NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS (FOR BEGINNERS!)

Posted '1:13pm bells' Tuesday 26th November 2013

Aa naa this iz a little bit late!--but wor Resorve U21s are playin' Bormingham @ St Andrews this afternoon in less than an hours time @ '2 bells' in the new U21 Premier League 'League Cup' for any new NUFC groundhoppers who fancy it?

But yi'd better hurry az it normally teks three hours to drive there in a 'jam-jar' <(rocket boosters needed!) 

It's ironic to say the least that aall be passin' St Andrews toneet @ aboot '8 bells', a groond yoo can see from the M6 Motorway!
(ie: aa WON'T be there!) <(been there many times before of course and got the 'T Shirt' in the 1970s!)

STOP PRESS! We've just foond oot that yoo can watch the game on Bormingham's 'U Tube' channel!

STOP!***STOP PRESS!***We lost 2-1 with Ronaldo Aarons gettin' wor goal so anothaa cup gans 'doon the pan'!

"USA AALL THE WAY!" *** "15,000 YANKYOOZ!"

Posted 1:13pm bells Monday 25th November 2013

"GEORDIE TIMES AALL THE WAY!"

Ower the weekend the USA recorded it's fifteen thousandth hit on 'The Geordie Times' website, which iz one thord of the total UK hits!

Az per usual the 'celebrations' have started in New York az the 'ritual' of climbin' The Empire State Building by King Kong continues!

We thank each and everyone of yoo from 'across the pond' for loggin' into this site!
88,387***the total pageviews to date
145***the total number of countries and territories to have viewed this site (plus Mars!)  

Countries with more than 1,000 pageviews:

1 UK***45,905
2 USA***15,232
3 UKRAINE***4,236
4 'Mee old' CHINA***2,510
5 JAWMANY***1,776
6 THE GUINNESS REPUBLIC***1,071

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

FULL CONSETT HILLBILLIES MATCH REPORT FROM LAST FRIDAY BELOW!

THE CONSETT HILLBILLIES 1 TOON XX11 2 ***GROUND 306 ***BELLE VUE STADIUM, CONSETT

Ground number 306
Date of 1st Visit: 24th November 2013
Belle Vue Stadium, Consett, Coonty Durham

Consett  1
Newcastle United XX11 !  2  (Adam Campbell, Mystery Man 1?)

Friendly Fixture to open new groond
Attendance: 1,200 (estimated)

"THE CONSETT PARTY***OR!****
THE MUTHAA IN LAWS PARTY!?" 

The afternoon started off near the 'banks o the Tyne' @ '4 bells'  when we set off in 'The Caped Crusaders' new 'bat-mobile' ('plus 2' on hiz temp gauge!) for the 12 mile torturous jorney through the rush hour traffic to Consett high up in the moontains of Coonty Durham where we arrived half an hour later! <("Er!"---the jorney wasn't that bad!)

After parkin' up in the 'Hillbillies' club car park we made for the Travellers Rest a couple of hundred yards up the road for some much needed 'sustenance' to waam us up <(John Smith's!) az it waz 'minus 5' by then!  

It waz then onward to the new Consett clubhouse where a pint of Banks Bitter waz purchased by 'yours truelee'!
It looked like dorty dishwaataa and tasted just the same az aa struggled to drink the noxious substance! "AAaaaggggg!!!!!"

The clubhouse waz packed, mainly with scantily clad lasses who were to perform at 'The Consett Party' openin' ceremony, with dancin', handstands and somersaults on the pitch az Peter Beardsley opened the new groond! <(they are a hardy lot up here---that's for sure!)

'Dave from York then entered the bar and telt us excitedly that this waz hiz 250th groond watchin' The Toon, becomin' anly the FIFTH Toon fans to have joined 'The Qwaataa of a THOOSAND'  Grounds Club! <("Well done Dave!---yoo sad b*stard!")
(For the record the othaaz are 'The Caped Crusader', 'Glennn from Ashington', 'Biffa the Beer' and little ol' me!, 'Fink' ('the mad-sad groundhopper'!)

