Thursday, 20 July 2017

MARX MINI MAGS quiz answer

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 16th July 2017
Updated thorsday

A Toon fan caalled Mark 'The Suit' collects miniature models of Toon players old and new and haz sent us some of hiz collection.
We have given him hiz own page (MARX MINI MAGS) and yoo must guess who the 'mini Mag' iz
Answer later on this week
"WHO AM I?"  "I am Alan Shearer!"

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

MURPHY & MANQUILLO SIGN

Posted 'high noon bells Wednesday 19th July 2017

Murphy (top) & Manqillo

Thankfully 2 more signings have been reported to boost wor squad. Jacob Murphy haz signed for a reported fee of 10.5 million---he iz a winger and haz signed from Norwich and iz 27 years old
Aalso signed iz a right back by the name of Javier Manquillo for 4.5 million---he has signed from Atletico Madrid and iz a 23 year old Spaniard

Hopefully more signings will happen before the season starts and we have to tell yoo that we are relieved that Rafa looks certain to stay after the rumours of an imminent departure due to lack of progress in the transfor market

Az per usual we will keep yoo posted a day later than the rest!
(This IZ The Geordie Times after aall!)

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

CREIGHTON CATASTROPHE!

Posted 'high noon bells' tuesday 18th july 2017
"We're not gannin here!  Boo  hoooo!"

Wor U18s were due to play Carlisle U18s @ Creighton Rugby Club in Carlisle today @ 'high noon bells'---a groond 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have nevaa been te---we have to tell yoo that the game haz been switched at the last minute to wor academy @ Little Benton!!! (a groond we have been te of course!)
DIABOLICAL DEEDS if yoo ask us!!!

Monday, 17 July 2017

THE UNDERTAKER AND LIAM FROM THE LAMP *** LOST BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN!

Posted '10:10am bells' Munday 17th July 2017

On this day three years ago John 'The Undertaker' and Liam 'From the Lamp' were on their way to New Zealand to watch The Toon in pre season friendlies.
They never got there az their plane waz shot doon ower The Ukraine and they perished alang with nearly 300 others!

In wor forst friendly of the season in Edinburgh on Friday neet we won 2-1 against Hearts with Dwight Gayle gettin' both of wor goals.
We are sure that both John and Liam would have been lookin' doon from heaven watchin' the game!

They may be lost but they will never be forgotten by those who knew them well (like me) and those who had never met them!

RIP Lads!

DARLO v TOON U23s ** TOONEET

Posted 12:30pm bells' Munday 17th July 2017

If yoo are at a 'loose end' tooneet then why not heed for Darlington where wor U23s are takin' them on @ The Reynolds Arena/Northern Echo Arena @ '7 bells'
I wont be able to make it az av got to gan to graft, but a report from one of wor intrepid fellow groondhoppers will be online sometime tomorrow! (Been here before of course-- on my 'list')
Admission iz a 'tenner' for 'big kids' and a 'fiver' for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

Update Tuesday

Darlo 1  Toon X1  2
The Toon won 2-1 with goals from Longstaff and Ivan Toney in front of 1,775 icludin a few hundred Toon fans

Sunday, 16 July 2017

THE JAM TARTS 1 THE TOON 2 *** PRE SEASON FRIENDLY 2017-2018

Posted '9:00pm bells' Saturday 15th July 2017
Updated Sunday

"A FISHY TALE TO MAKE YOO WHALE!"

The meetin' point for wor forst pre season 'jaunt' woz in 'The Central', where we caught the '12:45 bells' train to Edinburgh!

It woz then a 'pub crawl' around Princess Street and beyond before heedin' for Tynecastle

In one of the pubs on the way called 'The Bailie' we decided to have a 'nose bag' az well, az we were 'clammin' by this point!
'Big Al' (not the sheet metal workers son!) opted for some Aberdeeen Angus steak and chips at a 'tenner', while me and 'Sarnie Steve' ordered a smaall fish and chips for £7:50
Back the waitress came with Big Al's steak and Steve's smaall fish n chips---she then came back with mine sayin' "here's your LARGE fish n chips!" (£10:50!)
"I anly ordered a smaall fish!", said I, az she plonked the plate doon in front of me!
"Oh sorry!" she said, "I'll go and see the chef!"
Back she came and told me to just eat woz in front of me and I would anly be charged the lower price!

