ARCHIVE GROUND LIST---158

Posted 'high noon bells' Monday 18th February 2013

Az we are playin' Ukrainian side Metalist Karkiv later this week in wot will be 'The Geordie Times'z THORD visit to this former Soviet Union country, av 'dug up' this archive mad-sad groundhoppers match report from wor forst ever visit there some sixteen years ago in 1997<(iz it reeely that lang ago!?), when we played Dynamo Kiev in a Champions Leegue match in front of 100,000 screamin' Ukrainians!
(SEE BELOW!) 

THE METAL GURUS v THE TOON***THORSDAY NEET!

Posted '9:40am bells' Monday 18th February 2013

The build up to the big Europa Leegue game in the Ukraine on Thorsday starts today and the question iz just wot side we will send to Metalist on Thorsday neet?
Wor guess iz, that az we have to play a crucial Premya Leegue game against Sooothampton on Sunday, a weaker team than in last weeks forst leg game will be flown the 2,500 miles to Karkiv.

A 'baallz up' with the ticket for the match gave me and quite a few others an allocation of TWO tickets each?--so we've had to trail back to the ticket office @ St James' to take the extra one back to avoid bein' charged double! 

'The Geordie Times' iz on the 150 seater Thomas Cook chartaa flight which leaves Toon Airport @ '8 bells' on Wednesday mornin' and the forecast iz for minus ten temperatures at least in the Ukraines second city!

Anotha 50 or so fans are makin' 'their own way' via London, Istanbul and Kiev and 'Glennn from Ashington' iz travellin' owerland az usual via ferry bus and train az he iz terrified of flyin'!

We understand that az we speak, he iz on hiz way to the ferry port now for hiz epic THREE AND A HALF DAY jorney! (the flight in comparison, we understand, takes THREE AND A HALF HOURS!)

We shall keep yoo posted az events unfold ower the next few days!

GATESHEED FC***A SORRY STATE OF AFFAIRS!

Posted '10:00am bells' Sunday 17th February 2013

Grainy action from The Heed against The Toon resorves
in a pre season friendly last August @ Gatesheed Stadium
The Toon's Connor Newton heeds past The Heed keeper!
(The Toon won 4-1)

Although this website iz mainly aboot NUFC, we do keep a lookoot for the otha Tyneside based non leegue teams and wor attention iz drawn to the sorry plight of Conference side Gatesheed FC in particular.
Unable to play home games at the Gatesheed International Stadium because of the state of the pitch, 'The Heedbangers' have been forced to move at least SEVEN games to 'Monkey Hangers Land' in Hartlepool!

They DID ask NUFC if they could use St James' Park for one of their games but were not suprizingly torned doon az 'The Toon' won't even let wor OWN reserves play there for fear of damagin' the pitch!

TEN of their last ELEVEN home games have had to be postponed and a home FA Trophy tie against Barrow had to be switched to their home groond instead (which Gatesheed lost!)

With average gates doon to the 500/600 mark in the soulless 11,000 seater bowl we fear the worst! 
Just how many of 'The Heedbangers' that still gan will make the 7 times 60 mile roond trip to The Victoria Groond???
'The Geordie Times' will make an effort to gan to at least one of those games which will meen that we will have actually seen them play home games on FOWER different groonds!

The other three are: Redheugh Park (now demolished), The Gatesheed International Stadium and (believe it or not!?) St James' Park!
(When wor resorves used to play at Gatesheed Stadium, the then NUFC directors kindly let Gatesheed use St James' for one Conference game when one of their games clashed with an athletics meeting a few years ago!  (v Yeovil Toon)

'Heed' games to be played @ The Victoria Groond:
Tue 19th Feb 7:45 Wrexham
Sat 2nd Mar 3:00 Braintree
Tue 19th Mar 7:45 H/ford<("I hate them that much I carnt bring myself to type their full name!")
Tue 26th Mar 7:45 Grimsby
Sat 30th Mar 3:00 Soothport
Tue 9th Apr 7:45 Nuneaton
Tue 16th Apr 7:45 Stockport

FUTBAALL ON TYNESIDE TODAY

Updated '7:15pm bells' Saturday 16th February 2013

Az we have yet anotha blank weekend due to wor exit from the FA Cup at the thord roond stage there are quite a few games gannin' on in the Tyneside area for yoo to get your 'fix', includin:

The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston v Newton Aycliffe @ Federation Park (aka UTS Stadium)<"The Geordie Times' will be here!"  (Aycliffe won 2-0)

 ACTION FROM DUNSTON (Blue) v AYCLIFFE

Hebburn v Penrith @ Hebburn Sports Groond (Penrith won 4-1)

Newcastle Benfield v Guisborough @ Sam Smiths Park (a thrillin' 4-4 draw!)

