NUFC TICKET NEWS *** UPDATE

Posted '12:45pm bells' Tuesday 19th September 2017
Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday 20th

The 2,500 tickets for wor away game at (ne where near!) Brighton on Sunday have completleee sold oot!----not bad for a Sunday '4 bells' kick off with little spare time to catch trains yem!

Meenwhile tickets for wor away game at Bornley are now on sale to those of yoo who have 50 loyalty points (that's 50 away games attended ower the last few years)
Again!--this iz a televised game on a Munday neet for the benefit of the 'pub plonkies' and the 'couch potato brigade' <(but not 'US'--the fans who actually gan to these games!)

Wor next home game' by the way' against The Liverbirds  on 1st October iz a complete selloot az well!   (Wor FIFTH live Sunday telly game so far!--'With more to follow!)

Oh! nearly forgot!---tickets for wor away game at Sooothampton on October 15th are aalso on sale:
Zero points required priced at £20 for big kids---£18 for zimmerframeites and £12 for sprogs!
And guess what?---this game iz aalso on a SUNDAY for live telly (they love us--don't they?)----wor thord lang distance away game in a row of 700 miles or more (roond trip) on the Sabbath!----that's SIX Sunday games in total, then!

'GEORDIE TIMES'Z AWAY DAY MILAGE --- SO FAR!

'UDDERSFIELD 242 miles roond trip by car (Sunday)
SWANZEE 706 miles roond trip by train (Sunday) (left Saturday--came back Munday!)

NEXT UP!
(Ne where near) BRIGHTON 724 miles roond trip by train (Sunday)
SOOOTHAMPTON 736 miles roond trip by train (Sunday!)

BRIGHTON U23S 0 THE TOON U23S 0

Posted 11 20 pm bells Munday 18th September 2017 at Woodall services truck park, M1

PIC FROM MARCH 2016 VISIT

Wor U23s playin in their aall black away strip drew 0-0 with Brighton's eqivelent at Crawley Town
F C
Wor goalie Freddie Woodman made 5  exceptional saves durin' the forst half to deny Brighton.
Callum Smith, Luke Charman and Kyle Cameron aall had chances in the 2nd period but were unable to put them away
We wornt there az we've been there before to watch wor 2nd string 18 months ago! (1-1)---we definatly  WUD have been there, had we not previously visited Broadfield Stadium!
(see match report from that game in the archive section--- 'ground 319')

Attendance not known but we suspect that at least 2 NUFC mad sad groundhoppers WERE THERE!

THE TOON 2 THE P*SS POTTS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11:11 am bells' Sunday 17th September 2017

"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW!"

"GEORD-EEEZ IN THE CHAMPIONS LEEGUE!"

Who wud evaa have believed it!?---NUFC in 4th place aftaa yesterdays games and in a Champions Leegue position, to boot!

An inspirin' display from the black 'n' whites with loads of missed chances in a 100 mile per hour game!
We took the lead at The Leazes End in the 19th minute when Richie crossed a terrific baall which foond Atsu on the back post and he volleyed it from close in with hiz left foot to give the Stoke keeper ne chance!

ATSU'S GOAL!

Joselu then missed 2 great chances to increase wor lead but couldn't put the baall into the back of the net!
We were to roo those missed chances az 'The P*ss Potters of Stoke' equalised 12 mins after the restart through Shaqiri with a pression shot just inside the post!

And then the moment of the game when Rob Elliot in The Toon goal made a brilliant one handed save from a downward Diouf heeder to deny wor visitors an undeserved lead!

ROB ELLIOT'S BRILLIANT SAVE

Atsu woz then put clean through and woz brought doon in the box---but the ref amazingly waved 'play on' az Lascelles gave the Ref a 'ear full' for hiz missteak! (see photo below)
7 year old Gransdon Jamie then asked me if the ref woz a "Stoke fan!" < (he naaz wot he iz taalkin aboot!)

