THE TOON v WOTFAAD *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '6:51pm bells' Friday 24th November 2017 @ Trowell sorvices truck park 'M1' (southbound!) Nottinghamshire

A VIEW FROM THE GALLOWGATE END,

LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE LEAZES END

We gan into tomorrows game v Wotfaad in wot haz become a vital game where we MUST pick 3 points up az games in December don't bare lookin at! ---Chelski away, The Arse away and The Blue Moonies of Man C at home are just 3 games where zero points and a 'battered' goal difference looks more than likely!

This meenz that we MUST pick sommik up v The Baggie Troosers of West Brom away (next Tuesday) plus games against Lestaa, Evaatin and Brightin at home and wor forst ever visit to The Jellied Eels Mobs new London Stadium abode, just before Xmas!

We are slowly gettin' dragged doon the table, havin slipped 5 places in the last month after 3 defeats in a row, where we have scored just ONE solitary goal (the 4-1 loss @ Moan U last week)

The game v Wotfaad iz a complete selloot with wor visitors sellin 2,200 tickets!

It wont be easy of course, az Wotfaad are playin' well and flyin high, 3 places above us in 8th position!

A full Geordie Times match and 'Lets Gan on a Bender in November!' report will appear here sometime on Sunday! 

GROUND NUMBER 285 (NOT!)

Posted '11:41am bells' Friday 24th November 2017

MOTSPUR PARK FROM AFAR!

"WEEZE TREEZ ARE THEEZE!"

This afternoon @ '2 bells' wor U23s take on Fulim's equivalent @ Motspur Park, London!

This iz the ANLY groond that aa have had to watch a game from OOTSIDE, (through a barbed wire fence and some trees!), az aa woz unable to gain access, despite assurances to the contrary that aa could get in!
It's ironic, to say the least that todays game iz open to the public!, (£3 big kids and £1 sprogs etc) but aa cannit gan az a'v used aall mee work holidays up for the rest of the year! (WBA away, Chelski away, Colchester away (U23s), Everton home (midweek) and West Ham away) 
(The U23s result will be published here sometime later today)

Updated 6:50 bells
Wor U23s lost 3-0 in front of 120 spectators includin 2 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers, namely Dave from York, Alex of St George and Glennn from Ashington!---plus a handful of exiles!

Ground 285 (NOT!)

See match report on that game from 2012 in the next article!  

FULHAM RESORVES 5 THE TOON RESORVES 0

Updated '2:10pm bells' Wednesday 4th April 2012

(Ground number 285---NOT!)
Date of Attempted Visit: 3rd April 2012
Motspur Park, London

Fulham Reserves 5
Newcastle United Reserves 0

FA Premier Reserve League
Attendance: 100 inside and us daft bu**ers ootside!

"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!" ^ (BUT BEWARE OF THE BARBED WIRE!)

To cut a very lang story short, we were unable to gain admittance to this 'behind closed doors' match @ Motspur Park, despite havin' genuine written authorisation to do so. The reason bein' that we wernt on 'the list'!
(This waz despite valiant efforts from wor contact on Tyneside to get us in!)
"CHEERS MATE!---YOU DID YOUR VERY BEST, AND YOUR EFFORTS TO GET US IN ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!"

We were forced to watch the game through a gap in a barbed wire fence, which we'd noticed on wor way to the groond's main entrance, so it wasn't an entirely wasted jorney after aall, and we were grateful for that at least! (even though it was a canny way from the pitch!)

"WEEZE TREES ARE THEEZ?"

However!---a five nil thrashin' waz the order of the day for a Toon team made up mainly of junior players, so mebbeez it was just az well that we wornt inside the groond to see it!
The 'Orangebairns' (we played in wor orange change kit) simply wornt good enough for the much stronger and expierienced home side.

We saw aall the goals bar one, when a groondsmans tractor drove by, blockin' wor view!


"ARMS IN!---IF YI LOVE 'THE TOON'!"

One of wor groundhoppin' number (who shall remain nameless!) said that he waz includin' the groond on his 'list' az he'd actually put hiz arms through 'the gap in the fence', so therefore he waz actually INSIDE the groond. (IF this ISN'T the saddest thing yoov EVER hord, then let me naa!)

From a personal point of view, ("Er!"--despite dein' the same thing for some daft reason???) aa very reluctantleee decided that aa could'nt include it in my list of groonds, even though aa saw the game from afar, az the 'mad-sad groundhoppers rules' clearly state that you 'MUST BE INSIDE THE GROOND' to include it! (not just 'PART' of yoo!)

Memo: MUST! amend the rules to say:  "The WHOLE of your body MUST be inside the groond to include it!" (rule 27a amendment 04/04/2012)

On wor retorn to Tyneside late last neet we were 'greeted with sleet, snow and freezin' caad temperatures----The PERFECT WAY to end this day!


