my sorrows! (yet again!)

Sometime later!---"hic!"

Toon team: Darlow  Yedlin  Leujene  Clark  Manquillo  Murphy(Perez 71) Marino   Hayden   Richie(Atsu 62)   Gayle    Joselu (Mitrovic 88)

Attendance: 52,177 (3,000 'Basils')

THE 'LETS GAN ON A BENDER IN DECEMBER' CRUSADE CARRIED ON BEFORE AND AFTER THE MATCH!