NUFC 1st TEAM PREMYAA LEEGUE/CUP FIXTURES 2013-2014

Posted '12:45pm bells' Saturday 13th July 2013

 

THE LEAZES END OF ST JAMES' PARK
PHOTO TAKEN FROM LEAZES PARK

NUFC 2013-2014 conformed 1^st Team fixture dates

(‘til the end of  November)
We don't see the point in publishin' the entire seasons fixture list az quite a few more will ne doubt be changed for live telly etc. from December onwards!

Az per usual aall fixture are in ‘Geordie Times Cryptic Code’ to avoid copyright infringements (Work them oot ---if yoo can!?)

KEY: ORANGE=HOME GAME   PINK=AWAY GAME

AUGUST

MON 19 The Blue Moonies of Manchester @ City of Manc Stadium < (it’s original name!)

Live on SKY @ 8:00 bells

SAT 24 The Jellied Eels Mob @ St James’ Park @ 3 bells

W/C MON 26 League Cup 2^nd roond (opponents, venue and date to be conformed)

SAT 31 The Wacko Jacko Jivers of Fulham @ St James’ Park @ 3 bells

SEPTEMBER

SAT 14 The Hazbeens and Villians @ Villa Park @ 3 bells

SAT 21 Broken Nose Bruce’s Tiger Lilys < (will try and think of a better name!) @ St James’ Park @ 3 bells

MON 30 The Toffee Noses @ Goodison Park @ 8 bells

Live on SKY

OCTOBER

SAT 5 The ‘Taffy’ Noses @ Cardiff City Stadium @ 3 bells

SAT 19 The Liverbirds @ St James’ Park @ 12:45 bells

Live on BT

SUN 27 The SMB’s @ The Stadium of SHH! (yee naa wot!) @ 4 bells < (Aa bet yi ANYTHING YI LIKE that this will be changed to ‘high noon bells’ by ‘The Dibble’!)

Live on SKY

NOVEMBER

SAT 2 The OAP’s of Chelski @ St James’ Park @ 12:45 bells

Live on BT

SUN 10 Sporz @ White Hart Lane @ ‘high noon bells’

Live on SKY

SAT 23 The Canary Custard Crumbles @ St James’ Park @ 3 bells

SAT 30 The Baggie Troosers of West Brom @ St James’ Park @ 5:30 bells

Live on SKY

"KILL-JOY!"

Posted '10:00pm bells' Thorsday 11th July 2013

AT LAST!---confirmation that wor friendly game @ Rugby Park, Kilmarnock iz to gan aheed after aall, on Saturday 27th July, with a '3:00 bells' kick off!

This of course iz  'joyous news' to aall 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' who have never been to 'Killie' before! (inc little ol' me!)

We HAVE played here before, 31 years ago in 1982 when we played oot a goal-less draw in front of 1,500 hardy souls, but aa wasn't into 'mad-sad' groundhoppin' mode' at that point in mee life and missed the game!

AT LAST!---aa will be able to 'right' this 'wrong' and will be makin' a bee-line for Ayrshire on the day in question!

"GET THE FLAGS OOT!"


"KILLIE!***KILLIE!***HERE WE COME!"



IT'S MOONDAY EVENIN' BLUES!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 111th July 2013  

"BLUE MOONDAY ONE!"

Az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' undercover reporter on Tuesday, wor forst Premyaa Leegue game of the season against 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' haz been moved to the dreaded Monday neet slot for live telly!
The game @ 'The City of Manc Stadium' <(it's original name!) kicks off @ '8:00 bells' on Monday 19th August and iz on
SKY SPORTS 1

Then!--anothaa 'Blue Monday' comes up when we play 'The Toffee Noses of Everton' @ Goodison Park with anothaa '8:00 bells' kick off on Monday 30th September  (SKY SPORTS 1)

"BLUE MOONDAY TWO!"

