THE METAL GURUS 0 THE TOON 1 ( THE TOON WIN 1-0 ON AGGREGATE!)

Updated '1:25pm bells' Friday 22nd February 2013

Ground number 297---Metalist Stadium, Karkiv

SHOLA SCORES FROM THE PENALTY SPOT!

Mee computaa haz now come oot of it's three day hibernation followin' 'The Geordie Times'z retorn from the Ukraine orly this mornin' and the fower hour flight landed @ '2:30am bells' preciselee to even colder temeratures than in Karkiv!

A full mad-sad groundhoppers trip report will follow later and will be updated throughoot the day after aa wake up properly!---

Shola Ameobi'z penalty waz the difference between the two teams az The Toon progressed to the next stage against Anzi (deep breath!)> Makhachkala of Russia

The Toon were backed by a magnificent 500 followin' in the near 40,000 capacity crowd and they had travelled by various expensive and torturous routes across Europe to get here.

Non flyer 'Glennn from Ashington' for example, had set off on Sunday neet to get here via train, ferry and bus and hadn't arrived at hiz hotel til 8 on the mornin' of the game!

He had five hours kip and then waz off to the stadium for some souviners. Hiz bus back to Kiev waz due to leave less than an hour after the match finished and he faced an eight hour trip just to get back to the Ukranian capital!
He telt me that he iz due back on Tyneside with less than an hour to spare before wor game against Soothampton on Sunday @ '1:30 bells'!<(but will he make it!?)<(watch this space!)  

The city of Karkiv az we had foond to wor cost iz virtually 'pub free' and on the day of the match we wandered aboot aimlessly like lost sheep tryin' to work oot wot the signs said when a buildin' looked remotely like a drinkin den!


"HELP!"

After an hour we bumped into 'Bill Quay Kev' who telt us that he waz off to a pub just aroond the corner from where we'd just been!?

And there it waz!----'CINEMA' the sign screeemed, but it waz infact a pub/restaurant in 'diguise' which we unknowingly had waalked past just a couple of minutes orlier, thinkin' it waz a 'cinema'!<(believe it or not!)<(how stupid cud we be?) 

"HA!-HA!"-"WE FOOLED YOU!"

A few 'liquids' in here<(at rip off prices of £3 a pint!) and we were off to anotha unpronounceablee named boozer which we HAD FOOND the neet before, which waz just up the street from wor hotel and waz less than £1 a pint!

It waz then off to the match some three miles from the city centre where the 'secret police' were waitin' in their hundreds for us!<(there waz more of them than us!)

Wearin' wor traditional black n white stripes, we started off the brighter and attack the goal to the far end of us, but then the home side woke up and had a couple of chances near the end of the half. (half time 0-0)

THE TOON ATTACK THE METALIST GOAL
DURIN' THE 1st HALF

We'd sent a stronger team than aa thought would be there and at last we seem to be takin' this competition seriously!
Marveaux the Magician had a great chance to put us in the lead az we attacked the end where we were housed, huddled in the corner suroonded by the dibble and stewards!


HUNDREDS OF METALIST FANS 'IN THE PINK'
(middle of pic) STRIP OFF IN THE
SUB ZERO TEMPERATURES!


The deadlock waz finally broken halfway though the second period when a blunder by a Karkiv defender gave us a penalty 
His intended back pass to hiz goalie went astray and the goalie needlesly pulled Sissoko doon in the box near the touchline az the baall ended up near him.
The ref pointed straight to the spot and up stepped 'Penalty King Shola'<(I carnt remember him missin' one!) to place the baall to the left of their keeper to put us one-nil up to huge celebrations from the away contingent<(we naa aall the big words!)

This meant we had the vital away goal and that Metalist must now score twice to gan through!
A few scarey moments near the end didn't help wor 'tickers' but Tim Krul in The Toon goal pulled off some magnificent saves and we held oot til the final whistle!

THE TOON FANS CELEBRATE AFTER THE FINAL WHISTLE!

After the usual half hour 'lock-in' we were escorted back to the waitin' coaches which whisked us off to the airport for wor '11:30 bells' flight yem!
News filtered through on the plane that Anzi from Russia had drawn in Hannover in the later kick off and therefore we would be off to Moscow in just two weeks time to play them!<(visas @ the ready!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Yanga, Coloccini, Haidara, Sissoko, Anita (Perch 75), Cabaye (Bigiramana 87), Marveaux, Shola Ameobi, Cisse (Gutierrez 75)

Attendance: 39,973 (500 very happy Toon fans!)

