THE TOON v SPORZ *** BEGGIN' LETTERS AND APOLOGEEEZ!

Posted '10:00am bells' Sunday 15th May 2016

Within half an hour of wor relegation on Wednesday neet wor beloved MD known affectionately to Toon fans az 'Penfold' 'penned' me letter of apology via 'e mail'! (How did he manage to 'pen it' so quickly?---waz he waitin' for the final whistle at The SOS?)  ---And then 'The Fat Controller' came oot with hiz 'own'? 'apology' on Friday, which he had obviously written from a prepared script ----- written ne doubt by 'Penfold'!?

'The Ronny Gill' then got in on the act TWO DAYS in a row on Friday and Saturday with front page headline beggin' letters, pleadin' with 'Rafa the Gaffa' to stay and help us bounce back!!!???
20,000 plus signatures have been added to a petition beggin' Rafa to stay----these are desperate times indeed!!!!

Aall too little tooo late I'm afraid, in wot haz torned oot to be a disastrous season--and az Radio 5 Live said the othaa neet, at EIGHTY MILLION QUID, the most expensive team ever to be relegated!

Where's the apology from wor cheeef scout then????

OH! I nearly forgot!--- there's a little matter of a meaningless match at SJP this afternoon!!!!!

Full match report sometime on Munday!!!  

"LIKE A DAGGER THROUGH THE HEART!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 12th May 2016

Yesterday's devastatin' result (but not unexpected!) haz now condemned us to the 'abyss' once again for the 2nd time 7 years under 'The Fat Controller's 'leadership'????

The fact that relegation to 'The Championship' waz inflicted by wor fiercest and most hated rivals, makes wor demotion even worse, on a very black and dark day in wor history!----which iz totally beyond comprehension!

Honestly!---This ranks alang side wor FA Cup defeats to non leegue 'YEE NAA WHO' in 1972 and wor 3-0 FA Cup final defeat to Liverpool 2 years after that!

It feels like a dagger haz been plunged into wor hearts and been twisted for 'good measure'!

THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '9:47pm bells' Sunday 8th May 2016

In 'The Welly' near New Street station, Bormingham---post match!

"CLUTCHIN' AT STRAWS!"

A game we simpleee HAD to win was played oot in a 'funeral parlour atmosphere', az we failed to find the net to secure the 3 points we desperately needed!
The forst half waz dire stuff indeed az we stuttered miserably with hardly a shot of any note, with 'every other pass' gannin' astray!
Beach balls were hoyed onto the pitch by disgruntled home fans in protest at their relegation from the top flight with stewards simply 'hoyin them back' into the crowd so they could de the same thing again? rather than get a 'pin' to borst them!

1st half action az The Toon attack the Holte End

'The Hazbeenz' fans really hate us for some unbeknown reason and celebrated wildely when they hord that the SMBs had scored at the SOS, chantin' "Your goin' down with the Villa!"

Jack Colback missed a great chance to put us in the lead with 6 minutes on the clock in the 2nd half, when he blazed a shot ower from inside the box!---Mitrovic later aalso missed a great chance when he tried to lob the keeper rather than heed the baall into the net and theeze were the anly real chances of the entire game that we had to secure a much needed away victory!

2nd half action at The Witton End---
spot the Villa fans disguised az empty blue seats!

It wasn't to be of course and we now find worsels one point behind the mackems with an inferior goal difference AND one game played more than them!---Shud they beat Everton on Wednesday neet, then wor fate will be well and truly sealed!


THE CURSE OF VILLA PARK!

We were relegated here in 1978 and 2009 and virtually relegated here yesterday!---ie: Villa Park iz NOT a place we like very much---that's for SURE!
'The Toffee Noses' of Everton are now the anly team who can save wor skins and help us avoid the abysss @ the SOS on Wednesday---"Come on yoo blues!" *

Toon team (who didn't torn up!) : Darlow, Anita, Lascelles, Mbemba, Dummett, Tiote (Perez 69), Colback (De Jong 90), Toonsend, Sissoko, Wijnaldum, Cisse, (Mitrovic 52)

Attendance: 33,055 (3,000 Toon fans who got ne response despite supportin' the team throughout!) (9,000 empty seats!) *

THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS v THE TOON *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '2:20pm bells' Friday 6th May 2016

"LAST CHANCE SALOON!"

"Do not forsake me oh my darlings!"

We gan into wor last away game of the season away to the aalready relegated 'Hazbeenz & Villians' and yet again anly a win will de!

Aall 3,000 away tickets were sold oot ages ago and despite the fact that in the home sections there will be many thoosands of light blue and claret empty seats, Villa have refused to increase wor allocation of tickets!---So divvint be surprised to see Toon fans in The Holte End and else where, although the best idea would be to keep a 'low profile' to avoid gettin' hoyed oot by 'The 'Dibble'!

