Saturday, 21 July 2018

TOON U23s v HAMILTON ACCIES @ STIRLING

Posted '1:11pm bells' Saturday 21st July 2018 @ Mousehole, Cornwaall

Haz been coformed by The Geordie Times'z club insider that wor U23s will play Hamilton @ Stirling University tomorrow afternoon @'3 bells'

Personally, aa cant make the game az aa fly back from Exeter tomorrow afternoon at the same time az the game iz played!😨

A match report from wor game this afternoon v Bolton U18s in Mousehole will be posted later!
"Yi cannit de them aall!"


MOUSEHOLE TOURNAMENT CUP FINAL

Posted '9:45am bells' Saturday 21st July 2018
Tourist attraction one!

Yesterday The Toon U18s beat 'uddersfield U18s to reach the final of The Endorsed Cup where we will meet Bolton U18s who beat Mousehole FC 4-1 last neet!
We based worsels in Penzance last neet, which iz 5 mikes from Mousehole and az yid expect we visited the local tourist attractions!
Tourist attraction two!

A full match report will appear here sometime this evenin'
The match kicks off at '2:00pm bells'
Tourist attraction three!
(1:00am bells!😨)

*

Friday, 20 July 2018

"LANDS END! LANDS END! HERE WE COME!

Posted '1:07pm bells' Friday 20th July 2018
A PENALTY SHOOTOUT AT MOUSEHOLE LAST SEASON!

Today NUFC U18s will make history when they play a game v 'uddersfield U18s in a place caalled Mousehole in Cornwall in The Endorsed Cup with 4 teams takin part. 'uddersfield U18s, Bolton U18s, The Toon U18s and the home club Mousehole FC

The groond iz just 10 miles from Lands End and iz the most southerly groond on the British mainland!
TRUNGLE PARK, MOUSEHOLE ON 
A NON MICE MATCH DAY!

'Little old me' iz writin' most of this on the '11:42am bells' train from Newcasil to Penzance, az I am gannin for the 2nd game on Saturday, when wor U18s play ethaa Bolton U18s or Mousehole FC at ethaa '11:00am bells or '2:00pm bells' at Trundle Park, Mousehole (kick off time, dependin on wor result later today at '4:00pm bells'  (I will be approx half way there az the match v 'uddersfield iz in progress this afternooon!)


'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' iz at todays game and will text me the score az I sit with mee 8 cans of hootch, to get me through the 9 hour plus train ride!

Match report on tomorrows game sometime tomorrow neet!

PS  Av got loads of time to finish the Barrow and St Pats match reports
---9 hours (plus!) actually!😨🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 That meenz av got to make each can last 70 minutes on average!πŸ˜₯

PPS Just started mee 4th can at Bormingham---its got to last unil '4 25 bells' under mee 'rations system'!😨

UPDATE AT 8:00PM BELLS

The Toon U18s won 3-0 with goals from Cole, White and Young to reach the final tomorrow where they will play eetha Bolton U18s or hosts Mousehole FC (who are playin az I write this at Par  station, Cornwall  (not lang to gan now!😨)

Thursday, 19 July 2018

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS OUTRAGE!

Posted ''4:00am bells' Thorsday 19th July 2018

The draw for the Checkatrade Trophy haz been made and to the fury of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' wor resorve U21s have been drawn against 3 teams who's groonds we have been te before and 2 of them wear the famous black n white stripes!
We travel to Donny Rovers, Notts Coonty and Grimsbee in the next couple of months instead of Fleetwood, Rochdale and Macclesfield, where we have never been before!

'The Dibble' have aalso interfered with the forst roond draw and have prevented a possible clash between sund'lind's forst team and The Toon's U21 side, fearin that NUFC fans will take the P**s!
 (Az if we would!πŸ˜…)

But just suppose that both sund'lind and NUFC U21s progress to the final!
What will they do then!!!???

Its a fix! its a fix! its a fix!
                                                     "Hello! Northumbria police here!
                            There's no way that Newcasil reserves can play sund'lind's first team!"

Wednesday, 18 July 2018

335 richmond park, st patricks athletic

Ground number 335
Date of First Visit: 17th July 2018
Richmond Park, Dublin

St Patricks Athletic 0
Newcastle United 2 (Longstaff, Atsu (pen)

Friendly fixture
Attendance: 5,000 (est)
(Most of them Toon fans)


DISASTER DAYS! (part 66!)
"THE FERRY JAWNEE FROM HELL!!!"😨
ATSU PENALTY

This woz mee 335th groond and worst expierience ever for things gannin wrang!
To cut a very VERY! long story short we left Barrow on the '4:50am bells' train and arrived ootside St Pats groond some 14hours 25minutes later! (We'd seen wor U23s beat Barrow 3-2 the neet before!)
(I will explain aall when aa get more time---doin this sittin in Dublin airport waitin for flight back to Toon!)

After a very quick pint in the 'Tom  Tavey', not far from the groond we went in to see the stands and terraces packed with mainly Toon fans in their black n white garb!

