'UDDERDSFIELD 1 THE TOON 0 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '10 36am bells' Munday 21st August 2017

"BUY!-BUY!" or it might be "BYE!-BYE!"

A totally inept performance from the boys in black made it a very black day indeed az we were defeated by a team caalled 'The Terriers', who will surely be in a dog fight alang with us at the foot of the table! (We played in wor aall black away kit!)

The Geordie Times predicted before the season started that we wud finish in 14th place----we will now be happy with a 17th place finish after watchin this shambles!

Quite simply, if wor beloved owner known affectionatly az 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans, doesnt 'put hiz hand in hiz pocket' in the next 10 days (when the transfor windows shuts) then we fear the worst could happen!

9 of wor players on the pitch at the start were playin in The Championship last season and promises of several quality new faces havent materialised!

The home side and fans 'were up for it' az predicted and won most of the 2nd baalls az we continued to give away posession

We did have chances az we attacked towards wor own fans in the 1st half  and Matt Richie had a great effort tipped aroond the post by the 'uddersfield keeper in the 17th minute!

But the home side pressed on and the breakthrough came in the 5th minute of the 2nd half when Mooy hit a curlin effort past Elliot in The Toon goal!

We had a penalty appeal torned doon and a blatent stamp by Mounie on Issac Hayden woz missed by the ref and he got away with it!

Perez aalso missed a chance to equalise deep into the 2nd half but hiz shot just went ower the bar---and that woz 'it ' az the clock coonted doon!

Like we say---we MUST 'buy' some quality players in the next 10 days or else it could be "bye!-bye!" To the Premyaa Leegue for the THORD time under The Fat Controllers 'leadership'!

Toon team: Elliot, Manquillo, Lascelles, Clark, Mbemba, Atsu, Hayden (Diame 76), Merino, Ritchie, Gayle (Joselu 52), Perez (Murphy 80)

Attendance: 24,128 (groond record) 2,340 unhappy Toon fans!

THE PRE MATCH ' GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!
(Top) The Deighton Club
(Bottom) Superbowl Bowling Club!  Thats reet!  we got a drink in a 10 pin bowling alley!

LIVE PHOTO STREAM PRE MATCH UDDERSFIELD

Posted 12 45pm bells Sunday 20th August 2017

Lost 1  0!

We woz cr*p!

Full match report tomorrow😥

THE WONDERS OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY!

Posted 7 30am bells Sunday 20th August 2017

Withoot kickin a baall NUFC have moved 2 places up the Premyaa League aftaa yesterdays results!
Mebeez we shudnt play again and we might just win the Leeegue!

'UDDERSFIELD V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '2 22 pm bells' Saturday 19th August 2017

We make wor shortest jorney of the season tomorrow (Bornley iz aboot the same distance at 230 miles roond trip from Tyneside) when we travel to 'uddersfield (Yorkshire prenoonciation-- not wors!) for wor forst away game back in the top flight
This of course iz 'uddersfield's forst  EVER home game in The Premyaa Leegue and they and their fans will be 'up for it'!--'especially after their unexpected 3-0 win at Palace last week!
(The last time they played in the top flight woz way back in 1972 in the old 1st Division!)

We beat them of course last season doon at their place and we have to say that it woz the best away atmosphere on the road!
Thats wot we can expect tomorrow, come '1 30 bells'!

Dummett, Lejeune and Yedlin are aall oot injured and Shelvey misses the next 3 games after hiz daft sendin off against Sporz
Joselu iz expected to make hiz Toon debut though!

A capacity selloot 23,000 crowd will be there, includin 2,340 Toon fans (440 more than last seasons allocation)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Munday with 'live stream pub crawl pix before the game! (Er!---because of the orly kick off we will probably de just ONE 'liquid lubrication location'!

SMB U18s 1 THE TOON U18s 1

Posted 1:00 pm bells Saturday 19th August 2017

"MATT FINISH SECURES A POINT!"

Wor U18s were in action against The SMBs equivelent this mornin at The Academy of Sshhh! (Yee naa wot!) in Whitburn
We took the lead 4 mins aftaa the restart when a Elias Sorensen cross foond the feet of Matty Longstaff and he fired a low shot into the mackems net!

A dodgy lookin goal (which apparently looked offside) woz given in the 88th minute to the SMBs to square the contest

NUFC MAD SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 18th August 2017 *** Updated Saturday

More excitin news haz reached The Geordie Times that wor U23s have been drawn against Swanzee, Bornlee and COLCHESTER in the Premyaa Leegue Cup, group 'D'
Ties will be played home and away against each of the above

We highlight Colchester az NUFC have nevaa been to their new Weston Homes Comunity Stadium and therefore neethaa have the mad sad groundhoppers!

Ne dates for the above---but one thing does puzzle us , az Colchester have nevaa played in the top flight before?

Meeenwhile!----wor U23s are in action tooneet at The Hawthorns in Leegue game, where we will play WBA at '7 bells' (of course we have been there many many times before!)

Updated Saturday afternooon
The Baggie Troosers of West Brom 0
The Toon U23s  4
A great win for wor resorves at WBA where we totally ootplayed the home side!