With 'Delia's 'Canary Custard Creams' and the SMBs havin' tough games at home against Man U and Chelski respectively, we can (hopefully!) take advantage and hope (and pray!) that 'The Manc Muppets' and 'The Kings Road OAPs' can de us a massive favour and beat wor relegation rivals!

If this happens and 'we' can win az well, then we will be FOWER points clear of 'the abyss'----anything else will be an unmitigated disaster!!!!

We are on the '7:30 bells' train in the mornin' to New Street (Bormingham) and are heedin' for 'The Welly' which iz on a hill not too far from the station for the pre match 'gargels'!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime on Sunday OR Munday---dependin' on the above results!!!

NOT! IN THE DRIVIN' SEAT YET!

Posted '10:47am bells' Munday 2nd May 2016

Results ower the weekend meen that we are oot of the bottom 3 with just 2 games to gan, 1 clear of 'The SMBs' and 2 clear of 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' who languish in 2nd bottom place!

However!!!--both wor rivals have games in hand which they play on Wednesday week ,when the mackems are at home to Everton and Norwich are at home to Watford!

A win for us at 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' next Saturday and defeats for both 'The SMBs' who are at home to Chelski and 'The Custards' who are at home to Man U, will then put us FOWER points clear of the drop zone!
Of course any othaa results would be a disaster on Saturday and it looks very likely that it will gan doon to the last day of the season (for the 2nd year runnin'!) when we play title chasers Sporz

However!!!--a draw or a defeat for Sporz at Chelski toneet in "west Landan" would meen that they WOULD NOT be able to win the Leegue at 'wor place' and that Lestaa City would be crowned champions!
We need aall the help we can get! "Come on Chelski!" (toneet AND Saturday!)


Updated: '10:20pm bells'

Sporz anly drew at Chelski meenin' that they CANNIT now win the Leegue @ SJP a week on Sunday!
'The Basil Brush Brigade' are champions!---whoever would have believed that at the start of the season???

THE TOON 1 THE CRYSTAL BAALLS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '12:57pm bells' Sunday 1st May 2016

ANDROS TOONSEND (right hand side of box) HITS AN UNSTOPPABLE
SHOT PAST THE PALACE KEEPER
(Geordie Times excluuusive pic from The Milburn Stand balcony!)

For the forst time in ower 3 months we are oot of the bottom 3 thanx no less to Andros Toonsend and Karl Darlow!

Pardew's Palace came for a point---ne more--ne less--and they frustrated the crowd by continual time wastin' in the forst period!

The major breakthrough came in the 58th minute @ The Leazes End when Andros Toonsend hit an unstoppable free kick from the edge of the box to beat Hennessey in the Palace goal--aall ends up!

This sent most of the 52,000 crowd into raptures az the roof waz nearly lifted off the stadium!

A disgraceful penalty decision came in the 70th minute when the visitors were awarded a bafflin' penalty for 'hand baall' accordin' to the ref???
Yohan Cabaye <(remember him?) stepped up to take it and hiz spot kick waz brilliantly saved by Karl Darlow who dived to hiz left to parry the baall away to safety---and this save drew even LOUDER NOISE from the Toon faithful!

6 minutes stoppage time waz played az we bit wor fingers and tore wor hair oot and finally the ref blew for full time az we celebrated wildly---News that The SMBs had drawn at Stoke due to an injury time penalty and later on that Norwich had lost to 'The Arse' meant that we had climbed oot of the 'abyss'!---although both wor rivals have a game in hand!

"Bring on The Villa!" <(next Saturday away!)

Toon team: Darlow, Anita (Shelvey 88), Dummett, Tiote, Mbemba, Lascelles, Colback, Wijnaldum (Perez  80), Sissoko, Cisse (Mitrovic 72), Toonsend

Attendance: 52, 107 (1,800 Crystal Baalls!)  *

DAFT TOMMY RIP

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 29th April 2016

"LITTLE WHITE BULL!" WAZ TOMMY'S FAVORITE SONG.
HE USED TO STAND ON THE CRASH BARRIERS IN THE
OLD 'GALLOWGATE END' AND SING IT TO THE CROWD IN THE 1970's! 

Sad news reached us last Sunday that a Toon fan known az Daft Tommy (Tommy Crane) passed away at the age of 70.
This haz now been conformed and we make ne apology for diggin' this little gem up again from wor visit to Sheffield United some 44 years ago on April Fools Day 1972! (see below!)

RIP 'DAFT TOMMY'! --"Yoo will NEVAA be forgotten!"

"Aaltogethaa now!---"Once apon a time there was a little white bull!"---"LITTLE WHITE BULL!!!"

THE TOON v THE CRYSTAL BAALLS *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Updated '11:49am bells' Friday 29th April 2016

ACTION FROM LAST SEASON'S GAME @ SJP!
(A 3-3 DRAW!)

We gan into the next game against Pardew's Palace tomorrow afternooon knowin' that a win will take us oot the bottom 3 IF the SMBs and Norwich lose!

