THE WACKO JACKO-LESS JIVERS v THE TOON **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '8:23pm bells' Friday 14th March 2014

THE LAST TIME WE WERE @ CRAVEN COTTAGE!
(WE LOST 2-1!)

Forst of aall---apologeez for not updatin' this site az regularly az aa used to, but a new full time job haz prevented me from dein' so, az a now normally work constant neetshift! (but NOT toneet!)

We are on the '6:30 am bells' train in the mornin' to Kings Cross and shud arrive in Hammersmith (one of the nearest tube stations to Fulham) for the customary pre match gargels at approx. '10 bells' in The William Morris boozer!

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE---
'CHELSKI'  A MONTH AGO!

Assistant manager John Carver gets the main dugout seat tomorrow az wor much maligned manager iz banned from the groond because of hiz infamous heedbutt? a fortneet ago!

Both Loic Remy and Mathieu Debuchy are OOT through injuries sustained on international duty and we hear through the grapevine that Hatem Ben Arfa will aalso be missin' for personal reasons?

'Fab' Coloccini WILL retorn to the fray however az we attempt to beat 'the boys from the cottage' for the forst time doon there in 6 seasons and we will be backed by 2,900 plus many more in Fulham's so caalled 'mixed section'!



"NO!---NOT THAT 'FELIX'! ^

Their manager Felix the Cat (er! sorry! Felix 'McGath'!) (below!) iz still lookin' for hiz forst win az Fulham manager and they have now gone NINE games since that! <(wots the bettin' that ---!)


"AYE---THAT ONE WEARIN' A FULHAM TIE!" ^



"AN IMPOSTER WEARIN' A FULHAM TIE!"--"SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?" ^

Both former Toon players Scott Parker and Damian Duff are expected to MISS the game az the  *'Wacko Jacko-less Jivers' attempt to climb off the bottom of the table! (*The Michael Jackson statue haz since been removed from Craven Cottage by former owner Al Fayed!---hence their new 'Geordie Times' name!)

Az iz usual theeze days aall the trains back to The Toon are DRY, but NOT on the way there??? <(we can NEVER work this one oot???)

There will of course be a full 'Geordie Times' match and 'gargle' report sometime on Sunday az usual!

7 MATCH BAN FOR PARDEW! *** BUT THE (SWEET) F.A. ARE NOT HAPPY AND WANT A MORE SEVERE PUNISHMENT!

Posted '1:33pm bells' Wednesday 12th March 2014

"THERE'LL BE NO BURNINGS IN LONDON, AS LONG AS I AM MAYOR!"

Alan Pardew haz been foond guilty az charged by an independent 'jury' for hiz heinous heedbutt on 'that' ex mackem and haz been banned from the touchline for seven games,  the forst three of them a stadium ban aaltogether!

The F.A. however ARNT happy aboot this and want hiz punishment increased forthwith!
Suggestions that he shud be burnt alive at the stake on Wembley Way for hiz mistermeeeners <(we naa how to spell aall the 'big words'!) have been mooted, BUT Lord Mayor of London, Boris Johnson haz pointed oot that aalthough he haz ne objection whatsoever aboot Pardew bein' tied to a stake and burnt alive, he points oot that Wembley iz in fact in a 'smoke free zone', az iz the rest of London and haz vetoed the F.A's plans because of this!

We await with trepidation to see if the F.A. will get their 'just desserts' and get hiz punishment increased---elsewhere!

Pardew commented on hiz 'sentence': "I am grateful that I have only got a seven match ban!--- I hope they don't increase it and burn me at the stake as I've just bought a new suit!"

"AZ EVER!---WATCH THIS SPACE!!!"

THE TOON U18s 2 THE CHELSKI PENSIONERS U18s 3 *** FA YOUTH CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted '2:55pm bells' Wednesday 12th March 2014

The Toon's youngins bowed oot of the FA Youth Cup last neet when they lost 3-2 to Chelski OAPs U18s @ St James' Park!

The game panned oot az follows: (az reported by wor cheeef futbaall correspondent 'Liam from the Lamp': (text messages to my mobile)

"Chelski score from a coontaa attack, goal scored by Solanki!"