LASCELLE'S WINNER! (He's the one with hiz heed doon in the middle of the picture)

Just after this we won a corner and Richie's centre foond the heed of Lascelles whos heeder went in off the bar 'Geoff Hurst style' az the crowd roared loudly (justice for the Atsu gaff (see The Geordie Times'z excluuusive photo of  the penalty incident!)

Joselu then missed anothaa great chance, but at least he iz gettin' into the right positions, so surely this will bear fruit in the comin' months!

Stoke had a great chance near the end through Diouf, but hiz effort thankfully wizzed past the post and the game woz won!---A great performance from us and a desorved 3 points!
(If anly that North Korean 'toss pot' Kim Jong Un  cud press the  nuclear button to start 'World War 3'  and the season wud end now!)

We then watched Sporz draw in the evenin game in The Bodega, which meant we were above them, The Liverbirds AND The Arse in 4th position aftaa wor thord win on the spin!

They have proved the doubters wrong---including little old 'ME'!

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Mbemba, Hayden (Shelvey 69), Merino,Richie, Perez (Diame 86), Atsu, Joselu (Gayle 78)

Attendance: 51,795 (Just 1,450 'P*ss Potters')

                                            Happy Toon fans leavin the groond via Barrack Road!

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place in The Bodega, The Leazes End Club, The Irish Club, Tilleys and then back to The Bodega!

                                                          The Leazes End Club concert room

THE TOON v THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1 15pm bells' Thorsday 14th September 2017
Updated Friday 15th at 'high noon bells' and Saturday 16th from '11 bells' onwards
HALF TIME AND FULL SCORE WILL APPEAR AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE ASAP

TOON FANS ON THE MARCH BEFORE WOR LAST HOME GAME AGAINST WEST HAM

This comin' Saturday we face a Stoke side at SJP, hopin' for wor thord win 'on the bounce'?

It wont be eezy az their manager Mark Hughes haz them well organised and they will kick and hack the Toon players, thats for sure!  They came from behind last weekend to draw 2-2 with Moan U at their place (who's manager Moanrino had took 'the huff'  refused to shake hands with Hughzy at the end of the game) (*ANKER!)
(on Talk Sport Man U fans were NOT happy at their 3-0 win against Basle on Tuesday in the Champions Leegue and moaned aboot it?---They are well named MOAN United!)

The P*ss Potts have returned 1,000 of their 3,100 allocation of away tickets and they are on sale now to Toon fans
Thankfully bonus disputes between wor ' beloved owner'? and the player have been resolved and they will receeve a very nice £4 million bonus if we avoid the dreaded drop (17th place)---£1 million iz added for every place higher than 17th and shud we finish where we are right now (in 10th place!) that's an extra £7 million added to the 'pot'! (IF only I could have been a professional futbaaller instead of a truck driver!)

Aalso Rafa the Gaffer iz back at work after missin' the 1-0 win at Swanzee last Sunday, which iz good news aall roond!
Mitrovic sorves the 2nd of hiz 2 match suspension and Paul Dummett iz still 'knackered'!---but Mbemba could retorn

HALF TIME AND FULL TIME SCORE WILL APPEAR HERE AZ SOOON AZ POSSIBLE!

HALF TIME SCORE; 1  0 up!  (Atsu)

FULL TIME SCORE; won 2  1 Lascelles

ATTENDANCE;51, 795 (2,000 stoke)

FULL MATCH REPORT AND PIX TO FOLLOW SOMETIME TOMORROW!---az per usual WATCH THIS SPACE!

TOON U23s v THE CANARY CUSTARDS of NORWICH U23s tooneet

Posted 6 45 pm bells Munday 11th September 2017 in The Strawberry next to SJP
Updated throughoot the neet!

Just got back from Swazeee at 4 bells
Off to resorve game at SJP at 7 bells

Half time 2  0 up  Charman , Gillesphey
Full time drew 2  2

LUKE CHARMAN GOAL AT THE LEAZES END
(The Toon player nearest the penalty spot)

"A GAME OF 2 HARFZ!"