I hoyed tons of salt and vinegar on and stabbed a chuck of fish onto my fork---just az I woz aboot to devour the fish, back the waitress came and told me that the fish woz the chefs meal and she would come back with a smaaller portion---and like a scene from the 'Fawlty Towers' 'Hotel Inspector' episode, she snatched the plate away az I sat there with my knife a fork at the ready!
(In that episode a hotel inspector ordered some veal and just az he woz aboot to eat it, in came 'Basil Fawlty' to snatch it away az it had been covered in rat poison!)

Back she came with anothaa fish which woz actually BIGGER than the one she'd taken away!---(I hope yoo are followin' aall this?)
It woz the size a baby WHALE!--but I wasn't gonna complain and (finally!) got stuck into it before she could take it away again!
(Yoo couldn't make it up!)
A few more boozers later and it woz time to heed for the groond!

A 10,000 crowd were present includin' 1,400 from Tyneside in wot woz in effect a 3 sided groond, coz of buildin' work on a new main stand to wor left
SPOT THE FREEBEEZ!

We started off well and Aarons hit the bar in the 2nd minute before Dwight Gaye put us in front 2 mins later with a low shot!

The Jam Tarts equalised from Walker in the 24th minute after some sloppy play by 'us'
We regained the lead however just 2 minutes later when Gayle got hiz 2nd goal, heedin' in Shelvey's corner kick!

Some fine saves from Rob Elliot followed and we went in 2-1 up at the break!
6 changes were made at the start of the 2nd half includin' 'new boy' Flo Lejuine, but we couldn't add to the score, although Lejuine did hit the woodwork late on!


Full time: 2-1 to 'us'

Toon squad that woz used (deep breath!) Elliot, Haidera, Clark, Mbemba, Lascelles, De Jong, Atsu, Diame, Shelvey, Aarons, Gayle, Woodman, Gamez, Dummett, Hanley, Lajuine, Colback, Saivet, Armstrong, Mitrovic, Laazar, Perez
(22 in total!)

Attendance: 10,001 (1,468 Toon fans) (plus 5 or 6 'freebee' builders watchin' from the new stand under construction--see photo!) *

Edinburgh pub crawl total: 6












Thursday, 13 July 2017

BAD NEWS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS---FOR MORE REASONS THAN ONE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 13th July 2017


Devastatin' news haz reached us that the Checkatrade Trophy draw haz paired us with 3 teams, whose groonds we have been te before! Crewe, Port Vale and Oldham will be wor opponents in the group stage!
We WONT be gannin' here!
"BOO!--HOOOO!"
The truth iz that its gettin' harder and harder to visit new leegue groonds az we are simply runnin' oot of them (just 13 left oot of the 92 to visit!)
We wanted Shrewsbury, Fleetwood or Rochdale, but ended up with this lot!

In othaa news--with just ONE day to gan before wor forst pre season forst team game away to Hearts, we have just ONE new face in the team, when we needed at least half a dozen!

Rumours have surfaced that 'Rafa the Gaffa' iz not impressed with incomin' transfors and when yoo consider that 'uddersfield have spent £36 million and 'little' Bournemoooth, (who have one fifth of wor support!) have spent £20 million on one player---compared to wor £4 million in the summer window, yoo can see why!

Wor current squad is quite simply not good enough for the Premyaa Leegue and if we don't sign some more players very soon, then we fear the worst!
The 'feel good' factor after promotion iz rapidly fadin' away!

The next couple of weeks will be very interestin'--to say the least!   

