THE TOON U21s v THE ARSE U21s *** ST JAMES' PARK THIS FRIDAY NEET!

Posted '11:43am bells' Friday 11th September 2015

Tooneet the resorve side makes a rare appearance @ St James' Park when we take on The Arse resorve side!

The game kicks off @ '7 bells' and The East Stand will be the anly part of the groond open, az iz per usual on these occasions

Admission iz FREE to season ticket holders and members, so get yiselz alang to cheer on the youngins'!

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime ower the weekend!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 0 THE PIT YAAKKERS 0 *** NORTHERN LEEGUE DIVISION ONE

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 6th September 2015


DUNSTON NUMBER 8 ALEX FRANCIS SENDS IN A CORNER AZ
THE 'MONKEY HANGER' LINESMAN LOOKS ON!
(see below!)

With ne Toon game to gan te (again!) becoz of the International break, aa heeded for the delights of Federation Park where Dunston were takin' on Ashington in a Northern Leegue forst division game!

A few bottles of the 'old broon dog' <(Newcastle Brown Ale!) in the clubhoose before the match waz the order of the day, before heedin' for mee usual standin' place on the touchline---(not tooo far from the clubhoose door!)

There were quite a few Ashington Antagonists in the crowd includin' Toon fan 'Byzy' who hails from 'pit yaakker land'

The Bad Blue Boys started off like a hoose on fire but they couldn't break doon the Pit Yaakkers defence and the game waz scoreless at the half time 'liquid refreshment' interval!

Az iz 'traditional' by me, aa missed the start of the 2nd half az aa waz still knockin back 'the broon stuff' in the clubhoose---but aa didn't miss much az it waz still 0-0 az aa took mee place back on the touchline!

The main taalkin point in the 2nd period waz a blatant 'hand baall' by an Ashington player that waz somehow missed by the blind linesman standin' in front of me, who got torrents of abuse from the home faithful for not wavin' for a penalty!

ACTION AT 'THE DUNSTON ROCKET-LESS END'
(THERE USED TO BE A HUGE TOWER BLOCK BEHIND THIS END KNOWN LOCALLY AZ
'THE ROCKET' AZ IT LOOKED LIKE A SPACE ROCKET!)
IT WAZ DEMOLISHED 3 YEARS AGO---HENCE THE NEW NAME FOR THAT END OF THE GROOND!

A quick look at the team sheet conformed that he waz from Hartlepool and shouts of *"Hang him from the rafters!" could be hord from some irate Dunston fans!

Despite pressure from The Bad Blue Boys they couldn't break doon the visitors defence and the game ended nowts each!

Attendance: 250 (estimated, includin' 70ish Pit Yaakkers)

*Footnote: For those of yee who divvint naa, people from Hartlepool are known az 'monkey hangers', az they once hung a monkey who they thought waz a foreign spy in the Napoleonic wars!  *

"BLANKETY BLANK!" CONTINUED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 5th September 2015


"HI!---I'M BACK AGAIN!"

With the International fixtures takin' president once again, we find worsels with yet another blank weekend to fill in!---The same gans for next weekend az we are not due to play again til Munday 14th September when we travel to The Boleyn Groond (Upton Park) West Ham for the last ever time for a leegue game, before they move to the Olympic Stadium next year!

'The mad-sad groundhopper' haz decided to 'get hiz fix' and watch 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' play 'The Pit Yaakkers from Ashington' in a Northern Leegue encoontaa this afternoon @ Federation Park, Dunston!
A full match report on this will appear here at some point ower the next couple of days <(bet yiz cannit wait?)    

TOON 25 MAN SQUAD NAMED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th September 2015

NUFC have released the names of the 25 squad players who will represent us til February at least!

