Wednesday, 22 November 2017

PAUL 'JETHRO' TULLY RIP

Posted '10:15am bells' Wednesday 22nd November 2017

It woz the funeral of former NUFC programme editor Paul Tully yesterday.
I did a 'fan page' in the match programme in the 2005-2006 season caalled 'Fink the Fan' and Paul edited it.
He woz a smashin' guy who woz liked by everybody from the famous, like Kevin Keegan, Peter Beardsley and Alan Shearer---to the 'not so famous', like me!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper)


RIP  PAUL





Monday, 20 November 2017

"AMANDA'S HAVIN' A GANDER!"

Posted 11 00pm bells Munday 20th November 2017 @ Woodall services truck park M1

News reaches us via the wonders of modern technology (mee truck radio!) that the PCP Group headed by Amanda Staveley have tabled a takeover bid of £300,000,000 for NUFC

We can anly hope that wor beloved owner? Known affectionatly by Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller' sees sense and sells up!

We await with baited breath to see the outcome!!!

GEORDIE TIMES SENSATIONAL BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Posted 9:40am bells' Munday 20th November 2017
"IT MUCH MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME TO BE HERE TODAY IN NEWPORT 
THAN TO WATCH MY NEW TEAM BREAK THE AALL TIME RECORD
OF WINLESS HOME GAMES!"

New sund'lind manager Chris Coleman woz unable to watch hiz new team break the aall time record of 20 home games withoot a win, az he woz at a more important engagement on Saturday afternoon, when he switched the Christmas lights on in Newport, south Wales!!!!


Updated '10:40am bells'

More sensational news haz reached 'The Geordie Times' via 'WhatsApp'
It haz been reported in the last few minutes that Chris Coleman will now NOT! be takin' ower at sund'lind!
It iz understood that he failed a medical when he had hiz head examined!!!!

Updated 'high noon bells'

Yet more sensational news haz reached us!
After just one game in charge former 'sund'lind supremo' Sir David Moyes  < (anybody who takes sund'lind doon desorves a knighthood!) haz pleaded with West Ham fans not to boo the team and slag them off!

Watchin their game v Wotfaad, where they lost 2-0 yesterday, he looked like a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights of a car!
And (don't forget!) that's after just one game in charge!!!

PS: Some West Ham fans are caallin for Moyzys head aalready!!!

Sunday, 19 November 2017

MOAN U 4 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 19th November 2017
JONJO SHELVEY TAKES A CORNER IN FRONT OF
THE TOON FAITFUL (FAITHFUL!)
IN A RARE 2nd HALF ATTACK
AZ THE FLOODLIGHTS SHINE DOON!

"OOT OF WOR DEPTH!"

A goal from Dwight Gayle in the 14th minute after fine work from Yedlin who squared the baall to him at 'The Theatre of Muppets', gave us an unexpected lead as he sidefooted home at The Stretford End, az we more than matched the home side!
Jacob Murphy shud have made it 2-0 but fluffed the chance not long after the 1st goal!

The lead lasted presicely 23 mins when Martial netted in front of the away fans section az the Moan U sides class above us, started to tell!
We couldn't haad oot til the break when an injury time goal saw Smaalling double their lead in the 46th minute!

It woz soon 3-1, 9 mins after the restart when Pogba took advantage of a defensive lapse and Lukaku completed the scorin 20 mins from time to put us 4-1 behind after more missteaks from us!

It woz a case of 'damage limitation' after this, az Moanrinho encouraged hiz side to gan for more goals---thankfully there were 'ne more' and wor heaviest defeat of the season (so far!) had been inflicted upon us!

Top marks to The Toon fans who sang throughoot the game----even when we were 4-1 doon!

After the match 'Rafa the Gaffaa' said: "For sure, this time yoo see the difference between money spent!" <(Say no more!)

Geordie Times verdict:
Even with a 1 goal advantage and domination of the forst half hour we couldn't stop them scorin' az their superiority finally told and we hardly got 'a look in' come the 2nd half!
We've got a hard December comin' up with games against Chelski, The Arse and Man C---we are in 11th place at the mo, 5 points above the drop zone--- and if we are still in the same position come the new year then we will be more than happy! 

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Clark, Lejeune, Manquillo, Hayden, Shelvey, Richie (Aarons), Murphy, Joselu (Mitrovic 71), Gayle (Diame 77)

Attendance: 75,035 (3,100 Toon fans in a reality check!)
SOME OF THE 3,100 TOON FANS


SOME OF THE 71,935 MOAN U  FANS!











*More pix and updates later, az its time to gan oot on anothaa 'Bender in November!'

(for pub crawl pix crawl doon page!)



