MOAN U v THE TOON **** LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:30pm bells' Thorsday 16th November 2017
Updated Friday

We face Moan U at 'The Theatre of Muppets' Saturday teatime and we have several injuries to contend with!
Atsu, Merino and Lascelles are aal expected to be missin' az we aim to be the forst team to win there for ower a year!
Their last 22 home games have resulted in them winnin 12 and drawin 10----and to be porfectleee honest a draw would be a brilliant scoreline for us--and the best we can hope for!
Dependin on what yoo read we will have between 2,500 and 3,100 fans hundled in the corner of the away end

The Myth of Man U

IZ  3,507  'LEGENDARY' SUPPORT?

Got mee hands on mee Moan U ticket for Saturday, last week!
In the top right hand corner of the ticket it says: 'Legendary support since 1878'

This is NOT TRUE!
Before the 1958 Munich air crash, Man U were only best supported team ONCE in their history--the year before---compared to the NUFC record of best supported TEN TIMES up til that time!

In the 1930s they wornt even the best supported club in Manchester and even the likes of Notts County were better supported than Man U! <(they had average gates of under 12,000 and were the 33rd best supported oot of the 92 leegue clubs that season!)

When they were relegated in 1931 they had a 'crowd' of 3,969 v Middlesbrough on the last day of the season in May--and an even lower crowd later on that year, when just 3,507 bothered to torn up to see them play Sooothampton on 2nd September
'Legendary support'---yi havin a laff!
('Google it' on Wikipedia if yoo don't beleeeve us!)

Of course 'we' have not been immune  to low attendances worsels, havin had 2 sub 8,000 crowds in the 1970s---but then again we ARNT claimin to have had legendary support since we were 'born' in 1892!

AYE! Man U have been the best supported club since the 1960s but to claim that they have had great support since they were founded iz total tosh! (for 1878 'fast forward' 80 years to 1958!)

Aa can remember taalkin to a Man U fan who drank in mee 'local' a few years ago, who woz much older than me, and typically he had been to 3 venues to watch hiz team---The public house---the club house---and hiz own house!--ie: he'd never been to Old Trafford!

"Why do yoo support them when yoo were born HERE!?" I asked him incredulously <(we naa aall the big words!)
"Because of the Munich air crash!" he replied, addin that "Everbody in the country 'felt' for them after the tragedy---and many started supportin' them after this!"

And then the penny dropped!: Before Munich they were just an ordinary team and after the tragedy they became massive!
In the 80 years before the Munich air crash they were best supported just once az mentioned--and in the 60 seasons since, they have been best supported 49 times!  

 Anyway!---We are travellin by choo choo train ower the pennines in the aaful 'Trans Pennine 'Express'? (which does 5mph on certain parts of the jorney!) and it will be packed to the rafters with 'standin room anly' by the time we reach Leeedz!

A full Geordie Times match report will follow on Sunday---sometime!
Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

NUFC FIXTURE UPDATES UNTIL JANUARY 31st 2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 13th November 2017

The live telly games have now been picked up until 31st January next year

The fixtures below are 'cast in stone' and carnt be moved (allegedleee!) Telly games in bold print

Home games in gold     Away games in pink

 

Sat 18th November: The Moan U Muppets, away, live on BT @ '5:30' bells

Sat 25th November: Wotfaad, home @ '3 bells'

Tue 28th November: The Baggie Troosers of WBA, away @ '8 bells'

Sat 2nd December: Chelski, away, live on SKY @ '12:30 bells'

Sat 9th December: The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa, home, live on BT @ '5:30 bells'

Wed 13th December: The Toffee Noses of Everton, home @ '7:45 bells'

Sat 16th December: The Arse, away @ '3 bells'

Sat 23rd December: The Jellied Eels Mob of WHU, away @ '3 bells'

Wed 27th December: The Blue Moonies of Mancland, home, live on SKY @ '7:45 bells'

Sat 30th December: (Ne Where Near) Brightin, home @ '3 bells'

2018

Mon 1st January: The P*ss Potts of Stoke, away @ '3 bells'

Sat 6th January: FA Cup 3rd roond (draw still to be made)

Sat 13th January: Swanzee, home @ '3 bells'

Sat 20th January: The Blue Moonies of Mancland, away, live on BT @ '5:30 bells'

Sat 27th January: FA Cup 4th roond (but will we still be in it?)