A to Z

***Anita*** Bigiramana*** Cisse*** Colback ***Coloccini ***Darlow ***DeJong ***Dummett*** Elliot*** Good*** Gouffran ***Haidara*** Janmaat*** Krul*** Marveaux*** Laselles*** Obertan*** Perez*** Riviere*** Sissoko*** Taylor*** Thourvin*** Tiote*** Wijnaldum ***Williamson

Additional U21 players were aalso named:

***Aarons ***Barlaser ***Gillesphey*** Gilliead*** Heardman*** Mbabu*** Mbemba*** Mitrovic*** Roberts*** Satka*** Smith*** Sterry ***Toney  

"WE CAN BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 2nd September 2015

The transfor window iz now firmly shut and the good news iz!----We havvent selt Papiss Cisse, Ayoze Perez, Paul Dummett or 'The Sissoko Kid' az had been wildleeee reported in 'aall the papers'!

The above departures would have severely weakened wor squad, so aalthough we didn't sign anybody on deadline day, at least we have a better chance this season than last of finishin' mid-table! <(It just gans to show how far wor expectations have fallen ower the last few years, that we will be happy to finish tenth, eleventh or twelfth!)

"DON'T SOUND THE ALARM BELLS YET!"---"BUT!"

Posted '8:13pm bells' Bank Holiday Munday 31st August 2015

TYNE-TAALK!

The taalk aroond the bars in 'The Toon' after the Arsenal match (and yesterday) waz---"It'll bee aallreet---divvint panic!" az we foond worsels in the bottom two of the Premyaa Leegue with just the SMBs below us!
Of course yi cannit judge after fower games played, but a worryin' recurrin' stat iz that we have had less shots on target in the forst fower games, than 'yellow/red cards' in the last one! (SEVEN!) (TWELVE yellow and TWO red cards in total!)
(PS: We aalso picked up TWO yellows in wor Leegue Cup tie against Northampton---for good measure!)

In total we have scored TWO goals and had SIX shots on target in those Premyaa Leegue games, with NE shots on target in the last TWO! (although we did hit the bar @ Man U) 
On top of that we hear that wor joint top scorer in the Premyaa Leegue, Papiss Cisse (with ONE goal!) could be transfored on the last day of the 'window' tomorrow, leavin' us with very little cover up front!

We sincerely hope that this ISN'T the case, az ne one iz rumoured to be comin' in to replace him---should he leave for pastures new!

"CRISIS!-----WOT CRISIS!"

THE TOON 0 THE ARSE 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th August 2015

THE TOON KICK OFF (we still had 11 players on the pitch at this point!)

"Who's yi farthaa!?---who's yi farthaa!?---who's yi
farrrrrthaa--referee!?"

SIX bookings and ONE sendin' off proved the downfall for 'The Toon' yesterday dinnaatime az ower zealous ref 'a' Mr. 'A' Marriner dished oot the cards az though they were gannin' oot of fashion!

From the start 'The Arse' went for the jugular az they attacked The Leazes End where their 3,000 fans were housed in 'level 7'


THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (1st half)


The main taalkin' point of the game came in the 16th minute when Mitrovic waz given a 'red' for standin' on Coquelin's foot, when a 'yellow' seemed appropriate!

'The Arse' players were divin' aboot az though they'd been shot and connin' the ref and FOWER more cards were shown to Toon player durin' this half--of the 'yellow' variety!

Somehow we went in 0-0 at the break and the ref had to endure loud booin' az he came off the pitch!

We had held wor own in the forst period but it took the visitors just 6 minutes of the 2nd half to make the breakthrough!
An Aaron Ramsey shot waz saved by Tim Krul in The Toon goal but the baall rebounded oot to Chamberlin who's resultin' shot waz gannin' wide, but the unfortunate Coloccini caught it with the inside of hiz leg and the baall deflected into the corner of the net to give 'The Arse' the lead!

Up until this point we had had NE shots on target, but hadn't played badly, but that goal proved to be the winner az 2 more Toon player were shown 'yellows' to make it 6 in total! ('The Arse' had just 1 player booked, by the way!)

ACTION IN THE SHADOWS @ THE LEAZES END (2nd half)

At the end the players came off to a standin' ovation which torned to loud boos for the beleaguered ref Marriner who had 'sunk' The Toon on hiz own!

We now sit in the bottom 3 with anly the SMB's and Sooothampton below us -- az we speak!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Haidara, Anita (Perez 72), Colback, Sissoko (Cisse 78), Wijnaldum, Thourvin (De Jong 87), Mitrovic 

Attendance: 50,388 (3,000 Arseholes!) *

ANGRY AND DESPONDANT TOON FANS LEAVIN' THE GROOND
AFTER THE MATCH!

