AN ORLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FROM SANTA! (CRUZ!)

Posted '1:13pm bells' Saturday 7th Joon 2014

On Thorsday 'The Geordie Times' said that it would be "highly unlikely!" that we would sign a player for cash before next Monday!

NUFC obviously hord us and sprung into action by signin' striker Ayoze Perez from Spanish side Tenerife and a fee of £1.5 million <("wow!") haz been mentioned.
However!---he haz been signed for wor 'development U21s squad' and iz therefore NOT a forst team signin' az such (The wait to sign a permanent FORST TEAM PLAYER FOR CASH gans on (and on!)
(See 'Geordie Times' quiz below)


PEREZ TRIES OOT ONE OF THE PLASTIC SEATS
IN 'THE MILBURN STAND'!


Born in the Tenerife capital of Santa Cruz, 20 year old Perez plied hiz trade in the Spanish second division and scored 16 times in 34 games last season!
He met resorve team manager Peter Beardsley after a flyin' visit to Tyneside for talks on hiz contract (which will formally start on the forst of July) and said:
"I am very happy to be here to start a new adventure!
I'm very eager for it to begin and I am very pleased to play for this magnificent club!  Any football player would be interested in playing for such a club and I will earn my position to get into the first team!"

"JACK'S THE LAD!?" *** £000,000,000!

Posted '1:25pm bells' Thorsday 5th Joon 2014

The rumour machine haz been dein' the roonds az per usual in the summaa transfor window and it's said that SMB midfielder Jack Colbeck iz set to join us sometime next week on a FREE TRANSFOR! <(Az wor 'beloved owner?' 'The Fat Controller' will ne doubt say: "The price is right!")

A 5 year deal haz been mentioned and we at 'The Geordie Times' have ne problem with an SMB switchin' from weardoside to Tyneside!
The mackem fans though, hate it if it's the othaa way roond and they sign an ex Toon player! <(Lee Clark iz the porfect example!)

Still ne news of course of any pormanent signings for CASH!---the lang wait gans on! <(and ON!) (see Geordie Times quiz below!)

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ *** HOW MANY DAYS IZ IT SINCE WE LAST SIGNED A PLAYER FOR CASH!?

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 4th Joon 2014


"WHO AM I ?"

Next Monday, NUFC will reach anothaa 'millstone' in wor history (that's correct!---'millstone' NOT 'milestone')

The Geordie Times question iz:

"How many days will it be next Monday, since NUFC last signed a forst team player for cash and wot iz hiz name!???"

The answer will appear here sometime next Monday afternoon!
(This iz of course assumin' that we divvint sign a player(s) for cash between now and then!) <(Highly unlikely!)

Take a guess?---'Fink' aboot it!??---divvint 'Google it'!???---NE cheeetin'!????

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ *** "DID YOO SPOT WOR DILLIBERATTE MISSTAYK(S)!?"

Posted '12:40pm bells' Friday 30th May 2014

THE TYNE BRIDGES---FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:
THE REDHEUGH BRIDGE
THE KING EDWARD BRIDGE
THE QUEEN ELIZABETH II (METRO) BRIDGE
THE HIGH LEVEL BRIDGE
THE SWING BRIDGE
THE TYNE BRIDGE
THE MILLENIUM BRIDGE
 

Yesterday we gave yoo the quiz answer to wor question, which waz:
"How many teams have won a major domestic trophy since NUFC last won one!?"

We gave a list of 34 teams who had done so and said that Sporz had last won a trophy in 1991, which waz the FA Cup!
This waz a cunning missteak on wor part az Sporz last won a trophy just 5 years  "Er!"--6 years! ago in 2008, which waz the Leegue Cup!
AALSO!--- we missed 'Ne Where Near' Bolton Wanders FA Cup win in 1958---so the total iz in fact 35! and NOT 34!--- the correction(s) are listed below!

We were inundated with millions of texts, e mail and fone caalls, correctin' us (whey!--- TWO actually from 'Liam from the Lamp'!) and he wins the forst prize which iz an aall EXPENSIVE paid trip to New Zealand to watch The Toon pre season (Aall £3,000 expenses paid by HIM! <(apart from a very generous 5 pence donation to help with the costs from 'The Geordie Times'!)

He aalso wins a 'Geordie Times' tee shirt, to wear in New Zealand (XXL--small 'marquee tent' size!) complete with wor 7 Tyne Bridge logos on the front (see above pic) and www.geordietimes.com  on the back! 
We have since corrected wor dilibrittt misttaik! (see below!)

