"ONE MAN---MINUS DOG!"

Posted '2:25pm bells' Thorsday 11th Joon 2015

"IS THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"

When Kevin Keegan, Bobby Robson and even Ruud Gullit were appointed az managers of NUFC, thoosands of fans torned up to greet them!
In complete contrast yesterday 'The Daily Mail' reported that anly "One man who didn't even have a dog with him!" greeted McClaren az he entered St James' Park!

Press release photos show him with the obligatory black n white scarf above hiz heed---but not one fan waz present to witness this! (The 'one man' must have went lookin' for hiz dog!)

"STONE ME!----IT'S A 'CARVE UP'!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 10th Joon 2015

"DEAR JOHN!---P*SS OFF!"

News that both John 'the pie' Carver and Steve Stone have faallin' on their sword comes az a relief rathaa than a suprize to us here at 'The Geordie Times'

'The Disastrous Duo' couldn't possibly continue could they?--Aa meen they took us from the safety of 'mid table mediocrity' to 'the relegation abyss' within the matter of 4 months--and 9 defeats in 10 games tells it's own sorry story!

Carver loves The Toon of course and bleeds 'black and white'--he must be devastated, but not suprized at the outcome of hiz disastrous tenure in charge and we 'wish him well' for the future! <(his CV certainly won't help him!)

'Brollyman McClaren' <(definatly NOT 'WOR' forst choice!) iz expected to be annoonced az wor next manager/heed coach sometime this afternoon and we will inform yoo, wor loyal reeders, of any developments az soon az we find oot! <("er!"-- it shud be noted that av got to gan to 'graft' at '3 bells' this afternoon, so any announcement after this will not be updated til tomorrow dinnatime!) <(remember wor motto?--"we bring aall the latest news forst hand, second!" (or iz it 'second hand, forst???) 

"FOR A FEW DOLLAR$ MORE!"

Posted '10:50am bells' Munday 8th Joon 2015

Prices have been released for wor forthcomin' 'Wot Made Milwaukee Famous Tour' of the U$A, for those of yoo who can put up with the hassle of numourous flights on the 10,750 mile roond trip and for those of yoo who have plenty of dollars in your 'piggy bank' and can afford to gan!?

Tue 14th July: Club Atlas @ Miller Park, Milwaukee
Tickets are priced @ 25 dollars upwards plus bookin' fee!
Contact Kelvin at the Brewers on 414.912.4658

Sat 18th July: Sacramento Republic @ Bonney Field, Sacramento
Tickets are priced @ 27 dollars 
Contact Justin on 916.307.6112

Tue 21st July: Portland Timbers '2' <(resorves!) @ Providence Park, Portland
Prices vary from 37 dollars to 46 dollars plus bookin' fee <(to watch their RESORVES!?)
Contact Pat Rice <(no! not THAT one!) on 503.553.5442

McCLAREN A RACIN' CERTAINTY!

Posted '11:11am bells' Saturday 6th Joon 2015

It iz now aalmost certain that 'The Wally with the Brolly' will be wor next manager/heed coach and we expect him to be appointed in the next few days!
It's interestin' to note that NUFC contacted Patrick Viera aboot the vacant managers job last week and he told them that HE wanted to pick any new players and receive a large transfer fund do do so!

He NEVAA received a retorn call!

(92% of Toon fans in a poll wanted HIM az wor new manager---'The Geordie Times' included!)

McClaren's record iz 'HIT' and 'MISS'--

'HIT'---He won the Dutch leegue with FC Twente in 2010 and of course (az 'the Smoggies' keep remindin' us!) the Leegue Cup with Boro in 2005

'MISS'---he waz sacked by Derby (2015), Forest (2011) ,Wolfsburg (2011), Boro (2006) and of course Ing-er-land! (2008)
He went back to Twente but couldn't repeat hiz title win again and waz subsequently sacked by them az well! (2013)

Hiz highest ever leegue position iz 7th for 'The Smoogies in 2005--hiz ANLY ever top ten finish in Ing-er-land!

In othaa news, we are playin York in a friendly on Wed 29th July---the same neet az the SMBs travel to 'Donny'!---Bet 'the Dibble' insist that one of the games iz moved to avoid clashes on the trains!

NUFC PRE-SEASON FIXTURES 2015-2016 ******** "WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR!"