The Toon started off like 'a hoose on fire' and before we knew it we were 2-0 up and cruisin' with goals from Luke Charman and 'Mac' Gillesphey!
Shelvey had an audacious lob from the half way line that nearly foond the Leazes End net and we were well on top!

However! This IZ NUFC and within a couple of minutes of the 2nd half 'The Canary Custards' had pulled one back after sloppy play from us

A needless penalty woz then given away near the end of the game, which woz convorted by wor visitors to level things!
They then had chances to take the lead, but luckily they couldnt find the net again!

We then had a couple of chances at 'the death' but sky'd 2 great chances at The Gallowgate End and the game ended aall square!

Attendance 662 includin 1 solitary Norwich fan!

     Spot the Norwich fan in the yellow top!


THE 'RONNY~GILL' GETS IT WRANG AGAIN!

The latest 'gaffs' from wor local 'rag' on Munday said we were playin against WOLVES when it woz Norwich and that the game woz bein played at WHITLEY PARK when it woz played at St. James' Park!

We can't help wonderin just how many Toon and exiled Wolves fans actually torned up at Whitley Park??? {Whitley Park iz on the northen ootskirts of The Toon and iz aboot 4 miles from St James'}

SWANZEE 0 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted from high noon bells onwards Munday 11th September 2017 on the train from sooth Wales to the Toon!

  "He flies like a bird in the sky-aye-aye-aye!"

Jamaal Lascelles woz wor hero of the day with an ootstandin display in sooth Wales yesterday!
Not anly did he stop a certain goal by blockin Abrahams shot on the goal line after the Swanzee striker had rounded Elliot in the Toon goal, but he aalso scored the winner after 76 by leapin 3 FEET into the air to heed the baall into the net az the Swanzee defenders looked on in amazement!

Anothaa view of Lascelles goal from the away end (Geordie Times excluuusive!)  Hope you have good eyesight!

There were aalso great performances from new boys Marino, Manquillo and Joselu!
The ref on the othaa hand had a cr*p game, denying us a penalty plus several othaa dodgy decisions against us--but he did get a decision write when he booked Richie for a high tackle!
After the game we heeded for The White Swan near the train station for some celebratory 'gargels'

THE WHITE SWAN    SWANZEE

On Match of the Day the pundits said that Richie shud have been sent off and they showed replays of the incident for FIVE MINUTES!
'Trial by television' again for us!

NUFC move up to the 'dizzy heights' of 10th place in the table!

Toon team: Elliot, Manquillo,Lascelles,Clark, Gamez, Hayden(Diame 69), Marino, Richie, Perez, Murphy (Atsu 59), Josalu (Gayle 79)

Attendance: 20,862 (2,000 very happy Toon fans!)

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place on a 2 day 'bender' in Newport and Swanzee!

                   THE VILLIERS    SWANZEE

( for more pub crawl pix see article below!)

SWANZEE V THE TOON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Posted 10 00am bells Sunday 10th September 2017 from Newport sooth Wales
(Updates periodically!)

The last boozer we were in last neet/this mornin til one bells!

'The Tiny Rebel'

We are in Newport az I write this
Because of  enginerin work many trains have been cancelled to Swanzee!
Newport isnt that far away but fans who are travellin doon this mornin will be lucky to get there for kick off time at 4 bells

Will keep yoo posted az day gans on!

11 15am bells
Caught another train from Newport to Swanzee at 11 bells but we are delayed coz the train in front of us iz on FIRE! (Yi couldnt make it up!)

11 30 bells
On move again   ne sign of train on fire!?

High noon bells
The 'scenic route' via Port Talbot!

12 30 bells   here at last!
Swanzee'z groond from the train window and wor fave 'port o call' doon here on  way to groond from station'--The Villiers!

Half time score: 0  0

Full time score: WON 1  0 ! (Lascelles 76min  heeder!)