Whitley Baywatchers v Billy Synners @ Hillheads (The Bay won 2-1)

Jarrow Roofers v Chester Le Street Toon @ Boldon Sports Groond (Jarrow won 6-1)

North Shields v Esh Winning @ Daren Persson Stadium (Shields won 2-1)

West Allotment Celtic v Whitehaven @ Blue Flames, Benton (West won 1-0)

Aall games are '3 bells' kick offs in 'The Northern Leegue'

THE SKY AT NIGHT!---A WARNING FROM PATRICK MOORE!

Posted  'high noon bells' Saturday 16th February 2013



SOMEWHERE IN THE UKRAINE!
"BEWARE OF METEORITES @ METALIST!"

Yesterday 'Shaz the Postie' delivered mee prized Metalist away ticket and in the envelope there waz a fower page 'travel advice' letter tellin' us the pitfaalls of Karkiv, like: "Do NOT take photographs in the vicinity of government or military establishments!" <(unless yoo want to end up in a salt mine in deepest Siberia that iz!)
"State medical facilities are generally poor!" <(so divvint take ill!---whatever yi de!)

"Be alert to the possibility of street crime and petty thefts and avoid walking alone at night in  dark unlit streets as foreigners may appear to be lucrative targets!"<(ie: stay in your hotel, lock and barricade the door and miss the match!) 

Wot iz NOT mentioned however! iz the danger of bein' hit by a meteorite or asteroid, az one fell from the sky last night and injured 500 people in nearby Rushaa! 

So!-- keep a close eye on the sky when you're there (especially at night!) for any 'stray' lumps of rock the size of  futbaall pitches! 
"YOO HAVE BEEN WARNED!"

THE TOON 0 THE METAL GURUS 0

Updated '10:25am bells' Friday 15th February 2013

THE TOON ATTACK 'THE LEAZES END' 
DURIN' THE 1st HALF (view from row Y)

Wor predictions of a sub 30,000 crowd in sub zero temperatures didn't materialise az we were just 158 oot! (crowd 30,157!) and the temp waz just above the zero mark az the game kicked off!

Wot we got instead waz SUB standard officials who disallowed TWO Cisse goals, for offside, one of them clearly ONside in the forst half az we attacked The Leazes End and the otha waz a very debatable one @ The Gallowgate End in the second!

We had several chances to sow the game up, but wor star centre forward waz not on his 'metal' against Metalist Karkiv (sic!), az he missed chance after chance!<(last season he wud have put them AALL away!) and the Norwegian officials were against us az well, which (of course!) didn't help!

Cisse's best chance came on the half hour mark when Cabaye played a baall through to him and with anly the keeper to beat he shot straight at him and the golden chance waz gone! (I waz shoutin' at him: "Bankrupt me!", in antisipation of havin' to gan to Rushaa in the next roond az I waz sure he would score!) (Anji (from Rushaa) had beat Hannover 3-1 in an orly kick off and we would play the winners of that tie---shud WE progress to the next roond!)


The forst disallowed goal came soon after this when Sissoko waz deemed to be offside by the linesman az he laid on Cisse who slotted the baall home!
Sissoko himself, aalso had a great chance to give us the lead before the break but he waz denied by poor finishin'! 

The 500 or so Metalist fans in the Leazes corner were in good voice az the second half commenced and many of them removed their tops and danced bare chested in the 'heatwave'<(they're more used to temperatures of minus FIFTEEN to TWENTY in the Ukraine!  

METALIST FANS IN THE FAR CORNER
(MANY OF THEM SHIRTLESS!)
SHOW THEIR TRUE COLOURS!

Time after time glorious chances were missed by Cisse and co. to win the tie @ The Gallowgate End with anotha Cisse effort ruled offside by the flag wavin' official!

Frustated Toon fans in 'The Strawberry Corner' then set off 'smuggled in' flares and smokebombs which drifted through the night sky above the pitch (and ne doubt chocked quite a few in 'The Gallowgate' and East Stand! (we were thankfully in 'The Leazes' 'smoke-free' zone!)

GREEN? FOG ON THE TYNE!

A goal-less draw waz the final result givin' the visitors 'advantage' for the second leg in a weeks time, but a 0-0 scoreline iz better than 1-1 or 2-2 under the away goals rule!

Toon team: Krul, Yanga-Mbiwa, Steve Taylor, Coloccini, Santon, Obertan (Marveaux 61), Cabaye, Tiote (Shola Ameobi 79), Gutierrez, Sissoko, Cisse

Attendance: 30,157 (Officially 570 Metal Gurus in away section, plus a couple of others who we spotted in The East Stand!)   

THE TOON v THE METAL GURUS ***TOONEET!

Updated '11:50am bells' St Valentines Day 2013

"ONLY ONE LOVE!---NUFC!"
("Er!"---"apart from 'wor lass'---like!")

"IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHIN' BRAZIL!"