The Liverbirds' then visit Tyneside for a '12:45 bells' start on Saturday 19th October   (BT)

On October 27th we heed for 'The Stadium of Shh! (Yee na wot!) to play the SMB's in a '4:00 bells' Sunday kick off? < (Aa bet yi ANYTHING YI LIKE!, that this kick off time will be changed to 'high noon bells' by 'The Dibble')   (SKY SPORTS 1)

'The OAP's of Chelski' then visit St James' Park on Saturday 2nd November @ '12:45 bells'  (BT)

Then we actually DE play an away game @ 'high noon bells' when we visit London to play Sporz on Sunday 10th November!
(SKY SPORTS 1)

And finally!--wor last live fixture to be announced so far, will be a home game against 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' on Saturday 30th November with a '5:30 bells' kick off time!
(SKY SPORTS 1)



'The Geordie Times' will post wor revised fixtures up to the end of November, sometime ower the weekend! (watch this space!)

LIVE TELLY GAMES TO BE ANNOONCED in 5 MINUTES @ 11am BELLS' (WATCH THIS SPACE!)

MILAN MATCHWINNER SIGNS FOR THE TOON !*** "A NEW STRIKER AT LAST!" *** 'JoeK' KEEPS HIZ PROMISE TO THE TOON FAITHFUL!

Posted '9:45am bells' Thorsday 11th July 2013

"STOP PRESS!" *** "STOP PRESS!" *** New NUFC Director of Futbaall 'JoeKanory', who haz been on a 'well earned'? weeks family 'oliday to Italy, secretly travelled to Milan on hiz way back from 'sunning himself in Sardinia' and az promised, he haz brung back a proven striker to bolster wor forward line in a sensational coup!


'Joekanory' commented later:
"I told the Noocarsal fans I would sign a top rate striker by Friday!***and I haven't let them down!"

"IT'S PIE IN THE SKY!"

Posted '9:10pm bells' Wednesday 10th July 2013


"IZ THAT A 'MAG'PIE?"


Despite 'SKY' promisin' to release the forst batch of live telly fixtures for the forthcomin' Premyaa Leegue season on Monday ***** By '9:00pm bells' on Wednesday neet they STILL hadn't published any news of their televised games?

We await with 'baited breath' to see if it's 'pie in the 'SKY', <(sic!) or if we ARE still playin' 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' on a Monday neet az waz predicted by 'The Geordie Times' secret undercover reporter yesterday? (see below!)

GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE! *** BLUE MOONIES GAME NOW ON MONDAY!

Posted '9:15pm bells' Tuesday 9th July 2013

We telt yoo @ 'The Geordie Times' a couple of days ago that we thought wor openin' Premyaa Leegue game against 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' would be moved for 'live telly'

This iz exactleee wot haz happened and wor secret undercover reporter who cannot be named for obvious reasons caalled 'Sarnie Steve', haz telt us that we will be gannin to Mancland two days after the season starts on Monday 19th August!

Remember!****yoo read this news forst in' The Geordie Times' @ '9:15 pm bells' tooneet! ***and newhere else!

OPENIN' LIVE TELLY GAMES TO BE ANNOONCED ***"ER!"*** ON WEDNESDAY AND NOT TODAY!!

Updated '9:00pm bells' Monday th July 2013

SKY have just 'moved the goalposts' by annooncin' that their live telly games will now be published on WEDNESDAY and NOT today, az we forst told yoo yesterday in 'The Geordie Times'!

We fully expect that wor openin' Premyaa Leegue game away to 'The Blue Moonies' on Saturday August 17th will be moved for live telly coverage by SKY or BT!
The forst few televised games will now be published sometime on Wednesday mornin' < (hopefully!) and yoo can rest assured that 'The Geordie Times' will bring yoo, wor loyal reeders, the news 'second hand, forst' az per usual, sometime later that neet!

Wor openin' fixtures for August and September are aall '3 bells' Saturday kick offs (at the moment!)
Az usual they are in 'Geordie Times cryptic code' to avoid us bein' sued  for any copyright infringements! (work them oot!)