Dave then informed us that hiz 'sidekick' and fellow 'mad-sad groundhopper' 'Alex of St George' WASN'T comin' az he had decided to attended hiz mutthaa in laws 70th borthday party, instead of 'The Consett Party'! <(wots the world comin' to???)

Threats of divorce proceedings from their lass and bornt Sunday dinners with luke waam, lumpy Bisto gravy, for the next SIX MONTHS, 'blackmailed' him to de the former, but wot 'muthaa in law hater' Les Dawson would have made of it aall iz anybodys guess???

"ALEX!---YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO 'THE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

The match was delayed 25 minutes to let the crowd in az we froze to death near one of the corner flags in the Arctic conditions, where we had stood for FORTY MINUTES! <(honestly!---we wished that the match could have been ower before it had started!)

Played on a synthetic pitch we took the lead through Adam Campbell in the 30th minute with a low shot, before the home side equalised orly in the 2nd half.

By this time mee 'tootsies' on mee right foot were freezin' 'off' az aa jumped up and doon tryin' to keep waam!

We regained the lead late on through 'Mystery Man 1? who heeded the baall in from a corner taken by 'Mystery Man 2', az we played virtually an entirely different team in the 2nd period from the 1st! <(and we didn't have a clue who most of them were?) <(Under 16s we suspect!)
In total 22 players were used by us includin' 52 year old Peter Beardsley!

THE WINNIN' GOAL! 'MYSTERY MAN 2' TAKES A CORNER
AND 'MYSTERY MAN 1' HEEDS HOME (CENTRE OF PIC)

Attendance: 1,200 (estimated) (approximately 300 fans were there at the finish!) <(includin' us, who had severe frostbite by this time!)

PS: and for the record!, we later foond oot that the corner waz taken by Joe Kerridge and the winnin' goal waz scored by Jamie Cobain! 

THE TOON 2 THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES 1

Posted '10:55am bells' Sunday 24th November 2013


THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END IN THE 1st MINUTE

Delia Smith's Canary Custards 'crumbled' on Tyneside today when they lost 2-1 @ St James' Park against a Toon team that waz miles better than them!

The Toon took the lead az orly az the 2nd minute when we actually scored from a corner kick taken by Yohan Cabaye and we looked certain to ring up a big score when Lioc Remy heeded in unmarked at the post!

The lead waz doubled in the 38th minute when Norwich goalie Ruddy fumbled the baall from a heeder by Shola Ameobi and Gouffran waz on hand to poke the baall into the net!

Really it shud have been more at the break az the visitors were p*ss poor, but this iz NUFC of course and az per usual we came oot a different team in the 2nd half and let 'The Custards' attack us az we tried to defend wor 2 goal lead.

Then in the 80th minute they got a breakthrough when Fer heeded in off the post to beat Tim Krul for the 1st time since we lost to Man City in the Leegue Cup at the end of October!

"LETS BE 'AVIN YOO"---"HELP!"

A predictably nervous few minutes then ensued az the visitors tried to get the equaliser but we held oot to claim the 3 points and wor 3rd win in a row!

A Cisse shot near the end waz ruled oot for offside, but later replays showed that the goal shud have stood!

Toon team: Krul, Yanga, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Sissoko, Cabaye (Anita 68), Tiote, Gouffran (Ben Arfa 83), Remy, Shola Ameobi (Cisse 74)

Attendance: 51,328 (1,500 Canary Custards)

THE CONSETT HILLBILLIES v TOON X1 ***TONEET! ***GRAND OPENIN' OF NEW GROOND! ***GRAND OPENIN' OF NEW GROOND!

Posted '1:22pm bells' Friday 22nd November 2013


"CROOKHAALL!***CROOCKHAALL!***HERE WE COME!"


