'UDDERSFIELD YORKSHIRE TERRIERS v THE TOON *** TOMORROW TEATIME!

Posted '12:45pm bells' Friday 3rd March 2017

Tomorrow we mek the relatively short trip to West Yorkshire when we take on 'The Terriers of 'uddersfield at The McAlpine Stadium ---We say 'McAlpine' az that's wot the groond woz caalled when we forst played there in a Youth Cup game sometime ago! (now caalled 'The John Smiths Stadium')
We've aalso played their twice with wor forst team in friendlies, but this will be the forst ever competitive meetin' between the 2 clubs for a forst team game there, since the new stadium woz opened in 1994

Of course it iz vital that we don't lose az the home side (who are 8 points behind us) aalso have a game in hand!
Just like at Brighton, this iz 'a six pointer' and hopefully we can get the same result!?

I am still workin' on the final Brighton story report---and az aa aalways seem to be travellin' somewhere with The Toon or 'graft', it's gettin' the time to de it----pleeeze be patient!

I am on the 12:50 bells train tomorrow and will arrive in deepest Yorkshire some 2 hours later (KO '5:30 bells' for the telly!)

A match report of the game will appear here sometime on Sunday

Cheers! Fink (the mad sad groundhopper!)

NE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTON 1 THE TOON 2 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '1:17pm bells' Wednesday 1st March 2017

THE TOON (in black n gold) ATTACK 'WOR END'!

"TOO LITTLE-TOOO LATE!" ("OH NO IT'S NOT!")

Below iz a brief match report in between gettin' back from Brighton (10:45am bells') and gannin' to graft this afternoon to drive to Redditch and back ('2:00pm bells')
There WILL be a full match and compreeehesive trip report later in the week!---Pleeeze bear with me!

We started off well in this top of the table clash at Amex Stadium which iz 'ne where near Brighton' in a place called Falmer (hence the title of this article!)

However!---and for some inexplicable reason in the 14th minute of the game the ref gave a penalty against us, when it looked (to us) az if wor goalie Karl Darlow had been fouled!
Up stepped Murray to send Darlow the wrang way and give Brighton the lead in front of a sell oot crowd!


JONJO SHELVEY SENDS IN A CORNER


That's the way it stayed til half time and we battled away in the 2nd period lookin' for the equaliser!
The clock ticked on and it didn't look good az a defeat would put us 4 points behind Brighton with an away game on Saturday loomin' against high flyin' 'uddersfield, who were 'breathin doon wor necks' in 3rd place!

THE TOON ATTACK 'THE FAR END' (2nd half)

The definin' moment of this game came in the 74th minute when we made a substitution and brought Murphy on for the ineffective Colback!
A fan behind me wasn't happy and started singin' "Too little-tooo late!" az he berated Rafa for wot he saw az a late substitution.
'Bill Quay Kev', who woz next to me, torned roond and telt him in ne uncertaion torms to "F**K OFF!" and support anothaa team if he wasn't happy, addin' that we would win 2-1!

To be honest 'Kev' had had a bit to drink and aa thought that there woz 'ne way' that we could win this game anyway!---a draw, mebbez?
Daryl Murphy definitely changed the game az we put the pressure on the home side---and then the major breakthrough!
A shot from Perez richshaded off somebody and hit Diame on hiz heel and the baall looped into the net past the dispairin Brighton defence in the 81st minute to send the 2,900 Toon fans crackers!
(Justice for the dodgy penalty!)
(Diame had previously missed 2 easy chances!--1 in each half!)

A point iz better than nowt aa thought, but 'Bill Quay Kev' (he lives in Bill Quay on the banks o the Tyne!) insisted we would win 2-1!

And then in the very last minute of the game up stepped 'super sub' Perez (who had come on in the 82nd minute) to hammer the baall into the net and win the game for us, az several Toon fans fell ower the seats in front of me, celebratin' the winnin' goal!!!
(The 'doom and gloom' fan behind us had departed by then!)

How wrang aa woz and how right Kev woz aboot the final score(and how WRANG that 'fan'? woz to 'give up on us')
Top o the leegue again!---JUST!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Richie, Shelvey, Colback (Murphy 74), Atsu, Diame, Gouffran (Perez 82)

Attendance: 30,230 (Brighton's highest of the season) (2,900 very happy Toon fans!)

