TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TOONIES!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 18th September 2014

Followin' fan unrest in Sooothampton last week, some Toon fans are plannin' a protest @ St James' Park on Saturday when we take on 'Broken Nose Bruce's Tiger Lillys' in a '3 bells' kick off.

At Sooothampton, az the players were warmin' up before the kick off, some of wor younger element of fans had unfurled anti Pardew banners in the away end, much to the annoyance of coach John Carver who came ower to remonstrate!

We at 'The Geordie Times' can see Carver's point!---To de this BEFORE the game haz even kicked off iz pure madness az it can anly send negative vibes to the players on the pitch!

Most of the perpetrators were fans in their teens or orly twenties and three of them came doon to the front at the start of the 2nd half and held aloft a double (beer stained!) bedsheet with 'PARDEW OUT' written on it in black spray paint!

Those of us 'langer in the tooth', shall we say,? just stood in stunned silence az the goals went in!

With P45DEW still in charge come Saturday afternoon---things can anly get worse!

TOON U21s 2 WOLVES WANABEEZ U21s 1

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 16th September 2014

A win at St James' Park at last! came last neet---but it waz wor U21s and not the forst team in action!
Goals from Gael Bigiramana and Tom Heardman secured the win against The Wanabeez from Wolves in front of a sub 500 'crowd'

SOOOTHAMPTON 4 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:00am bells' Monday 145th September 2014

THE TOON MAKE A RARE 'SORTE' INTO THE SOOOTHAMPTON HALF!
("WHO ATE AALL THE PIES?")

"HAMPSHIRE HORROR SHOW WOE!"

The day started off @ '6 am bells' when we boarded the train to London for the forst leg of the trip to Sooothampton in deepest Hampshire, for this Premyaa Leegue encounter!

A'd done mee usual 450 mile nightshift 'truck run' doon to the Bormingham area and back and had finished work @ 2:45 am bells'---enough time to gan yem have a shower and get changed into mee Toon attire and book a taxi to 'The Central'

The banter on the train waz aall doom and gloom a'm afraid from the Toon faithful az we sped towards the capital city!
Aa soon fell asleep! "ZZZZZZzzzzzz!!!!!!"

Upon arrival we made for Waaterloo Station on the tube, where the next 'leg' would take us on to Sooothampton and it's many ale hooses!

A quick 'liquid lubrication' in 'The Beer Hoose' @ Waaterloo quenched wor thorsts before boardin' the packed 'South West' train!

 

It waz then 'onwards' to wor final destination, where (1hour :20 mins later!) we arrived in very good time on the sun drenched coast!

After sampling the various beers in some of wor fave haunts doon here, it waz (reluctantleee!) time to heed for St Mary's!---aa say 'reluctantlee' az most Toon fans thought we  would get beat, like we did last season, when we were completeleee ootplayed and lost 4-0!

And so it proved!---az we were greeted by anothaa lack lustre display in front of the 2,550 Geordies who had made the 666 mile roond trip from Tyneside --just like us!

One 'plonker' standin' in the same row az us, had a camera on hiz HEED! and he stood there like an idiot for aall to see!

"SMILE! *** YOUR ON CANDID CAMERA!"

The sequence of events were az follows!:

20 seconds!: Coloccini makes an awful back pass to Tim Krul in the 'Toon' goal and he wellies the baall, which richoshades <(hope a'v spelt that reet!?) off a Soothampton forward and reboonds just past the left hand post in front of the travellin' faithful!
A very lucky escape for us!

3rd minute: Tim Krul rushes oot of hiz goal and appears to punch Soothampton's Long in the kisser, but the ref thought he had punched the baall instead and gave a throw in to the home side!?

4th minute: Anothaa defensive misstayk (by Williamson aa think?) lets in the home side again but thankfully they miss their chance again!

6th minute: The inevitable  happens when The Saints take the lead and wor 'sinner' iz Williamson who attempted? a heeder to anothaa Toon player, but it ended up with Soothampton's Bertrand, who's lob foond Pelle and he heeded past a helpless Krul in front of The Toon faithful to put the home side 1-0 up!

