"FOLLY WITH 'THE BROLLY'!" *** "WE TOLD YOO SO LAST JOON!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 11th March 2016


"YOUR 'NICKED' FOR IMPERSONATING A FOOTBALL MANAGER!"

 
Well it's finally happened!----The 'famous' 'Wally with the Brolly' haz been given hiz P45 by NUFC after 9 disastrous months in charge, where he oversaw just 7 victories in hiz 31 leegue and cup games!

He waz appointed on Joon 10th last summer and 'The Geordie Times' headline the next day read: "Good Golly Miss Molly!---It's The Wally With The Brolly!" and we went on to say that we thought it waz a bad appointment! (see below for wor report on Joon 11th)

We hate to be proved right--but it waz never gannin to work considerin' hiz previous failures with Derby Coonty, etc!

"Rafa The Gaffa!" haz been lined up to replace him and with TWELVE major trophys on hiz CV, this iz an impendin' appointment that we hope and pray comes to fruition later today????
(but this IZ NUFC and we will take nothin' for granted!)

"We told yoo so!" report below!

"GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY!--IT'S THE WALLY WITH THE BROLLY!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 11th Joon 2015

"YOO CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS---
BUT YOO CAN'T PICK YOUR FAMILY!"
 
Unless yiv been livin on the planet Zog for the last few months, it comes az ne suprize that 'The Wally With The Brolly' haz been appointed az heed coach at NUFC on a 3 year contract!

To be honest we feel totally underwhelmed by hiz appointment and think that the trophies we are taalkin' aboot winnin' must be The FA Resorve Leegue Cup or The Northumberland Senior Cup!

However!--- the very fact that he iz with us for 3 years at least meenz that WE MUST BACK HIM and hope that we have made a missteak in questionin' the clubs decision to give him the job!
(Az the old sayin' gans--"Yoo can pick your friends-but yoo can't pick your family!")

On the bright side--he can hardly de any worse than John 'the best coach' Carver did last season ---can he!? (the forst 'demand' by the club to him iz a 'top 8' finish next season!) <(we shall see!)

Major signings MUST be made before the new season starts and we await (yet again!) with baited breath to see the 'quality' players he/the board will 'attempt' to bring to St James'!

The clock's 'a tickin'---very fast!

HMS NEWCASTLE

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 9th March 2016

There iz still 'deathly silence' from within the corridors of NUFC, some fower days since wor disastrous 3-1 home defeat to the hands of those futbaall 'giants', AFC Bournemoooth!

"MEEENWHILE!"


"DO THEY REEELY 'FINK' WE ARE AZ THICK AZ PLANKS!?"

Posted '1:00pm bells' Munday 7th March 2016

Az a season ticket holder I get a 'weekly newsletter' from NUFC

In this weeks newsletter there iz NE mention whatsoever of wor current predicament, BUT! there IZ a quiz to win VIP tickets for wor forthcomin' home game with The SMBs!

"UNBELEEEVIBLE!"

THE TOON 1 BOURNEMOOOTH 3 ! *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016 *** SLEEPWAALKIN' TO THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF!

Updated '10:36am bells' Sunday 6th March 2016

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!!!

"FROM THE WALLY WITH THE BROLLY"---
"TO THE GOON FROM THE TOON!"


NUFC 1  Bournemoooth 3---March 2016!



 

"ING-ER-LAND" 2  Croatia 3---November 2007!

Make ne missteak, NUFC are sleepwaalkin' to the edge of
the cliff and it wont be too lang til we fall into The
Championship below, on this evidence!

 

The 'warm weather' trainin break obviously paid dividends
az we have taken precisely NE points from the 2 games
since we came back from Spain!

 

Buoyant Bournemoooth came for the 3 points and got
them 'ne bothaa' az The Toon simply couldn't deal
with their forward play and wor inabilitly to deal with it
cost us the game!

  The Toon attack @ The Gallowgate End (1st half)

 

'The Goon from The Toon' (McClaren's new name!)
got it completleee wrang again when he picked
Riviere to partner
Perez up front az Riviere haz anly scored ONE goal in
the last 2 seasons!

