THE TOON 0 BOURNEMOOOTH 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11 19am bells' Sunday 5th November 2017

A MINUTES SILENCE WOZ OBSORVED BEFORE THE KICK OFF

IN MEMORY OF THE GLORIOUS DEAD

2 and a half years ago we put in a horror show v Bournemoooth and lost in front of a capacity crowd---and it woz a case of 'de ja vu' az we lost the game in the 92nd minute after an aaful 2nd half performance in which wor visitors missed a sitter, hit the post and had countless corners at The Leazes End

1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES END

The forst half woz a bit better for us az we went for 'the jugular' from 'the off' but couldnt find the net az we were well on top with efforts from Richie, Gayle and Atsu

The 2nd half as mentioned woz a complete shambles az we lost wor shape (and the game!) to drop into the bottom half of the table! (We were 6th 2 weeks ago and now sit 11th after 2 defeats in a row!)

WE ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

A visit to 'The Theatre of Muppets' in a fortneets time iz next up on 'the list' az we look downwards instead of upwards in wor quest for survival in the top flight!

Before and after the match we 'Went on a bender for November'
in defiance of the 'Dry January' and 'Go sober in October' brigade!
(See article below!)

Toon team: Elliot, Lascelles (Clark 55), Yedlin, Lejeune, Manquillo, Richie, Hayden , Shelvey, Atsu (Murphy 83), Gayle, Joselu (Perez 68)

Attendance: 52,237 (1,300 happy travellers from the sooth coast)
*

THE TOON v BOURNEMOOOTH *** TODAY @ '3 BELLS'

Updated '11 00am bells' Saturday 4th November 2017

ST JAMES' PARK from LEAZES PARK

After Munday neet's shambolic display away to Bornley, we face Bouremoooth at SJP hopin to extend wor home record to 4 undefeated games.

What we need iz 3 points to move us up a couple of places and ease any fears of us getting dragged into the bottom half of the table (we currently sit 9th)

Just like the last time we played them, there will be a capacity crowd to witness it with wor visitors takin up 1,600 tickets in 'level 7'---What we divvint want iz the same result!---a 3-1 defeat which saw 'The Wally with the Brolly' finally getting hiz marchin orders az we heeded 'full pelt' towards the relegation cliff edge!

He quoted after the match: "I cant see any positives, but we have to stick together!" (REEELY?)
'John "I'm the best manager in the world!" Carver' then took the reigns 'to finish the job' and it woz he who finally steered us ower the cliff edge! 

Amazingleee, SIX of wor team who played in that 'horror show' match 20 months ago, are still on wor books!---namely: Elliot, Lascelles, Dummett, Shelvey, Colback and Perez!

Merino still haz a dodgy back and will miss oot, az will Colback who iz still recoverin' from an old injury!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual with pub photos from wor "Lets gan on a bender!" campaign!

(see next artile below!)

Footnote:

The telly fixtures for January 2018 have just been released (a week late!) and wor anly fixture change iz The Blue Moonies of Mancland which kicks off at 5 30 bells on the origional date--aall the rest stay the same!

Sat 30th December 3 bells  (Ne where near) Brighton--home
Mon 1st January 3 bells  'The P*ss Potters' of Stoke--away
Sat 6th January  FA Cup 3rd roond ?
Sat 13th January 3 bells  Swanzee---home
Saturday 20th January 5 30 bells (BT) The Blue Moonies of Mancland--away
Wednesday 31st January 7 45 bells  The Bornley Hillbillies---home 

LETS GAN ON A 'BENDER' IN NOVEMBER AND DECEMBER!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Wednesday 1st November 2017---Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

This boozer in Tottenham 

only served 'light ales'!

THE WATERLOO ON WESTGATE ROAD

NOW DEMOLISHED!!!!

Just one of the many Toon pubs lost forever!!!

The Geordie Times iz sick to death of aall these campaigns to stop us havin a 'gargel' or 10!

We have "Dry January" and now someone else haz started a
"Go sober in October!"
Its ridiculous!  Its NOT against the law to drink alcohol ---iz it?
(What next? "Go dry in July!"?)

What the hell iz wrang with havin a few gallons and a bit 'crack' before and after a match----or indeed, anytime yoo like!

The number of pubs and clubs that are closin because of people 'givin up'---or drinkin in the hoose iz frightnin!

Many years ago we used to drink in The Waterloo on the corner of Westgate Road and Bath Lane before and after home games, but to wor devistation this woz just one of the many boozers that have been raised to the groond in The Toon in recent years!
News reaches us from wor 'north west sauce' that one of wor fave 'away' haunts, The Retro in central Manchester iz now boarded up like so many others!

