"TWENTY'S PLENTY!"

Posted '2:40pm bells' Thorsday 10th October 2013

News reaches us that NUFC are puttin' forward a plan to charge away fans just £20 a ticket!---provided!--- wor opponents agree to de the same when we play at their place!

IF? this iz true then it iz great news for fans who are continually bein' ripped off with soarin' ticket prices!

Perhaps they can de the same with train fares az well!------
A'v just booked mee tickets to Sporz at nearly FIFTY QUID DOON and FORTY FIVE QUID BACK!------THAT'S! nearly A HUNDRED QUID for 2nd class retorn tickets to 'the smoke', booked a month in advance!

'THEATRE OF MUPPETS' TIME CHANGE! *** 'THE ARSE' TIME CHANGE! ***

Posted '1:40pm bells' Wednesday 9th October 2013

"WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!"

"GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!

Wor leegue game @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' against 'The Cockney Reds of Salford' on Saturday December 7th will now kick off @ '12:45 bells' for live telly! (BT)

This meeenz that (once again!) I will have to rush straight for the '6 bells' train after finishin' neetshift @ '4 am bells' (I did the same for Villa away!) Ne sleep again for the fainthearted! "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!" <(NOT!)

Wor home game against 'The Arse' iz now @ '1:30 bells' on Saturday 29th December (SKY) and wor game @ Swanzee, pencilled in for Wednesday 4th December haz aalso been picked for live transmission @ '7:45 bells' (BT) (Kick off time unchanged)



REMEMBER!---yi read this news forst in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!

THE 'RED' TAFFY NOSES 1 THE TOON 2 ******* "THE PORFECT 'REMY'DY!"

Updated '10:28am bells' Munday 7th October 2013

THE HALF TIME ENTERTAINMENT WAZ PROVIDED
BY THE WELSH MALE VOICE CHOIR WHO SANG 'THE BLAYDON RACES'
IN FRONT OF THE TOON FANS!---BRILLIANT!

"IZ IT  DR. JEKYLL OR! IZ IT MR. HYDE!?"

To be honest, WE!---the fans!---just divvint naa wot team will torn oot for us at the moment!

At Cardiff yesterday it proved to be wor 'Dr. Jekyll' side in the forst half when we could easily have been 5 goals to the good by the interval, alone!---such waz wor superiority!

Loanee striker Loic Remy proved to be the difference between the 2 teams in this period and scored 2 excellent goals in the 30th and 38th minutes to put The Toon in the drivin' seat at the half time interval az we completleee dominated the game!
Hiz forst goal came from a Sissoko pass and Remy dribbled the baall doon the wing, beatin' two players in the process before hammerin' the baall into the net from 20 yards oot!

Hiz 2nd came just 8 minutes later when a Cisse shot waz parried oot by 'The Taffys' keeper and the baall fell nicely to Remy who from aboot the same distance az hiz forst, bent the baall around the keeper to double wor advantage!


"Beware of flyin' sheep!"

A couple of inflatable sheep were bein' hoyed aroond the away end by Toon fans and one of them hit 'Big Al' (no!--not that one!) on the heed, knockin' hiz specs off!--much to hiz annoyance!

THE TOON (in dark blue) ATTACK THE 'TAFFY'S' GOAL DURIN' THE 2nd HALF
(View from row 'T' of the visitors section)

The second period, az iz 'the norm' with us theeeze days, waz a 'Mr. Hyde' performance, az we back-peddled and conceded a goal at the mid point of the half!
A missteak <(Geordie Times spellin'!) by Williamson let in Odemwingie who beat Coloccini and shot into the net with wor defence 'aall at sea'!

We won in the end, but it waz a bit scary at times az we seemed intent on hoyin' away once again.
However!---we managed to hold oot to claim the 3 points much to the delight of the travellin' 2,000 faithful who had made the 320 mile trip to sooth Wales! (Dr. Jykell' had won the day--- this time!)

TAFFY AND TOON FANS ENJOY SOME (MUCH NEEDED!) 
'LIQUID REFRESHMENTS'**POST MATCH!

After the match we had a few celebratory 'gargels' in the Canton RFC clubhoose, which iz within 'hocklin distance' of the groond, before makin' wor way northwards back to Tyneside via the appropriately named 'Magpie' boozer  near Nottingham, eventually arrivin' back yem @ '4 bells' on Sunday mornin'!