Lascelles goal from the away end (Geordie Times excluuusive!) Hope youve got good eyesight!?

Attendance:20,872 (2,000 very happy Toon fans!)

Brief match report:
Lascelles woz the star of the show, scorin' with a heeder az he rose above the Swazee defence from a corner to win the game for us in the 76th minute!

Just a few mins olier he'd cleared from the goal line  after Abrahams looked certain to score after roundin Toon goalie Rob Elliot !

We climb to the top half of The Premyaa after this victory to the 'dizzy heights' of 10th place!

The ref woz abosolutleee cr*p by the way!


Full match report tomorrow

"POTTERS!-POTTERS!--HERE WE COME!"-

Posted 2 10pm bells Saturday 9th September 2017 on the Cross Country train to Newport!

Its a long haul to wor owerneet stay in Newport before wor game at Swanzee tomorrow az its 13 stops and 5 hours plus to get there on the choo! Choo! train!
Plennty of 'supplies' have been brought to pass the time away and wor forst port o call when we get there will be Potters "Dive' Bar near Newport station! (Stab proooff vests recommended!)

More updates when we get there at '7 bells'!

Forst bar 7 30 bells (not Potters!)

And then some othaaz!

274 REViSITED*** SWANZEE 2010

Posted 4 25pm bells Saturday 9th September 2017 on a train near Derby!

Its more than 7 years since we forst visited Swanzee's new abode--' and we make ne apologeeez for 'diggin up' this 'little gem' from then!
INTERNATIONAL 'RUSS-CUE!
(See match report from that game below!
Ground 274)

274 liberty stadium, swansea

(GROUND NUMBER 274)
Date of First Visit: 13^th FEBRUARY 2010

LIBERTY STADIUM, SWANSEA, WALES

SWANSEA CITY 1

NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Carroll)


CHAMPIONSHIP

Attendance: 15,188 (1,500 Toon fans)


“INTERNATIONAL ‘RUSS’CUE!”

(somewhere on the 'M4' sooth Wales)
"divvint worry lads!---aa'll get yiz ti Swanszee for the kick off!----ne problem!"

Day One: “THE CANTERBURY TALES!”

Aa had a gut feelin’ when ‘Sarnie Steve’ pulled up at mee front door at fower bells in the afternoon in a RED! Seat Ibiza car that sommik would gan wrang on this near 800 mile roond trip to sooth Wales. (ie: red is NOT mee fave colour!)

Wor forst port o caall was Tewkesbury in deepest Gloustershire where we’d booked a hotel for the Friday neet to split the jorney up, before heedin’ for Swansea the next day for the ridiculously timed 12:45 bells kick off at the bequest of Sky telly.

On arrival at the hotel just off the M5 motorway some five hours later at ‘8:30 bells’ we dumped wor bags and coats in the room and asked the lassie on reception where aall the ale hooses were and she pointed us in (wot we thought!) was the reet direction.

Before heedin’ for the bright lights of Tewksbury we made for the restaurant next door for a mixed grill ‘nose bag’ as we were clammin’

After leavin’ the restaurant we waalked around aimlessly ‘like lost sheep’ in the bitin’ wind in just wor tee shirts for aboot twenty minutes through Tewkesbury Industrial Estate in the direction the lassie had pointed, still digestin’ the gammon steak, when we realised that we must be heedin’ in the wrang direction as aall we could see were loads of brand new factory units? (but ne boozers!)

(women have got ne sense of direction---have they?)

So we did a swift u torn back towards the hotel where we eventually spotted a signpost for the toon centre. (at last!)

After wot seemed like three days (er! Anotha twenty mins actually!) we saw wot looked like an illuminated pub sign in the distance and quickened wor pace!----‘GULF PETROL’ the sign screamed as we got closer and we reduced to ‘snail pace’ strides in dispair! (“a gallon of unleaded pleeze, barman, on the rocks!”)

