ST JAMES' PARK *** THE OLDEST TOP FLIGHT GROOND IN THE WORLD

Posted '2:07pm bells' Thorsday 10th July 2014

1880-2014 *** 134 YEARS---AND COONTIN'!

It's official! <(at least on 'The Geordie Times' website anyway!)
St James' Park iz the oldest top flight futbaall groond anywhere in the world!

The current Premyaa League list iz below with club's who occupied the groond forst in brackets!

1: 1880 St James' Park, Newcastle Rangers <(NUFC since 1892)

2: 1883 Turf Moor, Burnley <(longest continuous occupation by one club, currently in the top flight)

3: 1884 Anfield, Everton! < (Liverpool since 1892)

4: 1892 Goodison Park, Everton

5: 1897 Villa Park, Aston Villa

6: 1899 White Hart Lane, Sporz

7: 1900 The Hawthorns, WBA

8: 1904 Loftus Road, QPR

8: 1904 Boleyn Groond, WHU

10: 1905 Stamford Bridge, Chelski <(opened in 1877 for athletics ---  futbaall waz 1st played there in 1905 )

11: 1910 Old Trafford, Man U

12: 1924 Selhurst Park, Crystal Palace

13: 1997 Britannia Stadium, Stoke

13: 1997 The Stadium of SSHhhh! (ye naa wot), SMB

15: 2001 St Mary's Stadium, Sooothampton

16: 2002 KC Stadium, Hull

16: 2002 Walkers Stadium, Leicester

18: 2003 City of Manc Stadium, Man City

19: 2005 Liberty Stadium, Swanzee

20: 2006 Emirates Stadium, Arsenal    

"IT'S NOT! LIKE WATCHIN' BRAZIL!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 9th July 2014

Last neet az per usual az waz on a 'trunk run' to the Bormingham area and looked forward to listenin' to the Brazil v Jawmany game on mee truck radio.
Aa missed the forst 20 minutes of the game az the fork truck driver waz loadin' me when the game kicked off!

A frantically torned the volume up to hear the commentator tell us that Jawmany had won a corner. "It's 5-0 to Germany!", he said and for some reason aa thought that he MUST have meant Jawmany had won 5 corners to Brazil's 'NIL'!
The crowd were deftly silent and the anly thing yoo cud hear were  (wot sounded like) a few Jawmans singin' in the background!

It waz anly a few minutes later that aa realised that it WAZ in fact 5 goals and not corners!
Who wud ever had believed that????

7-1, of course, the unbeleeevable final score, which completleee blew the myth that they were somehow invincible!

Mebeez it's just az well that NUFC have ditched their Brazil away kit for a grey number next season! <(not that it will make much difference anyway--- we suspect!)

MORE SIGNINGS IMMINENT???? *** MORE DEPARTURES LIKELY!

Posted '1:55pm bells' Monday 7th July 2014

The Toon players returned for pre-season trainin' today and with just 8 days to gan before wor forst, forst team friendly game of the season at Oldham, we have made a paltry 3 signings since the end of last season and had 11 departures from the wage-bill!

Rumours that both Debuchy and Sissoko are aallso to depart makes worryin' readin', with more Dutch names bein' bandied aboot az their replacements!
24 days remain in the transfor window and we can anly hope (and pray!) that we sign at least anothaa 4 to 5 forst teamers or else we will face a season of struggle at the wrang end of the table!

50,000 average gates don't seem to make any difference and we are just a 'steppin stone' for players like Cabaye etc.
We are just anothaa 'Sooothampton' who average 30,000 gates, floggin' wor star players to fill the owners aalready fat wallet!

"24 DAYS AND COONTIN'!"    

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ! *** SPOT THE DIFFERENCE! *** QUIZ ANSWERS

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th July 2014

We asked yoo the followin' question on Tuesday:
"Below are three very well knaan futbaall people----but wot have they aall got in common???"

ROY HODGSON WAZ ASKED THE FOOLLOWIN' QUESTION
JUST BEFORE THE WORLD CUP STARTED:
"CAN WE WIN IT!?"
HODGSON'S REPLY: "OF COURSE WE CAN!"---"THERE'S NOT
MUCH POINT IN GOING IF WE DON'T THINK THAT!"

WHEN ASKED IF HE HAD 'HAD AN ITALIAN'
SUAREZ REPLIED: "I TRIPPED AND MY TEETH ACCIDENTLY
BIT HIS SHOULDER!"

AND NOT TO BE OUTDONE!
ASKED ABOOT WOR FORST GAME OF THE SEASON AGAINST
THE 'MEGA MILLION MANCS', WOR BELEAGERD MANAGER REPLIED:
"WE HAVE NOT REALLY STRETCHED MANCHESTER CITY IN RECENT
YEARS, NOT SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE!"
"SO IT WOULD BE NICE TO GET A RESULT AGAINST THEM
AND GET OUR SEASON UP AND RUNNING!"
(WILL PARDEW MAKE IT 'THREE OF A KIND'???
WE AWAIT THIS 3rd ANSWER WITH TREPADATION ON AUGUST 16th!)

"HELLO ALAN!"
"ARE YOU IN THERE!?"