18th minute: Immediately after the now usual 17th minute applause for MH17 victims John 'The Undertaker' and Liam, The Saints get a 2nd from Pelle again who side footed past Krul to put the game seemingly beyond us! (aa meeen!---who waz gannin' to score WOR goals?) 

We did have a couple of chances later on but both were 'fluffed' by 'The Sissoko Kid' and Colback!

We somehow managed to get to half time still just 2-0 doon and wondered just how many we would actually concede az Soothampton bombarded wor goal!?

An 'un-ironed' dorty beer stained double bedsheet then appeared in front of us just after the re-start with 'PARDEW OUT' written in black spray paint on the front of it! <(no doubt 'nicked' from some unsuspectin' mam's linen cupboard!)

"THE WRITINGS ON THE 'BED-SHEET'!"

P45DEW <(hiz new name!) waz gettin' some horrendous stick by a canny few Toon fans and he sat on hiz seat in the dugout throughout the game, anly 'darin' to briefly stand up once in case the fans booed him! <(surely there iz ne way that he can carry on!? <(surely not???) 
John Carver and Steve Stone, hiz assistants, were left to prowl the touchline givin' oot orders az P45DEW sat motionless, with hiz arms folded, like a frightened rabbit in the headlights of a car!

54th minute: The Toon 'bottled it' again when a mix up by Williamson <(again!) and Krul let in Cork, who had the simple task of roundin' wor keeper and placin' the baall into the empty net!

94th minute: A repeat of last season's 4-0 defeat now happed az Schneiderlin <(hope a'v splet that reet!?) hit a fine effort into the top corner of wor net to complete wor misery and send us to the bottom of the Leegue!!

This waz wor worst display for many a year and the shambles just gans on and on! (The annual 'Sooothampton Boat Show' waz on az well!---mebeez we shud have aall went there instead!???)

Some liquid lubrications back in London to drown wor sorrows followed and we eventually got yem @ '12:30 bells' via King's Cross once again!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Coloccini, Haidera, Colback, Anita (Tiote 46), Cabella (Perez 69), Sissoko (Sammy Ameobi 89?) <(wot waz the point?), Gouffran, Riviere

Attendance: 29,678 (2,550 p*ssed off Toon fans!)



SOOOTHAMPTON v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Updated 'high noon bells' Friday 12th September 2014

Action from last season @ St Mary's
(We lost 4-0 !)

We face wor 2nd langest trip of the season on Saturday when we heed for Soothampton in a '3 bells' kick off <(Swanzee iz forthaa!)

De Jong's injury rules him oot til at least Xmas and az for Cheik Tiote who played for the Ivory Coast on Wednesday, it iz anybodys guess wethaa he will make it back in time to torn oot for the club who pay hiz wages!  Rolando Aaarons iz aalso reported to be 'oot' but Jack Colback shud be in the startin' line-up!

I am dein' mee normal neet truck run to the Bormingham area on Friday neet (450 miles roond trip) and with a bit luck aa shud be finished by '3 am bells'---plenty of time to get some sleep az the train leaves at '6 am bells'! (660 miles roond trip!)

To be honest aa dare-nit gan to sleep az aa would miss the train, so aa'll just watch the telly for a couple of hours before makin' mee way to 'The Central'!  (Matchsticks in eyelids 'at the ready'!) <(aall in the life of a mad-sad groundhopper'!)

Not many Toon fans think we will get anythin' from this fixture and if that iz the case we could find worsels in the bottom 3 come Saturday neet! <(hopefully we CAN get a result?)

More worryingleee, we have taken a meagre 18 points from a possible 66 in The Premyaa Leegue so far this year and have won just 5 games, losin' 14 and drawn 3 times!---'R' yoo readin' this P45dew????

We have sold wor full allocation of tickets for this game which totals 2,550, but beware if yoo are gannin' doon by road!----The Sooothampton Boat Show iz on at the same time and traffic chaos iz forecast!

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo a full match and drinkin' report on Sunday or Monday <(dependin' on how aa feel!)

It iz ower 45 years since aa forst went to Sooothampton when we drew 0-0 @ The Dell <(match report from that game below!)

"AWAY THE LADS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 9th September 2014


AWAY SECTION OF ST JAMES' PARK


News that a giant screen iz to be erected @ St James' Park iz great news for aall away fans az it will be reet next to them!