Conclusion: It's F*****' CRAZY!---Isn't it!?
Clubs barrin' fans (their lifeblood!) from gannin to games!
We wernt the anly ones 'barred' from this game.
Amongst others, a scout from a Rymans League club waz aalso refused entry coz he wasn't 'on the list' and a Fulham fan who asked if he could watch the match was told in no uncertain terms that he couldn't!
'CRAZY' isn't the word!

"AMANDA'S HAVIN' A GANDER!"

Posted 11:00pm bells Munday 20th November 2017 @ Woodall services truck park M1
Updated 11:30am bells Thorsday 23rd November 2017 @ wor hoose!

News reaches us via the wonders of modern technology (mee truck radio!) that the PCP Group headed by Amanda Staveley have tabled a takeover bid of £300,000,000 for NUFC

We can anly hope that wor beloved owner? Known affectionatly by Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller' sees sense and sells up!

We await with baited breath to see the outcome!!!

Thorsday update
The 300 million offer haz reportedleee been rejected!
'The Fat Controller' wants more! (Just like Oliver Twist!) and 350 million haz been mentioned!

"PLEASE MISS---CAN YOO HOY £350 MILLION QUID

IN HERE PLEASE!"

We will keep yoo updated aboot the twists and torns! (sic!)

PAUL 'JETHRO' TULLY RIP

Posted '10:15am bells' Wednesday 22nd November 2017

It woz the funeral of former NUFC programme editor Paul Tully yesterday.
I did a 'fan page' in the match programme in the 2005-2006 season caalled 'Fink the Fan' and Paul edited it.
He woz a smashin' guy who woz liked by everybody from the famous, like Kevin Keegan, Peter Beardsley and Alan Shearer---to the 'not so famous', like me!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper)

RIP  PAUL

GEORDIE TIMES SENSATIONAL BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Posted 9:40am bells' Munday 20th November 2017

"IT MUCH MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME TO BE HERE TODAY IN NEWPORT 

THAN TO WATCH MY NEW TEAM BREAK THE AALL TIME RECORD

OF WINLESS HOME GAMES!"

New sund'lind manager Chris Coleman woz unable to watch hiz new team break the aall time record of 20 home games withoot a win, az he woz at a more important engagement on Saturday afternoon, when he switched the Christmas lights on in Newport, south Wales!!!!


Updated '10:40am bells'

More sensational news haz reached 'The Geordie Times' via 'WhatsApp'
It haz been reported in the last few minutes that Chris Coleman will now NOT! be takin' ower at sund'lind!
It iz understood that he failed a medical when he had hiz head examined!!!!

Updated 'high noon bells'

Yet more sensational news haz reached us!
After just one game in charge former 'sund'lind supremo' Sir David Moyes  < (anybody who takes sund'lind doon desorves a knighthood!) haz pleaded with West Ham fans not to boo the team and slag them off!

Watchin their game v Wotfaad, where they lost 2-0 yesterday, he looked like a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights of a car!
And (don't forget!) that's after just one game in charge!!!

PS: Some West Ham fans are caallin for Moyzys head aalready!!!

MOAN U 4 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 19th November 2017

JONJO SHELVEY TAKES A CORNER IN FRONT OF

THE TOON FAITFUL (FAITHFUL!)

IN A RARE 2nd HALF ATTACK
AZ THE FLOODLIGHTS SHINE DOON!

"OOT OF WOR DEPTH!"

A goal from Dwight Gayle in the 14th minute after fine work from Yedlin who squared the baall to him at 'The Theatre of Muppets', gave us an unexpected lead as he sidefooted home at The Stretford End, az we more than matched the home side!
Jacob Murphy shud have made it 2-0 but fluffed the chance not long after the 1st goal!

The lead lasted presicely 23 mins when Martial netted in front of the away fans section az the Moan U sides class above us, started to tell!
We couldn't haad oot til the break when an injury time goal saw Smaalling double their lead in the 46th minute!

It woz soon 3-1, 9 mins after the restart when Pogba took advantage of a defensive lapse and Lukaku completed the scorin 20 mins from time to put us 4-1 behind after more missteaks from us!

It woz a case of 'damage limitation' after this, az Moanrinho encouraged hiz side to gan for more goals---thankfully there were 'ne more' and wor heaviest defeat of the season (so far!) had been inflicted upon us!

Top marks to The Toon fans who sang throughoot the game----even when we were 4-1 doon!

After the match 'Rafa the Gaffaa' said: "For sure, this time yoo see the difference between money spent!" <(Say no more!)

Geordie Times verdict:
Even with a 1 goal advantage and domination of the forst half hour we couldn't stop them scorin' az their superiority finally told and we hardly got 'a look in' come the 2nd half!
We've got a hard December comin' up with games against Chelski, The Arse and Man C---we are in 11th place at the mo, 5 points above the drop zone--- and if we are still in the same position come the new year then we will be more than happy! 

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Clark, Lejeune, Manquillo, Hayden, Shelvey, Richie (Aarons), Murphy, Joselu (Mitrovic 71), Gayle (Diame 77)

Attendance: 75,035 (3,100 Toon fans in a reality check!)

