THE TOON 0 SPORZ 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 14th August 2017

The Toon attack 

The Leazes goal

"Jonjo presses self destruct button!"

Wor forst game back in the top fight woz not a happy one!
We started off well az we attacked The Leazes goal but within 6 minutes Paul Dummett had to leave the field with wot looked like a calf injury to be replaced by Lascelles.

And then in the 34th minute new boy Floran Lejeune woz 'sissor kicked' by Harry Kane and he had to leave the field with wot looked like a serious injury! (A great start on wor 'retorn'!)

We were the better team and shud have scored through Dwight Gayle but he fluffed hiz chance and we went in 0 0 at half time and very pleased with wor performance!

And then the game changer----Delle Alli held onto the baall and Jonjo Shelvey  gave him a slight push and he went doon like 'a  sack of taatys' and woz sent of in the 47th minute (from wor seats 'up in the gods' we didnt see that Shelvey had stamped on Alli's ankle!)

From then on it woz 'backs to the waall' az we tried to stop last seasons runners up!
Sporz then piled on the pressure az they attacked The Leazes goal and within 13 mins of Shelvey's sendin off they made the breakthrough when the man who had 'went doon like a sack of taatys' scored with a shot across the box!

10 mins later and it woz aall ower bar the shoutin when Ben Davis doubled their lead and the game in effect woz lost.

We tried gamely to battle on, but to no avail and Sporz hit the post late on, but it 'mattered not' az they wound the clock doon!

Ne points---ne goals-- 1 sendin off---2 injurys---3rd bottom of The Premyaa!
NOT a good day 'at the office'!

Toon team: Elliot  Manquillo  Lejeune (Mbemba 34)  Clark  Dummett (Lascelles 6)  Shelvey  Hayden  Richie  Perez  Atsu  Gayle (Merino 76)

Attendance: 52,077  (some empty seats in away section   3,000 happy Sporz fans!)

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!

Its  10 50am bells as desperate 

Toon fans hammer on the door 

of The Bodega to let them in! 

(Kick off woz at 1 30 bells 

so we went oot orly)

Fans catch the sun ootside

Bar Loco on Leazes Park Road

A view to die for!

You can just see 

The Leazes End roof

from upstairs in Bar Loco

Below

Inside Bar Loco

A group of Sporz fans (Sporz play in white!)

Pass Tilleys Bar on their way to

a 'burka bar'! (sic!)

THE TOON v SPORZ *** This afternooon!

Posted 10 30am bells Sunday 13th August 2017

The big day haz finally arrived  az we take on Sporz in wor retorn to The Premyaa Leegue.

Wor last game in the top flight woz against them az well and we gave them a 5 goal spankin'!
Dont expect that today but ANY kind of win wud be gratefully receeeved by us!

The doom and gloom merchants have been oot in force predictin a fight for survival!

Give them a chace---for gods sake!!!!

Full match report will appear here tomorrow
Lets hope its a good one!

Feedin time at the zoo
Its 10 50am bells az Toon fans desperate for a drink hammer on the door of The Bodega for them to let us in!

High noon bells   Bar Loco iz packed!

THE LEAZES ROOF FROM BAR LOCO (Upstairs)

A view to die for!

Half time 0  0

Toon playin well!

Pix to be added later  

no signal

Full time lost 2  0   shelvey sent off in 47th min which changed game az we were better team up til then!

Match report and pix tomoro

327 st george's park (pitch 6) v stoke u23s

Ground number 327
Date of First Visit: 11th August 2017
St George's Park  near Burton (pitch 6)

Stoke City U23s  3
Newcastle United  4 (Smith,Charman, Sangare,Gallacher)

FA Premier League 2
Attendance 182 (est) includin 6 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers

               "SPOT THE NUFC TEAM BUS!"


"The AABBBAA Effect!"

We set off from Tyneside in a convoy of 'car' with Biffa the Beer's car at the front (and back!)  We heeded for York to pick Dave from York and Alex of St George up where we swapped cars and went doon to Burton in Dave's
On arrival at the St George's Park complex 4 hours after leavin Tyneside we spotted a fellow saddo by the name of Glennn from Ashington, waalkin towards the main entrance

He'd travelled doon by train and had waalked more than 5 miles from Burton to get there!
Suprizingly there were ne security checks to get in and we simply drove straight past the many pitches scattered aroond the complex and parked up!

