Monday, 21 May 2018

NUFC PRE SEASON FIXTURES 2018-2019*** LATEST NEWS!

Posted '1:40pm bells' Munday 21st July "er!" May 2018
TRUNGLE PARK, MOUSEHOLE FC

"WHEN THE CAT'S AWAY, THE MICE WILL PLAY!"

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that some pre season friendlies are in the pipeline!

Forst of aall wor U23s squad are due to play in a tournament in deepest Cornwall at a place caalled Mousehole (prenoonced 'Mowsall')
It's a 4 team tournament with 'uddersfield, Bolton, and Mousehole FC the othaa participants in 'The Endorsed Cup'
TRUNGLE PARK, MOUSEHOLE FC
(ON A NON MATCH DAY!)

The tournament will take place at Trungle Park, the home groond of Mousehole FC on Friday July 20th and Saturday 21st July.

Mousehole iz near Penzance and iz just 10 miles from Land's End and iz the MOST SOUTHERLY futbaall groond in Ing-er-land!
(Provided the games don't 'clash' with forst team games, 'The Geordie Times' will be there!----We've done the most northerly groond in Ing-er-land, quite a few times, which iz Scottish Leegue side Berwick Rangers'z Shielfield Park abode!)


Aalso, despite still not knowin' if Rafa will still be here, there are fixtures in the Republic of Ireland v Dublin side St. Patricks Athletic az NUFC are gannin on their annual trainin' camp in Maynooth near Dublin at the beginning of July---there iz no date yet for this match! (Probably in the forst week of July!)
RICHMOND PARK, ST. PATRICKS ATHLETIC FC

There are aalso rumours of games v Celtic and Oporto of Portugal, but we have ne idea if they will be home or away games!

We will of course, keep yoo---wor loyal and faithful reeeders, posted of any forthcomin' pre season fixture news az it happens! 

Sunday, 20 May 2018

HONG KONG PHOOEY!

Posted '10:50am bells' Sunday 20th May 2018
Updated 'high noon bells' Munday

"7 HEAVEN!"

NUFC U21s have reached the final of The Hong Kong Soccer 7s tournament in, "er!", Hong Kong!
We beat Japanese side Kashima Antlers 7-6 in a penalty shoot out in the qwaataa finals and beat Lestaa City in the semis 4-3 with Callum Roberts gettin the 'golden goal' to win it!

We play Rangers in the final sometime today at Hong Kong FCs 'Happy Valley' groond and yoo can rest assured that The Geordie Times will be last to bring yoo the result of that one!
Lets hope its a 'happy' outcome for The Toon!?

Az per usual "Watch this space!" (eventually!)

Updated Munday @ 'high noon bells'

The Toon won the final by beatin Rangers 1-0 at the (very) Happy Valley stadium in Hong Kong!
Callum Roberts woz wor hero again az he scored the anly goal of the game in added time to bring some silverware back to Tyneside!

Well done lads!

Saturday, 19 May 2018

SELF INFLICKED WOUNDS!

Posted '12:55pm bells' Saturday 19th May 2018
THE BACK PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY-GILL'!

A MESSAGE TO WOR ABSENT OWNER!

If ever there woz a reason to tie Rafa to the managers chair St James' Park, then its the fact that if we divvint, we could end up back in The Championship!

In desperation, wor 'beloved'? owner ploughed £15 million of hiz own money (az a loan!) to ensure promotion at the forst attempt!

Had he given that £15 million when we were in The Premyaa Leegue the last time, we might have avoided the dreaded 'drop' and catastrophic <(we naa aall the big words!) 'drop' of income in the 2nd flight!

Instead, we had to get by with inferior managers and get players on 'the cheap' or on loan---and this ultimately cost us in the end! (In more ways than one!)

These were self inflicted wounds by wor owner and the frightenin' news  iz, that if we HADN'T won promotion at the forst attempt, we could have ended up in receivership or worse! (Just look what's happened doon the road!)

Pleeze! Pleeze! divvint make the same misstakes again and give Rafa the funds he needs to move wor great club forward!

Anything else iz unfinkable!