Updated 'high noon bells' Friday 5th Joon 2015

The latest list of forst team games (in gold text),  resorve U21 team games (in pink text) and junior U18 team games (in green text) <(green for 'green-horns'!) are listed below:

There iz some brilliant news for wor 'cousins' on the othaa side of 'the pond', for 'The Toon' are retornin' to the States once again to play 3 pre season games in mid July!

The games and venues are az follows:

Tuesday 14th July: v Club Atlas of Mexico @ Miller Park, Milwaukee @ '8 bells' local time (Atlas finished 3rd in the Mexican top flight and play in Guadalajara)

Saturday 18th July: v Sacramento Republic @ Bonney Field Stadium, Sacramento @ '8 bells' local time (Sacramento play in the 3rd tier of American futbaall)

Tuesday 21st July: v Portland Timbers 2 @ Providence Park, Portland @ '7:30 bells' local time (Portland aalso play in the 3rd tier)

It shud be noted that the '2' on the end of Portland Timbers indicates that we are facin' their RESORVE team and NOT their forst team! <(such iz the stature of NUFC in the USA!)

The last time we played in the States in 2011 we travelled 9,750 miles in total and the club said at the time: (Quote!)
"We have learned lessons from this tour and the distances involved and the next time we go to the USA we will probably play in just ONE part of the country!"

And the total distance to travel this time iz: 1,000 MILES MORE! @ 10,750! <(yi couldn't make it up!---could yi???)


Othaa fixtures so far conformed are:

Tue 7th July: U21s v Corby Toon @ Little Benton (6:30 bells)

Fri 10th July: v The Heedbangers @ Gatesheed Stadium (8:00 bells)

Sat 18th July: U21s v The Whitley Baywatchers @ Darsley Park (Ne kick off time yet or if it's BHD (Behind Closed Doors!?)

Sun 26th July: v Sheff U @ Bramall Lane (1:00 bells)

Wed 29th July: v York @ Bootham Crescent <(or whatevaa its caalled now?) (7:45 bells)

Sat 1st Aug: v The Borussia Munchin'-gladbachs of Jawmany @ St James' Park (3:00 bells)

Wor junior side are aalso in action between Sun 26th July and Fri 31st July in 'The Northern Ireland Milk Cup' which (beleeeve it or not!) iz bein' staged in---Northern Ireland!
(Fixures and venues to be conformed)

MORE PRE-SEASON FIX FOR YOUR DIARY

Posted '1:08 pm bells' Thorsday 4th Joon 2015

The Geordie Times lornz from wor intrepid reportaa 'Mal the Inglish Skool Teechaa' that 4 more friendlies have been added to the list:

Fri July 10th: The Heedbangers @ Gatesheed Stadium

Sun July 26th: Sheff U @ Bramall Lane

Wed July 29th: York @ Bootham Crescent (or whatevaa its called now?)

Sat Aug 1st: The Borussia Munchengladbachs of Jawmany @ St James' Park

Remember!---yoo read this forst in 'The Geordie Times' and NE WHERE ELSE!!!

SPECULATION FOR THE GEORDIE NATION!

Posted '1:36pm bells' Tuesday 2nd Joon 2015


SACKED BY DERBY, FOREST, BORO, WOLFSBURG, TWENTE and ING-ER-LAND!
"HE FITS THE BILL!"
 

Speculation haz reached fever pitch just who will be wor next manager/coach to fill the hot seat @ St James' Park <(we understand that they have heated seats in the home dugoot!)

'The Wally with the Brolly' and Patrick Vieira the are the 2 favourites to take ower the 'yes mans' role, with Michael Laudrup aalso in contention!

Wor own preference here @ 'The Geordie Times' iz Vieira, but this IZ NUFC and anything can happen!

We will keep yoo posted az to any developments that may (or may not!) happen in the next few days <(again!---"divvint haad yi breath!")

"FUNNY SHAPED BALLS IN 'THE STRAWBERRY'!"

Posted '10:11am bells' Munday 1st Joon 2015

"DADDY!--ARE THOSE RUGBY BALLS SHE IS WEARING!?"
CENSORED!---FOR THOSE OF YOO AGED UNDER 18--DIVVINT LOOK AT
THE ABOVE PHOTO UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!--LOOK AWAY NOW!

'The Magic Weekend' of Rugby Leegue decended on St James' Park ower Saturday and Sunday and a total of 67,788 attended the 2 day event--a new record for the competition, beatin' the 64,552 who attended the event at Man City last year!