"The ref appears to be a mackem!"

"Olley free kick from left side put in by Keman---33 minutes 1-1!"
"That shud reed 28 minutes---sorry! the game kicked off at '5 past'!"

"Chelski defender gives the baall to Armstrong who places it in the bottom right hand corner!"---38 mins---2-1 to us!"

"2-2!---Alex Kiwomya!"

"3-2 to Chelski---scorer Jeremy Boga. He was allowed to run and scored in the left corner from aboot 25 yards!" 

"3-2 finish---Chelski man of the match: The referee!"

Attendance: 2,506 (pix to follow?---hopefully!) 

JUDGEMENT DAY TODAY FOR PARDEW!

Posted '1:20pm bells' Tuesday 11th March 2014


"SOMEWHERE NEAR WEMBLEY STADIUM!"


Wor beleaguered manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' iz @ Wembley today to face an FA disciplinary panel aboot 'that' heedbutt!

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo any news of hiz punishment when we find oot!

Az per usual ---watch this space!

THE TOON U18s v CHELSKI OAPs U18s ***FA YOUTH CUP QWAATAA FINAL ***TONEET @ ST JAMES' PARK!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Tuesday 11th March 2014


4th ROOND ACTION IN THE FA YOUTH CUP @ ST JAMES' ORLIER THIS SEASON
THE TOON U18s WON 4-1 AGAINST THE SMB U18s IN FRONT OF A 3,500 CROWD!

There are TWO very important games that concorn us toneet!
Forstly @ '7:05 bells' wor youngins take on Chelski's equivalent @ St James' with a place in the semis up for grabs in the FA Youth Cup!

The East Stand will be open (az per usual in theeze games) and it's £3 for big kids and just £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

A 3,000 plus crowd iz anticipated so get alang orly to grab your prime view seat on the halfway line!

Wor rovin' paparazzi reporter 'Liam from the Lamp' will be there to take pix and bring yoo wor loyal reeeders aall the latest news from the game!---watch this space tomorrow! (Unfortunatally aa can't make 'this one' coz av got to gan to graft!)

Then! (a little later!) there's Bayern Munich against 'The Arse' in Jawmany in the Champions Leegue---and just WHY? (yoo may ask) are we bothered aboot THIS game???

Whey!---if 'The Arse' can manage to owercome a 2 goal deficit from the forst leg in London and win the tie, (highly unlikely!) then wor away game against them, which haz been pencilled in for a dreaded April Monday neet slot @ The 'Em', will be moved to a weekend slot instead!
Much better for us of course!

"Come on 'Yooo Arseholes'"!  

"EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"

Posted '2:25pm bells' Monday 10th March 2014





ST ANDREWS CHURCH ON THE CORNER OF GALLOWGATE
 IN THE SHADOWS OF ST JAMES' PARK!




 



 

 

THIS CARTOON IN TODAY'S 'JAWNIL'

HAZ EVEN MADE IT ONTO THE TELLY!

 

AZ REPORTED ON 'LOOK NORTH', 'THE MACKEMS'

ARE APPARENTLY DEAD UPSET COZ IT IMPLIES

THAT THEY ARE AALL THIEVES!

(AZ IF WE WOULD?)

("HELP!"---"WHO'S NICKED MEE

STERLIN' SILVER CARTIER WATCH!???")

"SUPER SUNDAY! *** CONTINUED!"

Posted '9:15am bells' Monday 10th March 2014 


YESTERDAY @ '2 BELLS'!

Like the previous Sunday, yesterday @ 2 bells' waz spent in the 'Soho Bar' in the shadows of St James', where the most important thing on the big screen at that time waz a gangster movie from Chicago!
(Last week it waz a 'Charlie Chaplin' silent movie from the 1920s, when a certain team from Manchester broke mackem hearts to lift the Leegue Cup!)

THE SILENT MOVIE FROM LAST SUNDAY!

News then filtered through from the city of Hull that the home side were tw*tin' the SMBs 3-0 @ The KC Stadium (to break mackem hearts once again!), and book their place in the semi-finals of the FA Cup!----Anothaa 'Super Sunday' for aall Toon fans!
"Ha!-Ha!"