However!---wor despair soon torned to ‘unbridled joy’ as just a hundred yards alang the road from the petrol station we spotted anotha sign behind some trees which read -------‘THE CANTERBURY’------at last!---somewhere to quensh wor thirsts and waam up as we were f*****’ freezin’ by this time!(wish a’d brung mee ‘nanny goat’!)

It was half ten by this time and the barmaid informed us that last orders were at half eleven, so we had ‘ne choice’ but to make ‘pigs of worsels’ and shovel as many ‘liquid refreshments’ as we could doon wor ‘john o groats’ in just one hour!----several pints later we staggered back to the hotel for some much needed ‘shut-eye’ and we crashed oot big style!------------“ZZZZZzzzzz!!!”

Day Two: “THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!”

There was ne brekky included in the £29 room price but as usual ‘Sarnie Steve’ had come prepared and like a magician pullin’ a bunny rabbit from a top hat, he pulled a plastic bowl and a spoon from his owerneet bag, filled it with a mini packet of Kelloggs cornflakes!, added some milk and sugar and chomped away merrily at the cereal as he sat on the corner of his bed!

(“the best to yoo each mornin’!”)

(Aall aa had for my brekky. by the way!, was a corled up at the edges, stale cheese ‘n’ tomato sarnie, left from the previous day!) (times are hard, yi naa!)

We set off from the hotel for the 2 hour drive to Swansea at 8:30 bells and aall was gannin well---- until!------aboot 3 miles from Cardiff West services on the M4 a loud bleepin’ noise could be hord. And at forst aa thought it was Sarnie Steve’s mobile phone. However!---Steve informed me that it was in fact comin’ from one of the dials on his dashboard which was flashin’ off and on!---not a good sign.

At forst he thought that it was the petrol gauge but on closer inspection it was the temperature gauge which was on red alert!

“Normally if the gauge is on red, smoke would be comin’ oot the bonnet, so aa’ll try and get to the services and see wot the problem is”, he said.


That was temptin’ fate!---and sure enough 10 seconds later smoke started porin’ from my side of the bonnet!

“Steve!”, aa shouted, “STOP!—STOP!”, and he pulled ower onto the hard shoulder brakin’ sharpish.

When he opened the bonnet huge plumes of smoke engulfed us and aa just knew that we were in trouble,----‘BIG TROUBLE!!!’


After lettin’ the engine cool doon a bit, Steve unscrewed the radiator cap to reveel that there was nee waata in it! Luckily he had some waata in a plastic container in the boot and filled it back up.

Then!---travillin’ at very low speed on the hard shoulder we made for the services----the temp gauge was OK at forst--- but!--- aall of a sudden it went ‘off the scale’! We managed to limp into the services and park up near the petrol pumps as smoke again engulfed us!


(Phew!---wi’d just made it!)

Steve again started to unscrew the radiator cap but it was still boilin’ hot and just before a’d finished sayin’: “Steve! divvint tek the cap off yet!” it suddenly blew off and we got covered in aall kinds of shit as the dorty waata went everywhere includin’ mee face and hair!

We spent the next 5 minutes searchin’ fruitlesleee for the ‘said cap’ before a litter picker spotted it underneath the front wheel! (“cheers mate!”)

An AA patrol gadgy just happened to be parked nearby and he telt us that in his opinion the car had probably blown the heed gasket and that it was ‘cattle trucked’! (ie: we wernt gannin anywhere!)

How were we gannih get to Swansea some 50 miles distant was the big question now, with anly 3 hours to kick off??? Sarnie Steve suggested that we get a taxi to Cardiff train station and then catch a train---but!---that was a ‘non-starter’ as the roondaboot beside the motorway was chocker with traffic heedin’ for the centre of Cardiff for a international rugby match between Wales and Scotland in front of an anticipated 70,000 plus crowd!

The otha alternative was to get a taxi aall the way which would cost us ‘an arm an’ two leg’!

Then Steve had ‘a brain wave’---“The rest of the lads flew to Bristol last neet and hired a car tih tek them to Swansea. Hopefully Russ (the driver) will be able to come and pick us up if he hasn’t went ‘on the hoy’!”