It's definitely 'squeeeky bum time' and the next week or so will surely define which direction we will be heedin' next season?-----
(The M62 to Manchester and Liverpool--OR!---the M1/A38 to Rotherham, Burton and beyond!)

At the time of writin', the game iz heedin' for a complete sell-oot---no thanx to Palace, mind, who returned quite a few tickets!

Since Xmas Palace have anly won ONE oot of EIGHTEEN games and gained just 10 points oot of a possible 54, which actually worse than wor retorn of 13 points from 54 in the same period!
Wor home record isn't that bad of late. We have played 7 home games since the start of the year, winnin' 3, drawin' 3 and losin' just ONCE <(beleeeve it or not?)

We reeely must get behind the team and cheer them onto victory and hope (above hope!) that the othaa results gan wor way!
WE LIVE IN HOPE!---WE MUST BELEEEEVE!

THE LIVERBIRDS 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 24th April 2016

THE TOON (in white) ATTACK THE ANFIELD ROAD END (1st half)
(View from row 22, seat 62)

"WE DE BELEEEVE IN MIRACLES!"

In wor preview to this game we said we needed miracles to get us oot of the relegation zone and a precious point @ Anfield after bein' 2-0 doon after half an hour waz a 'miracle' indeed!

It started off oh so badly when Sturridge put The Liverbirds 1-0 up after barely ONE MINUTE on the clock and aall looked lost, even at this stage!
We were aaful once again on the road and it waz soon 2-0 to the home side when Lallana torned on the edge of the box and hit a shot into the corner of the net, givin' Darlow ne chance in the Toon goal!---and a cricket score in their favour looked on the cards az many Toon fans heeded for the concourse for a few 'liquid lubrications' in resigned defeat!

But 'The Wally with the Brolly' and hiz 'white flag of surrender' iz NOT in charge now (thank god!)
'Rafa the Gaffa' haz a different mentality and he telt hiz players at half time that they had 'nowt to lose now' and to 'gan for the jugular'!


THE TOON ON THE ATTACK @ THE KOP END


This they did az we attacked the 'Kop End' and within fower minutes of the restart we pulled a goal back when a Vernon Anita cross from the right foond Papiss Cisse's heed and he nodded the baall past Mignolet in the Liverbird's goal!---'game on!?'

CISSE HEEDS HOME (top of picture)

Well ---YES! az we attacked the Kop and had a couple of chances before the 'miracle happened' when Jack Colback fired home from the edge of the box from a Toonsend cross in the 66th minute 'to get wor kicks' <(get it?)

COLBACK (far left in white) SCORES WOR EQUALISER!

This nearly lifted the roof off 'The Anfield Road End' where we were housed az Rafa's name rang oot from the travellin' faithful!---We could even have won it at the end but it wasn't to be and we had to settle for a solitary point to bring us on level torms with the SMBs and just one point behind Norwich City! (although they both have games in hand on us!)

'The Arse' can de us a massive favour today by winnin' at 'The SOS' against 'The SMB's and then beatin' The Canary Custards' of Norwich next week!

Shud this happen then the 'miracle escape' iz 'on the cards' ---We live in hope with just 3 games left! ---Palace at home next Saturday, Villa away a week later and the Sporz at home on the final day of the season!

"COME ON ARSENAL!"

Toon team: Darlow, Anita, Lascelles, Dummett, Mbemba, Tiote (Shelvey 83), Colback, Toonsend, Sissoko, Perez (Wijnaldum 46), Cisse (Mitrovic 75)

Attendance: 43,837 (3,000 very happy Toon fans who now beleeeve in 'miracles'!)

HAPPY TOON FANS!

*The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!

LIME STREET, LIVERPOOL

 

 

NOT FAR FROM ANFIELD

"IZ THERE LIFE ON MA'S?"
(MA EGERTON'S BOOZER, THAT IZ!, NEAR LIME STREET STATION)
 

INSIDE MA'S BAR!
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!---WHEY AYE MAAN!"

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:50pm bells' Friday 22nd April 2016

"WE BELEEEVE IN MIRACLES!"
("after we've had 10 pints!") 

We gan to Anfield tomorrow in sorch of wor forst win there this century and hopin' to avoid a TENTH defeat in a row to 'The Liverbirds'!

In those circumstances we will be very happy indeed with a solitary point---still not enough to drag us oot of the relegation zone, but with 2 relatively eazy? games comin' up against Palace at home and aalready relegated Villa away, a point in 'Mickeymouseland' would put us level with the SMBs and just one behind Norwich---shud they both (hopefully!) lose at the weekend!--and who naaz?---a miracle could actually happen and we could WIN??? very (very!) unlikely--- but we live in hope!

After this there iz the little matter of wor final home game of the season against title chasin' Sporz and we can anly hope that this haz been decided by then and that this game won't matter to them!


We are on the '7:30 bells' train doon in the mornin' and plenty of the 'broon stuff' will be needed before the match to calm wor norves and HOPE for that miracle! ("hic!")

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime on Sunday