Wed 31st January: The Bornley Hillbillies, home @ '7:45 bells'

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 0 WORKSOP TOON 1 *** FA VASE 2nd ROOND

Posted '10:15am bells' Remembrance Sunday 12th November 2017

"WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!"

"They know aall the wrong words!"

With yet anothaa blank weekend to fill in coz of the Internationals, aa heeded for Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' were takin on Worksop in The FA Vase 2nd roond

A nice quiet and relaxin pint in the Dunston clubhoose woz the plan, BUT! az soon az aa walked through the door aa woz 'greeted' by a bar full of Worksop fans in their yellow and black garb singin 'The Blaydon Races' at the top of their voices to the WRANG words!?

STANDIN' ROOM ONLY!

Instead of "Gannin alang the Scotswood Road to see The Blaydon Races!" they sang "Going along the Worksop Road to see the Worksop aces!"?

Anyway!--it took ages to get sorved in the packed clubhoose and 'broon ale' woz on the 'menu' az aa continued wor "Lets Gan On A Bender In November!" campaign!

It woz soon time for kick off and aa heeded for the 'sanctuary' and 'noise free' area of the touchline az the Worksop Wanabeez heeded for the covered stand opposite, singin their songs with the wrang words!

It woz a freeezin caad afternoon with signs that winter woz just aroond the corner and the players from both sides seemed affected by the cold and just couldn't get into gear az the forst half ended nil-nil!

My attempt to get into the clubhoose at half time failed az they were queuin' oot the door to get sorved!

I estimated that it would take 20minutes to get sorved, by which time the 2nd half would have started, so aa opted for a waam cup of tea instead (now THAT WOULD pleeze the "Lets Go Sober In October!" brigade!)

THE BAD BLUE BOYS (IN BLUE!)

ATTACK THE WORKSOP GOAL! (2nd half)

The 2nd half didn't start well for Dunston az Worksop broke the deadlock after just 2 mins of the restart when their centre forward toe poked the baall into the back of the net to send the 80 or so visitors wild with delight!

It torned oot to be the anly goal of the game az The Bad Blue Boys tried in vain to get the equaliser that would have sent the game into extra time--they couldn't do it and it iz Worksop who will gan into the 3rd roond draw and the dream of a Wembley final!
Attendance: 368

A mad rush back to the clubhoose az soon az the final whistle blew (to beat the Worksop fans!) meant that aa could continue wor "Lets Gan On A Bender!" campaign once again!

A'd bumped into an old mate and we then went to a new micro pub alang the road from the groond for somemore 'liquid lubrications' to defy the 'Sober In October!" brigade!

"LETS GAN ON A BENDER!"

FA YOUTH CUP 3rd ROOND DRAW

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 11th November 2017

                                "We will remember them!"

The Toons youth team have been given the furthest distance to travel in the FA Youth Cup 3rd roond draw made yesterday, when we were drawn away to Brighton's youth team!

Oot of the 32 ties, we face the longest jorney and a 700 mile roond trip  to the south coast!

The tie must be played by December 19th but we arnt sure if it will be played at The Amex Stadium or Crawley Town where Brighton resorves play their games (we've been to both!)

Meeenwhile wor U18s are in action az we speak at Whitley Park in Benton where a derby against the SMBs U18s iz takin place!
Full time score to follow!

Update 1:45pm bells'

We are loathe to tell yoo this but we lost 3-0!

THE LIVERBIRDS U23s v THE TOON U23s @ PRENTON PARK **** TOONEET!

Posted 3 46am bells Friday 9th November 2017

Wor U23s travel to Birkenheed tooneet where we are playin The Liverbirds U23s in The Premyaa Leegue International Cup! (Where DO they dream up theez names!)
Kick off at Tranmere Rovers groond iz at 7 bells and it's £4 to get in for 'big kids' and just a quid for 'sprogs' and 'zimmerframeites'!

The Geordie Times wont be there az we've been to Prenton Park a few times! (Az mentioned previousleee, we divvint de resorve or junior away games if we've been there before!) 