KEY: Orange=Home game   Pink=Away game 

AUG
SAT 17 The Blue Moonies @ The City of Manc Stadium < (it's original name!)

SAT 24 The Jellied Eels Mob @ St James' Park < (and aalways will be!)

W/C 26 Leegue Cup***opponents and venue unknown yet?

SAT 31 The Wacko Jacko Jivers @ St James' Park

SEP
SAT 14 The Hazbeens and Villians @ Villa Park

SAT 21 Broken Nose Bruce's Tiger Feet @ St James' Park

SAT 28 The Toffee Noses @ Goodison Park

THE HEEDBANGERS 2 PARTICK THISTLE NIL 1

Posted '9:40pm bells' Saturday 6th July 2013

Billy Connelly's prediction that Partick Thistle would score 'nil' today nearly rang true, but the Scottish Premyaa Leegue newcomers DID! score and their anly goal of the game came in the last five minutes of the game, but it waz to 'ne avail' az 'The Heedbangers from Gatesheed' had scored twice in the forst half to seal this famous victory for the non leegue club from the 'banks o the Tyne'!
 
Durham City's New Ferens Park waz the 'home venue' this afternoon for the 'Tyneside nomads' and it waz a well desorved victory 'at that', in the glorious sunshine! < (aye!---av got a very canny 'pot belly' suntan now!)

In the clubhouse before the match it took us TWENTY MINUTES! to reach the bar az it waz full of 'Thistle Nil' fans, singin' anti Rangers and Celtic songs!
ie: "We hate the royal blue!--- < (Rangers)
We hate the emerald green!---< (Celtic)
We are Glasgow's number one!---
So F*** the Pope and Queen!" 
(or words to that effect!)

Anyway!---it waz soon time to heed for the two tornstiles that were open and TEN QUID waz taken from my grasp by the tornstile operator and 'ne change given'! < (daylight robbery in Durham!)

'The Heed' took the lead in the 2nd minute when Briggs hit an unstoppable right foot shot into the back of the net to silence the red and yellow hoards who had crossed Hadrians Waall!
Then!--just before the break anothaa unstoppable 'right footer', this time from Marwood doubled 'The Heeds' advantage to send the ootnumbered Tynesiders wild with delight!

That's the way it stayed until Partick's one and anly goal and it waz a happy 300 or so 'Heedbangers' who 'heeded' the 15 miles back to Tyneside up the 'A1M'

Attendance: 700? (estimated) (400 'Thistle Nil' fans and 300 'Heedbangers'!) (everyone with canny suntans in the searin' heat!)

THE HEEDBANGERS v PARTICK THISTLE NIL! ****TODAY @ DURHAM

Posted '11:25am bells' Saturday 6th July 2013



"PARTICK THISTLE NIL!" 

'The Toon' are of course off to Scotland in 10 days time to play Motherwell @ Fir Park in wor forst pre season friendly, but in the meantime anothaa Scottish Premyaa Leegue side are playin' in the north east today, when newly promoted Glaswegian side Partick Thistle play 'The Heedbangers' of Gatesheed @ New Ferens Park, Durham @ '3 bells'!

Comedian Billy Connolly, who of course hails from "Glasgey" famousleee used to caall then 'Partick Thistle Nil' az they were so bad! < (Billy waz born less than 2 miles from Firhill Park, where Thistle play)

'The mad-sad groundhopper' HAZ seen 'The Heedbangers' play Thistle before, way back in 1970 @ Redheugh Park, Gatesheed when they won 5-0 in a friendly! (The last game aa ever saw there before some 'tosser(s)' bornt the wooden main stand doon!)

Az av got nowt betta to de today, a'm gannin doon with
'Tex Taylor' in mee 'canny tranny' to watch the game!
They've got a 'canny clubhouse' and a few Jocks will be in attendance ne doubt!

Admission prices for this game are unknown, but we de naa that 'The Heed' match programme iz priced @ £1:50
('Geordie Times' match report to follow later!)