THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE *** THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated '11:22am bells' Saturday 18th October 2014

LET'S HOPE HE'S NOT LAUGHIN' @ '5 BELLS'!

We face 'The Foxes of Leicester' this afternoon @ St James' in wot now iz a 'must' 'must' win game!
Oot of the 134 teams in the Inglish and Scottish Leegues anly us and Bornley havvent won so far this season in the leegue!

A shockin' stat that needs to be addressed @ '3 bells' today against the newly promoted midlands ootfit!

Even wor legendry top goal scorer Alan Shearer haz spoken oot and he predicts a lang hard winter near the bottom of the leegue!

Less than a thoosand tickets remain on sale and wor visitors have taken up their full allocation of 3,250 tickets for level 7 of 'The Leazes End', meanin' that a crowd of at least 51,000 will be present!
Unbeleevable!, considerin' we havvent won since last May some five and a half months ago!

The 'Angel Gabriel' Obertan will start the game, which just aboot sums up wor predicament az he waz surplus to requirements not so lang ago!
Riviere iz a doubt which shud give a chance to Adam Armstrong?

Tim Krul, Paul Dummett and Janmatt have suffered injuries but shud make the startin' line up <(we shall see!)

With games comin' up against Sporz away and The Liverbirds at home we desperatleee need the 3 points to claw wor way up the table!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime on Sunday----az per usual---"watch this space!"

313 bigges main wallsend

(Ground number 313)
Date of First Visit: 14th October 2014
Bigges Main, Wallsend

Wallsend Boys Club Senior X1  1
Newcastle United U21s  7 (Barlaser <(not! Quinn!), Olley, Heardman (pen), Mystery Man? (3)!, og) 

Friendly fixture
Attendance: 240 (estimated by 'The Mad Professor'!)


"HAT-TRICK HERO!---WHO ARE YOO!???"

TOM HEARDMAN PENALTY! (THE TOON ARE IN GREY)

This game waz arranged by resorve/U21 team coach Peetaa Beardsley, az he of course started hiz playin' career at the famous Waallsend Boys Club!

We! (bein' me and 'Michael the Mag') met up in 'The Hotspor' before heedin' for the Monument Metro to Waallsend where we planned to de a 'pub crawl' before the game!
Thiz waz 'two' 'forsts' for me!---A'v nevaa ever had a drink in Waallsend before and have nevaa seen them play here before!

Beleeeve it or not?--- a'd actually booked a days holiday from work to see this one!---that's reet!---'A days holiday in Waallsend'! <("It doesn't get any sadder than this folks!") <(Does it!???)

Forst 'port o caall' waz 'The Anson', a bar on the High Street with a reputation, but on entry it seemed quiet enough, but of course this waz a Tuesday afternoon when 'the radgies' were probably still in bed recoverin' from the previous neets 'bender'!

Next up waz 'The Ship' just alang the road and on entry we got some strange stares from the locals, az though we'd 'invited' worsels into their hoose and sat in their favourite chairs!

Channel Four racin' waz on the telly and they were soon distracted from us as a race started!

It waz then onward to 'The Queens Heed' ower the street and finally (and appropriately!) 'The Last Orders', last, before heedin' for the groond some 15 minutes waalk away!

The usual 7 or 8 'saddos' were in attendance and stood near the halfway line opposite the main entrance!
It waz a '4:30 bells' kick off az Waallsend didn't have any floodlights and the groond waz simply a fenced off field with ne cover!

The home side made the better start and had two good chances before The Toon took control!

The sequence of goals waz az follows:
28th minute: Callum Roberts crosses for Dan Barlaser to fire home.
I made the fatal missteak of sayin' that I though the goalscorer waz Jonathyn Quinn and waz ridiculed mercesleee for the rest of the half for my 'dillibritt mistayk'! <(personally I blame the drink!)

34th minute: Callum Roberts again iz involved in the build up and the baall faalls nicely to Gregg Olley and he shoots from the edge of the box, givin' the home keeper ne chance! <(I kept my mouth shut this time in case I got it wrang!)

Half time score 2-0 to The Toon!

60th minute: Tom Heardman iz fouled in the box and takes the penalty himself to put us 3-0 up (see above foto!)