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

'CHECK' IT OOT---DRAW THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday 12th July 2017

The draw for The Checkatrade Trophy northern section takes place this afternoon at '3 bells'

There are 8 groups of 4 teams---3 of each group are from the lower leegues, plus 'Category One' Academy' sides of 'the BIG guns' from the top flight (ie: includin' 'US')
(at least 6 players must be under the age of 21)


There are 3 'mouth waterin' possibilities of gettin' a groond we have neva been te

And they are!!!:
Group A: Fleetwood Toon
Group C: Rochdale
Group E: Shrewsbury Toon
We have been to aall the othaa groonds in the othaa northern groups

Games are to be played from late August onwards!
Yoo can bet your bottom dollar that 'The Geordie Times' will bring yoo the news of the draw LAST on Thorsday---az wor faithful carrier pigeon iz 'gettin on a bit' and cant fly very fast theeze days az hiz left wing iz a bit 'nackered'! (see below!)
"THE DRAWS TODAY--SO I'LL LET YOO KNOW BY THORSDAY!
PANT!--PANT!---OH! MY ACHIN' WING!--COOO!--COOOOO!!!"

 
 


Monday, 10 July 2017

TOON LEGENDS 6 or 7 *** FELLING X1 1 or 3 (TAKE YOUR PICK!)

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 10th July 2017

The Pavel Cup in aid of St Oswalds Hospice drew a crowd of 500 to Federation Park in Dunston yestaaday

Amongst 'The Toon Legends' there woz Peter Beardsley, Steve Howey, Gavin Peacock, Steve Harper, Kieth Gillespie and Gazza, who made a suprize appearance az he wasn't due to play!

Goals from wor former goalie Steve Harper (who woz playin' outfield) started the rout for 'The Legends' and forthaa goals from Paul Robinson, Peter Beardsley--a hat-trick from Keith Gillespie and one from Gazza near the end sealed an emphatic win!

GAZZA (centre of pic) MAKES A SUPRIZE APPEARENCE FOR
'THE TOON LEGENDS'

I woz in the clubhouse for approx. 50% of the game and missed some of the goals---and woz told that the final score woz 6-3---on enterin' the clubhoose at the end Barry the ref (who woz Liam's dad who tragically lost hiz life alang with John 'The Undertaker' 3 years ago) told me the final score woz in fact 6-1?

A text message from 'Colonel Gadaffi' in London said The 'Ronny Gill' had given the score az 7-1 on hiz phone 'app'???

Who naaz just wot the final score woz?---but everyone seemed to enjoy themsels---especially Gazza, who woz inundated with requests for autographs and 'selfies' 

GRANDSON JAMIE MEETS GAZZA
  

3 YEAR OLD GRANDDAUGHTER FREYA 'THE LITTLE KITTEN'
ENJOYS HOR FORST EVER 'TOON' GAME

Friday, 7 July 2017

NUFC PREMYAA LEEGUE FIXTURE LIST 2017-2018 (UPDATE)

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 14th Joon 2017
Updated 'high noon bells' Friday 7th July 2017

IT'S SPORZ AT HOME ON A SUNDAY---AGAIN!

The new Premyaa Leegue fixtures are now oot and have been 'kind' to us, with not too many 'big gun games' to start with! (Just 2 of last seasons 'top 6' in the forst 3 months (both at SJP)

We start off where we ended in The Premyaa Leegue last time with a home game v Sporz, who we thrashed 5-1 in front of a capacity crowd after we'd been relegated

Thankfully, unlike last season, AALL lang distance away games are 'pencilled in' for a weekend (roond trips of 500 miles or more)(for now!)

We visit The Olympic Stadium/London Stadium for the very forst time just before Xmas and travel to 'new Wembley' in mid March to face Sporz!
Of course many of the fixtures will be moved to accommodate Sky and BT and for teams who are playin' in Europe
(we reckon at least HALF wor fixtures will be moved!) 

Fixtures are in 'Geordie Times' cryptic code' to avoid any F.A copyright infringements (work them oot!) (For those of yoo with 'half a sheeps brain', there are 'clues' at the bottom of the page!)