34 OR! 35 *** ANOTHAA GROVELLIN' APOLOGY FROM 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'!

Posted '9:09pm bells' Sunday 1st Joon 2014

In 'The Geordie Times' 'Trophy Quiz' we asked yoo just how many different teams had won a major domestic trophy since NUFC last won one in 1955!
We gave the answer az 34 BUT! omitted 'Ne Where Near' Bolton Wanderers who won the FA Cup in 1958! (we say 'ne where near' az their Reebok Stadium groond ISNT anywhere near Bolton!) <(it's SIX miles away!)

Anyway!---we have now corrected wor heinous error and sacked wor stat man in shame!---he will be replaced in the not tooo distant future by someone with a few more brains! <(more to follow on this in the next few days!)

We can anly apologise once again and the corrected answer iz listed below!

SINCE WE LAST WON A TROPHY 'STATS' *** QUIZ ANSWER!

Updated '9:15pm bells' 1st Joon 2014


SOMEWHERE DOON 'THE BIGG MARKET'!

Yesterday in 'The Geordie Times', we asked yoo:
"How many different teams have won a major domestic trophy since NUFC last won one?"

The answer iz!--------------------------------------!!! 
34 !!!! <(THORTY FOWER!) 
"ER!"-sorry!" 35!!!!! (THORTY FIVE!) 
Below iz the staggerin' list of different clubs that have won a major domestic trophy since NUFC last won one, way!, way! back in 1955! (includin' Swindon Toon, Oxfaad, Wombledon and Luton Toon!)
"It makes yoo want to cry in your beer!"


(Last major trophy win only per club)

1 The Arse *** FA Cup *** 2014
2 Manc Blue Moonies *** Premyaa Leegue *** 2014
3 Blue Wigs *** FA Cup *** 2013
4 Manc Muppets *** Premyaa Leegue *** 2013
5 Swanzee *** Leegue Cup *** 2013
6 Chelski *** FA Cup *** 2012
7 The Liverbirds *** Leegue Cup *** 2012
8 Bormingham *** Leegue Cup *** 2011
9 Portsmooth *** FA Cup *** 2009
10 Sporz *** Leegue Cup *** 2008 (corrected answer!)
11 The Smoggies *** Leegue Cup *** 2004
12 Blackborn *** Leegue Cup *** 2002
13 Lestaaa *** Leegue Cup *** 2000
14 The Hazbeens & Villians *** Leegue Cup *** 1996
15 The Toffee Noses *** FA Cup *** 1995
16 Leeedz *** Old 1st Division *** 1992
17 Sporz *** FA Cup *** 1991
17 Sheff Wed *** Leegue Cup *** 1991
18 Forest *** Leegue Cup *** 1990
19 Wombledon *** FA Cup *** 1988
20 Luton Toon *** Leegue Cup *** 1988
21 Coventry Nomads *** FA Cup *** 1987
22 Oxfaad *** Leegue Cup *** 1986
23 The Canary Custards *** Leegue Cup *** 1985
24 The Jellied Eels Mob *** FA Cup *** 1980
25 Wolverhampton Wanabeez *** Leegue Cup *** 1980
26 Ipswich Toon *** FA Cup *** 1978
27 Sooothampton *** FA Cup *** 1976
28 Derby  Sheep S**ggers *** Old 1st Division ***1975
29 SMBs! *** FA Cup *** 1973
30 The P*ss Potters *** Leegue Cup *** 1972
31 Swindon Toon *** Leegue Cup *** 1969
32 The Baggie Troosers *** FA Cup *** 1968
33 Steptoe Rag & Bone Men Rangers ** Leegue Cup ** 1967
34 Bornley *** Old 1st Division *** 1960
35 'Ne Where Near' Bolton Wanderers *** FA Cup *** 1958 (corrected answer!)
36 The Toon *** FA CUP *** 1955!


IF? we have made any missteaks or left anyone oot---we can anly apologize!
"ER!"--- "We did! Sporz won their last trophy in 2008 and NOT 1991!" <('Clever sh*te', 'Liam from the Lamp' corrected us!)
Aalso we omitted Bolton who won the FA Cup in 1958! <(the shame!)
 

"6,708 THANKYOOOZ!"

Posted '11:42am bells' Sunday 1st Joon 2014

Yesterday 'The Geordie Times' recorded it's highest number of 'hits' in one day when we recorded a magnificent 1,216---most of them from Israel <(believe it or not!?) <"Hello Israel!")
This iz the forst time in the history of the world that we have broken the '1,000 barrier'!