We were in 'The Strawberry' next to St James' for wor usual Sunday afternoon 'gargels' and the place waz packed to the rafters with mostly Castleford Tigers fans, dressed in orange, plus  a handful of 'us'!

They were in good spirits az they sang their heeds off and most of them looked in a very comotosed state indeed az they heeded for their game against arch rivals Wakefield Trinity Wildcats----which they won 56-26!

"FUNNY SHAPED BALLS COME TO ST JAMES'!"

Posted '10:55am bells' Saturday 30th May 2015

The 'Magic Weekend' of Rugby Leeegue comes to St James' Park this afternoon and tomorrow when 12 teams take part, with 3 games today and (yiv guessed it!) 3 games tomorrow!

The 12 teams takin' part are: Salford v Widnes (today) (2:30 bells),
Hull v Hull KR (4:45 bells), Leeds v Wigan (7 bells)

Tomorrow: Catalan v 'uddersfield (1 bells), St Helens v Warrington (3:15 bells) and finaleee!: Castleford v Wakefield (5:30 bells)

Ower 60,000 tickets have been selt so far for the 2 day tournament and tickets are priced at £25 for 1 day and £40 for a 2 day ticket!

Beleeeve it or not!?---'The Geordie Times' 'mad-sad groundhoppers' have actually been to SIX of theeze groonds watchin' wor Forst team, resorves and junior sides!:

'uddersfield (v 'uddersfield juniors and 1st team)
Widnes (v Everton resorves),
Hull (Hull City v 1st team),
St Helens (v Liverpool resorves),
Warrington (v Liverpool resorves) and
Wakefield (v Leeds resorves)

Az mentioned above, Hull RFC are playin' Hull Kingston Rovers in the 2nd game this afternoon and I have a great story to tell aboot a 'work visit' to Hull Flour Mill back in 1975, when I waz 'accused' of bein' a 'Hull RFC' fan by a 'Hull KR' fan!

(see ground number 40 below!)   

040 boothferry park ,hull

(GROUND NUMBER 40)

Date of First Visit: 10th AUGUST 1976

BOOTHFERRY PARK, KINGSTON UPON HULL

HULL CITY 0 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0

ANGLO-SCOTTISH CUP

ATTENDANCE 4,715

　

　

"DON'T CROSS THAT RIVER!"

　

　

The most famous thing that comes from Hull iz the suspension bridge that spans the Humber, SO  l-o-n-g, that when they built the towers at each end they had tih be slightly oot of 'sinc' to allow for the curviture of the Earth!. <(It's true I tell yoo!) 

After that it's the City's two Rugby League clubs, 'Hull' and 'Hull Kingston Rovers'.

The thord best thing tih come from Hull iz said tih be the nightlife in the city centre where 'stag neets' and 'hen does' dee the roonds (not az good az the Bigg Market or Quayside, though!)

Finally!--wih come to 'Hull City F.C.' who were the 'poor relations' of the city, (in the 1970's at least) and who's 'claim tih fame' iz that they came from the largest city in England NEVER to have had a club in the top flight of the Futbaall League with a population of ower twice that of the Toons! (SOME 'claim'?)

　

In the 1970's ah used tih gan tih Hull quite regularly in mee Lorry az R.H.M. Flour Mills who ah worked for in Gatesheed (nuw the new Baltic Art Centre next tih the Millenium Bridge) had a mill next tih the River Hull which splits the City of Kingston Upon Hull in half .

This in torn leads to the River Humber and to the North Sea beyond.

Hull Rugby League Club play on the west side of the 'Hull' (az do 'Hull City') and hated arch rivels 'Kingston Rovers' on the east side.

Nuw ah mention this for a very good reason, for RHMs' mill in Hull was on the east side of the river.

One winters day while ah was deliverin' tih the Hull mill, ah went tih the canteen for some 'Desperate Dan'.

Az ah waited in the queue, a big fat mill worker clocked mee Toon scarf that ah was wearin' and said:

"YA ON'T WRONG SIDE OF THE RIVER LADDIE!"---"THE WRONG SIDE!"

That's a strange thing tih say tih somebody, ah thought, so ah asked him what he meant?.

"THIS IS 'ROVERS' SIDE OF THE RIVER, GET BACK TO YER OWN SIDE!", he added pointin' menacingly at mee scarf.