Saturday, 18 November 2017

LETS GAN ON A BENDER IN NOVEMBER PUB CRAWL @ MAN UTD AWAY

Posted from high noon bells onwards!
York  on way to mancland!

Manchester

Manchester

Manchester






Manchester







Thursday, 16 November 2017

MOAN U v THE TOON **** LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:30pm bells' Thorsday 16th November 2017
Updated Friday

We face Moan U at 'The Theatre of Muppets' Saturday teatime and we have several injuries to contend with!
Atsu, Merino and Lascelles are aal expected to be missin' az we aim to be the forst team to win there for ower a year!
Their last 22 home games have resulted in them winnin 12 and drawin 10----and to be porfectleee honest a draw would be a brilliant scoreline for us--and the best we can hope for!
Dependin on what yoo read we will have between 2,500 and 3,100 fans hundled in the corner of the away end

The Myth of Man U
IZ  3,507  'LEGENDARY' SUPPORT?

Got mee hands on mee Moan U ticket for Saturday, last week!
In the top right hand corner of the ticket it says: 'Legendary support since 1878'

This is NOT TRUE!
Before the 1958 Munich air crash, Man U were only best supported team ONCE in their history--the year before---compared to the NUFC record of best supported TEN TIMES up til that time!

In the 1930s they wornt even the best supported club in Manchester and even the likes of Notts County were better supported than Man U! <(they had average gates of under 12,000 and were the 33rd best supported oot of the 92 leegue clubs that season!)

When they were relegated in 1931 they had a 'crowd' of 3,969 v Middlesbrough on the last day of the season in May--and an even lower crowd later on that year, when just 3,507 bothered to torn up to see them play Sooothampton on 2nd September
'Legendary support'---yi havin a laff!
('Google it' on Wikipedia if yoo don't beleeeve us!)

Of course 'we' have not been immune  to low attendances worsels, havin had 2 sub 8,000 crowds in the 1970s---but then again we ARNT claimin to have had legendary support since we were 'born' in 1892!

AYE! Man U have been the best supported club since the 1960s but to claim that they have had great support since they were founded iz total tosh! (for 1878 'fast forward' 80 years to 1958!)

Aa can remember taalkin to a Man U fan who drank in mee 'local' a few years ago, who woz much older than me, and typically he had been to 3 venues to watch hiz team---The public house---the club house---and hiz own house!--ie: he'd never been to Old Trafford!

"Why do yoo support them when yoo were born HERE!?" I asked him incredulously <(we naa aall the big words!)
"Because of the Munich air crash!" he replied, addin that "Everbody in the country 'felt' for them after the tragedy---and many started supportin' them after this!"

And then the penny dropped!: Before Munich they were just an ordinary team and after the tragedy they became massive!
In the 80 years before the Munich air crash they were best supported just once az mentioned--and in the 60 seasons since, they have been best supported 49 times!  

 Anyway!---We are travellin by choo choo train ower the pennines in the aaful 'Trans Pennine 'Express'? (which does 5mph on certain parts of the jorney!) and it will be packed to the rafters with 'standin room anly' by the time we reach Leeedz!

A full Geordie Times match report will follow on Sunday---sometime!
Az per usual---"Watch this space!"


Monday, 13 November 2017

NUFC FIXTURE UPDATES UNTIL JANUARY 31st 2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 13th November 2017

The live telly games have now been picked up until 31st January next year
The fixtures below are 'cast in stone' and carnt be moved (allegedleee!) Telly games in bold print
Home games in gold     Away games in pink
 
Sat 18th November: The Moan U Muppets, away, live on BT @ '5:30' bells

Sat 25th November: Wotfaad, home @ '3 bells'

Tue 28th November: The Baggie Troosers of WBA, away @ '8 bells'

Sat 2nd December: Chelski, away, live on SKY @ '12:30 bells'

Sat 9th December: The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa, home, live on BT @ '5:30 bells'

Wed 13th December: The Toffee Noses of Everton, home @ '7:45 bells'

Sat 16th December: The Arse, away @ '3 bells'

Sat 23rd December: The Jellied Eels Mob of WHU, away @ '3 bells'

Wed 27th December: The Blue Moonies of Mancland, home, live on SKY @ '7:45 bells'

Sat 30th December: (Ne Where Near) Brightin, home @ '3 bells'


2018

Mon 1st January: The P*ss Potts of Stoke, away @ '3 bells'

Sat 6th January: FA Cup 3rd roond (draw still to be made)

Sat 13th January: Swanzee, home @ '3 bells'

Sat 20th January: The Blue Moonies of Mancland, away, live on BT @ '5:30 bells'

Sat 27th January: FA Cup 4th roond (but will we still be in it?)