Not anly that!---But the total pageviews for May totalled 6,708 which iz 2,000 more than the previous best in April 2013!

The Top Ten Aall Time 'Hit-List' iz az follows:

1 "The old"--UK ***  57,294
2 USA ---"Aall the way!" *** 21,801
3 The Ukrainians *** 7,071
4 "Mee Old!"---China *** 3,617
5 Jawmany *** 3,096
6 Rushaa *** 1,424
7 The Israelites *** 1,183
8 The Guinness Republic *** 1.087
9 "Aviva!"--Espanyaa *** 923
10 The Frenchies *** 720

Yet again!--we thank each any every one of yoo from the fower corners of planet Orth and Mars for loggin' into this *'up market' website for the futbaall 'connoisseurs'! <(We naa how to sppel aall the big words!) 
*('Up' the 'Bigg Market'---that iz!)

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

GEORDIE TIMES *** MAJOR TROPHY QUIZ

Posted '1:15pm bells' Wednesday 28th May 2014

How many different teams have won a major domestic trophy since NUFC last won one in 1955???

We will give yoo the answer tomorrow afternoon sometime!

Divvint 'Google it'! --take a guess?---- ne cheeetin'!

WORLD TOP 20 BEST SUPPORTED CLUBS *** AVERAGE GATES 2013-2014

Posted '8:10pm bells' Monday 26th May 2014

ST JAMES' PARK *** HOME OF THE WORLDS 13th BEST SUPPORTED CLUB!
(VIEW OF 'THE GALLOWGATE END' FROM ST JAMES' METRO STATION)

'The Geordie Times' stat man haz looked up the latest world average gates and 'The Toon' are (still!) in 13th place! 
Anly one non European team iz the top 20 (River Plate), which haz been totally dominated recently by European teams.
Az yoo can see Borussia Dortmund are by far and away the worlds best supported club!

The Top 20 List:

1 Borussia Dortmund (Jawmany) *** 80,297
2 The Manc Muppets (England) *** 75,207
3 Barcelona (Spain) *** 71,958
4 Bayern Munich (Jawmany) *** 71,000
5 Real Madrid (Spain) *** 70,754
6 Schalke 04 (Jawmany) *** 61,569
7 The Arse (England) *** 60,013
8 Borussia The Munchin' Gladbachs (Jawmany) *** 52,239
9 Hertha Berlin (Jawmany) *** 51,889
10 Hamborg (Jawmany) *** 51,825
11 Ajax (Holland) *** 50,907
12 Stuttgart (Jawmany) *** 50,498
13 The Toon (Geordieland!) *** 50,395
14 River Plate (Argentina) *** 48,000
15 The Manc Blue Moonies (England) *** 47,080
16 Eintracht Frankfurt (Jawmany) *** 47,052
17 Glasgaay Celtic (Scotland) *** 46,808
18 Atletico Madrid (Spain) *** 46,746
19 Inter Milan (Italy) *** 46,246
20 FC Koln (Jawmany) *** 46,235

(For more Toon attendance 'stats' scroll doon the page!)

NORTH EAST ENGLAND TOP 20 BEST SUPPORTED CLUBS *** AVERAGE GATES 2013-2014

Posted '8:25pm bells' Sunday 25th May 2014


ST JAMES' PARK *** HOME OF THE NORTH EAST'S BEST SUPPORTED CLUB!
(LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE MILBURN STAND FROM THE EAST STAND)


Below iz the list of the top 20 best supported north east clubs! (average gates)
Az per usual 'The Toon' are the best supported!

1 The Toon *** 50,395
2 The SMBs *** 41,090
3 The Smoggies *** 15,748 
4 The Monkey Hangers *** 3,723
5 Darlo *** 1,097
6 The Heedbangers *** 885
7 Berwick Strangers *** 468
8 Spennymoor Toon *** 430
9 The Spartans of Blyth *** 360
9 The Whitley Bay Watchers *** 299
10 Bishops *** 245
11 North Sheeelds *** 233 
12 The Pit Yakkers of Ashington *** 226
13 West Auckland Toon *** 218
14 Consett the Coldest Place on Earth *** 190
15 Shildonians *** 187
16 The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston 176
17 By Hook or by Crook *** 147
18 A'm gonna leave old Durham Toon (City!) *** 136
19 Aycliffe *** 129
20  Billy Sinners *** 119