70th minute: The amateurs of Waallsend are tirin' by this time and we bring on a super sub with the number 17 on hiz back! No one knows who he iz but he scores with a fine effort!
(There were ne team sheets!, just a programme with the full squad!)
 
75th minute: An own goal puts us 5-0 up az the skies darken and the rain begins to fall!

83rd minute: 'Mystery Man' gets hiz 2nd from close range
 85th minute: 'MM'? completes hiz hat-trick with anothaa close range effort to put us 7-0 up!--By this time we were strugglin' to see in the dim light az the freezin' wind hit us straight in the face! <(winter iz here!)

89th minute: The Biggest 'cheer' of the afternoon comes when Waallsend finally score a consolation goal through a tap in!--final score 7-1 to The Toon!

'Holiday' ower!----We then heed back to The High Street and take in one more boozer (The Duke of York) before heedin' back to The Toon on the Metro and wor final 'port o caall' waz 'The Strawberry' before heedin' yem! ---- Anothaa groond chalked off the seemingleee nevaa endin' list!

"WE WAZ THERE!"

PS: Aa eventually foond oot that wor number 17 hat-trick hero 'Mystery Man' waz caalled Stefan Broccoli!

Waallsend pub crawl

WAALLSEND HIGH STREET *** "GET YOUR DOUBLE GLAZING HERE!"

    

  

WAALLSEND BOYS CLUB GADGIES v THE TOON U21s *** THIS AFTERNOON! *** "NEW GROOND! *** NEW GROOND!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 14th October 2014

This afternoon we face the mooth waaterin prospect of a visit to Waallsend, where wor U21s are takin' on the famous Boys Club senior side, who field a team in The Northern Alliance.

Wor U21s coach Peetaa Beardsley of course played for them in hiz younger days alang with many othaa famous players like Alan Shearer and 'Broken Nose Bruce'!

This new groond will be an unprecedented thord this month followin' wor visits to Heaton Stannington and Man City 's Academy! (can't ever remember visitin' THREE new groonds in the month of October!?)

We will be heedin' for the Waallsend High Street boozers, where again a'v nevaa ever had a drink in, but av hord that a couple of them are reet dives and they divvint take kindly to strangers invadin' their toon! <(must be sommik to de with 'Hadrian'???)

The game kicks off @ '4:30 bells' @ the Boys Club's Bigges Main groond which av been telt isn't tooo far from the Metro station!

Admission iz £3 and U16s are FREE! 

A match report and pix will appear here later on sometime!     

WHY DE WE DE THEEZE DAFT GROONDS!

Posted '9:28am bells' Monday 13th October 2014

The reason we de theeze daft groonds watchin' the resorves and academy sides iz because we enjoy it!
To watch a match with just 100 hardys souls in attendance meenz that the local boozers (if yi can find one?) arnt full of inebriated idiots chantin' daft songs aboot cr*p ex players and yoo can get sorved quickly!
Aalso it gets us 'oot of the hoose' to meet new faces for a bit crack.

Warwick Rimmer iz one such person who we met at wor U18s game against Man City on Saturday, who waz a scout for Tranmere Rovers. We'd never hord of him, but he telt us that he had been the manager of Sierra Leone in the 1980s and had played ower 500 games for Bolton Wanderers in the 1960s. (more than the legendry Nat Lofthouse!)

I 'googled it' yesterday to find oot that he waz a legend at both Bolton and Tranmere and had made the Birkenhead club ower £14,000,000, findin' new talent to sell on!

He aalso played alang side Toon hero Wyn Davies for Bolton az well and even had a testimonial in hiz honour a canny few years ago (Bolton v Burnley)
He described Sean Longstaff's free kick goal az a one that Ryan Taylor would have been proud of! (a Toon player who who he knew from the past!)

Yes!--yoo certainly meet some great characters at theeze games and we reeely enjoy it!---roll on the next blank weekend when we can visit a new academy/trainin' groond! 