Hiz substitution at half time said it aall---and by this point
we were 1-0 doon through an own goal from Steve
Taylor who sliced the baall into hiz own net @
The Leazes End!

  Lookin' toward The East Stand

 

When it got to 2-0, aall 'The Goon' could de waz to 'hide'
like 'a frightened rabbit' on the bench and take a swig from
hiz bottle of waataa az the crowd finally torned on him,
chantin' "Steve McClaren--your takin' us doon!"

   WATER TORTURE!

Perez pulled one back 10 mins from time when Shelvey gave
him a great through baall and he finished nicely to give us
a glimmer of hope!

This soon evaporated (like McClaren's waataa!) when the
visitors sealed a much desorved 3-1 victory in the final
minute of the game az the crowd vanished from the stands!

 

   2nd half action @ The Leazes End

 

Even 'The Goon from The Toon' admitted later (for the
forst time!) that we WILL be relegated if we play like
that!----the words of a doomed man very close to the cliff edge!

 

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Taylor, Lascelles,
Dummett (Anita 31), Shelvey, Colback, Sissoko
(Aarons 59), Perez, Wijnaldum, Riviere (Mitrovic 46)

 

Attendance: 52,107 (amazingleee, the highest of the
season to watch this shambles!)  (3,100 happy
Bournemoooth fans) *


Finally! lets remind worsels wot Steve Taylor said when
we came back from wor 'warm weather' trainin'!

 



 





THE TOON v BOURNEMOOOTH *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th March 2016

Bournemoooth away orlier this season----
Happier days!---The Toon (in white) actually win an away game!---just!
 

With just 11 games to gan to save wor season, we take on Bournemoooth @ SJP in yet anothaa must win game!---anly this time we MUST! win it or trips to MK Dons and BURTON next season look to be on the cards! (Burton are top of Leegue 1)

An easy game?---you'd better NOT believe it, az wor visitors have lost just ONE oot of their last TEN competitive away games!---while we have won just FOWER at home in the leegue so far this sorry sorry season!

Bournemoooth will have a great followin' and have sold aall of their 3,100 allocation for the Leazes top tier!

They are actually now EIGHT points clear of NUFC after their 2-0 derby win against Sooothampton orlier this week!

With Swanzee (unexpectadly!) winnin' away to 'The Arse' az well in midweek we are now SIX points adrift of 5th bottom place alang with The SMBs, Norwich and of course Villa (who looked doomed for certain!)

Like we say---a win iz a 'must'---a draw iz 'ne good' and a defeat iz 'a disaster'!

A full match report will appear here sometime on Sunday

THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 3rd March 2016

THE TOON ATTACK THE AWAY END 1st half  (dark strip---for a 'dark' performance!)

"X' CERTIFICATE!"

After an 18 day sunshine break in southern Spain yoo would have thought that NUFC would retorn refreshed and 'rarin to go' in wor bid to avoid the dreaded drop!----And wot did we get????---yet anothaa inept shockin' display beneath the floodlights, rain, sleet and howlin' wind!

With less than 2,000 Toon fans shiverin' to death in the visitors enclosure to witness this latest debacle, it waz a sorry sight az the team trundled dejectedly off the pitch at the end to 'howls of derision' from those still left in the away end!

It waz obvious from the start that 'The Brollyless Wally' had set hiz stall oot to try and get a goal-less draw and a point---and the fact that not one solitary corner came wor way in the forst period and just a couple of 'powder puff' efforts from wor lack lustre strikers? said it aall az we faced a Stoke side that were awful az well!

2nd half 'action'?

The killer blow in this dreadful game came 10 mins from time when Jack Colback failed to clear from the edge of the box and the baall fell nicely to Xherdan Shaqiri---
and 'Mr X' gleefully hammered the baall past Rob Elliot in 'The Toon' goal, az he stood 'rooted to the spot'----az the rest of wor defence looked on!

A late effort from sub Doumbia waz brilliantly saved by Butland in the home goal---but the game waz up by this time!

That's SEVEN defeats in a row away from home now---and with just SEVEN goals scored on the road we are heedin' for wor lowest away goals tally---EVER!