Updated 7th July 2017
5 of wor forst 7 games have been moved to a Sunday and wor fixtures up until 1st October will not change and are in heavy type--- Home games in GOLD *** Away games in PINK
Aall othaa fixtures after this date could change
Next live telly games due to be announced on Friday 11th August

AUGUST 2017
Sun 13: Sporz  home '1:30 bells' (SKY)
Sun 20: 'uddersfield away '1:30 bells' (SKY
Leegue Cup 2nd roond (ne dates or opponents yet)
Sat 26: The Jellied Eels Mob home '3 bells'

SEPTEMBER 2017
Sun 10: Swanzee away '4 bells' (SKY)
Sat 16: The P*ss Potters home '3 bells'
Sun 24: (ne where near) Brightin away '4 bells' (SKY)

October 2017
Sun 1: The Liverbirds home '4:30 bells' (SKY)
Sat 14: Sooothampton away
Sat 21: The Crystal Baalls home
Sat 28: Bornley away

November 2017
Sat 4: Bournemoooth home
Sat 18: Moan United away
Sat 25: Wotfaad home
Tue 28: The Baggie Troosers away

December 2017
Sat 2: Chelski OAPs away
Sat 9: The Basil Brush Brigade home
Wed 13: The Toffee Noses home
Sat 16: The Arse away
Sat 23: The Jellied Eels Mob away (new groond!)
Tue 26: Manc Blue Moonies home
Sat 30: (ne where near) Brightin home

January 2018
Sat 6: FA Cup 3rd roond  (draw not made yet of course!)
Sat 13: Swanzee home
Sat 20: Manc Blue Moonies away
Wed 31: Bornley home

February 2018
Sat 3: The Crystal Baalls away
Sat 10: Moan United home
Sat 24: Bournemoooth away

March 2018
Sat 3: The Liverbirds away
Sat 10: Sooothampton home
Sat 17: Sporz away (new Wembley!)
Sat 31: 'uddersfield home

April
Sat 7: The Basil Brush Brigade away
Sat 14: The Arse home
Sat 21: The Toffee Noses away
Sat 28: The Baggie Trooosers home

May
Sat 5: Wotfaad away
Sun 12: Chelski OAPs home (Last game date can't change)

Clues (for those of yoo who are 'clueless'!):

Sporz=Geordie Slang

'uddersfield=Yorkshire slang

The Jellied Eels Mob= A favourite delicacy in the east end of London

Swanzee=Geordie slang

The P*ss Potters=Part of the nickname for a Staffordshire club

(Ne where near) Brightin=This groond iz 6 miles from the centre of their toon, in the middle of 'ne where'!

The Liverbirds=It's the badge on their chests!

Sooothampton=Geordie slang

The Crystal Baalls=They play in a condemned 'palace'

Bornley=Geordie slang

Bournemoooth=Geordie slang

Moan United=Their manager iz aalways 'moanin'

Wotfaad=Geordie slang

The Baggie Troosers=One of their nicknames, from a toon near Bormingham

Chelski OAPs=Their nickname used to be 'The Pensioners', az this iz the home of old war veterans

The Basil Brush Brigade=Their nickname iz 'The Foxes' who are former winners of The Premyaa Leegue

The Toffee Noses=Part of their nickname, from Morseyside

The Arse=Their fans are complete 'arseholes' who want rid of their manager, despite winnin' the FA Cup 3 times in the last 4 years?

Manc Blue Moonies=A Lancashire team who play in light blue



Geordie Times copyright warning!: The above fixtures are under strict 'cryptic code' copyright to 'The Geordie Times and any infringements will be severely dealt with!
Yoo will be arrested by men in white coats--placed into a straight jacket (kickin' and screamin' if necessary!)---marched to The Stadium of SHH! (yee naa wot!)---where yoo will be suspended (upside doon!) from a floodlight gantry---and forced to watch sund'linds forthcomin' home game against Burton Albion (whenever that iz played!)
We realise that this punishment is severe--but copyright MUST be protected!


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