We took up wor positions behind the goal with seconds to spare and straight away The Toon went for 'the jugular'

Az per usual in theeze games there were 2 teams playin (for 'us') in each half and a total of 20 players got some game time!
We eventually took the lead in the 41st minute when Saun Langstaff hit a raspin left footer into the corner of the net!

We had to wait til near the end of the 2nd period for wor 2nd goal when a penalty woz awarded for a foul in the box on Dwight Gayle!
Kenedy wanted to take it BUT Atsu did az well and 'hid' the baall up hiz shirt!

 Atsu then put the baall on the spot and hit the baall doon the centre of the goal past Murphy in the St Pats goal to secure the win!
The match ticket!


TOON TEAM(S)
1st half: Darlow, Manquillo, Lejeune, Yarney, Aarons, Ritchie, Diame, Langstaff, Fernandez, Perez, Joselu

2nd half: Sels, Yedlin, Clark, Yarney, Roberts, Shelvey, Atsu, Langstaff, Armstrong, Kenedy, Gayle

Much more on wor horredous jorney when aa get back yem
Cheers! Fink

THE JAWNEE FROM HELL TIMELINE:
'Midneet bells': After the Barrow game we heeded for The Furness Railway bar where we were eventually chucked oot coz they were closin'!

We were told that there WOZ a bar nearby that woz open til '3:30am bells' caalled Traditions, so we heeded there at 'breakneck speed'! (Divvint tell wor lass az aa told hor that I would be tucked up in the hotel bed by 12!)

After a session 'there' it woz time for some rest and we then dragged worsels to the train station to catch the forst train oot of town at '4:50am bells' and then 'onward' to Holyheed to catch the 11:30am fast ferry to Dublin which takes 2 hours!

'10:55am bells'
The train pulled in 20 minutes late but we still had ower half an hour to catch the ferry we were booked on!
And then!!!---horror upon horror!----the 30 odd people on the delayed train were telt that CHECK IN HAD CLOSED AND WE COULDN'T GET ON THE FERRY!!! 
Aall hell then broke lose az many needed to catch THAT ferry---includin' 'us'!

Wor protests were aall in vain and we very reluctently booked on the next ferry at '2:00pm bells'
This ferry woz 'the slow one' which takes ower 3 hours to get to Dublin!

'12:45pm bells'
We make sure that we will catch this one and check in orly!
'1:00pm' we board the bus to take us to the ferry BUT it gets stopped at the entrance to the ferry alang with loads of trucks and we wait and wait---and wait!
Glennn from Ashington starts panickin az time iz gettin on!
1 hour later and after chokin on the exaust fumes we eventually board the ferry late at it leaves at '2:30pm bells'

'5:40pm bells'
We arrive in Dublin BUT are told that because there are so many foot passangers (coz they couldnt get on the last ferry!) that we would have to wait to dissembark!

We are eventually 'allowed' to leave and board the bus to the centre of Dublin!

Passengers have everything from huge suitcases, prams and double base instraments with them! and we can hardly move an inch!
One lass with a pram asks me to move, but I told hor that there woz a window in the way and I wasnt gannin to smash my way through it just so she could 'park hor porple pram'!
SPOT THE DOUBLE BASE AND THE PORPLE PRAM!

We'd contacted 'John from Ireland' and hiz son Ciaran to get us some tram tickets so we wouldnt have to queue and by the time the bus got to the city centre at '6:50pm bells' the tram ticket were invalid az they had a 90minute time limit on them that ran oot at '6:45pm bells'! (I know!---yi couldnt possibly make it up--could yi?)
The tram ticket says its valid til 18:44
but its now 18:50!😨

A taxi woz then hailed and got us to the groond with barely half an hour to spare at '7:15pm bells' and we dived into Tom Taveys bar for a quick liquid lubrication before the '7:45pm bells' kick off! The jawnee from Barrow had taken us ower FOURTEEN HOURS!😨
See match report above!

Toon fans John from Ireland and hiz son Ciaran enjoy a celebratory drink in 'Coffy's
after the game!


After the match we heeded for Coffey's bar alang the road from the groond and then finished off in The Confession Box in the centre of Dublin next to wor hotel

And I had a confession to make!  I woz absoluutlee worn oot by this time!

PS: I flew back on Munday and it took 50 minutes which woz less time than we were stuck on the bus at the ferry port!!!😨


(More to follow soon!)


Tuesday, 17 July 2018

334 Holker Street, Barrow

Ground number 334
Date of First Visit: 16th July 2018
Holker Street, Barrow in Furness

Barrow 2
Newcastle United U23s 3

Friendly fixture
Attendance: 400 est

"THE THORD OF A THOOSAND CLUB!"

SORENSEN'S 1st GOAL
(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!)

A'd 'binned' the fight ticket to Dublin for wor game v St Pats az NUFC had arranged a game at short notice in Barrow and we sent the U23 squad there on the day aa woz due to fly!

