THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

Posted '10:22am bells' Munday 30th October 2017

"WE DONT LIKE MUNDAYS!"

At the bequest of SKY telly we are on wor travels across the Pennines tooneet to see The Toon play Bornley high up in the hills at Turf Moor, their home since the 19th century!
It's sure to be freeeezin' up there, so if yoo are gannin, be sure to wrap up in some warm clothes!
                     ⇊

Aall games in this leegue are tough and it wont be 'easy peasy' come the '8 bells' kick off time!

Not suprizingly we have sold wor full allocation of 2,500 tickets in this 20,000 capacity venue.

We hardly ever play well away on a Munday and this will be wor FOURTEENTH attempt at winnin an away game on the forst day of the week! (Wor last Munday away win woz at Bolton 2-0 SIX years ago!)

We are currently 8th in the table after the weekends results and shud we draw we will move up to 7th place and a win would propel us up to 6th position!

Would we be happy with a draw?---well the answer iz YES! az any points gained away from home are good ones!

We are settin off this afternoon at '2 30 bells' and after pick ups at various places we shud arrive at wor destination by '5 30 bells'

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime on Tuesday---watch this space az per usual!

"WE JUST COULDN'T RESIST IT!" "REVENGE IZ SWEET!"

NUFC 'THE TOP DOGS' IN THE NORTH EAST!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS of DUNSTON v THE BENFIELD BENDER SQUAD *** NORTHERN LEEGUE

Posted '1:40pm bells' Saturday 28th October 2017

SOMEHOW I 'FINK' WE WILL END UP IN HERE!

(YOU'VE GOT TO RUN FAST TO GET TO THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE!)

With oot a Toon game til Munday neet (v Bornley) it woz decided to heed for Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' are takin on 'The Benfield Bender Squad of east Newcastle in 'The River Tyne derby' at Federation Park!

A storm force gale iz blowin az we speak and this will surely make the game a lottery! (and meenz we will have to spend a bit more time in the clubhouse to shelter from the storm!)

A match report of sorts will appear here later today (or tomorrow mornin'---dependin on how much we've had to drink!

Updated from 2 30 bells onwards

                            Team sheet

HT  BAD BLUE BOYS  0
         BENDER SQUAD 1

FT BAD BLUE BOYS 0
       BENDER SQUAD 3

The corner  flag bends

In the wind!

Played in a force 8 gale the game woz a farce but Benfield adapted better to the conditons

Attendance 200 est

The official attendance woz 198 so aa wasnt  that far oot! (30 from The Bender Squad)

After the match aa heeded for The Tudor Rose in Dunston for somemore 'liquid lubrications' and woz amazed to see the SMBs manager 'Larry' Grayson in the bar!?  ---who looked much the worse for wear and like 'a dead man walkin', after hiz team's 2-1 defeat at home to Bristol City!!!

Geordie Times excluuusive!

MORE TELLY FIXTURE ANNOONCEMENTS TODAY! (ALLEDGEDLEEEE!)

Posted '1 00pm bells' Friday 27th October 2017

Anothaa roond of telly fixtures for the end of December and the whole of January are due to be announced sometime today and 5 of wor fixtures between those dates could (and probably will!) be affected

Those fixtures and current dates are:---

"Ne Where Near" Brighton home Sat 30th December 

The P*ss Potts of Stoke away Mun 1st January

Swanzee home Sat 13th January

The Blue Moonies of Mancland away Sat 20th January

Bornley home Wed 31st January

We will keep yoo unformed when any fixture changes happen today ASAP---az per usual---"Watch this space!"

Update midneet bells
NE TELLY FIXTURES ANNOONCED!!!
"THE BUSTARDS!!!"

BORNLEY ARCHIVE MATCH REPORT FROM 1974

 Posted '2 00 pm bells' Thorsday 26th October 2017

Wor next game iz at Bornley next Munday and The Geordie Times haz 'dug' the match report up from wor forst visit to Turf Moor 43 years ago in 1974

"TAKIN' THE P*SS!"

(see ground 034 Turf Moor Burnley, below) 

"EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 25th October 2017

"PUT YOUR HAND IN THE AIR!---SIMPLE SIMON SEZ!"
The SMB players limber up in front of their legions of loyal fans
Many of whom were disguised az empty pink seats!

We divvint normally mention the mackems in 'The Geordie Times', if we can help it!---BUT!---we couldnt help notice the shear number of their fans who torned oot for the clubs 'open day' in the skool half torm holidays, az featured on 'Look North' yesterday dinnatime!

SMB 'supremo' Simon 'Larry' Grayson looks totally overwhelmed and gobsmacked
at the vast number of fans who torned oot in support of him and the team!

SPOT THE CROWD IN DIGUISE---
NE SIGN OF OWNER ELLIS SHORTARSE, THOUGH?

THE TOON U23s v SPARTA PRAGUE 'B' *** TOONEET AT BLUE FLAMES!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 24th October 2017

BLUE FLAMES (AKA WHITLEY PARK)

"CZECH' IT OOT!"

If yoo are at 'a loose end' tooneet then why not heed for Benton where wor U23s are takin on Czech side Sparta Prague's 'B' team in the Premyaa Leegue International Cup @ '7 bells'.

The game iz at Whitley Park/Blue Flames and admission iz free to season ticket holders and members (£3 and £1 for others)

Unfortunateleee 'yours truly' wont be there az av got to gan to graft, but ---'fear not'! 'The Geordie Times' WILL have a match report online sometime near midneet from wor intrepid groundhoppers who WILL be there!

Update 11 pm bells by Tex Taylor, intrepid Toon traveller

The Toon won 2 1 through an own goal in the forst half and a Dan Barlaser 'belter' in the 2nd half with a 30 yard effort which gave to Sparta keeper ne chance!
Attendance 491 includin 3 Sparta Prague groundhoppers!

THE TOON 1 THE CRYSTAL BAALLS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 22nd October 2017

MIKEL MERINO (2nd Toon player from left) HEEDS THE WINNIN' GOAL!

(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE PHOTO!)

"HAPPY BORTHDAY DEAR JAMIE!"

A dour game against a Palace side that came for 3 points (rather than 'parkin the bus' for a point) and they "shaded it' in the forst half az WE couldnt get oot of 'forst gear'!
Atsu did have a shot which hit the side nettin--'but that woz az good az it got for us!
In total aa cant remember eethaa team havin a shot on target, which tells yoo a lot aboot the forst half!  
But Cabaye woz a very lucky man az he made a horrendous tackle on Yedlin which could have broken hiz leg and anly got a yellow card istead of a red one!   0-0 HT

1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END

It woz a bit better in the 2nd period and the forst shot on target came Diame's way in the 70th minute at The Leazes End (if my memory sorves me correctly?)
A minute later Shelvey had a shot blocked and we started to get on top!

It woz grandson Jamie's 8th borthday and aa woz prayin for a win for him, but az the clock ticked doon it looked az though the game would peter oot into a goalless draw!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE LEAZES END

However! My prayers were answered with fower minutes left on the clock when supersub  Mikel Merino (who had come on in the 55th minute) heeded past Speroni in the Crystal Baalls goal from a Matt Ritchie corner, to win the game az the crowd roared in relief!

A game that will probably be last on Match of the Day for sure! ( PS it woz 2nd last!)

Ne one woz happier than Jamie and the 3 points were hiz best ever borthday present! az we moved up to the 'dizzy heights' of 6th in the table!

Aaltogether now!
"Happy borthday to yoo!
Happy borthday to yoo!
Happy borthday dear Jamie!
Happy borthday to yoo!"

Jamie's borthday cake!

Baked by Nana Maureen

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Manquillo, Hayden (Merino 55), Shelvey, Ritchie, Perez (Diame 66), Atsu, Joselu (Mitrovic 78)

Attendance: 52,251  includin' Ing-er-land manager Gareth Southgate, plus a very p*ssed lookin' Sting and Jimmy Nail
(2,000 Palace)

JIMMY NAIL (right) LOOKS TOTALLY P*SSED OFF!
(IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE!)
(BEFORE WE SCORED!)

PS: 'STING' MADE AN IMPROMPTU APPEARANCE AFTER THE GAME
IN THE 'HOOCHIE COOCHIE' JASS CLUB IN PILGRIM STREET
AND SANG A FEW SONGS!
(He admitted that he woz "Worse for wear"!) 

*

THE TOON v THE CRYSTAL BAALLS

Posted 6:30pm bells Friday 20th October 2017 @ Trowell sorvices truck park, M1 southbound

Tomorrow afternooon @ SJP we face a rejuvenated Roy Hodgson's side who picked up their forst points and GOALS last week against the current leegue champions, Chelski!


We are so pleezed that Palace scored last week to end their unwanted zero 'goals for' record, az if they hadn't scored, then guess wot wud have happened tomorrow!

We musint underestimate them az we gan into the game on a 3 match unbeaten run!
Ne games are easy in this division (just ask Chelski!) but we shud have enough to collect the 3 points and (hopefully?) climb a couple of places up the table!

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime on Sunday----Az per usual ---watch this space!

"POWER TO THE PEOPLE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 20th October 2017

At last!---someone haz listened to 'us fans' and 'SKY' and the Premyaa Leegue (who were under immense pressure!), have decreed that aall proposed games on Xmas eve, includin NUFC @ 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham, have been abandoned and we will visit London Stadium for the very forst time on Saturday December 23rd @ 3 bells (the original time and date)

The Liverbirds and The Arse's fans aalso kicked up aboot a possible tea time kick of on Xmas eve, with ne way of getting home after the game az transport gans off orly on that day!
Their game will now be played on the Friday neet of 22nd December!

The anly downside for us iz that wor game away to The OAPs of Chelski now kicks off @ 12 30 bells on Saturday 2nd December @ SKY's bequest---which meeenz we must travel doon the day before to guarantee makin the kick off (see story below of wor visit to Sooothampton last week, when some fans missed the game when their train broke doon!)
One of THREE London away games in December! 
(We play The Arse away az well on Saturday December 16th)

For The Toon's rearranged fixtures up until 27th December see the article below this