THE RETRO BAR, MANCHESTER

NOW BOARDED UP!!!

Some previous 'away' haunts have been torned into flower shops, Costa Coffees and even a mosque near Crystal Palace's groond  (now The Thornton Heath Islamic Centre!) and some have been set on fire and bornt to the groond! (Tottenham riots!)

THIS USED TO BE A PUB CAALLED 'THE VICTORY'!

See roof carving!
Kings Head nr Arsenal
Now a Costa Coffee shop!

WE USED TO DRINK IN THIS PUB PRE MATCH

ON TOTTENHAM HIGH ROAD!

NOT ANY MORE!

Its time to 'fight back' and The Geordie Times iz startin a
"LETS GAN ON A BENDER IN NOVEMBER AND DECEMBER!"
We are not sayin that yoo shud drink yoursel stupid, but havin a few 'liquid lubrications' iz part of 57the British way of life!

We dont want to hear of anymore 'home' or 'away' pubs bein closed for lack of punters, so get yoursel 'oot on the hoy' and help save wor 'drinkin dens'

Every pub and club we visit in these next 2 months will be chronicled and listed below, startin with wor home game v Bournemoooth on Saturday!

"Remember remember to gan on a 'bender'!"


FOOTNOTE:
A few years ago, on wor way to Palace, one of the lads said that there woz a great little pub tucked away in the side street and so we heeded there
On the way I joked that it had probably been torned into a mosque!
Az we rounded a corner, there woz the pub with Thornton Heath Islamic Centre, written where the pub sign used to be!
"Are yoo psychic?" one of them asked me! (Not exactleee a 'mosque', but I woz close anyway!)

On a visit to Arsenal aboot 3 years ago aa heeded for a boozer on Holloway Road which a'd visited previously---but aa couldnt find it?
Where iz it, aa thought--- and then aa 'tumbled'
Aa looked up and above a Costa Coffee shop there woz a name etched into the ornate stone work
'KINGS HEAD' it said and the mystery woz solved!

Durin' the Tottenham riots aa switched on mee telly to see one of the pubs we normally drink in, bein' borned to the groond!

"The BUSTARDS!"--I said to wor lass "That's one of the pubs we drink in, on wor way to Sporz!"
"Not any more!", she replied!!!

WE TOLD YOO SO ON SATURDAY!

Posted 11 00 pm bells Tuesday 31st October @ Woodall sorvices truck park M1

News reaches us that after guidin the SMBs to a joint English record of not winnin for 19 home games in a row, that 'Larry' Grayson haz been peddled just 16minutes after they drew with Bolton to equal the record!

We told yoo on Saturday in The Geordie Times that he woz seen in The Tudor Rose in Dunston and woz 'a dead man walkin'!

Its unbeleeevable that they have sacked such a brilliant manager who oversaw NO home wins under hiz tenure!
The anly blot on hiz CV in the 15 leegue games he woz in charge woz a solitary away win at Norwich!

More news from
The Stadium of Ssshhh!!! (Ye naa wot!)

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 31st October 2017

 THE TOON ATTACK THE 'FISHWICK END' WHERE WE WERE HOUSED (1st half)

(View from row 'P')

"TELL ME WHY?---I DONT LIKE MUNDAYS!"

Anothaa away game against one of the 'so caalled' lesser teams and anothaa 1-0 defeat, when we shud have got sommik oot of the game!
Palace goal here Merino woz missin' with a back injury and with ne punch up front we couldn't break doon the Bornley defence az sideways pass after sideways pass left us in 'no mans land' in midfield for most of the game!

ACTION AT THE FAR END (2nd half)

One goal would decide this game we thought and it came from the home side in the 75th minute when a missteak by Perez near the centre circle resulted in a shot which woz parried by Elliot in The Toon goal, aanly for the rebound to fall nicely to the feet of Hendric who woz 2 yards oot and he hit a shot into the roof of the net, which your great-granny could have scored!

1-0 to 'The Hillbillies' az we desperatleee tried to get the equaliser and late on Hayden and Manquillo went very close to findin' the net but instead fooond the advertisin' hoardings behind the far goal and the game woz lost! (the 14th time in a row that we have failed to win an away game played on a Munday!)

A 'wake up caall' if ever there woz one az we slid 3 places doon the table to 9th after this and the othaa weekend results!

Up til now we haven't played ANY of the 'so caalled' 'big six' away from home, but will do in the next couple of months!