Pre match 'gargels' took place here!

The Northumberland Arms, King's Cross (Before we caught the train to Brighton)

 

Much more to follow on this in the comin' days---when aa get time!------watch this space!!!!

The Lord Nelson, Brighton

Near Brighton station

TOTAL CHAOS!
We had to queue for half an hour an hour before the game
 to catch a train from Brighton to Falmer station, where the groond iz
some SIX miles away!

 

(NE WHERE NEAR) BRIGHTON v THE TOON ***TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '12:27pm bells' Munday 28th February 2017

"THORD TIME LUCKY?"

Tomorrow we face wor langest jorney of the season when we travel to (ne where near) Brighton (the groond iz 6 miles away in aplace caalled Falmer!)

This iz a vital game and defeat iz un'fink'able
This will be wor thord visit to their new abode, with the previous 2 endin' in FA Cup defeats!

We are on the 10:59 bells' train in the mornin' and don't get back til Wednesday dinnaatime---THEN!---a'v got to gan straight to graft and drive to Redditch once again---SO!--the match report wont appear here til Thorsday!!!
This IZ 'The Geordie Times' after aall!----wot did yoo expect???

THE TOON 2 THE BIG BRISTOLS 2 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '11:38am bells' Sunday 26th February 2017

THE TOON KICK OFF!

"IT'S CRUNCH TIME FOLKS!"

After puttin' an aaful forst half permormance, when we foond worsels 2-0 doon to relegation fodder Bristol City, things looked ominous when we foond oot that 'uddersfield were winnin' 1-0 at Barnsleee and were now 'breathin doon wor necks'!

A free heeder for Wilbraham in the 11th minute at The Gallowgate End put the visitors in front--but!---woz it offside?----the linesman on wor side of the pitch said "NO!" and the goal stood!

And then an aaful mix up between and Paul Dummett and goalie Karl Darlow let in Cotterill, who had the simple task of puttin' the baall into an empty net (just like at Norwich!) to send shock waves around St James' Park az the 'shocked' *'Big Bristol' fans celebrated an unlikelee 2-0 lead at half time! *(they are 'bigger' than Bristol Rovers!)

The comeback started just before the hour mark when Jonjo Shelvey forced home the baall from an Atsu cross to send the away contingent into 'panic station mode'!

The equaliser came after great chances were missed, when Ciaran Clark heeded home to lift the roof off the stadium in the 83rd minute!----There woz still time to get the winner and the vital 3 points and Shelvey had a great chance to de this just before the end , but hiz shot went across the box and behind for a goal kick!

A point gained but 2 lost, but better news from Barnslee---it ended 1-1 meenin' that 'uddersfield hadn't gained anythin' on us and remained 5 points adrift in thord place!
Brighton won the late kick off game v Readin' 3-0 to gan 1 point clear of us in top spot!
We play away to Brighton on Tuesday neet--- (and like we say at the top of the page)---"It's crunch time folks!"

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Dummett, Clark, Lascelles, Colback (Diame 58), Shelvey, Perez (Gouffran 79), Mitrovic, Atsu, Richie

Attendance: 52, 131 (2,700 away followers)

* 

THE TOON v THE BIG BRISTOLS *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th February 2017

STRAWBERRY CORNER

'The Big Bristols' come to Toon tomorrow (whey!--they are a bigger club than Bristol Rovers ---arnt they!?) on the back of 11 away defeats this season and languish just above the relegation zone, havin' lost 2-0 at home to Fulham in midweek and have taken just 5 points oot of the last 39!---A sure fire 3 points for us then!?---"EH!" this IZ NUFC divvint forget!!!

We understand that wor visitors have sold ower 2,600 tickets for 'The Leazes level 7', so anothaa 50,000 plus crowd iz anticipated!

Dwight Gayle iz again sidelined after hiz aborted retorn on Munday neet v Villa and we hear that he will be oot til next month with hiz recurrin' hamstring injury!
Vernon Anita iz available though, although both Arrons and Hayden are both still carryin' injuries and will not play!

'Doris Day' haz passed us by and the weather forecast iz good for this time of the year---although it could be a bit windy---like!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here--sometime on Sunday or Munday!

THE TOON 2 BROKEN NOSE BRUCE'S HAZBEENZ & VILLANS 0 ***EFL 2016-2017

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 21st February 2017

"WOT GANS AROOND!--COMES AROOND!"




GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE! ***
"LANSBURY (NUMBER 5) OWN GOAL!-HA!-HA!"
(PICTURE BY STEEV WHO WOZ BEHIND GOAL!)


'Villan of the peace' Henri Lansbury, (who cheated when we played Forest away orlier this season, resultin' in 2 sendins off for NUFC), woz roundly booed throughout the match, az woz that 'round' person in the away dugout, affectionately known az 'Broken Nose Bruce' to Toon fans!

Again, we struggled to break doon the away teams defence @ SJP and the 1,700 or so 'Hazbeenz' fans in level 7 of The Leazes End (they couldn't sell their 3,200 allocation!) slagged us off from the forst whistle!
"Sing in the library!" and "We forgot that you were here!", were just 2 of the very old and outdated chants that they 'hoyed' at us!

Worryingly, Dwight Gayle, who had just returned from injury limped off after half an hour with wot looked like a hamstring injury and woz replaced by 'Mitro'



1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL

We did eventually make the breakthrough in the 43rd minute when Gouffran scrambled the baall home az it came off Lascelles heed from a Shelvey corner at The Leazes End and we went in 1-0 up at half time!

It didn't take lang in the 2nd period to double wor advantage when anothaa corner from Shelvey ended up in the back of the net!
We wernt sure who'd scored and aa thought it might be an own goal!?
The tannoy announcer confirmed that indeed it woz an own goal, and woz scored by 'one' HENRI LANSBURY who had hit hiz own post before the baall rickoshaded into the Villa goal!
There woz a huge roar--louder than the roar for the goal, when this woz announced and Lansbury looked a broken man az he heeded back to the half way line for the restart!
Taak aboot s*ittin' in your own nest!!!---"GET IN!"

He then had to suffer sarcastic taunts of "There's only one Henri Lansbury!", from the Toon faithful az 'The Hazbeenz & Villans' fans suddenly went aall quiet (like in a LIBRARY!--"HA!-HA!")

SHELVEY TAKES A CORNER AT THE GALLOWGATE END

We could have had more goals, but couldn't make wor superiority coont az the clock ticked doon and the Villa fans disappeared into the night!
The team, the manager the player and the fans we love to hate (after they mocked wor relegation in 2009 and last year) were in disarray and a relegation battle looms for them!
"Couldn't ask for a better ending!"---"BRILLIANT!"

Toon team: Darlow, Lascelles, Yedlin, Clark, Dummett, Shelvey, Colback, Richie, Gouffran (Atsu 88), Diame, Gayle (Mitrovic 33)

Attendance: 50,024 (just 1,760 'Hazbeenz &Villans')
*

"GET THE FLAGS OOT!"

THE TOON v BROKEN NOSE BRUCE & HIZ HAZBEENZ & VILLANS *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '10:20am bells' Munday 20th February 2017

VIEW OF BARRACK ROAD FROM 'LEVEL 7'
OF THE MILBURN STAND

Broken Nose Bruce brings hiz Villa side to SJP tooneet havin' lost their last 4 away games and languishin' in 17th place in the table just 6 points above the relegation zone!---But wot did 'The Hazbeenz' fans expect from him?---Relegated with Hull and humiliated at The Toon in the 5-1 hall'oween derby massacre in 2010, which subsequently lost him hiz job az the SMB manager!
Indeed, they haven't won since Boxin' Day when they beat Borton 2-1 at their place! (keep up the good work Brucey!)

We, on the othaa hand sit in 2nd place, havin' lost top spot to 'Ne Where Near Brighton' on Saturday (their groond iz miles away from Brighton!) but a win will see us reclaim top spot (yet!) again! 

Wor visitors have sold just 1,760 tickets from their 2,200 allocation (they could have had 3,200), but a near full hoose iz still expected in this Sky telly game at '8:00 bells'

Of course there iz 'bad blood' between the 2 sets of fans started of by those in the Holte End of Villa Park with banners 'celebratin' wor relegation in 2009 and last season az well!

Who's THEIR next messiah? Nigel Kennedy or Jasper Carrott???

A near full strength squad will be available tooneet---but this IZ NUFC of course and anythin' can happen!!!!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!

FOOTNOTE:
The 'RONNY-GILL' gets it WRANG again!
In the build up to toneets game @ ST JAMES' PARK, wor local 'rag' printed this photo and caption!? 