Toon fans in othaa parts of the groond will have a lang distance view of the screen which will be fixed onto the glass panel at the corner of The Leazes End level 7 and The East Stand!

However!---if yoo are a season ticket holder in the East Stand or 'Strawberry Corner', yoo won't be able to see the screen at aall!---and in total 12,000 Toon fans will have absolutleee ne view of it whatsoevaa!

"AWAY THE LADS!"

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS DIARY FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS

Posted '9:43pm bells' Monday 8th September 2014

A DATE FOR YOUR GROUNDHOPPIN' DIARY! *** 23rd SEPTEMBER 2014!
"NEW GROOND! *** NEW GROOND!"

Here' iz the mad-sad groundhoppers hectic diary for the next fower weeks!---a possibility of NINE different groonds to visit!
BUT! impossible to watch every game az some dates 'clash'!

Key:
Gold = 1st team game
Pink = Resorve/U21s game
Green(horns) = U18s game  

SEPTEMBER
Sat 13th @ '3 bells': Sooothampton @ St Mary's Stadium

(IF? yi cannit get to Sooothampton then yi can aalways 'groundhop' to Benton on the same day!) 

Sat 13th @ '12:30 bells': Bolton @ Little Benton

Mon 15th @ '7 bells': Wolves @ St James' Park

Sat 20th @ '11 bells': The Smoggies @ Rockcliffe Park, Herworth

Then make a 'bee-line up to The Toon!

Sat 20th @ '3 bells': Broken Nose Bruce's Tiger Lillys @ St James' Park

Mon 22nd @ '7 bells': The Arse @ Meadow Park, Boreham Wood

Wed 24th @ '8 bells': Crystal Baalls @ Selhurst Park

Sat 27th @ '11 bells': The Liverbirds @ Little Benton

Mon 29th @ '8 bells': The P*ss Potts of Stoke @ The Brittania Stadium

OCTOBER
Wed 1st @ '7:30 bells': Heaton Stan @ Grounsell Park, High Heaton

Sat 4th @ '11 bells': Derby Coonty @ Little Benton

Yi can aalways gan to Swanzee if yi cannit get to Benton!

Sat 4th @ '3 bells': Swanzee @ Liberty Stadium

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS! ***** "THE 'HEAT' IZ ON!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 7th September 2014

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that 'The Toon' are to send a team to Northern Leegue Heaton Stannington's groond on Wednesday the forst of October for a friendly game.

This will be the forst time ever (az far az we are aware?) that 'The Toon' will have played @ Grounsell Park and the mad-sad groundhoppers will be there in force (aall ten of us!) to sample the pies and ales!

The groond iz in the east end of The Toon on Newton Road, High Heaton and not far from The Freeman Hospital.
Kick off iz @ '7:30 bells' and admission prices have still to be annoonced! 

150 THANK YOOZ!

Posted '2:05pm bells' Friday 5th September 2014

'The Geordie Times' haz just received a 'hit' from Macau off the southern coast of China.
This iz the 150th country or territory on the planet orth to have visited theeeze pages since we started bloggin'!

We thank each and every one of yoo for visitin' this site and we will of course continue to bring yoo aall the NUFC news second hand ,forst!

SPORZ GAME MOVED!

Posted '1:17pm bells' Friday 5th September 2014

ACTION 'IN THE SUN' @ WHITE HART LANE LAST SEASON

Az expected wor game at White Hart Lane scheduled for Saturday 24th October haz been moved to the Sunday with a '1:30 bells' kick off!
This iz because Sporz are in Europa Leegue action the previous Thorsday and it meenz wor retorn train tickets are now 'bin-able'!

We are still usin' the tickets doon to 'The Smoke' on the Saturday mornin' ,but will have to 'bin' the '9 bells' train tickets back on the Saturday neet and get new tickets for wor Sunday retorn. (Plus a hotel of course!)
Who cares aboot the fans anyway????

GROOND 309 AT LAST!

Posted '10:50am bells' Wednesday 3rd September 2014

A'v just finished the match report from Gillingham EIGHT days ago (see below!)
Better late than never!