Like aa say!---aa'll be dein' a full trip report which might take a few days to compile az quite a lot happened---(like 'Sarnie Steve' lockin' himsel in the hotel's bog!) 

More Karkiv pics below!

KARKIV'S ANSWER TO SAINSBURY'S--AN OLD WOMEN SELLS HOR WARES FROM A TABLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!



A CONCRETE PILLAR IZ STRAPPED TO A TELEGRAPH POLE
 TO STOP IT FROM FAALLIN OWER (ONE OF MANY LIKE THIS!)




   

THE METAL GURUS v THE TOON***THORSDAY TEATIME!

Updated '4:45am bells' Wednesday 20th February 2013


"BEWARE OF THE GIANT SPIDER!"

There's nuw just ONE day to gan before wor game in the Ukraine against Metalist Karkiv and we are gettin' ready to depart on the 2,500 jorney to the Ukraine from Toon Airport. 
The news from NUFC iz that the Premya Leegue home game against fellow strugglers Sooothampton on Sunday, MUST take priority ower the Europa Leegue game on Thorsday @ '6 bells' GMT! (Geordie Match Time!) (it's an '8 bells' kick off Ukrainian time!) (Live on ESPN)

Reeedin' between the lines, we think that we won't risk wor star players in Karkiv in case they get injured, az a defeat on Sunday (shud otha results gan against us!) would leave us just ONE POINT above 'the abyss'!

We've just hord that 500 Toon fans have now porchased tickets for the game, which iz more than twice az many az we forst thought who will be makin' the £400+ expensive trip to the sub zero Ukraine, (-10 degrees at least!) with non flyer 'Glennn from Ashington' aalready well on hiz way by bus, train and ferry! (see below!)

It iz now time once again to put 'The Geordie Times' computaa into hibernation for a few days, but he/she? will (hopefully?) wake up again sometime on Friday to bring yoo, wor loyal reeeders, a 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match and trip report!---"ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!"

   

'GEORDIE TIMES' WORLD EXCLUUUSIVE!

Posted '1:50pm bells' Tuesday 19th February 2013

'The Geordie Times' haz just hord from 'non flyer' 'Glennn from Ashington' via text message, (the Toon fan who iz terrified to fly!) and he tells us that he iz currentleee in Berlin @ 'The Checkpoint Charlie' Museum on hiz torturous jorney to Karkiv!

He iz just aboot to board a coach bound for Kiev az we speak, which takes TWENTY FOWER HOURS! to reach the Ukranian capital!
From there he must make another FOWER HUNDRED MILE trip on dodgy roads to reach hiz final destination in Karkiv! (he left Ashington on Sunday neet!) <(the total distance between Berlin and Karkiv iz ower a THOOSAND MILES!)

We fly oot tomorrow mornin' @ '8 bells' from Toon Airport and while he will just have arrived in Kiev, WE will be landin' @ Karkiv Airport!

"25,000 THANKYOOOZ!"

Posted '9:15am bells' Tuesday 19th February 2013

Within the last couple of days 'The Geordie Times' haz received it's 25,000th pageview from owerseas (and beyond!) and yet again we thank each and every one of yoo for loggin' onto this daft NUFC Geordie blog!
Includin' the UK (27,000+) the total haz now past the 52,000 mark! (see pageview coontaa!)>>>

The Top Ten countries are az follows:
1 United Kingdom (England,Scotland,Northern Ireland & Wales) 27,412
2 United States of Americaa 8,801
3 Ukraine 1,583
4 Jawmany 1,062

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

5 The Guinness Republic 915
6 Rushaa 714
7 Greece 681
8 Spain 566
9 France 389
10 China 321
+Mars "a canny few!" 

ARCHIVE GROUND LIST---158

Posted 'high noon bells' Monday 18th February 2013

Az we are playin' Ukrainian side Metalist Karkiv later this week in wot will be 'The Geordie Times'z THORD visit to this former Soviet Union country, av 'dug up' this archive mad-sad groundhoppers match report from wor forst ever visit there some sixteen years ago in 1997<(iz it reeely that lang ago!?), when we played Dynamo Kiev in a Champions Leegue match in front of 100,000 screamin' Ukrainians!
(SEE BELOW!) 

THE METAL GURUS v THE TOON***THORSDAY NEET!