The goal sequences were az follows:
14th minute: a Kyle Cameron curler (try sayin that after 10 pints!) opened the scorin in front of a huge 224 crowd (very few NUFC mad sad groundhoppers!)
Then Luke Charman doubled wor advantage 6 mins later with a fine shot!
It woz 3-0 just 5 mins later when Craig Spooner got in on the act (shot)

We added just 1 more in the 2nd period when Owen Bailey heeded  home to  complete the scorin in the 75th minute!

A LETTER FROM WHITBY

Posted 'hign noon bells' Thorsday 17th August 2017

The Geordie Times haz receeeved a very nice letter from Whitby Town FC about wor U23s game at their groond last month when we played Celtic U23s in 'The Whitby Town Tounament'

Grandson Jamie woz asked by one of Whitby's committee caalled Eddie if he would like to be one of the Toon mascots for the game
He jumped at the chance and waalked oot with the teams before the match

A photo woz taken before kick off in the centre circle and Eddie haz kindly sent 2 to us

Thanx very much Eddie and we will bee lookin oot for Whitby's results for sure!
One of the friendliest away trips we have been te (and we have been to quite a few!

Jamie iz on the extreeem left of the photo holdin a futbaall
(See ground 325 turnbull ground whitby for a match report on the game!)

"JOSELU IZ A GEORDIE!"

Posted 12 55pm bells Wednesday 16th August 2017

News haz just reached The Geordie Times by carrier pigeon that we have signed Jawman striker Joselu from Stoke for 5 million quid!
He haz signed a 3 year deal and iz wor 6th aquasition <(we naa aall the big words!) in the current transfor window!

More singnins are expected soon!
Az per usual watch this space!

THE TOON 0 SPORZ 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 14th August 2017

The Toon attack 

The Leazes goal

"Jonjo presses self destruct button!"

Wor forst game back in the top fight woz not a happy one!
We started off well az we attacked The Leazes goal but within 6 minutes Paul Dummett had to leave the field with wot looked like a calf injury to be replaced by Lascelles.

And then in the 34th minute new boy Floran Lejeune woz 'sissor kicked' by Harry Kane and he had to leave the field with wot looked like a serious injury! (A great start on wor 'retorn'!)

We were the better team and shud have scored through Dwight Gayle but he fluffed hiz chance and we went in 0 0 at half time and very pleased with wor performance!

And then the game changer----Delle Alli held onto the baall and Jonjo Shelvey  gave him a slight push and he went doon like 'a  sack of taatys' and woz sent of in the 47th minute (from wor seats 'up in the gods' we didnt see that Shelvey had stamped on Alli's ankle!)

From then on it woz 'backs to the waall' az we tried to stop last seasons runners up!
Sporz then piled on the pressure az they attacked The Leazes goal and within 13 mins of Shelvey's sendin off they made the breakthrough when the man who had 'went doon like a sack of taatys' scored with a shot across the box!

10 mins later and it woz aall ower bar the shoutin when Ben Davis doubled their lead and the game in effect woz lost.

We tried gamely to battle on, but to no avail and Sporz hit the post late on, but it 'mattered not' az they wound the clock doon!

Ne points---ne goals-- 1 sendin off---2 injurys---3rd bottom of The Premyaa!
NOT a good day 'at the office'!

Toon team: Elliot  Manquillo  Lejeune (Mbemba 34)  Clark  Dummett (Lascelles 6)  Shelvey  Hayden  Richie  Perez  Atsu  Gayle (Merino 76)

Attendance: 52,077  (some empty seats in away section   3,000 happy Sporz fans!)

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!

Its  10 50am bells as desperate 

Toon fans hammer on the door 

of The Bodega to let them in! 

(Kick off woz at 1 30 bells 

so we went oot orly)

Fans catch the sun ootside

Bar Loco on Leazes Park Road

A view to die for!

You can just see 

The Leazes End roof

from upstairs in Bar Loco

Below

Inside Bar Loco

A group of Sporz fans (Sporz play in white!)

Pass Tilleys Bar on their way to

a 'burka bar'! (sic!)

THE TOON v SPORZ *** This afternooon!

Posted 10 30am bells Sunday 13th August 2017

The big day haz finally arrived  az we take on Sporz in wor retorn to The Premyaa Leegue.

Wor last game in the top flight woz against them az well and we gave them a 5 goal spankin'!
Dont expect that today but ANY kind of win wud be gratefully receeeved by us!

The doom and gloom merchants have been oot in force predictin a fight for survival!

Give them a chace---for gods sake!!!!

Full match report will appear here tomorrow
Lets hope its a good one!

Feedin time at the zoo
Its 10 50am bells az Toon fans desperate for a drink hammer on the door of The Bodega for them to let us in!

High noon bells   Bar Loco iz packed!

THE LEAZES ROOF FROM BAR LOCO (Upstairs)

A view to die for!

Half time 0  0

Toon playin well!

Pix to be added later  

no signal

Full time lost 2  0   shelvey sent off in 47th min which changed game az we were better team up til then!

Match report and pix tomoro