Friday, 18 May 2018

A STAGGERIN' £90,900,000 LOSS FOR BEIN' RELEGATED!

Posted '4:10pm bells' Friday 18th May 2018
The MD's office, SJP

If ever there woz a reason for keepin' Rafa Benitez az manager, it iz the fact that wor relegation in 2016 to The Championship put us ower £90 MILLION QUID in debt, it haz been reported!

The staggerin' difference between The Premyaa Leegue 'gravy train' and The Championship 'lumpy gravy boat', haz been reveeeled by wor MD, known az 'Penfold' to Toon fans!

This woz due to high wages, vastly reduced TV revenue and prize money and turnower woz doon from £125.8 million to £85.7 million!

This woz despite average gates of 51,108 az well!

50,000 fans who regulary gan, plus anotha million or so who watch from afar, KNOW that its imperative that we keep Rafa, or else it will 'aall unravel' yet again and we will end up with some 'toss-pot' in charge like Joke Kinnear!(God forbid!)

Wor beloved owner, known 'affectionately'? az 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans!, seems to be the anly one who can't see the consequences, should we gan doon again!

One piece of good news iz that West Ham are seemingly after Pellegrini instead of Rafa az their forst choice for new manager now, to replace 'Misery Guts Moyes'!

Lets hope so for aall wor sakes!

"Are yoo readin' this 'Fat Controller'!?"

Thursday, 17 May 2018

'JELLIED EELS MOB' AFTER RAFA!

Posted '1:11pm bells' Thorsday 17th May 2018
"THE OWNERS OFFICE, SOMEWHERE
WITHIN THE BOWELS OF ST. JAMES' PARK!"

News that 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham are tryin to 'tap up' Rafa to be their new manager after sackin 'Misery Guts Moyes', haz finally reached 'The Geordie Times'! (1 day late via carrier pigeon!)

3 weeks of negotiations between the NUFC hierarchy and Rafa aboot funds available are STILL on gannin?

How the hell it takes 3 weeks to say: "Yes you can have the funds!" OR! "No you cant!", iz beyond us!

We shall surely find oot by the end of this month, no doubt, one way or the other!

NUFC are playin a game of 'Russian roulette' (again!) with Rafa!

We await the outcome with trepidation!😨


Wednesday, 16 May 2018

"NO GO FOR JONJO!---OR JAMAAL!"

Posted '3:00pm bells' Wednesday 16th May 2018


"RUSHAA WHERE ARE YOU!?"


Az expected Jonjo Shelvey and Jamaal Lascelles have been snubbed by Gareth Southgate for Ing-er-land's World Cup 23 man squad for Rushaa!

Selfishly, Ing-er-land's loss iz actually a plus point for 'The Toon' az they cannit get injured watchin it on the telly! (Can they?)

Southgate iz yet anothaa failed manager, havin' been sacked by 'The Smoggies' from Middlesbrough not so lang ago!
He got them relegated in 2008, and finally jettisoned by them in 2009, after a run of just 1 win in 18 in The Championship!
--And so therefore he iz perfectly qualified for the Ing-er-land job and to bore us to death, with hiz negative futbaall tactics!  "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴

We will fail miserably again anyway, so mebeez its a blessin in disguise that they won't be gannin!

FAT SAM THE UGLY MAN CARRIES THE CAN!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 16th May 2018

Formaa Toon and SMB manager 'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' haz been sacked yet again, this time by Evaatin aftaa just 7 months in charge!
Hiz borin' sterile futbaall would send anybody to sleep!
"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

He will of course get anothaa bumper payoot, said to be in region of £6 million quid this time!

Not bad for a failed manager who haz won "F*** aall" at the numerous clubs he haz managed! (The nearest he haz come to a major trophy iz a Leegue Cup final DEFEAT to 'The Smoggies', when he woz manager at Bolton!) 

And contrary to populat belief he HAZ been relegated az a manager ---with Notts Coonty in 1997!

He iz laughin' aall the way to the bank yet again!
Who's next? we ask worsels!