Posted '9:40am bells' Monday 18th February 2013

The build up to the big Europa Leegue game in the Ukraine on Thorsday starts today and the question iz just wot side we will send to Metalist on Thorsday neet?
Wor guess iz, that az we have to play a crucial Premya Leegue game against Sooothampton on Sunday, a weaker team than in last weeks forst leg game will be flown the 2,500 miles to Karkiv.

A 'baallz up' with the ticket for the match gave me and quite a few others an allocation of TWO tickets each?--so we've had to trail back to the ticket office @ St James' to take the extra one back to avoid bein' charged double! 

'The Geordie Times' iz on the 150 seater Thomas Cook chartaa flight which leaves Toon Airport @ '8 bells' on Wednesday mornin' and the forecast iz for minus ten temperatures at least in the Ukraines second city!

Anotha 50 or so fans are makin' 'their own way' via London, Istanbul and Kiev and 'Glennn from Ashington' iz travellin' owerland az usual via ferry bus and train az he iz terrified of flyin'!

We understand that az we speak, he iz on hiz way to the ferry port now for hiz epic THREE AND A HALF DAY jorney! (the flight in comparison, we understand, takes THREE AND A HALF HOURS!)

We shall keep yoo posted az events unfold ower the next few days!

GATESHEED FC***A SORRY STATE OF AFFAIRS!

Posted '10:00am bells' Sunday 17th February 2013

Grainy action from The Heed against The Toon resorves
in a pre season friendly last August @ Gatesheed Stadium
The Toon's Connor Newton heeds past The Heed keeper!
(The Toon won 4-1)

Although this website iz mainly aboot NUFC, we do keep a lookoot for the otha Tyneside based non leegue teams and wor attention iz drawn to the sorry plight of Conference side Gatesheed FC in particular.
Unable to play home games at the Gatesheed International Stadium because of the state of the pitch, 'The Heedbangers' have been forced to move at least SEVEN games to 'Monkey Hangers Land' in Hartlepool!

They DID ask NUFC if they could use St James' Park for one of their games but were not suprizingly torned doon az 'The Toon' won't even let wor OWN reserves play there for fear of damagin' the pitch!

TEN of their last ELEVEN home games have had to be postponed and a home FA Trophy tie against Barrow had to be switched to their home groond instead (which Gatesheed lost!)

With average gates doon to the 500/600 mark in the soulless 11,000 seater bowl we fear the worst! 
Just how many of 'The Heedbangers' that still gan will make the 7 times 60 mile roond trip to The Victoria Groond???
'The Geordie Times' will make an effort to gan to at least one of those games which will meen that we will have actually seen them play home games on FOWER different groonds!

The other three are: Redheugh Park (now demolished), The Gatesheed International Stadium and (believe it or not!?) St James' Park!
(When wor resorves used to play at Gatesheed Stadium, the then NUFC directors kindly let Gatesheed use St James' for one Conference game when one of their games clashed with an athletics meeting a few years ago!  (v Yeovil Toon)

'Heed' games to be played @ The Victoria Groond:
Tue 19th Feb 7:45 Wrexham
Sat 2nd Mar 3:00 Braintree
Tue 19th Mar 7:45 H/ford<("I hate them that much I carnt bring myself to type their full name!")
Tue 26th Mar 7:45 Grimsby
Sat 30th Mar 3:00 Soothport
Tue 9th Apr 7:45 Nuneaton
Tue 16th Apr 7:45 Stockport

FUTBAALL ON TYNESIDE TODAY

Updated '7:15pm bells' Saturday 16th February 2013

Az we have yet anotha blank weekend due to wor exit from the FA Cup at the thord roond stage there are quite a few games gannin' on in the Tyneside area for yoo to get your 'fix', includin:

The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston v Newton Aycliffe @ Federation Park (aka UTS Stadium)<"The Geordie Times' will be here!"  (Aycliffe won 2-0)

 ACTION FROM DUNSTON (Blue) v AYCLIFFE

Hebburn v Penrith @ Hebburn Sports Groond (Penrith won 4-1)

Newcastle Benfield v Guisborough @ Sam Smiths Park (a thrillin' 4-4 draw!)