The adrenaline iz startin' to pump aalready at the prospect of toneets game at Consett AFC where  a NUFC X1 will take on the Northern Leegue outfit in the grand openin' of their new groond in Crookhaall which iz aboot half a mile from Consett toon centre.

Peter Beardsley will cut the ribbon @ '7:30 bells' to open 'Belle Vue Stadium' and we anticipate that a 1,000 crowd will be there to see it!

We are settin' of at '4:30 bells' for 'Hillbillie Country' and to sample the delight of the local cusine of 'Red Dust Bitter' in 'The Grey Horse' boozer where it iz brewed on-site.
We understand that the pub isn't tooo far from the new groond and we went there for Consett's last ever game at their old groond at the end of last season when we won 6-0!
(match report on that game below!)

A full 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match report will appear here tomorrow mornin' sometime, before heedin' for St James' where there's a little matter of a Premyaa Leegue encoontaa against 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' tomorrow afternoon @ '3 bells'

A full match report on that game will appear here on Sunday mornin'!  

CONSETT 0 THE TOON RESORVES 6 (SIX!)

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday 16th May 2013

(Ground number 187 re-visited***last ever visit)
Date of Last Visit:15th May 2013
Belle Vue Park, Consett

Consett  0
Newcastle United reserve X1  6 (six!) (Inman 2, Tavernier, Aarons, Quinn, Streete)  

Friendly Fixture
Attendance:1,000 (estimated) (mostly Toon fans, 1 Villa fan, 0 SMBs!) 


"CONSETT BITE THE 'RED' DUST!"

BRAD INMAN SCORES THE 1ST GOAL

The last game ever for Consett AFC @ Belle Vue waz played toneet when The Toon sent a strang resorve side up to the moontains of Coonty Durham!

The pre match 'gargels' took place in 'The Grey Horse' 'real ale' boozer, which iz a five minute waalk from the groond and where the beer iz actually brewed!

Pints of 'Red Dust Bitter' were consumed in this former steel toon, where 'red dust' used to dye the toon 'crimson' from the huge steelworks 30 years ago, but which have lang since 'bit the dust'<(sic!)

A canny crowd looked to have assembled az we queued to get through the tornstiles and we guessed that there were aboot 1,000 present az the game kicked off!

Consett iz one of them places when NUFC and SMB fans are split 50-50 in torms of support for both teams and just last week the SMBs played a friendly here in front of just 400 spectators! (less than half of toneets crowd!)

There were loads of Toon fans of aall ages dotted aroond the groond, but aa didn't spot ONE mackem in the crowd, which waz suprizin'? (but aa DID spot a youngin in a Villa jacket!)

Dark grey sky's greeted the players<(not unexpected roond theeze parts in May!) and before lang The Toon had taken the lead when Brad Inman waltzed aroond their keeper to put us 1-0 up after just 8 minutes play!
The Steelmen fought back but could'nt find the equaliser and we went in 1-0 up at the break!

A mad dash to the clubhoose to beat 'the crowd' then ensued and a pint of 'Banks Bitter' waz ordered by yours truely!
The barman commited that everybody waz drinkin' 'Banks', but I pointed oot to him that that waz the anly 'bitter' on offer anyway!--so wot else could aa ask for???(apart from Fosters Lager---which aa divvint like!---like!)


TAVERNIER PENALTY***2-0!

Anyway!---we managed to make the 2nd half kick off in time and within a minute we were 2-0 up when Tavenier covorted a penalty after Brad Inman had been hacked doon in the box!
Inman made it 3 not lang after with a low drive through the box.
Rolando Aarons made the game safe in the 54th minute when he poked the baall in from close range and then 'The Mighty Quinn' (Jonathyn) scored a simalar goal not lang after to increase wor lead to wot waz becomin' a cricket score!