312 (a&b) platt lane academy manchester city *** BLUE MOONIES U18s 2 THE TOON U18s 2

(Ground number 312 a&b)

Date of First Visit: 11th October 2014
Platt Lane Academy, Manchester

Pitch 'A'
Manchester City U18s 2
Newcastle United U18s 2 (og?, Sean Longstaff)

Pitch 'B'
Manchester City U16s 3 ?
Newcastle United U16s 0 ?
(divvint naa the final score!)

Attendances: approx. 100 on each pitch (just 4 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers, namely, 'Fink the mad-sad groundhopper' (yours truly!), 'Michael the Mag', 'Adam Mac' and wor driver 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer'!)

"RYAN TAYLOR OVER THE WAALL!"


'GEORDIE TIMES EXCUUUSIVE!'
SEAN LONGSTAFF'S  FREE KICK GOAL (2nd Toon player from left)
(ball goes in just under bar)


With ne Premyaa Leegue games ower this weekend due to a International break we decided to heed for Mancland where wor acadamy sides were playin' 'The Blue Moonies' academy sides at their Platt Lane Academy complex/trainin' groond, which iz just alang from their old Maine Road groond which they vacated in 2002.

On arrival we made a 'fruitless' trog to try and find a boozer az we still had an hour to spare before the '1 bells' kick off! 
The  Moss-side area of Manchester iz still a place yi would gladly send your muthaa in law tee for a fortneets holiday and even the metal rubbish bins in the back lanes had padlocks on them to stop them bein' nicked!


"THEY'LL EVEN NICK YOUR GARBAGE HERE!"

We passed City's old groond which iz now derelict with weeds and trees growin', where the stands once stood and we could see that on the far side that some new hooses were bein' built where the main stand used to be!

MAINE ROAD---NOW!

After askin' a bedraggled 'local' where the nearest boozer waz located, he telt us that the nearest one (that wasn't boarded up!) waz half a mile away, az he pointed us in the direction of a main road.

Az we had anly 40 minutes to spare now, we reluctantly decided to torn back to the Academy!


ZEBRA CROSSINGS --- MAN CITY ACADEMY STYLE!


A boilin' hot cup of coffee in a smaall cardboard cup waz to be wor 'liquid lubrication' instead of the usual 'alcoholic variety' in the Academy canteen, but at £1 a cup it wasn't good value! <(Man Us Academy in complete comparison, provide yoo with FREE coffee!)

Anyway!--it waz soon time to take up wor standin' positions near the halfway line when 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' realised that we were at the WRANG GAME az it waz the U16s who were warmin' up and NOT the U18s---the game we'd come to watch!

We were directed to anothaa pitch on the othaa side of the complex where we ended up standin' next to an old gadgie in hiz 70s who telt us that he used to play with Wyn Davies at Bolton Wanderers in the 1960's
"Wots your name?" aa asked him curiously. "Warwick Rimmer!" came the reply and he telt us he waz scoutin' for Tranmere Rovers and had hiz notebook and pen at the ready!

The Toon U18s took the lead in the 22nd minute when a mix up in the City defence ended up with a heeded own goal by one of their defenders!---that's the way it stayed til the break and then me and 'Adam Mac' decided to take in a few minutes of the U16s game on pitch 'B', az their game had kicked off orlier and the 2nd half had just started!

A stewardess telt us that, "City where winnin' 3-0 and were well on top!"    I went to take a photo of the action but she telt me I couldn't and shud put my camera phone away!
We moved away az she constantly looked in my direction to see that I had carried oot her orders!---and when she wasn't lookin' I slyly took a couple of pix before we retreated and heeded back to the U18s game after takin' 15 minutes of this game! <(and--No! we won't include it az a different groond az it waz on the same complex! <(Mad-sad groundhoppers rule '27B'!)

NUFC U16s game ---- pitch 'B' ----got the foto ha! ha!

On arrival back at pitch 'A' Warwick telt us that City had just equalised!---He then went on to tell us that he waz once manager of Sierra Leone in the orly 80s! <(ie: we were standin' next to an ex international manager!) 

A brilliant free kick by wor number 7 Sean Longstaff on the edge of the box flew straight into the net ower the wall and Warwick commented that it waz just like a 'Ryan Taylor' free kick, someone he worked with in the past!
Two penalty appeals by us were torned doon (one for a foul in the box--the othaa for hand baall!) before City equalised again in the 88th minute through Charman, for an undeserved draw!