9th place might soond OK, but with tough games against Moan U, Chelski and 'The Arse' to play away soon, we NEED the 3 points against Bornemoooth at SJP next Saturday, for certain!

Toon team: Elliot, Manquillo, Lejeune,Yedlin, Diame (Gayle 83), Shelvey, Richie (Murphy 79), Atsu, Perez (Hayden 76), Joselu

Attendance: 21,031 (2,500 Toon fans facin' a 'reality check'!)

WE REMEMBER THE WAR HEROS BEFORE KICK OFF

THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE

IN BORNLEY TOON CENTRE 

* 

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

Posted '10:22am bells' Munday 30th October 2017

"WE DONT LIKE MUNDAYS!"

At the bequest of SKY telly we are on wor travels across the Pennines tooneet to see The Toon play Bornley high up in the hills at Turf Moor, their home since the 19th century!
It's sure to be freeeezin' up there, so if yoo are gannin, be sure to wrap up in some warm clothes!
                     ⇊

Aall games in this leegue are tough and it wont be 'easy peasy' come the '8 bells' kick off time!

Not suprizingly we have sold wor full allocation of 2,500 tickets in this 20,000 capacity venue.

We hardly ever play well away on a Munday and this will be wor FOURTEENTH attempt at winnin an away game on the forst day of the week! (Wor last Munday away win woz at Bolton 2-0 SIX years ago!)

We are currently 8th in the table after the weekends results and shud we draw we will move up to 7th place and a win would propel us up to 6th position!

Would we be happy with a draw?---well the answer iz YES! az any points gained away from home are good ones!

We are settin off this afternoon at '2 30 bells' and after pick ups at various places we shud arrive at wor destination by '5 30 bells'

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime on Tuesday---watch this space az per usual!

"WE JUST COULDN'T RESIST IT!" "REVENGE IZ SWEET!"

NUFC 'THE TOP DOGS' IN THE NORTH EAST!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS of DUNSTON v THE BENFIELD BENDER SQUAD *** NORTHERN LEEGUE

Posted '1:40pm bells' Saturday 28th October 2017

SOMEHOW I 'FINK' WE WILL END UP IN HERE!

(YOU'VE GOT TO RUN FAST TO GET TO THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE!)

With oot a Toon game til Munday neet (v Bornley) it woz decided to heed for Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' are takin on 'The Benfield Bender Squad of east Newcastle in 'The River Tyne derby' at Federation Park!

A storm force gale iz blowin az we speak and this will surely make the game a lottery! (and meenz we will have to spend a bit more time in the clubhouse to shelter from the storm!)

A match report of sorts will appear here later today (or tomorrow mornin'---dependin on how much we've had to drink!

Updated from 2 30 bells onwards

                            Team sheet

HT  BAD BLUE BOYS  0
         BENDER SQUAD 1

FT BAD BLUE BOYS 0
       BENDER SQUAD 3

The corner  flag bends

In the wind!

Played in a force 8 gale the game woz a farce but Benfield adapted better to the conditons

Attendance 200 est

The official attendance woz 198 so aa wasnt  that far oot! (30 from The Bender Squad)

After the match aa heeded for The Tudor Rose in Dunston for somemore 'liquid lubrications' and woz amazed to see the SMBs manager 'Larry' Grayson in the bar!?  ---who looked much the worse for wear and like 'a dead man walkin', after hiz team's 2-1 defeat at home to Bristol City!!!

Geordie Times excluuusive!

MORE TELLY FIXTURE ANNOONCEMENTS TODAY! (ALLEDGEDLEEEE!)

Posted '1 00pm bells' Friday 27th October 2017

Anothaa roond of telly fixtures for the end of December and the whole of January are due to be announced sometime today and 5 of wor fixtures between those dates could (and probably will!) be affected

Those fixtures and current dates are:---

"Ne Where Near" Brighton home Sat 30th December 

The P*ss Potts of Stoke away Mun 1st January

Swanzee home Sat 13th January

The Blue Moonies of Mancland away Sat 20th January

Bornley home Wed 31st January

We will keep yoo unformed when any fixture changes happen today ASAP---az per usual---"Watch this space!"

Update midneet bells
NE TELLY FIXTURES ANNOONCED!!!
"THE BUSTARDS!!!"

BORNLEY ARCHIVE MATCH REPORT FROM 1974

 Posted '2 00 pm bells' Thorsday 26th October 2017

Wor next game iz at Bornley next Munday and The Geordie Times haz 'dug' the match report up from wor forst visit to Turf Moor 43 years ago in 1974

"TAKIN' THE P*SS!"

(see ground 034 Turf Moor Burnley, below)