The forst time woz a landmark game for me az it woz mee 100th groond watchin The Toon in 1991
(A'v just this second completed the trip report on that game, which iz printed below this article!---('12:37pm bells' and 27 seconds!)


Meenwhile a report on toneets game will appear here from one of wor many intrepid reporters at aboot midneet bells!

Updated 11 00pm bells
The Toon lost 2-1 despite takin the lead through Callum Roberts who hit a 20 yard 'banana' shot past the Liverbirds keeper in the 22nd minute

The lead lasted barely 5 mins az the 'home side' (what! In Birkenhead?) hit back!

Their 2nd goal came after half time in the 73rd minute in drivin wind and rain, played oot in front of a handful of spectators includin at least ONE NUFC mad-sad groundhopper!

100 prenton park tranmere

(GROUND NUMBER 100)
PRENTON PARK, BIRKENHEAD
Date of First Visit: 7th SEPTEMBER 1991

TRANMERE ROVERS 3 
NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 (Liam O'Brien, Lee Clark)

(OLD) DIVISION TWO---
ATTENDANCE 11,465 (2,000 Toon fans)

"THE 100 GROUNDS CLUB!"

"HAVE YOO GOT ONE OF THEEZE--PLEEZE!"

In 1983 aa woz readin a 'futbaall mag' and aa saw an article aboot a Sheff Wed fan who'd won a 'fan of the month' award for hiz loyalty to hiz team
Aaltogether he'd visited 66 leegue groonds followin' 'The Owls'.
Up until that time aa didn't have a clue how many groonds a'd seen The Toon play on?

SO! (az yi de!) aa took mee socks and shoes off and started coontin' how many a'd been te and the grand total came to 64!
From that moment onwards mee obsession for visitin' new groonds had begun!

The forst groond aa counted woz Ninian Park, Cardiff which woz number 65 and then The Manor Groond, Oxfaad to equal wor friend from Sheffield on 'aall the sixes'!
Before lang aa had set mee sights on visitin' 100 groonds, but didn't 'fink' it woz possible, az (for example) there are anly 92 teams in the entire leegue---so aa couldn't see iz dein' it!
But!--aa couldn't have been more wrang az ower the next few seasons The Toon played several Scottish and non leegue friendlies, which ultimateleee helped iz reach this 'milestone' (or shud that read 'millstone'?)
After 8 years of coontin' from 1983, Tranmere Rovers, Prenton Park would see me finally reach 'mee goal'!

At last!---mee final assault on 'Everest' was ower!---a'd done it and completed 'the ton' at last!.
The coach had dropped wih off in the centre of Birkenheed via the Mersey Tunnel and az usual meesel and 'Dowaz' heeded for the nearest boozaa for 'yee naa what'!. (Yih should dee by nuw, if yiv read the previous 99 'hops'!.

Of course this was a big day for me, and the adrenalin was flowin' az ah downed the forst 'Arthur'! (Arthur Scargill = 'gargel'!)
A'd followed the Toon for a canny few years tih reach this point and the anly disappointment for me was the fact that mee 100th was Prenton Park, Birkenheed and not The San Siro in Milan!.
But beggars can't be choosers and it was Newcastle's fault anyway that ah should be a crap Second Division game tih complete mee 'century'' and not a glamourous European tie against Europes finest!.
(Ah can aalways dream---can't ah?---One day mebeez?---One day?)   
However! mee joy was short lived as the Toon lost 3-2 at what can anly be described az a massive disappointment

Orly on Macklin lobbed Pavel in wor goal to give them the lead

We levelled son after though when Peacock crossed the baall and Liam Obrien slotted home from close in!

Lee Clark put us in front when he sidefooted home at the 2nd attempt to send the 2,000 Toon fans behind that goal wild with delight and we went in 2-1 up at the break! (so far—so good!)

Wor joy woz short lived however when Thomas hit an unstoppable piledriver to give Pavel ‘ne chance’!

Tranmere then got a penalty which John Aldridge took, but Pavel saved it by divin to his left!

The sickener came with just 4 minutes left when Vickers vollied home to win the game for the home side!

A’d bought 2 programmes az souviners of mee 100th groond, but when aa went to get off the bus when we got back to The Toon they were missin’ from the roof rack where a'd put them!