Whitley Baywatchers v Billy Synners @ Hillheads (The Bay won 2-1)

Jarrow Roofers v Chester Le Street Toon @ Boldon Sports Groond (Jarrow won 6-1)

North Shields v Esh Winning @ Daren Persson Stadium (Shields won 2-1)

West Allotment Celtic v Whitehaven @ Blue Flames, Benton (West won 1-0)

Aall games are '3 bells' kick offs in 'The Northern Leegue'

THE SKY AT NIGHT!---A WARNING FROM PATRICK MOORE!

Posted  'high noon bells' Saturday 16th February 2013



SOMEWHERE IN THE UKRAINE!
"BEWARE OF METEORITES @ METALIST!"

Yesterday 'Shaz the Postie' delivered mee prized Metalist away ticket and in the envelope there waz a fower page 'travel advice' letter tellin' us the pitfaalls of Karkiv, like: "Do NOT take photographs in the vicinity of government or military establishments!" <(unless yoo want to end up in a salt mine in deepest Siberia that iz!)
"State medical facilities are generally poor!" <(so divvint take ill!---whatever yi de!)

"Be alert to the possibility of street crime and petty thefts and avoid walking alone at night in  dark unlit streets as foreigners may appear to be lucrative targets!"<(ie: stay in your hotel, lock and barricade the door and miss the match!) 

Wot iz NOT mentioned however! iz the danger of bein' hit by a meteorite or asteroid, az one fell from the sky last night and injured 500 people in nearby Rushaa! 

So!-- keep a close eye on the sky when you're there (especially at night!) for any 'stray' lumps of rock the size of  futbaall pitches! 
"YOO HAVE BEEN WARNED!"

THE TOON 0 THE METAL GURUS 0

Updated '10:25am bells' Friday 15th February 2013

THE TOON ATTACK 'THE LEAZES END' 
DURIN' THE 1st HALF (view from row Y)

Wor predictions of a sub 30,000 crowd in sub zero temperatures didn't materialise az we were just 158 oot! (crowd 30,157!) and the temp waz just above the zero mark az the game kicked off!

Wot we got instead waz SUB standard officials who disallowed TWO Cisse goals, for offside, one of them clearly ONside in the forst half az we attacked The Leazes End and the otha waz a very debatable one @ The Gallowgate End in the second!

We had several chances to sow the game up, but wor star centre forward waz not on his 'metal' against Metalist Karkiv (sic!), az he missed chance after chance!<(last season he wud have put them AALL away!) and the Norwegian officials were against us az well, which (of course!) didn't help!

Cisse's best chance came on the half hour mark when Cabaye played a baall through to him and with anly the keeper to beat he shot straight at him and the golden chance waz gone! (I waz shoutin' at him: "Bankrupt me!", in antisipation of havin' to gan to Rushaa in the next roond az I waz sure he would score!) (Anji (from Rushaa) had beat Hannover 3-1 in an orly kick off and we would play the winners of that tie---shud WE progress to the next roond!)


The forst disallowed goal came soon after this when Sissoko waz deemed to be offside by the linesman az he laid on Cisse who slotted the baall home!
Sissoko himself, aalso had a great chance to give us the lead before the break but he waz denied by poor finishin'! 

The 500 or so Metalist fans in the Leazes corner were in good voice az the second half commenced and many of them removed their tops and danced bare chested in the 'heatwave'<(they're more used to temperatures of minus FIFTEEN to TWENTY in the Ukraine!  

METALIST FANS IN THE FAR CORNER
(MANY OF THEM SHIRTLESS!)
SHOW THEIR TRUE COLOURS!

Time after time glorious chances were missed by Cisse and co. to win the tie @ The Gallowgate End with anotha Cisse effort ruled offside by the flag wavin' official!

Frustated Toon fans in 'The Strawberry Corner' then set off 'smuggled in' flares and smokebombs which drifted through the night sky above the pitch (and ne doubt chocked quite a few in 'The Gallowgate' and East Stand! (we were thankfully in 'The Leazes' 'smoke-free' zone!)

GREEN? FOG ON THE TYNE!

A goal-less draw waz the final result givin' the visitors 'advantage' for the second leg in a weeks time, but a 0-0 scoreline iz better than 1-1 or 2-2 under the away goals rule!

Toon team: Krul, Yanga-Mbiwa, Steve Taylor, Coloccini, Santon, Obertan (Marveaux 61), Cabaye, Tiote (Shola Ameobi 79), Gutierrez, Sissoko, Cisse

Attendance: 30,157 (Officially 570 Metal Gurus in away section, plus a couple of others who we spotted in The East Stand!)