WELL!  Its just been annoonced that 'Misery Guts Moyes' who failed miserably at the SMBs haz been sacked by West Ham, again, after just 7 months in charge!

Aalso, its reported that alang with 'Fat Sam', anothaa one of wor failed managers haz LANDED a job at QPR---Namely <'The Wally with the Brolly'!


The managerial merry-go-round just gans on and on!---and on!😨

Tuesday, 15 May 2018

PREMYAA LEEGUE RICH LIST & TELLY GAMES!

Posted '1:53pm bells' Tuesday 15th May 2018


The prize money for Premyaa Leegue clubs haz been announced.
The totals include final position and TV money earned last season.
NUFC were live on 'the box' 18 times!

Despite winnin the Premyaa Leegue by a record margin, Man City are behind Man U az more of their games were televised!
The Toon finished 10th but because we had more TV games than Bornley (7) and Lestaa (12) we are in 8th position in 'the rich list'!

PREMYAA LEEGUE LIVE TELLY GAMES 2017-2018  
£1.3 million for each televised game!

=1 Man U  28 live games shown
=1 L/pool  28
=1 The Arse  28
=4 Man C  26
=4 Chelski  26
6 Sporz  25
7 Evaatin  19
8 NUFC  18
=9 WHU  17
=9 H/field  17
11 Soton  16
12 Brightin  13
=13 Lestaa  12
=13 Palace  12 
=13 Stoke  12
16 B/moooth  11
=17 Wotfaad  10
=17 Swanzee  10
19 WBA  9
20 Bornley  7 

THE RICH LIST 2017-2018

1 Man U £153,612,000
2 Man C £153,230,000
3 L/pool £149,737,000
4 Sporz £148,069,000
5 The Arse £145,279,525
6 Chelski £145,279,321
7 Evaatin £131,020,000
8 NUFC £125,860,000
9 Bornley £122,343,000
10 Lestaa £120,738,000
11 WHU £118,711,000
12 Palace £116,762,000
13 B/moooth £113,589
14 Brightin £109,996
15 Soton £109,575,000
16 Wotfaad £108,429,000
17 H/field £104,453,000
18 Stoke £100,872,000
19 Swanzee £100,477,000
20 WBA £96,490,000

In complete contrast clubs in The Championship aall get an equal share of their prize money (ie: Champions Wolves get the same az bottom club sund'lind)
Thats £4,300,000 each!
So Wolves actually get £92,000,000 less than WBA who finished bottom of The Premyaa Leegue!
Championship clubs get £100,000 for each televised game!

The SMBs prize money next season in Leegue 1 will be!---£732,000!
Leegue 1 clubs get £30,000 for each televised game!

THAT'S a difference of £1,270,000 between a televised Premier Leegue game and a televised Leegue 1 game!😨


Monday, 14 May 2018

THE TOON 3 CHELSKI 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 15th May 2018 and will be updated periodically! <(we naa aall the big words!)
THE BANNER SAYS: 'WHERE THERE IS UNITY---THERE IS ALWAYS VICTORY!'

"RAFA BENITEZ---WE WANT YOO TO STAY!"

A tremendous performance from the 'black n whites' gave us the 3 points against the 2017 champions of 'Ing-er-land' in a thouroughly enjoyable afternooon in the sun!

The 3-0 scoreline meenz that we finish the season at 'the right end' of the table in 10th place!

It woz obvious 'from the off' that this woz to be 'wor day' az we pounded the Leazes goal with numerous shots, az the Chelski keeper Courtios complained to hiz defence that he woz havin a torrid time az he tried to stem the tide!


The forst goal came in the 23rd minute when Murphy challenged Courtios and he punched the baall into the air and Dwight Gayle said "Thank you very much!" az he heeded it into an empty net to send the shirt sleeved crowd into raptures!

Jonjo Shelvey then sent in a pile driver of a shot which Courtios did well to save and we went in deservedly 1-0 up at the break!

Again, in the 2nd half we came oot 'with aall guns blazin' and the main moment of the half came when Chelski's 'scorpian kicker' Giroud fired an unauthodox shot with hiz heel, which Dubravka tipped ower the bar to prevent the equaliser!  An absolutlee brilliant save!