THE MAGPIE *** "ONE (GOAL!) FOR SORROW, TWO (GOALS!) FOR JOY!"

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Tiote, Cabaye (Ben Arfa 86), Goufffran, Sissoko, Remy (Gutierrez 71), Cisse

Attendance: 27,538 (2,000 happy Toon fans!)

THE 'RED' TAFFY NOSES 1 THE TOON 2 ***(IMPORTANT 'GEORDIE TIMES' ANNOONCEMENT!)

Posted '1:10pm bells' Sunday 6th October 2013

Because of wor late arrival back from wor great win in Cardiff ('4 bells' this mornin'!) 'The Geordie Times' iz unable (incapable!) of bringin' yoo a match and 'gargel' report til later toneet, az av just had a few hours kip!----- "ZZZZZzzzz!!!!!" 
It iz now time ('1:10pm bells'!) to gan oot and celebrate in 'The Toon' with a few 'liquid lubrications' in The Porcy and Hotspor etc. etc. etc!
Watch this space!

THE 'RED' TAFFY NOSES v THE TOON ***SATURDAY AFTERNOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th October 2013

"SANCTUARY!"

We must now torn wor attention to the lang trip to sooth Wales tomorrow when we face the 'Bluebirds' "Er! Sorry!" 'REDWINGS'! of Cardiff @ their nearly new stadium which iz handily built 'ower the road' from their old one! (Ninian Park)

Forst 'port o call' when we get there will be the Canton Rugby Club which iz within eezy 'hocklin' distance' of the groond!
They have a canny clubhoose and de canny scran az well, az we foond oot on wor previous visit here when we played 'The Taffy Noses' in a pre season friendly last year (we lost 4-1!)

We understand that 'The Toon' returned 500 tickets of wor 2,500 allocation and so we will have at least 1,000 more fans in Cardiff than we did @ Everton on Monday neet! <(wor match tickets have just arrived in the post az aa speak!---"horray!")

We start on the lang 320 mile drive at 'five bells' in the mornin' , collectin' 'Liam from the Lamp' and hiz sidekick 'Michael the Mag' from The Black Bull opposite St James Park and then 'onward to Howden to pick 'Tex Taylor' up.
We then must gan through the Tyne tunnel and doon the 'A19' past a certain sh*thole to pick up 3 members of 'The Peterlee Perpetrators' <(havvent got a clue wot 'Perpetrators' meenz---but it soonds good!) and shud arrive in 'Taffyland' at around 11:30ish? <(traffic jams excepted!)

A full match and 'hooch' report will be forthcomin' sometime on Sunday---of course!

S.O.S. TICKETS NOW ON SALE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 3rd October 2013

"WELCOME TO sUND'LIND!"  (PENNYWELL)

Tickets for wor game against the SMBs @ The Stadium Of Sshh!! (Yee Naa Wot!) on Sunday October 27th ('1:30 bells' kick off) have just gone on sale to season ticket holders with 100 loyalty points! <(those of yoo who have been to at least 100 away games!)

Meeenwhile! wor tickets for wor game @ Cardiff in TWO DAYS TIME have STILL not arrived az I speak! <(start panickin'!)

PREMYAA LEEGUE AVERAGE GATES 2013-2014

Posted '2:22pm bells' Wednesday 2nd October 2013

ST JAMES' PARK***LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE MILBURN STAND

Az ever! The Toon are in thord place in the average gates stakes!

1 The Cockney Reds of Salford***75,081
2 The Arse***60,025
3 THE TOON***49,182
4 The Blue Moonies***46,967
5 The Liverbirds***44,663
6 The Chelski Pensioners***41,503
7 SMBs***41,458
8 The Hazbeenz and Villians***37,905
9 Sporz***35,938
10 The Toffee Noses***35,313
11 The Jellied Eels Mob***34,958
12 Sooothampton***29,696
13 The RED Taffy Noses***27,409
14 The Canary Custard Crumbles***26,819
15 The P*ss Potts***25,502
16 The Wacko Jacko Jivers***24,734 (statue since removed!)
17 The Baggie Troosers***24,639
18 Broken Nose Bruce's Tiger Lillys***23,307
19 The Crystal Baalls***22,807
20 The Swan Lakers***20,732

THE TOFFEE NOSES 3 THE TOON 2 *** "EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 1st October 2013



THE BACK PAGE OF 'THE RONNY GILL' YESTERDAY
BEFORE THE MATCH!
 