With not a bar in sight we reluctantly settled for cups of coffee and sausage rolls on sale ootside 'pitch 6', where the match woz takin' place an hour later!
A huge indoor hanger with pitches inside woz next to pitch 6 and we were telt that Alan Shearer had a pitch named after him 'next door' (pitch 8)
'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' then torned up to make it a 'super six saddo' contingent who had made the jorney doon!

Stoke iz some 30 miles distant from St George's Park and seems a strange venue to play 'home games' for them and so it prooved az  the number of fans at kick off time woz less than 200 in this 499 capacity groond-situated on the side of the pitch with grass banks aroond the rest! (I assumed that the stand must have 499 seats?)

We started off well and took the lead at The NUFC Team Bus End (where  the team bus woz parked!) through Liam Smith in the 5th minute with a side footed effort in the box
We dominated play aftaa this and shud have had more, but it took until the 40th minte to increase wor lead when a Barlaser shot woz parried oit by the Stoke keeper to the feet of Charman who fired into the net.
 Stoke pulled one back  dead on half time against the run of play through Javis!

Then disaster struck in 2nd half when through Javis and Barbir Stoke took the lead for the fost time and aall looked lost az they piled on the
pressure!
BUT! we wornt finished az sub Sangre shot into the roof of the net from a Barlaser pass to level things in the 81st minute at The Alan Shearer Pitch End!  (Where Shearers pitch woz situated---It HAD to be folks!)
And then 'utopia' 4 mins later when anotha supersub by the name of Gallacher ran through the Stoke defence and hit a shot which richoshaded off the near post and into the goal to win the gameaz the six saddos who had travelled doon celebrated  wildly!

The new ABBA penalty shoot rules had been applied--- only in this case it woz the AABBBAA effect! (Get it?)

More pix below!

THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE U23s v THE TOON U23s *** tooneet

Posted 1:00 pm bells Friday 11th August 2017
Updated throughoot the evenin' and the orly hours of Saturday mornin'

We are off to St Georges Park tooneet where wor U23s are playin Stoke' equivelent at '7 bells'

Periodic updates and pix will appear here at half and full time from Ing-er-land's trainin complex near Borton on Trent!

Pre match pix of complex

Half time

The P*ss Potts 1

The Toon 2  

Liam Smith 5th minute shot

Luke Charman 40th minute shot

Stoke goal bang on half time

Full time

The P*ss Potts 3

The Toon 4

Stoke scored twice to put them 3-2 up and the game looked dead az far az we were concerned BUT! we hit hit back with goals from supersubs Mo Sangre and Owen Gallacher whos shot went in off the post to win it 4-3  with 5 minutes remainin!**** FANTASTIC!

Attendance 182 (est) inc 6  NUFC mad sad groundhoppers!

Pix of action below

Full match report tomorrow!

The match woz played on 

pitch 6 of the 

St George's Park complex

LEEGUE CUP LOTTERY FOR MAD SAD GROUNDHOPPERS

Posted '11 30pm bells' Wednesday 9th August 2017 ( Somewhere next to Sherwood Forest on the A614!)

The 1st roond ties have aalmost been completed and there iz a possibility of 5 new groonds in the 2nd roond draw which takes place at '10 bells' tomorrow neet
(PS there are 30 that we have been te before!)

And they are*** ROCHDALE*** MK DONS **** BARNET *** BRISTOL ROVERS and NEWPORT!

GET THE PRAYER MATS OOT!

Updated '12 45am bells' Friday 11th August 2017 @ Woodall Sorvices on the M1

The prayer mat didnt work but at least we got a home tie against 'The Friar Tuck Mob' of Nottingham!
Tie to be played week commensin' 21st August

"Have you heard the news?
Forest have drawn 'The Toon'
away in the League Cup!"