SOME OF THE 3,100 TOON FANS

SOME OF THE 71,935 MOAN U  FANS!

*More pix and updates later, az its time to gan oot on anothaa 'Bender in November!'

(for pub crawl pix crawl doon page!)

LETS GAN ON A BENDER IN NOVEMBER PUB CRAWL @ MAN UTD AWAY

Posted from high noon bells onwards!

York  on way to mancland!

Manchester

Manchester

Manchester

Manchester

MOAN U v THE TOON **** LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:30pm bells' Thorsday 16th November 2017
Updated Friday

We face Moan U at 'The Theatre of Muppets' Saturday teatime and we have several injuries to contend with!
Atsu, Merino and Lascelles are aal expected to be missin' az we aim to be the forst team to win there for ower a year!
Their last 22 home games have resulted in them winnin 12 and drawin 10----and to be porfectleee honest a draw would be a brilliant scoreline for us--and the best we can hope for!
Dependin on what yoo read we will have between 2,500 and 3,100 fans hundled in the corner of the away end

The Myth of Man U

IZ  3,507  'LEGENDARY' SUPPORT?

Got mee hands on mee Moan U ticket for Saturday, last week!
In the top right hand corner of the ticket it says: 'Legendary support since 1878'

This is NOT TRUE!
Before the 1958 Munich air crash, Man U were only best supported team ONCE in their history--the year before---compared to the NUFC record of best supported TEN TIMES up til that time!

In the 1930s they wornt even the best supported club in Manchester and even the likes of Notts County were better supported than Man U! <(they had average gates of under 12,000 and were the 33rd best supported oot of the 92 leegue clubs that season!)

When they were relegated in 1931 they had a 'crowd' of 3,969 v Middlesbrough on the last day of the season in May--and an even lower crowd later on that year, when just 3,507 bothered to torn up to see them play Sooothampton on 2nd September
'Legendary support'---yi havin a laff!
('Google it' on Wikipedia if yoo don't beleeeve us!)

Of course 'we' have not been immune  to low attendances worsels, havin had 2 sub 8,000 crowds in the 1970s---but then again we ARNT claimin to have had legendary support since we were 'born' in 1892!

AYE! Man U have been the best supported club since the 1960s but to claim that they have had great support since they were founded iz total tosh! (for 1878 'fast forward' 80 years to 1958!)

Aa can remember taalkin to a Man U fan who drank in mee 'local' a few years ago, who woz much older than me, and typically he had been to 3 venues to watch hiz team---The public house---the club house---and hiz own house!--ie: he'd never been to Old Trafford!

"Why do yoo support them when yoo were born HERE!?" I asked him incredulously <(we naa aall the big words!)
"Because of the Munich air crash!" he replied, addin that "Everbody in the country 'felt' for them after the tragedy---and many started supportin' them after this!"

And then the penny dropped!: Before Munich they were just an ordinary team and after the tragedy they became massive!
In the 80 years before the Munich air crash they were best supported just once az mentioned--and in the 60 seasons since, they have been best supported 49 times!  

 Anyway!---We are travellin by choo choo train ower the pennines in the aaful 'Trans Pennine 'Express'? (which does 5mph on certain parts of the jorney!) and it will be packed to the rafters with 'standin room anly' by the time we reach Leeedz!

A full Geordie Times match report will follow on Sunday---sometime!
Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

NUFC FIXTURE UPDATES UNTIL JANUARY 31st 2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 13th November 2017

The live telly games have now been picked up until 31st January next year

The fixtures below are 'cast in stone' and carnt be moved (allegedleee!) Telly games in bold print

Home games in gold     Away games in pink

 

Sat 18th November: The Moan U Muppets, away, live on BT @ '5:30' bells

Sat 25th November: Wotfaad, home @ '3 bells'

Tue 28th November: The Baggie Troosers of WBA, away @ '8 bells'

Sat 2nd December: Chelski, away, live on SKY @ '12:30 bells'

Sat 9th December: The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa, home, live on BT @ '5:30 bells'

Wed 13th December: The Toffee Noses of Everton, home @ '7:45 bells'

Sat 16th December: The Arse, away @ '3 bells'

Sat 23rd December: The Jellied Eels Mob of WHU, away @ '3 bells'

Wed 27th December: The Blue Moonies of Mancland, home, live on SKY @ '7:45 bells'

Sat 30th December: (Ne Where Near) Brightin, home @ '3 bells'

2018

Mon 1st January: The P*ss Potts of Stoke, away @ '3 bells'

Sat 6th January: FA Cup 3rd roond (draw still to be made)

Sat 13th January: Swanzee, home @ '3 bells'

Sat 20th January: The Blue Moonies of Mancland, away, live on BT @ '5:30 bells'

Sat 27th January: FA Cup 4th roond (but will we still be in it?)

Wed 31st January: The Bornley Hillbillies, home @ '7:45 bells'