Wed 31st January: The Bornley Hillbillies, home @ '7:45 bells'


Sunday, 12 November 2017

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 0 WORKSOP TOON 1 *** FA VASE 2nd ROOND

Posted '10:15am bells' Remembrance Sunday 12th November 2017
"WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!"

"They know aall the wrong words!"

With yet anothaa blank weekend to fill in coz of the Internationals, aa heeded for Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' were takin on Worksop in The FA Vase 2nd roond

A nice quiet and relaxin pint in the Dunston clubhoose woz the plan, BUT! az soon az aa walked through the door aa woz 'greeted' by a bar full of Worksop fans in their yellow and black garb singin 'The Blaydon Races' at the top of their voices to the WRANG words!?
STANDIN' ROOM ONLY!

Instead of "Gannin alang the Scotswood Road to see The Blaydon Races!" they sang "Going along the Worksop Road to see the Worksop aces!"?

Anyway!--it took ages to get sorved in the packed clubhoose and 'broon ale' woz on the 'menu' az aa continued wor "Lets Gan On A Bender In November!" campaign!

It woz soon time for kick off and aa heeded for the 'sanctuary' and 'noise free' area of the touchline az the Worksop Wanabeez heeded for the covered stand opposite, singin their songs with the wrang words!

It woz a freeezin caad afternoon with signs that winter woz just aroond the corner and the players from both sides seemed affected by the cold and just couldn't get into gear az the forst half ended nil-nil!

My attempt to get into the clubhoose at half time failed az they were queuin' oot the door to get sorved!
I estimated that it would take 20minutes to get sorved, by which time the 2nd half would have started, so aa opted for a waam cup of tea instead (now THAT WOULD pleeze the "Lets Go Sober In October!" brigade!)
THE BAD BLUE BOYS (IN BLUE!)
ATTACK THE WORKSOP GOAL! (2nd half)

The 2nd half didn't start well for Dunston az Worksop broke the deadlock after just 2 mins of the restart when their centre forward toe poked the baall into the back of the net to send the 80 or so visitors wild with delight!

It torned oot to be the anly goal of the game az The Bad Blue Boys tried in vain to get the equaliser that would have sent the game into extra time--they couldn't do it and it iz Worksop who will gan into the 3rd roond draw and the dream of a Wembley final!
Attendance: 368

A mad rush back to the clubhoose az soon az the final whistle blew (to beat the Worksop fans!) meant that aa could continue wor "Lets Gan On A Bender!" campaign once again!

A'd bumped into an old mate and we then went to a new micro pub alang the road from the groond for somemore 'liquid lubrications' to defy the 'Sober In October!" brigade!
"LETS GAN ON A BENDER!"




Saturday, 11 November 2017

FA YOUTH CUP 3rd ROOND DRAW


Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 11th November 2017

                                "We will remember them!"


The Toons youth team have been given the furthest distance to travel in the FA Youth Cup 3rd roond draw made yesterday, when we were drawn away to Brighton's youth team!

Oot of the 32 ties, we face the longest jorney and a 700 mile roond trip  to the south coast!

The tie must be played by December 19th but we arnt sure if it will be played at The Amex Stadium or Crawley Town where Brighton resorves play their games (we've been to both!)

Meeenwhile wor U18s are in action az we speak at Whitley Park in Benton where a derby against the SMBs U18s iz takin place!
Full time score to follow!

Update 1:45pm bells'

We are loathe to tell yoo this but we lost 3-0!

THE LIVERBIRDS U23s v THE TOON U23s @ PRENTON PARK **** TOONEET!

Posted 3 46am bells Friday 9th November 2017

Wor U23s travel to Birkenheed tooneet where we are playin The Liverbirds U23s in The Premyaa Leegue International Cup! (Where DO they dream up theez names!)
Kick off at Tranmere Rovers groond iz at 7 bells and it's £4 to get in for 'big kids' and just a quid for 'sprogs' and 'zimmerframeites'!

The Geordie Times wont be there az we've been to Prenton Park a few times! (Az mentioned previousleee, we divvint de resorve or junior away games if we've been there before!) 

The forst time woz a landmark game for me az it woz mee 100th groond watchin The Toon in 1991
(A'v just this second completed the trip report on that game, which iz printed below this article!---('12:37pm bells' and 27 seconds!)


Meenwhile a report on toneets game will appear here from one of wor many intrepid reporters at aboot midneet bells!

Updated 11 00pm bells
The Toon lost 2-1 despite takin the lead through Callum Roberts who hit a 20 yard 'banana' shot past the Liverbirds keeper in the 22nd minute

The lead lasted barely 5 mins az the 'home side' (what! In Birkenhead?) hit back!

Their 2nd goal came after half time in the 73rd minute in drivin wind and rain, played oot in front of a handful of spectators includin at least ONE NUFC mad-sad groundhopper!

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