 

THE TOON v THE ARSE *** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

Posted '2:40pm bells' Friday 28th August 2015

ARSE ACTION FROM LAST SEASON *** THE TOON LOST 2-1

We welcome 'The Arse' to St James' Park tomorrow for yet anothaa lunchtime kick off--(wor THIRD oot of FOWER in the Premyaa Leegue so far!) <(The joys? of live futbaall on the telly!)

NUFC hover just above the bottom 3 and a draw would be a good result against the FA Cup holders and title pretenders!
The bad news iz we have lost the last SEVEN games against the 'norf Landaners'---and haven't beaten them here for TEN years! (When Nobby Solano scored the anly goal in a 1-0 win back in 2005!)

A full Geordie Times match and 'liquid luncheon' report will appear here on Sunday az per usual!

SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 27th August 2015

It haz been conformed that we will play Sheffield Wednesday on a Wednesday neet in wor Leegue Cup 3rd roond tie @ St James' Park!
Apparently 'Wednesday' refused point blank to play on a Tuesday!?---so Wednesday 23rd September it iz with a '7:45 bells' kick off!

THE TOON 4 A LOAD OF COBBLERS 1 *** LEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 26th August 2015

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)
(FOTO TAKEN BY JAMIE AGED 5 (and three qwaataz!)

"TOON 'BOOT' COBBLERS OOT OF CUP!"

The Toon took on lowly Northampton Toon @ St James' last neet with a much changed team from the one that got a draw at 'The Theatre of Muppets' on Saturday. (Anly Haidara and Perez who started against Man U were in the startin' line up this time!)

We were oot of the blocks aalmost immediately and took the lead in the 3rd minute when Florian Thourvin swivelled a shot into the back of the net from a Haidara cross to give us the lead @ The Leazes End!

Just 5 minutes later and wor lead waz doubled when De Jong fired home from a Thourvin centre and a cricket score looked on the cards!---But this IZ NUFC! and just a minute later Tiote gave away a needless 'handbaall' penalty @ The Gallowgate End, which Richards dispatched past resorve goalie Karl Darlow in The Toon goal!

3 goals in the forst 10 minutes and wor hearts were racin' az wor visitors went for an equaliser az wor defence waz at sixes and sevens for a brief period!

Thourvin then put the baall in the net again for us--anly for it to be ruled offside by the linesmans flag!

We restored wor 2 goal lead orly in the 2nd half through Janmaat and again Thourvin supplied the baall!


JAMIE TAKES A FOTO OF THE BLACK SKY! (2nd half)
"IT'S DARK GRANDDAD!---ISN'T IT!?" 


Thourvin then wellied ower a free kick in the 63rd minute which foond the heed of Williamson who glanced the baall into the net to to 'nail the victory and 'boot' <(sic!) 'The Cobblers oot of the Leegue Cup!

WILLIAMSON SCORES WOR 4th GOAL @ THE GALLOWGATE END!
(JAMIE EXCLUUUSIVE!)

Grandson Jamie who waz watchin' hiz 3rd forst team game waz 'ower the moon' az this waz the forst time he had ever seen us win!
(Hiz previous 2 were a 2-2 draw with Hull and a 1-0 defeat by The Borussia Munchin'gladbachs in a pre season friendly!)

A satisfactory performance (apart from the daft penalty) and the draw for the next roond waz again kind to us with anothaa home tie against Championship side Sheff Wed!

"I WAZ THERE!"
(JAMIE SHOWS OFF HIZ 'PRIZED' MATCH TICKET!)

 

Toon team: Darlow,Janmaat, Lascelles, Williamson, Haidara (Toney 78), Tiote, Gouffran, Aarons, De Jong, Thourvin (Mitrovic 65),  Perez (Colback 72)

Attendance: 26, 923
(989 Cobblers!) in the far corner of this pic >>>>>>>>>>>>>








The pre-match 'gargels' took place here!

JAMIE GETS STUCK INTO HIS 'COKE-BEER' IN
'THE STRAWBERRY' 'BEER BAR'!