THE BACK PAGE OF 'THE RONNY GILL' TODAY
AFTER THE MATCH! 



THE INSIDE BACK PAGE TODAY!

'ROONEY'S BAR'
NAMED IN HONOUR OF WAYNE ROONEY
5 MINUTES WAALK FROM GOODISON PARK!

Az one of the above heedlines says!---this waz one of wor
worst forst half displays ever!---We were behind after just
fower minutes when Lukaku slammed the baall past Tim
Krul after some crazy defendin' by us!

The Toffee Noses doubled their lead in the 25th minute
when Barkley fired home after some more woeful defendin'!

It waz soon 'game ower' in the 37th minute when
Lukaku embarrassingly beat Coloccini and Tim Krul
to put them 'three up' at the break!---
Wot would the 2nd half bring
we thought az the fans sang: "We want our money back!"

1st HALF ACTION---VIEW FROM ROW 9 OF THE AWAY SECTION
("CAN WE HAVE WOR MONEY BACK PLEEEZE?")

The concourse underneath the stand waz packed with 
Toon fans havin' a 'gargel' and a 'scran' and many of
them didn't reappear after the restart az they were totally
 p*ssed off'!

This waz a shame az within 5 minutes wor revival had
started when 'super sub' Yohan Cabaye fired an excellent shot in to
reduce the deficit!

We forthaa reduced the scoreline with just a minute
remainin' when Loic Remy poked the baall home!

However that waz it!---and the truth iz that we got
off very lightly indeed az The Toffee Noses were
streets aheed of us, especialy in the forst half!

The fact that anly around 1,000 Toon fans had
bothered to torn up (with many of them not
reappearin' after the break az mentioned!) tells it's aan
sorry tale aboot wor current plight!

Toon team : Krul, Debuchy, Coloccini, Yanga
(Williamson 46), Santon,
Tiote, Anita (Cisse 69), Ben Arfa (Cabaye 46), Sissoki,
Remy, Gouffran

Attendance: just 33,495 (just 1,000 Toon fans in aall!)   

 

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON ***TOONEET!

Updated '1:25pm bells' Monday 30th September 2013

Action from wor game @ Goodison Park last season 
We drew 2-2

We're off to 'Mickeymouseland' toneet for wor game against 'The Toffee Noses' @ Goodison Park!
Everton remain the anly unbeaten team in the Premyaa Leegue this season and so wor 'task' looks a 'forlorn one' on paper!
The home side remain unbeaten this year at home and havvent conceded a goal for 636 minutes!

A full strength Toon team iz expected to play with several who missed wor 2-0 League Cup win ower Leeds last Wednesday due to retorn to the fray!
Last season we drew 2-2 with Demba Ba gettin' both wor goals and we will be very happy if that scoreline iz repeated toneet by '10 bells' ('8 bells' kick off---live on SKY)

We leave @ '2 bells' for the trip across the Pennines and shud be there in time for a good 'gargel' in 'The Clock', which iz a 'sleazy dive bar' just doon the road from Goodison!

A compreehensive 'Geordie Times' match report will be forthcomin' sometime on Tuesday mornin'!---watch this space!

"THERE'S ANLY TWO BOBBY MONCUR'S!"

Posted '9:36am bells' Sunday 29th September 2013


"NO!---NOT THAT! BOBBY MONCUR!"


With wor forst blank weekend for a while, aa took in Dunston's home game against Bishop Auckland @ Federation Park.

The score waz 1-1 after 90 minutes and then deep into stoppage time 'The Bishops' got the winner through a certain Robert Moncur who had aalso scored their forst goal!
We have to report that durin' the wild celebrations that followed @ 'The (now demolished) Dunston Rocket End', aa half expected him to produce the Fairs Cup from under hiz shirt and run around the pitch with it on a lap of honour!

Wishful thinkin' on my part!

Attendance: 229