Then ah 'tumbled' what he meant!. Coz ah was wearin' a black 'n' white scarf he thought ah was a Hull RFC fan. (who play in black 'n' white hoops!)

"NO!---NO!", This iz a NEWCASTLE UNITED scarf!", ah said, pointin' tih the club crest on the front.

"SORRY MATE!"---THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE OF THEM B*******!", he added az he 'sheepishly' scurried away!---- 'Pagger' avoid!, and ah settled doon tih eat mee 'scran' in peace!.

(Who says anly futbaall fans hate each other?)

*********************
Anyway!---and back to wor game v Hull City in the Anglo-Scottish Cup in '76'----Wih combined this midweek trip with a weeks boozin' holiday in 'Sunny Scarborough' and 'sunny' iz the reet word!, coz this was the summer of '76' when the heatwave went on for aboot EIGHT WEEKS!, withoot a drop of rain in sight!. (Oh for 'the good old days'!---in this day and age yi'd be lucky if a 'heatwave' lasted for aboot EIGHT HOURS!) (WHATEVER HAPPENED tih wor SUMMERS?)

Wih based worsels at the 'Granby Hotel', a smaall guest hoose not far from the seafront and on wor forst neet wih went on a 'bender' and got totally 'rat-arsed'! (Az yih de!)

This did'nt gan doon well with the guest hoose owner az 'Dylan' hoyed up on the stair carpet!, 'Santy' fell ower and smashed a potted plant on the forst floor landin'!, someone else (who shall remain nameless!) p***** the bed! (NOT me!) and AH fell asleep in a flower bed! in the front garden coz ah could'nt find mee key! (which was just az well coz ah could'nt waalk and would'nt have been able tih climb the stairs, anyway!)

NOT! the kind of 'bed' ah envisaged a'd be sleepin' in---but a 'bed' just the same!)

(GOOD START---EH!?)

Next day az wih 'tiptoed' doon for 'brekkies', (the manager eventually lerriz in, coz he said ah made the garden look untidy!) there were stoney faces and sore heeds aplenty and apologies aall roond!

Afta wor 'bacon'n'eggs' and black coffees wih made wor way tih the sea front for some fresh air tih stop wor heeds spinnin' and tih sober up from the previous neets 'gargel'!

Ah was the one that had tih drive tih Hull that day for this Anglo-Scottish Cup tie and ah insisted on havin' a few hours 'off the hootch' before ah got behind the wheel.

The others agreed AND!----'WENT ON THE HOY!' in the 'Newcastle Packet' (a well named 'waaterin' hole' ower the road from the beach) leavin' me tih 'kick mee heels' ON the beach!

("F*****' C***S!")

"YEE GAN AN' GET THE 'JAM JAR' AND WE'LL WAIT HERE FOR YIH!", shouted 'Burnsy' az he knocked back the forst 'Arthur', withoot touchin' the sides!

(like ah said!---"F*****' C***S!")

Afta a bit 'sulk' ah went back tih wor digs tih get mee 'Escort' which was parked in a side street next tih the guesthoose. Ah 'sneaked' past the front window tih avoid the manager az things were still a bit 'frosty' between us afta the previous neets 'shinanaginz'!

Ah picked the lads up (who were canny sorved again!) and wih heeded for Kingston Upon Hull, some forty miles doon the east coast.

On the way wih stopped of at Bridlington for a 'mid-jorney-gargel', (coke for me a'm afraid!---"sulk!"---"sulk!") but the place was 'deed and full of aad biddies and aad gadgies, so wih did'nt stop lang! (we were just 'young pups' in wor orly 20's)

("ER!"---NUW! (some 40 years lataa)---WE are the 'AAD gadgies'!)

(Time DOES! fly?---aboot ten thoosand miles an hour!---mee finx!?)

We arrived at Boothferry Park sometime later and parked up beside a boozer near the groond which unusually had SIX floodlights! (4 in each corner and 2 owerlookin' the halfway line) <(er! that's the groond NOT the boozer!)

The groond waz very impressive and had quite a bit of cover which waz unusual in them days!--There waz ne segregation and but the Hull fans seemed friendly enough az we stood in the end nearest the main road!

MATCH REPORT:

A thoroughleee cr*p game ended 0-0 and we heeded back to Scarborough unimpressed with wor performance!
END OF MATCH REPORT!

And the moral of the story iz!: "Divvint cross the River Hull wearin' a Toon scarf under any circumstances!"