 

 

 

They'll be cryin' in their beer in Pennywell today!

But NOT! in 'The Red Lion'!

TEARS ON TYNESIDE!

Posted '8:55pm bells' Saturday 8th March 2014

'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' (IN BLUE!) ON THE ATTACK!

There were tears on Tyneside az both of wor non leegue clubs who had made it through to the FA Vase qwaataa finals bowed oot of the competition today!

Forstly Newcastle Benfield went doon 1-0 in deepest Leicestershire to St Andrews FC in front of 1,200 fans, while the game we were @, @ Federation Park Dunston, ended in a 1-0 win for West Auckland Toon against 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston!

There waz a very healthy crowd of ower 1,000 who packed into Federation Park and to be fair, 'West' were the better of the two sides, havin' rattled the crossbar in the forst period of the game!

'THE HAND OF S*D'!
AN EXCITED DUNSTON FAN SHOWS HIZ HAND(S)
JUST AZ I'M ABOOT TO TAKE AN ACTION PHOTO!

'The Bad Blue Boys' never reeely 'got oot of the blocks' in a lack lustre performance and 'West' won it with a deflected shot from ex Toon resorve player Dennis Knight in the 56th minute, to send the former World Cup winners into the semi finals!


ACTION @ 'THE TEA-HUT END'!


Before the match the tiny clubhooose waz packed to the rafters with hardly enough space to breathe, az we fought wor way to the bar coontaaa for some 'Broon Ale in Bottle'!

"I WAZ THERE!"***"THE PROOOF!"

Attendance: 1,009 (300 'West' fans!)

A 'MINT CONDITION' TEAM SHEET!
(ANY OFFERS!???)

FA VASE QWAATAA FINALS *** BENFIELD & BAD BLUE BOYS NEWS!

Posted '2:20pm bells' Friday 7th March 2014

FEDERATION PARK IN THE LAST ROOND
(DUNSTON BEAT BRIGHTLINGSEA REGENT 5-0 !)

Aalthough NUFC divvint have a game again this weekend because of non participation in the FA Cup, there ARE two massive non leegue games takin' place tomorrow involvin' Tyneside based teams in the FA Vase 6th roond!

Newcastle Benfield must travel to deepest Leicestershire to take on St Andrews FC, while 2012 Vase winners, 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston take on former World Cup winners, West Auckland Toon @ Federation Park, Dunston---both '3 bells' kick offs, on the trail to Wembley.

Az  Dunston  iz a bit nearer than Leicester, 'The Geordie Times' iz takin' in that game and a full match report and pix will be forthcomin' sometime on Saturday neet or Sunday mornin'!

If yi fancy gannin' and have nowt else better to de then get yersel alang and cheer 'The Bad Blue Boys' on to Wembley!
It's a fiver to get in for 'big kids' with concessions for sprogs and zimmerframeites and a big crowd between 800 and 1,000 (normal crowd 200) is anticipated tomorrow afternoon!

The most important thing yi need ti naa, though, iz that the clubhoose iz open before and after the game for those of yoo who fancy dein' a bit of 'tonsil ticklin'! 

BLANKETY BLANKETY BLANK!

Updated '12:12pm bells' Friday 7th March 2014

"SEE YOU AGAIN ON MARCH THE NINTH!"

Because 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton beat 'The Swan Lakers' 3-1 in the FA Cup 5th roond, wor game against the Morseysiders scheduled for a live telly game this comin' Sunday haz nuw been postponed az this iz 6th roond weekend and of course the FA Cup gets priority ower the leegue!
This game will now take place on Tuesday 25th March with a '7:45 bells' kick off! (NE live telly though!)

This meeenz that because of wor FA Cup exit at the forst hurdle (again!) we will have yet another blankety blank weekend to fill in for the EIGHTH TIME this season! <(and yet anothaa 14 day break between games!)

This year alone we havvent played on FOURTH ROOND DAY and FIFTH ROOND DAY and nuw of course we wont play on SIXTH ROOND DAY!
And az 'Tex Taylor' pointed oot to me last week, az we supped in 'The Strawberry' beside St James', we didn't play on THORD ROOND DAY EETHAA! <(when we lost to Cardiff!)