|"THERE'LL BE NO BURNINGS IN LONDON, AS LONG AS I AM MAYOR!"
Alan Pardew haz been foond guilty az charged by an independent 'jury' for hiz heinous heedbutt on 'that' ex mackem and haz been banned from the touchline for seven games, the forst three of them a stadium ban aaltogether!
The F.A. however ARNT happy aboot this and want hiz punishment increased forthwith!
Suggestions that he shud be burnt alive at the stake on Wembley Way for hiz mistermeeeners <(we naa how to spell aall the 'big words'!) have been mooted, BUT Lord Mayor of London, Boris Johnson haz pointed oot that aalthough he haz ne objection whatsoever aboot Pardew bein' tied to a stake and burnt alive, he points oot that Wembley iz in fact in a 'smoke free zone', az iz the rest of London and haz vetoed the F.A's plans because of this!
We await with trepidation to see if the F.A. will get their 'just desserts' and get hiz punishment increased---elsewhere!
Pardew commented on hiz 'sentence': "I am grateful that I have only got a seven match ban!--- I hope they don't increase it and burn me at the stake as I've just bought a new suit!"
"AZ EVER!---WATCH THIS SPACE!!!"