Some B*STARD had ‘half inched’ them!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

PS: Lang after aa did this report, aa finally DID get to 'The San Siro' where The Toon drew 2-2 in The Champions Leegue against Inter Milan on11th March 2003! (Groond number 220!)  

PAUL TULLY RIP

Posted Tuesday 7th November 2017

Very sad news reaches us that former NUFC programme editor Paul Tully has died

He offered me the chance to do the 'fan page' in the NUFC match programme for the 2005-2006 season--an offer I couldn't refuse!  It woz caalled 'fink the fan' and of course, Paul edited it! (It woz written in 'Geordie slang', just like this blog!)
I was even invited to do 2 pages in Alan Shearers testimonial programme where I was given 2 pages! (Jimmy Nail got 1 page!)

Paul loved NUFC and non league futbaall and was a regular at many Northern Leegue grounds and I last saw him at a Dunston game a couple of years ago!

Hiz knowledge of futbaall and NUFC in particular woz 'encyclopedic' and he woz a 'member' of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers club' havin visited more than 100 grounds to watch The Toon!
Mike Amos, the former Northern Leegue chairman says in hiz blog that Paul had visited hiz 121st groond by 2003, when he visited Shildon to watch wor resorves play Bishop Auckland and Paul told Mike that: "IT WOZ ALMOST LIKE AN OLYMPIC SPORT!" 'collectin' new groonds watchin' The Toon--az others shared that particular passion az well! (ie: quite a few of 'US'!)
He woz aalso a member of 'The 92 Club', havin visited every leegue groond in the country watchin various matches!




A very friendly guy who will be sadly missed by all who knew him, from the famous like Alan Shearer and Jimmy Nail to the 'non famous' like me!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

RIP PAUL

Paul's funeral will be held at The West Road Crematorium in Newcastle on Tuesday 21st November at 12:30 

U23s IN ACTION TOONEET AND FRIDAY

Posted '1:15pm bells' Tuesday 7th November 2017
Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday

DE JONG (edge of box in grey) SCORES FROM A FREE KICK

 @ OLDHAM IN 2014 (We lost 2-1!)

Wor U23s are in action twice this week with trips ower the Pennines to Boundary Park, (tooneet) and Prenton Park, Tranmere (v The Liverbirds U23s on Friday)

Az we've said in the past, if we've been to a groond before, then we will give it 'a miss' for resorve/junior games, so 'yours trueleee' wont be there and will be 'at graft' instead!

The forst game iz in The Checkatrade Trophy group stage 'D' and the game on Friday iz in The Premyaa Leegue International Cup!

Prenton Park, the home of Tranmere Rovers woz mee 100th groond to watch The Toon way back in 1991 and Oldham's Boundary Park (groond 53) haz been visited on numerous occasions! (The last one a pre season friendly in 2014)

Wednesday update
A'm afraid tih tell yiz this, but wor U23s were hammered 4-1 at Old'im last neet, makin it TEN conceded in the last 2 games! (6-0 at Villa last week)
We were 1-0 doon after 13 mins (Byrne), 2-0 doon after 61 mins (Doyle), and 3-0 doon, with anothaa effort from Byrne just a minute later!
The home side went into a 4-0 lead by the 70th minute through Doyle and wor anly consolation woz a heeded goal by Aarons 10 minutes later to make it 4-1---
The crowd woz 1,107 which included around aboot 50 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers, who were given free pies to eat! (do they not 'fink' we are fat enough!)
We  now exit The Checkatrade Trophy in 2nd bottom place!


Mee forst ever visit to Boundary Park woz 38 years ago and a'v 'dug up' the archive match report from that game in 1979
It's a 'CLASSIC'!
(see below)

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!) 

053 boundary park oldham

(GROUND NUMBER 53)
Date of First Visit: 31st MARCH 1979
BOUNDARY PARK, OLDHAM


OLDHAM ATHLETIC  1
NEWCASTLE UNITED  3 (Nattrass, Shoulder, Withe)


OLD) DIVISION TWO
ATTENDANCE 6,329 (1,500 Toon fans)





"FRESH FISH!"-----"CAUGHT IN THE OCEAN THIS MORNING!"