THE WHITLEY BAYWATCHERS 2 DUNSTON BAD BLUE BOYS 1 *** NORTHERN LEAGUE

Posted '10:10am bells' Sunday 19th February 2017

'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' (in RED!) MISS A PENALTY!
ATTENDANCE 347 (PLUS A LITTLE WHITE DOGGY!)

With ne Toon game til Munday neet it woz decided to get wor Saturday 'fix' at Northern Leegue Whitley Bay, where they were playin' wor fave non leegue side, 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston'!
A bus and Metro ride later and we were in Monkseaton station where a new 'micro bar' iz situated caalled 'The Left Luggage Room', which (beleeeve it or not!) woz the old 'left luggage room' at the station!
'We', bein' 'me', 'The Silver Fox', hiz better half 'Babs' and 'Grumpy Stumpy', who woz on the SCRUMPY! 

A pint of 'Aussie Pale' at 7% woz on the menu for me and it went doon quite niceleee---thank yoo very much!

"TUT!--TUT!--BAALDY NUT!"

It woz then 'onward' to 'The Phoenix Tap' where a pint of 'down market' 'John Smith's' woz consumed, before heedin' for 'The Seahorse Pub' just up the road where the groond woz!

The pub iz actually inside the groond and yoo have to gan through the tornstiles to get to it!
Old Toon fan 'Keith the Flag' woz there with fower mates who had travelled up from Bath in Somerset for the Toon's game against 'The Hazbeenz & Villans'----the anly trouble woz!!!!-----they'd booked their hotel and train travel for the Saturday and Sunday, but the game woz moved to the Munday neet for live telly and they couldn't change their arrangements!---and so Whitley v Dunston it woz for them, before heedin' back to Bath the next day and MISSIN' the Toon v Villa game!

Anyway!--it woz soon time to heed for the terraces and a canny crowd which I predicted woz between 300-400 were assembled---quite a few of them from Dunston az well!


DUNSTON ATTACK 'THE TWENTY TREES END' (1st half)

It didn't take the home side lang to tek the lead when Robertson scored after just 3 minutes!---That's the way it stayed til half time when 'on the referees whistle' we made a 'mad dash' for 'The Seahorse bar'!
FIVE minutes after the restart we came back oot to find that 'The Bad Blue Boys' (who were playin' in RED!) had equalised from the penalty spot when we were still in the bar! (they could have waited for us--the b*stards!)

"HAIR WE GO!--HAIR WE GO!--HAIR WE GO!"

Dunston were gettin' on top after this and got anothaa penalty at the mid point of the half---aa got mee camera phone oot to tek a picture, but they MISSED this time!? (we shud have stayed in the club and they might have scored it!?)

And then at 'the death' and deep into injury time, 'heartbreak' az 'The Baywatchers' scrambled the baall into the net when Anderson bundled it ower the line to win the game for them!

It woz then a bus ride back to the Toon where we heeded for 'The Newcastle Arms' for somemore 'liquid lubrication' to drown wor sorrows!

"WE WOZ THERE!"

MATCH TICKET (ACTUAL SIZE!)
 

CANARY CUSTARD'S REPORT *** NOW WITH PIX!

Posted '12:30pm bells' Friday 17th February 2017

The completed 'Norwich story' iz finally online --includin' pix!

(3 days late!---but this IZ 'The Geordie Times'!)
(Wot did yoo expect???)

058 carrow road norwich (revisited 2017)

Ground number 058 (revisited 2017)

Date of this Visit: 14^th February 2017

Carrow Road, Norwich

 

Norwich City 2

Newcastle United 2 (Perez, Lascelles)

 

EFL Championship

Attendance: 26,841 (ower 1,800 Toon fans)

 

“HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU!”

 

"GOAL!"---PEREZ SCORES AFTER 23 SECONDS!"
(View from crap £35 seat in row 2 next to the corner flag!)

Followin’ on from wor trip to Wolves the previous Saturday (see Wolves match report below) it woz a case of da va ju az aa had the same situation of 4 days before (lang  truck jorney—followed by little sleep –followed by lang train jorney to match!)

 

Mal the Inglish Skool Teechaa <(hiz spellin’ not mine!) had taken ‘devotion to duty’ to new extremes, for Mal had driven hiz car doon to Norwich on the Friday neet before the Wolves game, checked into a Travel Lodge near Norwich’s groond and caught a train the next mornin’ to Peterborough and then onward to Wolves from there!

And the reason he did this (az we wornt playin’ Norwich til the followin’ Tuesday) WOZ---he couldn’t leave lessons at the skool where he works on the day of Norwich game til 3:30 bells—not enough time to drive to Norfolk for the 7:45 bells’ kick off az it would have probably took him 5 hours to drive there through heavy traffic on the A1 the narrow windin’ Norfolk roads!

Hiz plan woz to catch a train to Peterborough and then to Norwich from there, (which would take considerably less time) and make the kick off with time to spare!

And then drive back through the neet az he had to be back at skool orly the next mornin’ (ne trains back of course after the match, that neet) (hence the car jorney back!)

Total madness if yoo ask me---BUT ‘duty caalled’

 

 

I, on the othaa hand, had to gan to graft on the day after the game and the train times back the next day meant aa wouldn’t get back til mid Wednesday afternoon---tooo late for mee shift!

SO!---my plan woz slightly different---get train(s) to Norwich and ‘cadge’ a lift back in Mal’s car

BUT!—the anly problem woz that Mal lives in Darlo---a lang way from my Tyneside abode!

Mal said he would put me up in hiz spare room at hiz hoose and give me a lift to Darlo station the next morning’ to catch an orly train back to the Toon---and so (az yi de that’s wot aa decided to de!)

(I HOPE YOO ARE FOLLOWIN’ AALL THIS?)

 



ANYWAY!—After anothaa night truck run to Redditch on Munday neet, aa managed to grab 4 hours kip from 3:30am to 7:30 bells’ before draggin’ meesel oot mee ‘scratch pit’and heed for ‘The Central’ once again and then onward to Norwich via Peterborough---

1st 'LIQUID LUBRICATION STOP'--BETWEEN TRAINS AT PETERBOROUGH!

 

                                                                                     

THE TRAIN JORNEY BETWEEN PETERBOROUGH AND NORWICH
"IZ THAT THE STADIUM OF SHITE?"

We arrived 4 hours before kick off and heeded for wor fave haunts doon here (The Woolpack, Murderers Arms etc!) before heedin’ for the match!

THE WOOLPACK



A SIGN INSIDE THE WOOLPACK!



 

 

MURDERERS ARMS

Thankfully Mal had ‘made it’  with 50 minutes to spare and we made a dream start when Perez fired home with just 23 SECONDS!

TOON FANS CELEBRATE PEREZ'Z GOAL!
(SORRY ABOOT THE BLURRED PICTURE!
I'D HAD A 'CANNY FEW' BEFORE THE MATCH!) 

But the ‘dream soon torned into a ‘nighmare’ when in the 12^th minute Lascelles slipped and let in Jarome who centred for Murphy, who had the easy task of sliddin’ the baall into wor net to level the scores.

Just 5 minutes later Darlow made a comple hash of a clearance and sliced the baall straight to Jarome who had the simple task of puttin’ the baall into the net az he celebrated BEFORE the baall had crossed the goal line! (2-1 to them HT)

We had several chances to equalise but Lascelles made up for hiz orlier missteak by vollyin’ a shot into the roof of the net with just 9 minutes left on the clock!

SHELVEY CORNER (2nd half)

Perez then missed a great chance to win the game, which ended aall square! (a point iz better than nowt!)

 

After the match it woz back to Mal’s car which had now been there 5 days! And we heeded back up the A47 and A1, arrivin’ at Mal’s abode at ‘2 bells’ in the mornin’!

A few hours kip later “ZZZZzzzz!!!!” and it woz off to Darlo Station to catch the 7:45 bells’ train to ‘The Central’

A couple of more hours kip at yem and then it woz ‘back to the grind’ and the 430 miles roond trip to deepest Worcestershire yet again!
(I woz divorted, 444 miles roond trip!)

 

The things yi de to follow The Toon!

 

"WE WOZ THERE!"

Aaltogether now: (To the tune of “Hopelessly Devoted To You” by Olivia Newton John:

“When Perez gets to the ball!—you can bet your bottom dollar!

It will end up in the goal!---and the Geordie Fans will holler!

From my heart to my soul!

We’re hopelessly devoted to yooo oo-oo-oo-oooooo!”