Man City pub crawl (one!)

We said wor 'goodbyes' to Warwick and heeded for the ootskirts of Manchester where some much needed 'tonsil ticklin' took place in a boozer caalled 'The Snipe' next to the entrance to the 'M60 ring road!---It waz then onward through numorous roadworks and we arrived back 'in toon' at '6:45 bells'--- 312 and coontin'! 


"WE WAZ THERE!"



BLUE MOONIES U18s v THE TOON U18s *** PLATT LANE, MANCHESTER *** THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated '8:40am bells' Saturday 11th October 2014

We plan to make a rare 'sorte' this afternoon @ 1:00 bells' when we heed for Mancland for wor U18s game @ Man City's trainin' ground and we are leavin' in a few minutes time! 

It iz ower 9 months since we last did an away youth game, which waz at Man Us trainin' groond @ Carrington! <(we won!)

The reason we are dein' this iz because of course there iz ne forst team action ower this weekend, due to the International break---and we need wor 'fix'! <(and of course it iz a new groond!)

The 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are slowly pickin' off the Premier Leegue/Futbaall Leegue away trainin' groonds to watch wor youngins, and we have now done a canny few and are into 'double figures'! (see below--in no particular order)

'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' away trainin' ground list!
1: Smoggies trainin' ground @ Herworth
2: Leeds trainin' ground @ Thorpe Arch
3 Blackborn trainin' ground
4: Spurs trainin' ground
5: Sheff U trainin' ground
6: Sheff Wed trainin' ground
7 mackems trainin' ground
8: Stoke trainin' ground <(in Newcastle!) <(under Lyme!)
9: Man U trainin' ground
10:WBA trainin' ground


 
 

CONSETT HILLBILLIES 7 THE TOON U21s 4 *** FRIENDLY

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 10th October 2014

"CONSETT HAVE A PARTY!"

A very youthful U21 side were slaughtered @ Belle Vue last neet az the Northern Leegue outfit slammed seven goals past us on a very chilly neet high up in the moontains of Coonty Durham!

We were 5-0 doon by half time on Consett's plastic pitch, but made a 'comeback'? in the 2nd period with goals from Greg Olley, Stefen Broccoli and a brace from Tom Heardman. The Hillbillies added a forthaa 2 goals to make the final score 7-4 to them!

AALL PIX FROM ADAM MAC

    
Attendance: 300 ('Geordie Times' correspondent's  estimate!)

MORE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 9th October 2014

The resorves have added a last minute fixture to their list for this month and will play 'The Hillbillies' of Consett @ their Belle Vue groond TOONEET @ '7 bells'
Admission iz £6 for big kids, £3 for zimmerframeites and £1 for sprogs!
We have played here before of course when we opened their new groond last November (see Geordie Times match report in right hand tool-bar---ground 306) 

Then on Saturday, az we have anothaa 'blankety blank' Premyaa Leegue weekend due to Internationals, we are 'toyin' with the idea of gannin to Moss-Side Manchester to watch the youngins @ Platt Lane, which iz near Man City's old ground (they used to have an 'end' caalled 'The Platt Lane Stand')


Then next Tuesday afternoon the resorves are off to Waallsend where we are takin' on their famous Boys Club side in a '4:30 bells' kick off az they have ne floodlights! (Bigges Main ground)
Admission iz £3 and £1

"WE JUST KNEW IT!" *** MACKEM GAME CHANGED!

Posted '12:44pm bells' Tuesday 7th October 2014

Az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' (and 99% of Toon fans!), wor game against the SMBs haz been switched from Saturday 20th December to Sunday 21st December with a '1:30 bells' kick off and iz live on SKY

Othaa games moved for live telly in December are:

Sat 6th: Chelski @ St James' now @ '12:45 bells' on BT

Sat 13th: The Arse @ The 'Em' @ '5:30 bells' on SKY

Boxin' Day 26th: The Manc Muppets @ The Theatre of Muppets @ '3 bells' on BT

Sun 28th: The Toffee Noses @ St James' @ '4:15 bells' on SKY

THE SWAN LAKERS 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Monday 6th October 2014

THT TOON ATTACK THE AWAY END CLAD IN WOR HORRIBLE
NEW LIME GREEN AND DARK BLUE 3rd STRIP!