Moments later the baall woz at the Gallowgate End of the pitch where Shelvey shot through a group of players and Perez managed to divert the baall slightly and past the hapless Chelski keeper! 2-0!

Just 4 minutes later in the 63rd minute a Lejeune cross foond Perez who woz virtually on the goal line and he flicked it in to complete 'the icing on the cake'!

Fans sang Rafa's name in unison! "RAFA BENITEZ,WE WANT YOO TO STAY!"
A great end to the season and the anly question left--IZ!--will Rafa stay?
Only one person can answer that question, by givin' him the funds to compete at the highest level!
And indeed, wor beloved owner haz made the follow statement, which iz front page news in today's 'Ronny-Gill'!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejuene, Dummett, Ritchie (Hayden 72), Diame (Haidara 87), Shelvey, Murphy, Perez, Gayle (Joselu 48)

Attendance: 52,252 (3,200 fed up "Landaners!")
*

After the match we heeded for various 'liquid lubrication locations' where we celebrated wor 'Top 10' finish and watched the Leegue 1 play off game between Shrewsbury and Charlton. Shrewsbury won and are in the final where they will play eetha Scunthorpe or Rotherham for a place in the leegue ABOVE sund'lind!  😀😁😂😃😄😅😆

                             ☺😊😀😁😂😃😄😅

Sunday, 13 May 2018

THE BAD BLUE BOYS OF DUNSTON 1 THE BISHOPS OF AUCKLAND 0 *** NORTHERN LEEGUE CUP FINAL

Posted '9:45am bells' Sunday 13th May 2018

"BAD BLUE BOYS BASH THE BISHOPS!"

With ne Toon game til today, we heeded for the delights of Consett high up in the moontains of Coonty Durham where Dunston were playin Bishop Auckland in the final of The Northern Leegue Cup!

The great thing aboot non leegue at this level iz that yoo get the chance to teavel on the team bus with the team at the back with their 'ghetto blasters' and the fans and commitee men at the front!
Half an hour after leevin Dunston and we were at the Belle Vue groond, but unfortunatly there were that many cars cloggin up the entry to the groond that the driver woz forced to park up on the main road az there wiz ne room for a large bus to pass!

Anyway! Off we got and the Dunston players heeded for the dressin rooms while the fans heeded for the packed clubhoose!

Anothaa game woz takin place on the plastic pitch, where the Northern Leegue 2nd Division Cup final woz takin place before wors! (The 1st Division final)
Chester-Le-Street won that one 2-0 by beatin Ryton and Crawcrook to lift the cup!

There woz a Leegue 1 play off game on the telly between Scunthorpe and Rotherham for a place in the leegue ABOVE sund'lind! ☺😊😀😁😂


After several 'liquid lubrications' it woz time to heed for the pitchside, but the forst half woz a bit scrappy and the teams came off 0-0 at the break!

The Bad Blue Boys (who were wearin red az Bishops aalso play in blue) came oot with aall guns blazin in the 2nd period, but it still remained goalless, despite both sides missin easy chances and it looked az though it would gan to extra time and penalties!
PENALTY SAVE!

However!  Dunston had othaa ideas and just after Bishops had missed an easy chance with the goal gapin' the baall woz played upfield and it eventually foond Dunston captain Dale Burrell, who unleashed an unstoppable shot to the left of keeper Young to put The Bad Blue Boys in front with just 14 minutes left on the clock!

Just a minute later Dunston had the chance to double their lead when they were awarded a penalty!
Fitzpatrick took it but Young dived to hiz right and saved it!

It mattered not though, az Dale's goal proved to be the winner and they lifted the cup in front of their ecstatic fans (includin me!) and celebratory drinks were consumed in the clubhoose after the game!

The cup 'sat' in the front seat of the bus on the jorney back to Dunston and 'little old me' had the 'honour' of carryin it back into the Dunston clubhoose! (It weighed a ton!)

HAPPY DAYS!😊

Attendance: not known, but 500 or so iz wor guess!
*

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST