Saturday, 21 April 2018


Posted '1:40pm bells' Saturday 21st April 2018

With yet anothaa blank Saturday to 'fill in' (coz we dont play til Munday!) a'v decided to heed for Federation Park in Dunston where The Bad Blue Boys are takin on the university side of Northumbriaaa at '3 bells' in a Northern Leegue encoontaa!

Aa went to Gatesheed last Saturday, but with 2 Toon games on the Sunday (1st team) and Munday (2nd string at Wycombe) aa didnt have the time to de a match report on that game, which The Heed(bangers) won 2-0 v Eastleigh in The National Leegue

A'v got a bit more time this weekend so there WILL be a match report on the Dunston game sometime tomorrow!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

Friday, 20 April 2018


Posted '1:00pm bells' Friday 20th April 2018

Sooothampton's 0-0 bore draw away to Lestaa last neet meenz that they can anly equal WOR points total IF they win their last 4 games and WE lose wor last 5! (Very highly improbable!)

Az 'The P*ss Potters of Stoke' and 'The Baggie Trooserz of West Brom' CAN'T match wor points total, it looks virtually impossible to be relegated now!

Sooothampton's last 4 games are Bournemoooth home, Everton away, Swanzee away and Man City at home!😨

Thursday, 19 April 2018


Posted '12:50pm bells' Thorsday 19th April 2018
Updated Saturday 21st April 2018
Iz this man the fattest and ugliest conman
ever to have managed NUFC?

Everton fans have been asked to rate manager Fat Sam's performance, in a survey, which asks them to rate him from a scale of 10 to 0 (Hero to Zero!)

Most give him a zero score, so hiz future looks bleak, BUT! he will get yet anothaa huge redundancy package like he did at The Toon and elsewhere!

'The Geordie Times' haz decided to de its own survey on Fat Sam on hiz time at The Toon on a same slidin scale of
 10 to 0!
Usin' your skill, judgement and half a sheeps brain, let us naa what score y'id give him ASAP!

Question 1
Iz Fat Sam the fattest manager we have ever had?
The answer: Γ€YE!  by aboot 4 stone heavier than Rafa at 19 stone!😨 0-10

Question 2
Iz Fat Sam the ugliest manager we have ever had?
Answer: It woz a close caall az "The best manager in the world" John Carver pushed him close, but Sam's ugliness finally won the day!😨0-10
Question 3
Iz Fat Sam the biggest conman we have ever had?
Answer: DEFINATLEEE!😨0-10
Question 4
Iz Fat Sam the most negative and borin' manager we have ever had? "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴
Answer: Just, but Carver, Pardew and 'The Wally with the Brolly' ran him close!😨0-10
And finally
Question 5
How many brown paper bags did he discard at NUFC and aall the othaa clubs he haz failed at? (on a scale of 10 to 100!)
Answer: 73 empty brown bags in hiz wheelie bin woz the most popular answer!😨73-100!

VERDICT: Fat Sam MUST stay at Everton---until we play them on Munday neet at least!😨😨😨😨😨

Wednesday, 18 April 2018


Posted '4:25pm bells' Wednesday 18th April 2018
Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

Amazing news reaches 'The Geordie Times' that the SMBs ticket office have cancelled some of the Wolves 2,589 away section tickets for their final home game of the season, just in case some Toon fans get their hands on them!
(The away section holds more than 4,000!)

Wolves, not suprizingly have asked for an extra allocation of tickets az they celebrate promotion to the top flight aftaa a 6 year absence!
The mackems REFUSED their request, az they were terrified of the fact that Toon fans would gloat at their demise, shud they gain admittance, like 2,000 did in 1987 when they were relegated to the 3rd Division by Gillingham! (So there will be at least 30,000 empty pink seats for the Wolves game!)

A Wolves loyalty points system iz in operation (just like The Toon) and anly the most loyal of their fans will get their hands on a prized ticket!
Diehard Wolves fans are hardly likely to sell them to Toon fans---are they?

The SMBs are a complete laughin' stock on and off the field!---What an absolute farce!πŸ˜…


Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

Just foond oot why some Wolves tickets have been cancelled!
Apparently one of their fans put hiz match tickets on Twitter and a Toon fan copied them, claimin that he had them!

The SMBs ticket office saw this and cancelled the tickets barcode so they can't get in!



Posted '3:15pm bells' Thorsday 12th April 2018 onwards
Updated '4 30pm bells' Friday 20th April 2018

News that West Brom have failed in their bid to have safe standin' iz shear hipocrisy!

How come Celtic can have safe standin' in a 60,000 capacity stadium and not the rest of us?

Celtic Park's safe standin' area!
"Can WE have some pleeeze!?"
Anyone who gans to an away game naaz that yoo MUST stand to see the game az hardly anybody sits doon!

Give people a choice at least!
If yoo want to sit, yoo buy a seat ticket and if yoo want to stand, yoo buy a standin' ticket!

Leeds Rugby groond's new stand haz just been opened by the sports minister Tracey Crouch, with a STANDIN' AREA!----which she praised!
Yet she rejected West Brom's application!!!!-'-HIPOCRISY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!

If its deemed not to be safe to stand then how come they can in Scotland and in rugby in Ing-er-land????

There's a petition dein the roonds to force a debate in Parliament which needs 100,000 signatures to get it debated
'The Geordie Times' haz signed it, az we personally prefor to stand anyway!

At the time of (forst) writin' this, nearly 25,000 signatures aalready!

Update on Friday 14th April 2018
46,000 plus have now signed petition!

Updated on Wednesday 18th April 2018
More than 63,000 signatures have now been registered!

Updated on Friday 20th April 2018
80,000 have now signed!

Gan to:

We will keep yoo updated!

Tuesday, 17 April 2018

333 adams park wycombe (v reading u23s)

Ground number 333
Date of First Visit: 16th April 2018
Adams Park, High Wycombe

Reading U23s 1
Newcastle United U23s 4 (Wilson, Bailey, Yarney, O Conner)

Premier League 2

Attendance: 150 (est) (6 NUFC mad sad groundhoppers + a few other exiles) (ie: 1 from London and 1 from Hong Kong!) (Honest!)
NUMBER 6 OWEN BAILEY (with the lang hair!) SCORES WOR 2nd GOAL!


3 of us set off from Geordie Times HQ at high noon bells for the lang trek to High Wycombe where wor U23s were playin Readings equivelent in a leegue game! (That's Biffa the Beer, Glennn from Ashington and Fink (me!)

I got the 'short straw' and woz drivin' on this 500 mile plus roond trip to deepest Buckinghamshire!
We have ne idea just why Reading play their resorve games at Wycombe Wanderers groond, but it woz a 'new one' for us and we wornt complainin'!

After hittin a traffic jam coz of an accident on the M1 near Sheffield we eventually arrived at wor destination at 5 30 bells some 5 and a half hours and 280.1 miles after leavin Tyneside!

The groond woz at the very end of an industrial estate in the middle of 'ne where' and woz surronded by a forest of trees!

We parked up and heeded for 'Monty's Bar' which woz the  name of the clubhouse situated underneath the main stand! (Shandy for me coz I woz the driver!)
And then 3 othaa 'saddos' came in, namely Dave from York, hiz 'sidekick', Alex of St George (who looked in a bit of an 'inebriated' state!) and Bysey!

Their wasnt one Reading fan in the bar, which woz virtually empty (apart from us!) just 30 mins before kick off, which gave us an indication of the size of the crowd!

It woz soon time to gan in and pay the £3 entrance fee and we took up wor places at the back of the tiny main stand!

The Toon were playin in their aall black change strip and went for 'the jugular' and were on top from the start az we attacked the left hand goal and took the lead in the 15th minute when Adam Wilson scored with a scrambled effort!

There woz ne more scorin til half time but Toon goalie Nathan Harker made 2 excellent saves to keep us in the lead!

The 2nd goal came came in the 52nd minute when Owen Bailey heeded home from a Barlaser free kick aa caught on mee bottom of the range camera phone! (see top picture!)

3 mins later it woz 3-0 when from anothaa Barlaser free kick, Josef Yarney heeded past the Reading keeper!
WHICH LED TO THE 3rd OR 4th GOAL (can't remember!?)

The 'home side' (Reading iz miles away!) then pulled one back on the hour mark throuh Tyler Frost but we regained wor 3 goal advantage 7 mins later from yet anothaa Barlaser free kick which this time foond the heed of Stefan O Conner to complete the scorin!

It woz then homeward which took nearly SIX hours due to roadworks and diversions and we completed wor roond trip at 2 45am bells and 560.5 miles later!

Footnote: This woz the 2nd 'Wycombe' groond I have been te! 
The othaa one woz a junior game at 'WHICKHAM' near Gatesheed many moons ago! when we won 6-0 in a friendly!

History lesson:
Adams Park, Wycombe woz the 82nd current Leegue groond that The Toon have played on oot of the 92
And 'The Geordie Times' haz been to everyone of them az well!😊

For the record the 10 groonds NUFC have nevaa played on are az follows:
Fleetwood, Rochdale, Newport, MK Dons, AFC Wimbledon, Northampton, Shrewsbury, Barnet, Bristol Rovers and Forest Green Rovers!
PS: We have seen NUFC play on the old groonds of Shrewsbury, Barnet and Bristol Rovers plus the old Wimbledon who played at Plough Lane!

Monday, 16 April 2018


Posted '10:45am bells' Munday 16th April 2018


Anothaa 5 star show from the black n whites ensured that we will be in the top flight again next season with wor 4th win on the bounce!

With safety aalmost assured after wor excellent win at Lestaa last week, wor visitors were oot to spoil the party mood when they took the lead in the 14th minute when Lacazette fired home at The Gallowgate End!

However!  we are made of sterner stuff theeze days and we were soon back on level torms when a pin point pass from Jonjo Shelvey foond Gayle who passed to Yedlin who sent in a porfect cross to Ayoze Perez who in torn rifled the baall into The Arse net from a tight angle to send the crowd wild!

We went in 1-1 at half time and came oot with aall guns blazin' and when Slimani came on in the 63rd minute he added a new dimention to wor attack!  
Within 5 mins of him comin' on we were in front when he heeded a powerful baall to Perez who crossed for 'Matt' Ritchie to slam the baall into the goal for a 'gloss finish' (sic!) at The Gallowgate End to seal an excellent win and ensure we avoid 'the abyss' of Championship futbaall, az we are now too far aheed of the bottom 3!

Indeed, we are breathin' doon the neck of Fat Sam's Everton side in 9th place---and by coincidence we play them next Munday neet at Goodison Park in wor next game!
Shud we win, then we will gan above them and will be in reach of Lestaa in 8th place!

The good times are back thanx to Rafa's export management tactics!---AND!--- we have got the Arsenal 'monkey off wor backs' aftaa losin' the 10 previous meetings with them!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett, Ritchie (Murphy 86), Diame, Shelvey, Kenedy, Perez (Joselu 79), Gayle (Slimani 63)

Attendance: 52,210 (3,100 Arse holes!)
(Ne cash tornstiles😊!)

PS: 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be on wor travels yet again within the next 2 hours, when we heed for the delights of Wycombe Wanderers Adams Park groond, where wor U23s are (bizarrely!) takin' on Reading U23s in a leegue game!
(A groond we have nevaa been te before!)

A full match report and pix will appear here sometime tomorrow!
Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

Friday, 13 April 2018


Posted '2:47pm bells' Friday 13th April 2018

Followin' on from last weeks 2 games in 2 days at Stocksbridge last Friday for a U23s game (v Sheff U) and last Saturday at Lestaa for a Premyaa Leegue game, this weekend see's 2 more games for wor teams in 2 days!

On Sunday at '1:30 bells' wor forst team take on 'The Arse' @ SJP in a Premyaa Leegue encoontaa, while on Munday evenin' @ '7 bells' wor U23s travel to Adams Park the home of Wycombe Wanderers, where bizzarly we take on 'The Biscuitmen of Reading' in a U23s Leegue game!

Az 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have nevaa been to Wycombe, we will be settin' off at 'high noon bells' on Munday dinnaatime for the 600 mile roond trip!

Hopefully wor forst team will be virtually safe from relegation by kick off time, followin' the results on Saturday (fingers and toes crossed!)

We have ne idea if Islam Salami will play hiz 2nd game for us, but the way we have been playin' lately, we could beat them withoot him, for the forst time in the last 13 meetings!
(We havent beaten 'The Arse' since 2010 (away) and since 2005 at home!
In total they have won 10 in a row against us and are unbeaten in the last 8 years!

So we are definateleeee! due a win against them and hopefully their trip to Rushaa on Thorsday for their Europa Cup tie, haz taken its toll!

On the plus side for us, we have won the last 3 home games in a row withoot concedin' a goal!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Munday, before we heed to Wycombe!

Tuesday, 10 April 2018


Posted '1:30pm bells Tuesday 10th April 2018

Below iz a list of teams who were relegated from the Premyaa Leegue in 18th place from 1995 when the leegue woz reduced from 22 teams to 20 teams!

'The Jellied Eels Mob from West Ham' have the highest total with 42 points in their 2002-2003 relegation season

The lowest points total for a 18th position finish iz Bornley who went doon with 30 points in 2009-2010

The average iz just under 37 points per game to be relegated in 18th place!

NUFC currently have 38 points which iz just above the average, with 43 points seemingly guaranteein' safety! (and we still have 6 games left to play!)

Below iz a list of points required for  teams, season by season to AVOID 'the abyss'

Monday, 9 April 2018

332 bracken moor lane, stocksbridge ( v sheff u u23s)

Ground number 332
Date of First Visit: 6th April 2018
Bracken Moor Lane, Stocksbridge
Sheffield United U23s 2
Newcastle United U23s 1 (not sure who scored--the floodlights were blindin'!)

Premier League Cup 1/4 final
Attendance: 350 (est) (7 NUFC mad sad groundhoppers!)
That's! 'Biffa the Beer', 'Dave from York' and hiz sidekick 'Alex of St George', 'Glennn from Ashington', 'Mal the Inglish Skool Teechaa', Fink(me!) and someone whos name aa cant recall, who woz wearin' a half and half Toon/Sheff U scarf! (now that IZ sad!)


Az luck would have it aa woz off work anyway on the Friday, so this game fitted in porfectly!
(Mee last new groond woz at STOCKport so I suppose it woz appropriate to visit STOCKsbridge next!)

The plan woz to get the train to 'Darlo' (Darlington) where 'Mal the Inglish Skool Teechaa' < (hiz spellin NOT mine!) woz pickin me up in hiz 'jam jar' ootside Hogans Bar next to the station (he lives there--'Darlo' NOT Hogan's!) for the jorney to Stocksbridge Park Steels FC near Sheffield, where Sheff U resorves play!
(PS: managed to grab a quick pint in ;Hogan's before he picked me up!---az yi de!)

I'd done a detailed hand drawn map/maze of how to get there from the M1 to the groond and it looked dead complicated and I woz sure we'd got lost at some point (see map)

However!---and by some miracle,we didnt get lost and arrived at wor destination and withoot havin' to ask anybody the way, at '4 30 bells', some 2 and a half before kick off time!

There woz a clubhoose at the corner of the pitch which woz OPEN!---So az yi de!---in we went! (of course!)
It offered a fantastic view of the pitch and hills beyond and we settled doon for a few 'liquid lubrications'  (az Mal woz drivin' it woz lemonade shandys for him!)
(The PINT of beer, NOT the view of the pitch or the hills beyond!)

It woz soon time to heed inside the groond. We could have watched it from the clubhouse, but we decided to 'slum it' in the tiny main stand, which woz named 'The Jamie Vardy Stand'! after the Lestaa striker, coz he played here for 6 years before he became famous!  (And by amazing coincidence wor forst team were playin against him at Lestaa the next day!)

To be honest wor U23s were terrible and went behind after just 3 minutes when Sheffield's Smith shot past Nathan Harker in the Toon goal----and before lang we were wishin it woz full time!


We somehow managed to get an equaliser in the 2nd half when Victor Fernandez crossed the baall and it ended up in the net after their goalie fumbled the baall! (Fernandez or O.G?--we were blinded by the floodlights and couldnt make oot who scored at the far end!)
Mo Sangare then blazed an effort ower the bar and that woz wor last effort on target

Just when it looked az though extra time could be a possiblity the home side retwook the lead through Smith again, when he hit a shot into the top corner of the net with just a few mins left to win the game for them!

It woz then the drive back to 'Darlo' where I caught the train back to 'The Central' (station) and got back at 11 bells!
Next day I woz up at the crack of dawn to heed back to 'The Central' to catch the train to Lestaa for wor Premyaa Leegue game there!

"Its 'Aall go' when yoo follow The Toon!"