With just 11 games to gan, it looks now like a straight fight between NUFC, The SMBs and Norwich, just az to who will join Villa in the 2nd flight next season, az aall 3 of the above mentioned are stuck on 24 points!

Unbeleeevibly McClaren claimed after the match that we were "unlucky" az Butland had "saved them!" and that "we didn't deserve that!"---Az they would say in a Xmas pantomime 
"OH YES WE DID!" 

'The Wally' obviously watched a different 'pantomime' to us!???

He then uttered theeze 'inspirational' words! "Dust yourself down and go again on Saturday!"

We reely divvint naa wot to say any more!
---we are f*****' speechless!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Lascelles, Taylor, Dummett, Colback (Perez 84), Shelvey, Sissoko, Wijnaldum, Gouffran (Riviere 74), Mitrovic (Dombia 84)

Attendance: 27,331 (less than 2,000 diehards this time!) *

THE HARVESTER

The pre match 'gargels' took place here!---the anly boozer anywhere near the groond which waz 'rammed' <(yoo have to 'pre-book' to get in!---honest!) <(Sarnie Steve booked a table for us!)

THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE v THE TOON **** TOONEET!

Posted '11:50am bells' Wednesday 2nd March 2016

ACTION FROM LAST SEASON @ STOKE---WE LOST 1-0!
(TOON IN DARK STRIP)

Havin' not played for 18 days due to failures on the field and had a 'sunshine break' in between az a 'reward for that'?, we heed for 'The Potteries' toneet for yet anothaa vital game.
Results ower the last few days of othaa relegation haunted clubs have been fairly kind to us, but we still find worsels now in 2nd bottom place on goal difference.

Snow iz forecast on this chilly night aheed and so lets hope that 'trip to the sun' and 'waam weather' friendly win against those giants of Europe, Lillestrom! have instilled some confidence in us!

We have lost on wor last 3 visits here and havin' taken just 7 points away this season and scored just 7 goals on wor travels az well---the odds divvint look good in wor favour---do they?

We leave at '2 bells', hopefully not to battle through snowdrifts to get there and hopefully for a good result against Stoke----we shall soon find oot!

Match report will appear here tomorrow sometime!

YET MORE BLANKETY BLANKS!

Posted '10:33am bells' Saturday 27th February 2016


"YES!---IT'S ME AGAIN!"

For the 2nd week in a row and 7th weekend this season we find worsels withoot a game--this time it's due to Man City's participation in the Leegue Cup final tomorrow afternoon!

Accordin' to NUFC's latest 'newsletter' we are "Doing ok!" and "NO need to panic!"---This iz for a team that finds itself in a relegation place with anly 12 games to 'save wor skins'!

With 4 of the 5 relegation threatened teams playin' TWICE before we play Stoke away on Wednesday neet, we could find worsels in deep deep trouble come Wednesday mornin'!

Steven Taylor trotted oot the usual bile, when he said: "We must stand up and be counted!" and "Lets do away with defeats!"  (16 defeats oot of wor last 20 away, by the way, Steve!)

The friendly win ower Lillestrom of Norway last Saturday in a field in Spain haz been ower-hyped to the extreme!

The way McClaren and the players have went on aboot it, yoo would have thought that we'd beaten Real Madrid or Barcelona!---not a part time outfit from a mediocre leegue, who hadn't played for 2 months and had finished 8th last season (their season doesn't begin til March)

"Buryin' your heed in the sand!" iz a phrase that comes to mind!

"IZ THAT YOO, STEVE!?"

NE MORE TELLY GAMES ANNOONCED!

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 26th February 2016


NO APRIL FOOLS ON HERE!


The latest roond of live telly fixtures for April have just been announced and we have to tell yoo that The Toon feature in NONE OF THEM!

This iz a huge relief az we fully expected wor relegation game away to Norwich would be switched to a Munday neet---but it will now be played on it's original Saturday 3 bells start!

The fixtures picked are up until May, which meenz that anly 2 more games can be moved for live transmission, which are Villa away and Man City @ SJP

Wor trip to Lestaa (March Munday neet fixture) and at home to the SMBs (March Sunday dinnaatime fixture)  are the anly live games up till that date!