One phone call later and Russ was on his way to save us! (praizzze the lord!!!)

The plan was to leave the car at the sorvices and get the ‘AA’ Relay’ to toe us back to the Toon, provided we could get a lift back from Swansea after the match (fingers and toes crossed!)


From wot seemed like 20 hours (as time was tickin’ by very quickly) and like a scene from ‘International Rescue’, Russ suddenly appeared in a bright silver hatchback to, er!, ‘rescue us’ (Thunderbird One, perhaps?) and before we knew it, we were on wor way to Swansea with less than 2 hours to kick off

By amazin’ coincidence ,with his thick black hair and dark eyebrows, Russ actually looks remarkableee like ‘Scott’off the Thunderbirds cult TV series (“er!”---or was it ‘Virgil’???) and he sped us on wor way doon the ‘M4’ at break-neck speed!

He wasn’t in a happy mood as he thought he might have been ‘done’ by a mobile speed camera on his way to pick us up, but ‘duty caalled’---he had to get us there for the kick off!

Less than an hour later we spotted Swansea’s gleamin’ white new stadium in the distant valley with just 55 minutes to spare before kick off. (wi’d made it!---special thanx to International ‘Russ’cue!)

It was then a mad dash to the nearest waaterin’ hole we could find for a much needed couple of ‘liquid lubrications’, before heedin’ for the groond.

Once inside the concourse we then had to find some ‘kind soul’ to give us a lift back to the services and amazingly the forst fan we asked caalled ‘Trev’ was actually gannin’ there after the match to pick somebody up who’d been to the rugby match in Cardiff. He was on his own so there were spare seats in his ‘jam jar’-------problem solved!

The Liberty Stadium is one of them---‘lets build a one the same as they’ve got at Boro/Derby/Stoke/Leicester etc etc.’ It is certainleee better than lopsided and disjointed ‘Vetch Field’ which was the Swans aad groond on the other side of town. ‘The Ospreys rugby union team aalso plays at the new venue, which (of course) doesn’t help the pitch, but surprisingly it wasn’t in too bad a state for this time of the year.

The Toons followin’ was the lowest of the season with just 1,500 diehards mekin’ the ridiculous kick off time and there were plenty of empty seats in aall parts of the groond as the game kicked off (includin’ 1,000 in wor end!)

It didn’t help that there were ne tickets on sale on the day to any of wor fans who were exiled in this part of Wales and aalso the fact that the big rugby match in Cardiff was aalso televised at the same time didn’t help with the attendance from the home fans eetha!

This match was a special occasion for me as this was the forst new groond a’d visited of the new decade and it meant that a’d now followed the Toon away from home for SIX!? decades! (1960’s—70’s—80’s—90’s---2000’s and now the 10’s (am aa reeely that old????)---------------(The silence is deafenin’!---quick!---pass mee ‘ear trumpet’!!!!)

Lately we hadn’t played well away from home (ie: a 3-0 defeat at Derby orlier on in the week!!) and the same scenario started to unfold as the game progressed with the Welshmen havin’ much more of the baall and chances. Somehow we managed to get to half time still on level torms, but wor luck was aboot to change as the second half restarted when Swansea’s David Cotterill shot past Harper 10 minutes into the second period.

This produced wild celebration from the home fans includin’ the ridiculouslee lookin’ mascot ‘Cedric the Swan’ (or whatever he’s caalled?) dressed up in a swansuit, would yih believe!

"THE SWAN LAKE BALLET--WELSH VERSION!"

(as mascots gan, this one’s really doon the swanny!) (sic!) and he was flappin’ his wings aboot and jumpin’ up and doon like a flyin’ swan from the Swan Lake Ballet! (“Er!”---or shud that be ‘dyin’ swan???) (“a’m not ‘into’ ballet!---a’m not a ‘puff’ yi naa!”)

Anyway!---it was backs to the waall stuff after this as ‘The Swannys’ missed several chances to double their lead with Stevie Harper in ootstandin’ form in the Toon goal. Near the end of the match Andy Carroll got away with what looked like an elbow in a Swansea defenders face and and he was lucky not to get his ‘marchin’ orders’ as the ref missed the incident.

This torned oot to be a key moment as with just 3 minutes remainin’ Leon Best ran doon the reet hand side of the pitch to send in an inch perfect cross onto Carroll’s bonce and he heeded it into the net givin’ the home keeper ne chance. It was wor torn to de the ‘flyin’ swan’ routine as we celebrated in the half empty seats! (or shud that be ‘the flyin’ magpie’ routine?)


That’s the way it ended and we were fortunate indeed to ‘steal a point’. Some of wor fans however, never got to celebrate the equaliser and missed Andy’s goal as they had to leave orly to catch the last train back to England (Skys got a lot to answer for!)

The result left us on course and ever closer to a swift retorn to the top flight as we regained top spot from West Brom in wot was wor 14^th ! live televised game of the season!.

With the ‘celebrations’ ower, it was now time to face the dreaded jorney yem and ‘Trev’s’ forst mistake was to park his car in a car park ower the road from the groond as it took ower half an hour to get oot ! (great start!)

We wern’t complainin’ though as we were more than grateful for the lift and he soon had us back at Cardiff sorvices where we phoned the ‘AA’ at ‘fower bells’


“It will be at least an hour and a half!”, the lassie said on the other end of the ‘telling bone’ and so we had ne choice but to watch the traffic gan by once again as we listened to a match on the car radio

We’d now spent more time in Cardiff services than we had in Swansea and we were a bit pist off by this time!
Eventually the ‘AA’ van torned up and he telt Steve to start it up
When Steve torned the ignition on there were strange noises as the engine coughed and spluttered into life “I don’t like the sound of that!” the ‘AA’ gadgie said in a broad Welsh accent and he added that it would indeed have to be towed aall the way back to The Toon.


To cut a (very!) lang story short we eventually left wor ‘second home’ at six thorty bells’ with the wreck (er!—sorry!) ‘Steve’s pride and joy?’ on the back of a tow truck for the forst leg of wor retorn jorney to Ross on Wye which is on the Welsh border. From there another ‘AA’ truck would be waitin’ (hopefully!)

It was!—but the driver had to tek an hours break and as luck would have it (luck!???) we used wor special ‘nostril radar’ and ‘sniffed oot’ ‘The Travellers Rest’ waaterin’ hole’ some qwaata of a mile in the distance and asked him to pick us up from there.

After mekin’ pigs of worsels once again it was back on the road (9:15 bells) for the next leg of the jorney to Lymm Truck Stop on the M6 near Manchester where we were to catch wor thord and last breakdoon truck to the Toon.

Day Three: “WELCOME TO LYMM TRUCK STOP!”

It was just after midneet when we got to Lymm and the ‘jam jar’ was transfered to truck number three for the final leg. After another break at Hartshead Moor sorvices on the M62 (closin’ time by now---so ne drink here!) we set off again at ‘2 bells’ and as Steve took a huge bite from his last sarnie (he’s not caalled Sarnie Steve for nothin’!) he said in a half cheerful voice: “Look on the bright side Fink----at least we haven’t had to pay for any petrol on the way back!”

(Must de this more often aa thought------NOT!)

We finally made it back to Tyneside in the late orly hours (if yi see wot aa meeen?) shattered –knackered and ready for a lang lang kip!


It was 5 past 4 bells as aa put mee key in the front door, some thirteen and a half hours since the final whistle!---yet another ‘disaster day’ to add to the neva endin’ list!----goodnight from him---and goodnight from me! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!

©Fink™ (the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

Footnote: it wasn’t the heed gasket that was knackered---it was the waata pump, which cost ‘Sarnie Steve’ a couple of hundred quid to get fixed