The part timers from 'Red Dust Country' looked knackered by this point and a sixth goal in the final minute sealed their misery when 'Quality
Streete' (Remie) turned in a corner to complete the rout!

Consett played in aall red, so it waz nice for a change to revorse a certain scoreline from two weeks ago @ St James'! (When anothaa team who play in aall red, 'The Liverbirds', put six past us!)

'GEORDIE TIMES' QUIZ QUESTION:
The Toon have played on anothaa English groond which ne langer exists, which waz aalso caalled  'Belle Vue'
Can yoo name the team who used to play there?
Clue: A very famous ex Toon player and manager waz born there!

'The Geordie Times' will give yoo the answer sometime next week, when we will de a groond report from that game az well!

PS For an archive report on wor visit to Belle View, Consett in 1999, scroll doon page

CONSETT PARTY IN FULL SWING ***JUST ONE! DAY TO GAN!

Posted '12:25pm bells' Thorsday 21st November 2013

"NO!"***NOT THAT! CONSERT PARTY!"

There iz just ONE DAY to gan before the BIG DAY at Consett when The Toon will open 'The Hillbillies' new groond @ 7:45 tomorrow neet!

Many (many!) 'mad-sad groundhoppers' will be in attendance to witness this historic occasion @ Belle Vue Stadium, includin' quite a few 'anorak' groundhoppers who follow non leegue futbaall!

Az mentioned previousleee we are sendin' a Toon X1 side up to the wilds of Coonty Durham and Peter Beardsley will de the honours az he haz been chosen to open the new groond!

The co-ordinates <(we naa aall the posh words!) for the groond for those of yoo with 'sat navs' iz: DH8 7ES 

A 1,000 crowd iz predicted by us, in wot iz sure to be to be a 'party atmosphere', so get there orly to 'claim' your place! (but divvint forget to tek your snow shovel with yoo---just in case!)

HEEDBANGIN' @ THE HEEDBANGERS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 21st November 2013

"WHY DON'T WE PLAY THEM AT WAATERPOLO INSTEAD!"

Aa naa this iz a bit late!? but Gatesheed's home FA Cup tie with 'The Oxtail Soops' of Oxford waz  caalled off last neet at the last minute due to a waterlogged pitch after torrential rain on Tyneside!

A new date in the forst week of December haz been pencilled in for the re-arranged match!

Remember! 'The Geordie Times' brings yoo aall the latest news second hand***forst!

JUST TWO! DAYS TO GAN FOR 'THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS'! ***THE CONSETT HILLBILLIES v TOON X1

Posted '1:38pm bells' Wednesday 20th November 2013

"JUST TWO DAYS CHOMPIN' TO GAN!---MAAN!"

Forst of aall---apologeeez for not updatin' this site yesterday!---This waz due to circumstances beyond wor control az we had a power cut for three hours and the computaa 'went doon'!
(N POWER have got a lot of explainin' to de!)

Anyway!---the power iz back on and wor trip to 'The Hillbillies' of Consett on Friday neet iz still on az well, despite the inclement <(we naa aall the big words!) weathaa and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are 'chompin at the bit' at the prospect of yet anothaa new grooond to chalk off  'the (nevaa endin'!) list'!

'Michael Fish' still says there iz a risk of snow but divvint believe everything that he says aftaa gettin' the great storm of 1987 completely wrang!

"AND DON'T WORRY!*** TEMPERATURES WILL BE
IN THEIR HIGH 90s IN CONSETT ON FRIDAY NIGHT!"

Az mentioned previously, a 'Toon X1' side will be on parade for us with 'Beardo' openin' the groond and makin' a cameo appearance despite hiz 50 years plus age! <(hope he brings hiz 'zimmer'?)

Admission we understand iz six quid for grown ups and half that for zimmerframeites, while spogs can get in for just a quid! and kick off iz at '7:45 bells'
We estimate that a crowd of around 1,000 will torn up!?

More to follow on aall this later!