The Toon are expected? to name a near full strength team for this Europa Leegue 'St Valentines Day' game @ St James' Park, thanx mainly to gettin' knocked oot of the FA Cup at the thord roond stage, az we have a free weekend comin' up az it's 'fifth roond day(s)'!

The wethaa isn't too canny at the minute, (although it isn't az caad az it waz yesterday!) but the 500 Metalist fans who have been given FREE travel by their very generous club owner on three chartaa flights,< (take note 'Fat Controller'!) can expect 'Ukrainian style wethaa' at tooneets game az the 'current bun' disappears ower the horizon! (ie: it will be freeezin' caad with the chance of snow!)

The game iz live on ESPN and kicks off @ '8:05 bells' and we predict a sub 30,000 crowd in the sub zero temperatures!

Wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' haz made a bizzare statement aboot this competition: "This is probably the toughest competition we are in other than the Premier League!"
When you consider that we are anly left in these TWO competitions anyway, havin' been knocked oot of the 'lesser' Leegue Cup and the FA Cup, <(accordin' to him!) IZ he tryin' to tell us somethin'?

Wor visitors of course have been here for a week to acclimatize  and played a practise friendly against Whitley Bay (of aall teams!) on Sunday in which they drew 1-1 with the Northern Leegue side!<(don't for a second be fooled by this scoreline!)
We won't speculate on wor 'near full strength' team line up toneet,<(We'll just have to wait and see!) but we understand that Metalist will have SIX Brazilianz in their side and THREE Argentinianz!

This will be wor 71st home game in aall European competitions <(includin' 6 in the Anglo-Italian Cup) and 142nd game in total <(13 Anglo-Italian Cup games!)
Lets hope it's a 'St Valentines Day' 'massacre'<(in WOR favour!!!)

PS: Wor possible opponents in the next roond, (shud we get through!?) are Anji Makhachkala of Rushaa or Hannover 96 of Jawmany, who play @ '5 bells' toneet @ Anji.
We can anly hope that Hannover 'get through', az the trip to Rushaa cud be a nightmare, az visas will be required at very short notice, priced at £150 from their London embassy! ---we understand!
"HOWAY HANNOVER!"

Match report to follow much later az usual!

TWO MORE FIXTURE CHANGES FOR LIVE TELLY!

Posted '7:15pm bells' Wednesday 13th February 2013

Two more fixtures in April have been moved for live telly---wor home games against the SMBs which will now take place @ '12:45 bells' on Saturday 13th April for SKY telly and the Liverbirds game which will kick off @ '5:30 bells' on Saturday 27th April for ESPN!

It shud be noted that if eetha 'US' or the Liverbirds reach the semis of the Europa Leegue than that game will be moved once again!

For aall the NUFC fixtures click onto 'fixtures' @ the top of the page toolbar 

UKRAINE ON THE PLANE AND SOOTH WALES ON THE TRAIN!!

Updated '9:45am bells' Wednesday 13th February 2013


'THE GIANT SPIDER STADIUM'!---F.C. METALIST KARKIV 

The NUFC Thomas Cook chartaa trip to The Ukraine next week iz now virtually full with just FIVE seats left on the plane to fill az we write this!----SO!--- if yi thinkin' of bookin up, de it now before it's tooo late!---(£399 plus match ticket price!) Fone them on: 0844 800 9900

The direct flight to Karkiv departs from Toon Airport @ '6 bells' next Wednesday mornin', retornin' to Toon Airport @ '1:45 bells' on the Friday mornin'! (one neet stay)

Meenwhile doon in the Welsh valleys we hear that we are to be allocated a paltry ONE THOOSAND!(1,000) tickets for wor visit to Swanzee at the beginnin of next month???
In theeze circumstances NUFC have annoonced that 50 loyalty points (thoze of us who have been to a minimum of 50 away games!) will be required to porchase a 'prized ticket' for this game!

THE TOON v THE METAL GURUS ***THIS THORSDAY NEET @ ST JAMES'!

Posted '9:40am bells' Tuesday 12th February 2013

On Thorsday neet @ '8:05 bells' we face Metalist from Karkiv which is the 2nd city of the Ukraine behind the capital Kiev.
(The game iz live on ESPN)

This will be The Toon's 71st home game in European competitions (includin'  six in the Anglo-Italian Cup)

It's been reported that 'The Metal Gurus' are to give FREE air travel to their fans and that an estimated 500 have taken up this very generous offer!<(ARE yoo reedin' this 'Fat Controller'!?)

We are not sure wot kind of team we will send oot yet, but the fact that we divvint have a game next weekend <(because we are oot of the FA Cup!) then a stronger than normal 'NUFC European X1' side iz predicted by us!
The next game after this iz actually the retorn leg in the Ukraine a week later!

However!---after that game we do have a vital leegue fixture against Sooothampton @ St James' Park in a '1:30 bells' start and a weakened team iz predicted for the away leg!