"WE'RE IN A RIGHT PICKLE!"

With ne sleep whatsoever after finishin' neetshift at '3 am bells' aa heeded for 'The Central' 2 hours later, to catch the forst of 3 trains which would take us to Swanzee.
Me 2 travellin' companions on this occasion were 'Tex Taylor' and 'Grumpy Stumpy' and we reely didn't look forward to the 6 hours (plus) train journey to sooth Wales!

We arrived on time and az a'm one of those people who just cannit sleep on trains or busses aa emerged from train carriage totally knackered!
Wor forst port o caall waz 'The Villiers' bar which iz half way between the train station and the groond where a few lubrications were hoyed doon wor necks before heedin' for the away tornstiles.

Az iz usual these days anti P45DEW banners were present and were held aloft az the teams ran oot! <(just the kind of 'support' the team needs???)
The age of the cardholders waz ominous!---they were AALL under 30, with most of them inebriated teenagers (who must have had a smell of the barmaids apron!) 
The rest of us '30/40 plus to zimmerframe age', just stood in silence az the protests went on aroond us!

Anyway!--Swanzee took the lead in the 17th minute just after Obertan missed a glorious chance for us, when Bony slid the baall past Tim Krul in the Toon goal after a 'one-two' with anothaa Swanzee player!

Protests then grow louder and more venomous when the word 'Paedophile' iz used against wor beleaguered manager! <("NOT! very nice lads and lasses and completely oot of order!")

Just before half time the unexpected happens when Obertan puts Cisse through and from a very tight angle he fires the baall into the Swanzee goal reet in front of the protestin' Toon fans!
Their protests then torned to support of unbridled joy az Cisse gives a "Sshh!" sign with hiz finger in anger at the protesters!

The 2nd period starts badly when we concede again when Siggerson plays a great baall to Wayne Routledge and the ex Toon player chips the baall ower Krul to put 'The Swan Lakers' back in front!

'Q' more protests with one banner showin' wor sequence of results this year which looks like the name of a Welsh toon!  LLDDLWLLLDWLLL etc!

Cisse than saves P45DEW's bacon when he produces anothaa equaliser at the far end from us when Sammy Ameobi races doon the right wing and crosses to Cisse and he places the baall past their keeper to give us a point!---but we are still in the bottom 3 with ne wins since May!

Conclusion: 25% of wor 'fans' protested from the start (aall under 30) while the othaa 75% DIDN'T <(this includes quite a few teenagers az well who refused to join the 'gang'!)

Aa don't for ONE MINUTE support wor manager, az aa think he shud gan! (hence P45DEW!)---but to slag him off with vile chants before the game haz even started (like at Soothampton and Stoke!) just doesn't help wor cause!

After the game we made for Newport where we were stayin' for the neet!  ONE pint of John Smith's @ £1.99 in the Wetherspoons boozer next to the hotel and aa waz nearly asleep!  An orly neet followed before catchin' the train(s) back to Tyneside on Sunday afternoon!

We came back via H***ford and az we passed through the station aa put mee coat ower mee heed so aa didn't have to see the poxy place! ('1972 and aall that' yi understand!) <(Aa waz there!)

"NO! IT'S NOT A BURKA *** IT'S ME @ H***FORD STATION!"
(pic by Mal the Inglish Skool Teechaa!)

'Grumpy Stumpy had a jar of pickled onions in hiz owerneet bag and we proceeded to eat them by spearin' them with some tooth-picks he had aallso brought!
"We were in a right pickle---just like wor team!"

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Williamson, Dummett, Colback (Riviere 69), Tiote, Sissoko, Obertan, Cisse (Perez 85, Gouffran (Sammy Ameobi 58)

Attendance: 20,662 (2,000 Toon fans)

PS: There were a mind bogglin' 29 station stops! from Swanzee back to 'The Central' via Manchester!---a world records perhaps???

Swansea trip, pub crawl (not many!)

THE QUEENS HOTEL, NEWPORT
(After game)