WORRYING NEWS FROM RAFA!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 9th August 2017

With just days to gan before wor forst game back in the Premyaa Leegue we hear that 'Rafa the Gaffa' is prepairin hiz squad for a forthcomin relegation battle az wor current crop of players (he feels) isnt strong enough!
(Daily Mail article)
The article states that Rafa iz angry with wor owner that promises made on new recruits have not materialised! <(we naa aall the big words!)

Wor own take iz that we need at least anothaa striker and strengthenin in midfield and at the back (ie we still need 4 or 5 new players in these positions)

Hopefully, we will have some more new player, come transfor deadline day and we wont be involved in a dog fight at the bottom!
 The Geordie Times predicts that we will finish 14th in the table, come next May! (Iz that wishful thinkin---or what!?)

NUFC MAD SAD GROUNDHOPPIN' NEWS!

Posted '1 00pm bells' Tuesday 8th August 2017

Excitin' news reaches The Geordie Times that wor U23s forst game of the season away to 'The P*ss Potters of Stoke' iz to be played at the Ingerland trainin' complex at Burton upon Trent!
St George's Park will host the game this comin' Friday at '7 bells' and aall are welcome and admission iz FREE!
Yoo can bet your bottom dollar the the mad sad groundhoppers will be there in force!
 (6 to 8 of us!)

Watch this space for more of this later this week!

THE TOON 2 THE HELLAS ANGELS OF VERONA 0 *** FRIENDLY

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 7th August 2017
Updated with pix

On a rain sodden pitch NUFC totally dominated wor Italian opponents and it took us just 4 minutes to break the deadlock when Perez fired home at The Leazes End from a through pass from new boy Manquillo

Wor lead woz doubled just 8 miutes later when  Shelvey knocked the baall doon the left hand side of the pitch and Atsu slid the baall into the net!

After this we shud have had more goals az attack after attack followed, but we couldn't find the net again and went in just 2-0 up at the half time interval

Verona played a bit better in the 2nd period but The Toon were still the much better team and the woodwork woz hit by Richie at The Gallowgate End where we were situated

The game ended 2-0 but it shud have been 5 or 6 to 'us'!

TOON TEAM (that started!) Elliot, Manuillo, Lejeune, Clark, Dummett, Richie, Hayden, Shelvey, Atsu, Perez, Mitrovic
'Super subs'!: Darlow, Gamez, Lascelles, Mbemba, Aarons, Murphy, Merino, ,De Jong, Diame (20 players used!)

Attendance: just under 24,000 includin' 300 or so 'Hellas Angels' who were jammed into the corner section between The Leazes End and East Stand
More pix to follow later!

The Toon pre and post match pub crawl took place here!

From top to bottom
Pic 1 TheBodega, Westgate Road
Pic 2 Grumpy Stumpy on the scrumpy!
His 3rd pint of slimline cider in 30 mins!
Pic 3 The Leazes End Club, Leazes Park Road
Pic 4 Grandson Jamie enjoys hiz coke beer!
Pic 5 Dinzzy 'on the hoy'!
Pic 6 Grumpy Stumpy post match on hiz 16th or 17th slimline cider!

GEORDIE TIMES *** A GROVELLING APOLOGY!

Posted '9 19pm bells' Sunday 6th August 2017

Wor attempt to de a live picture stream of todays game v Verona didnt gan to plan and az we tried to download pix at half time it wouldnt work!
It simply wouldnt download the 1st half pix we had taken!?

Someone said it might be due to the metal and height of the stands and the signals might be blocked because of this! (Both The Milburn and Leazes stands roofs tower 150 feet above the pitch!)

So (for this reason) in the future we will anly de live stream match reports at the end of games when we are away from the groond in the confines of the nearest drinkin dens, where internet receptions are much better!

A full match report (and pix!) will now appear here sometime tomorrow!

THE TOON v VERONA *** LIVE PICTURE STREAM FROM 'HIGH NOON BELLS' ONWARDS!

The Bodega, Westgate Road

GRUMPY STUMPYY 

ON THE SCRUMPY

(HIS 3RD PINT 

IN 3O MINUTES!)

THE LEAZES END CLUB, LEAZES PARK ROAD

Pre match warm up and 1st  half avction photos

FULL TIME

TOON 2 VERONA 0

PEREZ  ATSU