OUT OF 'BOUNDS'!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Thorsday 3rd July 2014

WELCOME TO! *** BOUNDARY PARK! *** 100 YEARS OF HISTORY! ***
(and coontin'!)

News that ("Aa told him!") > 'Oldham' are to change the name of their groond from Boundary Park to the ridiculously named 'Sportsdirect dot com Park'! have reached us here at 'The Geordie Times'

We of course play the Lancashire, Pennine based team in less than two weeks time in wor forst pre-season away friendly of the season, but az far az we are concerned, Oldham Athletic's groond, which haz been called 'Boundary Park' since 1904, will remain JUST THAT!


"See yoo at 'BOUNDARY PARK' a week on Tuesday!

NUFC PRE-SEASON TICKET NEWS

Posted '12:42pm bells' Thorsday 3rd July 2014

Tickets are nuw on sale from the NUFC ticket office for the followin' pre-season friendlies***

(Aa told him) Oldham @ Boundary Park on Tue July 15th
£15 for big kids and £5 for sprogs and zimmerframeites

Sheff Wed @ Hillsborough on Wed 30th July
£15 for big kids and £5 for sprogs and zimmerframeites
(It shud be noted that a NUFC X1 iz likely to be playin' in this game)

Sat and Sun 2nd and 3rd August in Jawmany tournament
£31 for a seat and £11 to stand for both games against Malaga on the Saturday and Schalke 04 on the Sunday

 'uddersfield Toon on Tue 5th Aug @ McAlpine Stadium <(it's original name) £15 for grown ups and £10 for sprogs and zimmerframeites (Again! it shud be noted that a NUFC X1 are likely to be playin')  

"GOING FOR A 'DE JONG'!" ***

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 2nd July 2014

"TOON TAKE AJAX TO THE CLEANERS!"

For the forst time in a year and a half we have signed a player for cash who will gan straight into the forst team! (Colback waz a free transfor and Perez who cost us £1.5 'mill', waz signed az a 'one for the future')

25 year old Siam De Jong who signed from Ajax of Amsterdam yesterday haz 'cleaned oot' <(sic!) 'The Fat Controller's wallet by £ 6 'mill'
The Dutch international midfielder, who haz 6 caps for hiz country haz signed a 6 year contract and we can anly hope that he iz better than hiz now departed bruvvaa Luuk De Jong, who scored az many goals for The Toon az we have!

More class signings are still needed of course to strengthen wor squad or else we will be fightin' for wor lives at the wrang end of the table!---at least 4 more by wor reckonin'!

(For the latest NUFC transfor 'IN's and 'OOT's see below!)

NUFC SQUAD NUMBAAZ 2014-2015

Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday 2nd July 2014


"I AM NOT A NUMBER! ***I  AM A FREE MAN!"


The latest Toon squad numbaaz for the new season are az follows:

GOALEEZ
1: Tim Krul
21: Rob Elliot
42: Jak Alnwick
47: Freddie Woodman

DIFENDAAZ
2: 'Fab' Coloccini
3: Davide Santon
6: Mike Williamson
13: Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa
16: Ryan Taylor
19: Massadio Hairara
26: Mathieu Debuchy
27: Steve Taylor
33: Curtis Good
36: Paul Dummett
37: Lobomir Satka
44: Remie Streete
? : Shane Ferguson

MIDFEELDAAZ
7: Moussa Sissoko
8: Vernon Anita
10: Hatem Ben Arfa
20: Gael Bigiramana
22 Sylvain Marveaux
24: Cheik Tiote
25: Gabriel Obertan
28: Sammy Ameobi
45: Olivier Kemen
46: Ronaldo Aarons
? : Jack Colback
? : Mehdi Abeid
? : Jonas Gutierrez
? : Haris Vuckic
? : Siam De Jong

STRIKAAZ
9: Pappis Cisse
11: Yoan Gouffran
43: Adam Armstrong
49: Adam Campbell
? : Ayoze Perez

ARMOUR-RAMA!

Posted '1:37pm bells' Friday 27th Joon 2014

THE TOON UNVEIL THEIR NEW KIT FOR THE LIVERPOOL GAME!
(NOTE THE EXTRA SHOULDER PADDING!)

News that Luis Suarez iz banned from aall futbaall for fower months makes worryin' readin' for Toon players!

For hiz Premyaa Leegue comeback for 'The Liverbirds' after hiz record ban for 'havin an Italian', iz against (would yoo believe it!?) US!

The panic stricken NUFC hierarchy have aalready contacted 'The Keep' at the 'new' castle (below) to see if they can borrow any 'bite proof' armour on display, for the game @ St James' on the forst of November! 

TOON ON TELLY! *** "ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"

Updated '12:45pm bells' Thorsday 26th Joon 2014


"NIGHT GOGGLES AT THE READY!"


The good news iz that The Toon's two games in New Zealand are to be shown on telly by BT Sport!

The bad news however iz that the forst one iz at '8:30 AM bells' on Tuesday 22nd July against Sydney and the second one iz even worse az it kicks off at '4:30 AM bells' on Saturday 26th July!

"Black coffee and night goggles at the ready!" ***"ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"

PS: news reaches us that wor two games in Jawmany on the 2nd and 3rd of August are aalso to be shown live by the Jawman tv channel 'Sports 1 TV' <(ne news yet of any UK broadcaster takin' these games!?