Az Barrow's Holker Street groond woz an ex Futbaall Leegue groond aa HAD to gan and caught the train to Barrow via Carlisle at the exact time aa woz due to fly to Ireland!
The train jawnee woz torture and took 4 and a half hours with 30 odd stops and I arrived (eventually!) at '4:30 bells' and heeded for the nearest ale hoose which woz caalled The Furness Railway!
At £1.99 for a pint of 'Smiths' aa wasnt gannih gan anywhere else az the groond woz just a 10 minute waalk away!

The usual 'saddos' who gan to these games (like me!) then started to appear, namely Biffa the Beer (he likes the broon stuff!), Dave fom York and hiz 'sidekick' Alex of St George!
After a few more 'gargels' it woz time to heed for the clubhoose at the groond, before finally makin wor way inside just before the kick off!


The Toon's 2nd string came from behind to win this thrillin encoontaa 3-2 in Barrow 'the back of beyond'!

John Rooney the bruvva of Wayne, opened the scorin for the home side after just 4 mins on the clock
Ivan Toney equalised for NUFC just before the break with a tap in your great granny could have scored!

Sorensen then got 2 for The Toon in the 2nd period before Barrow pulled one back, but it woz too little too late az we held on for the win!

This groond meenz av past the thord of a thoosand grounds mark followin NUFC!

After the game it woz back to The Furness Railway and to pick up just wot happened next gan to ground 335 report!
(Much more to follow when aa get time!----got to catch a ferry to Dublin for wor 1st teams game at St Patricks Athletic!)

THE UNDERTAKER AND LIAM FROM THE LAMP *** LOST BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN!

Posted '12:10am bells' Tuesday 17th July 2018

On this day four years ago John 'The Undertaker' and Liam 'From the Lamp' were on their way to New Zealand to watch The Toon in pre season friendlies.
They never got there az their plane waz shot doon ower The Ukraine and they perished alang with nearly 300 others!

 Wor forst forst team friendly of the season iz in Dublin tooneet v St Patricks Athletic.
We are sure that both John and Liam will lookin' doon from heaven watchin' the game!

They may be lost but they will never be forgotten by those who knew them well (like me) and those who had never met them!

RIP Lads!

Sunday, 15 July 2018

U23s, 1st TEAM, U18s *** THE PRE SEASON STARTS TOMORROW!

Posted '10:45am bells' Sunday 15th July 2018

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' face a hectic week!
We travel to Barrow tomorrow neet for wor U23s game at Holker Street and then onward by train and ferry to Dublin for wor forst team's game a day later against St Patricks Athletic, who play at Richmond Park.
RICHMOND PARK, DUBLIN

We then fly back on Wednesday and then prepare for an epic 9 and a half hours train jorney to Cornwall, where wor U18s are playin in a tournament next weekend in a place caalled Mousehole, which iz just 10 miles from Lands End!
A PENALTY SHOOTOUT AT MOUSEHOLE FC LAST SEASON!

Match reports will be done on mee 'bottom of the range' mobile 'telling bone', so pleeze expect some misstakes and errrorz! (especially after a 'session on the hoy'!)

PS: Wor U23s were rumoured to be playin' Hamilton Accies at Stirling University in Scotland next Sunday---but az yet we have received ne conformation of this! (It wouldn't matter to us anyway, az we'd be unable to gan az we fly back from Exeter at the exact time az the Stirling game iz due to be played!)

BELJIM 2 ING-ER-LAND 0 3rd/4th place play off

Posted 10:15am bells Sunday 15th July 2018


Az expected Ing-er-land failed to beat Beljim for the 2nd time in the World Cup, gannin doon 2-0 in the play off for thord place!
After 7 games played they won 4 and lost 3---and will receive a heros welcome when they fly back home!!!???

Ing-er-land are miles behind the top teams az woz proved yesterday in St Petersborg.

Crow-ay-shaa play Franss this afternoon in Moscow and we hope they win it!

Thursday, 12 July 2018

"ANLY TEARS FOR SOUVINERS YET AGAIN!"

Posted 'just after high noon bells' Thorsday 12th July 2018


Crow-ay-shaa 2  Ing-er-land 1
πŸ˜₯😀😧
It aall ended in tears once again when we went oot with a bang (on the heed!) in The World Cup semis last neet and anly thing we will be bringin back home are tears, souvenir futbaallz and Russian dolls, after this crushin 2-1 defeat!


Ing-er-land shud have put the Crow-aats to the sword but didnt take their chances in the forst half and payed the ultimate price in extra time! (In the 6 games played, Ing-er-land have anly had 6 (SIX) shots on target!) (ie: Thats anly 1 (ONE) shot per game on average!😨)


The meaningless 3rd/4th place decider takes place on Saturday v Beljim and yoo can bet your bottom dollar that both side will be full of the players who never got a game!

In other words it will be Beljim resorves v Ing-er-land resorves! (Again!)

I certainly wont be glued to the telly watchin that one!😨

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