The 'Traf' bar next tih the 'Get Carter' car park in Gatesheed toon centre were runnin' a luxury mini bus tih this one, and we were telt that the bar would be open at 'seven bells' for an orly mornin' 'appitizer'!.




"Just knock on the window tih gerr'in!", we were telt, and (sure enough!) by the time we arrived there, there were quite a few 'bodies' in the bar!.
Sometime later the 'bus' torned up, but the anly trouble was, az wih hurried oot the bar tih claim the 'best seats', there were in fact 'nee seats' in the back tih sit on!.




The 'luxury bus' (az yeev nee doubt guessed by nuw!) was in fact a aad battered transit van! and ah did'nt fancy sittin' on a wheel arch aall the way doon tih Lancashire!.
"Divvint worry!", one of the lads said, "Aall just 'nick' a few stools oot the bar for wih tih sit on!", and that's what he did!.




The driver was a lad caalled Davy who a'd neva met before and he waz a reet rough lookin' bastard with a shaven heed, who looked like he'd just escaped from 'Durham' (jail!).
He had a large horn (er!---the kind yih blow in tee---NOT! the other kind!) which (of course!) he proceded tih blow in tee!




This waz followed by him shoutin' "FRESH FISH---CAUGHT IN THE OCEAN THIS MORNING!", at the top of hiz voice! (mimickin' the aad 'Laurel and Hardy' film of the 1930's where 'Stan' blew a huntin' horn to attract attention az they tried to sell fish!)
He looked totally 'off the map' and the bar manager waz not a 'happy bunny' az this waz (afta aall!) a 'lock in' and Gatesheed 'cop shop' waz just up the road!



It waz 'time tih gan' and mee worst fears aboot him were conformed az ah plonked mee 'arsenal' doon on one of the 'said' bar stools behind the drivers seat.
He reached into his 'sky rocket' and pulled oot a large syringe and procceded to inject himsel in the arm just before wih set off!.




F***** HELL!, ah thought, he's on F*****" HEROIN!---and---he's drivin' US! tih the F*****' match!.
Az yih can imagine?, the drive doon waz a bit 'hairy' tih say the least, and everytime he negotiated a roondaboot (at breakneck speed!) aall the stools the lads were sittin' on went flyin' tih the other side of the van, alang with the cans of 'gargel' and anythin' else that was'nt bolted doon!.




Tih try and stop this happenin' ah had an 'ingenious plan'!---aa anchored mee 'plates of meat' tih the floor by pushin' doon on it az hard az ah could, but unfortunatally on a couple of occasions it didn't work and ah went 'arse ower tit' in the process!.




There were of course nee bogs on the 'bus' so one of wor number, namley, *'Double Swahili' tried tih get a slash in an empty beer can, tekin' 'careful aim' az he did so!.
Some 'wise-crack' telt Davy tih 'hoy the anchors on' and az he did Kev went flyin' towards the back doors, spillin' the waam contents aall ower hiz troozaz! (He waz NOT! amused!) (Er!---but WE! were!)







"HERE COMES THE MUFFIN MAN!"

When wih arrived in Oldham sometime later, a bit battered and bruised in the 'battered' bus! (but miraculously still in one piece!) wih 'hit' the forst booza wih came tee on Ashton Old Road and settled doon for the duration.
The bar looked the 'spit' of the 'Rovers' in 'Cryforthenation Street', (Er!---they're aalways f***** cryin' on it!) and fittingly it was a reet f*****' hovel, but there was nee sign of Ena 'Hairnet' Sharpless or hor sidekick Albert Twatlock (divvint forget---this was back in 1979!)
Anyway!--the 'Arthurs' were cheap, so like a loppy dog, that's where wih 'parked' worsels till just before kick off!.




After aboot half an hour a gadgie waalked through the door with a tray full of what looked like smaall scones and 'stottie cakes'?.
The manageress on seein' him shooted tih one of the barmaids, "HERE'S THE MUFFIN MAN!".




The whole bar just borst oot laughin', much to the puzzlement of the bar staff (and of course the 'Muffin man'!) az the phrase obviously meens sommik completely different in Oldham than what it does in Geordieland!.
(If there are any young Geordie 'sprogs' readin' this---just ask yih faatha what the 'facts of life' are and 'MUFFIN' will come intih the conversation somewhere!)




After he'd delivered his wares the 'Muff Diver'--er! sorry!---'Muffin Man' departed to a huge cheer from the Toon Travellers az he trundled off doon the road in his breed van!. (And to this day aall bet he still has'nt got a clue what was gannin on!)




Afta a few more gargels it was 'time tih gan' and so wih drank up and piled back intih the van for the short drive tih the groond as that horn got another 'airin'!. "Fresh fi**!"
Oldham's claim tih fame iz that they have the highest groond in England (or so mee book of 'futbaall facts' tellz iz?) and the windswept terraces behind wor goal conformed this az a cold chill blew doon from the pennines which lurked menacingly in the distant haze beyond!.




The open terrace was concreted at the front and 'grass banked' at the rear which blended in porfectly with the moss covered hills 'yonder'! (Very scenic!)
Not so 'scenic' was the ancient 'Lookers Stand' on the touchline which looked ready tih collapse at any moment, shud a sudden gust of wind hit it!




The Toon had a followin' of aboot a thoosand and a half, (plus the horn!) which made up a qwaata of the gate and within a minute of the start they were rewarded with a goal when Irving Nattrass lobbed in from close range, givin' the home keeper 'nee chance'!.
However!---the joy was short lived when Oldam equalised mid-way through the half afta wor defence was split in two.




It remained ones a piece til the break and afta a quick 'gypsies' in the 'tool-shed' tih get rid of the excess 'Pennine Bitter', (which was nee better than a 'trench' cut intih the hill-side!) it was back tih the action in the second half!.




The wind picked up after the restart and luckily it was in wor favour and we laid seige tih their goal, but it was'nt til half way through the half that we regained wor lead when Alan Shoulder was unceremoniously hacked doon in the box by Keegan (naa---not THAT one!) and he duly convorted the resultin' spot kick.




Bang on time and with the wind nuw a pennine gale, Peter Withe hit a fierce 'wind assisted' left footer intih the roof of the net afta fine work from Mick 'Zico' Martin who sent in a cross from the right. (3-1 tih the Toon!)




The 'Lookers Stand' (amazingly!) was still standin' at the final whistle, (just!) despite the batterin' from the elements which threatened tih tear it's roof off!, and wih heeded back ower the pennines homeward bound!, but not before Davy had another 'fix' before settin' off!.----Help!




Sometime later we arrived back at the 'Traf' (STILL! in one piece ah may add!) for some 'celebratary ales'!.
Aa mentioned tih one the lads that it was a miracle that Davy hadn't crashed the van az he was 'az high az a kite'!




"NO! NO! yih daft f****r", he's a DIABETIC!,---he's not on HEROIN!, he's on INSULIN!".
(Cue---BRIGHT RED FACE!) (Cue---EXIT from BAR!)
(BYE BYE 'FINK'!)




Footnote:
Aa later telt Davy mee story and asked him if it was aalreet tih include this 'piece'  and he readily agreed! (cheers mate!)

*'Double Swahili'---an explanation. He's so caalled coz when he's had a few liquids he slurs his words and soonds like he's taalkin' in 'Swahili' az nebody can understand him!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)


*For 'Geordie Glossary of Terms' go to 'popular posts'  in right hand side bar >>>>>>>>>>>>>

REALITY CHECK!

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 6th November 2017

We at 'The Geordie Times' are realists and Saturdays shock defeat to the 2nd bottom side, and Everton's 3-2 win ower Wotfaad yesterday, meenz that we are now just FIVE points above the drop zone in 11th place, with some very hard games comin up in the next 2 months!

Ooot of the so called 'big six' (Man C, Moan U, Chelski, The Liverbirds, Sporz and The Arse) we have played just TWO game against them oot of the TWELVE to be played, (at home to Sporz and The Liverbirds ) which meeenz that we still have 10 left til the end of the season!

Realistically, we wont win ANY of these away games and can anly hope that we can get salvage sommik at St James' Park when we play them here?

The January transfor window now looks 'a must' to get a proven striker(s) into wor squad, or else we are in for a lang hard season!