"IT'S A LOCKOOOT!***AGAIN!?"

Updated '3:33pm bells' Friday 8th February 2013

"NO ENTRY TO TOON FANS!"

For the second home game in a row The Toon U21 resorve side played a game behind closed doors @ Darsley Park, Benton this afternoon against 'The P*ss Potts of Stoke'
'The Geordie Times' haz said this before!---(and we'll say it again!)>Just wot benefit iz there in playin' in a field in front of ne spectators apart from a couple of dozen club officials, family and press, when theeze kids cud be hoyed in at 'the deep end' in front of 50,000 plus, shud they be needed in the future?

There's a gap of twelve days between the Chelski and Metalist home games, so why couldn't they have arranged it to be played @ St James' to give the players at least some much needed 'stadium expierience' and let the fans watch the kids?

Az it iz, we had to rely (once again!) on wor faithful carrier pigeon 'Porcy' to fly ower the action to bring yoo this excluusive match report, which haz just 'winged' it's way to us!

The Toon U21 resorves 3
'The P*ss Potts of Stoke U21 resorves 0

"Coo!-Coo!" "The Toon took the lead through new boy Massadio Haidra in the 14th minute with a low shot which beat their keeper!"
"The lead waz doubled qwaata of an hour later when Adam Campbell struck a shot which reboonded off one of their defenders and it went straight into the net!"

"With just ten mins gone in the 2nd half we were three up from an 18 yard effort by Jon Quinn and that's the way it stayed til the final whistle!"
"Cooooo!" 
 

'LLAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER' SPEAKS! "ANOTHER 20 YEARS OF 'I BEG YOUR PARDEW'!!!"

Posted '5:10pm bells' Thorsday 7th February 2013

EIGHT PAGES! of toneets 'Ronny-Gill' are devoted to an interview with wor 'beloved' MD? known affectionateleee to Toon fans az 'Llambs to the Slaughter'!
We're NOT gannin to re-type aall of it<(it wud tek tooo lang anyway!) but have picked the main bits oot for the benefit of thoze of yoo 'exiles' who live ootside the area or are from owerseas and cannit access the local papers!

Llambs to the Slaughter: "If we are relegated we'll have put ourselves back three or four years!"
"That's not what the fans want!---DO they want to go to Barnsley again?" <(Not f*****' likely!)

ON THE FANS
"The intimidating fortress of St James' Park will be vital in the fight to ensure survival!---That's what happened against Chelsea when poor Petr Cech(their goalie) said afterwards!": "I have never heard noise like it in my life when Newcastle scored, this place is unbelievable!"

ON WOR MANAGER
 "Do we want to find  a situation when we have a manager for 15 or 20 years?- absolutely!"<(Wot!---anotha TWENTY YEARS of ''I Beg Your Pardew'!?)

ON THE FANS AGAIN!
"Not many clubs can boast a whopping 45,000 members during the global economic crisis and we want to fill the stadium for the final six league games with discounted ticket prices!"<(lettin' new fans buy discoonted tickets for az little az £110 for the last six games (£18.33 per game) iz hardly fair on current season ticket holders who fork oot £500 plus a season, Llambzy! (at least £26.31 per game!)

THE BAY WATCHERS v THE METAL GURUS!

Posted '3:00pm bells' Wednesday 6th February 2013

Northern Leegue side Whitley Bay have amazingleee arranged a prestigious friendly against METALIST KARKIV!---for next Sunday @ '7 bells' @ their tiny Hillheads groond!
Admission iz 'ten quid' for big kids and 'a fiver' for sprogs and zimmerframeites! 

Metalist are of course WOR opponents in the Europa Leegue a week tomorrow @ St James' Park!
Az it's anly 7 miles from The Toon there iz no doubt that wor manager will be alang to spy on them alang with hiz backroom staff! (alang with quite a few Toon fans az well!)

BAD BLUE BOYS 1 BILLY TOON 1

Posted '10:20am bells' Wednesday 6th February 2013


Dunston(in blue) attack the Billingham goal

With ne midweek matches to gan te for the Toon's forst team, resorve or junior sides, it waz decided by 'yours trueleee', to heed to a freezin' caad Dunston UTS Stadium last neet to 'test oot' mee thermals for the trip to Metalist Karkiv in a fortneets time where Ukrainian temperatures are expected to drop to az low az minus FIFTEEN degrees by the time the game kicks off!
Thermal socks, vest and lang johns! were the order of the day @ Dunston, alang with a thick jumper, coat, scarf and woolly hat!<(god!---I'm gettin' soft!)

It haz to be said that aalthough it had snowed through the day, it had stopped by the time the match kicked off and the temperature in the wind chill waz aboot minus two!

Aboot a 100 or so hardy souls torned oot for this Northern Leegue encoonta and the players, to their credit, were NOT wearin' gloves when the game kicked off and many were in short sleeved shirts!<(They're a hardy lot in this leegue!) 
If it waz a Premya Leegue game two miles away ower the waata @ St James', I wud guess that nearly AALL the pampered players wud be wearin' thick gloves and lang sleeves!

Anyway!---the game waz played on a very heavy clarty pitch and ended in a 'ones each' bore draw with Andy 'Bully' Bulford scorin' hiz 100th leegue goal for the 'Bad Blue Boys' from the penalty spot!
Mee thermals did their job, BUT az the temp wasn't THAT low, aa can anly hope that they 'de the trick' in Karkiv!?<(or else aall freeze to death!)

Footnote: (from the official Dunston site)
www.dutsfc.co.uk

NEW ARCHIVE GROOND REPORT FROM 1973

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 5th February 2013


'WHITE HART LANE' AZ IT LOOKED IN 1973

It's quite a while since aa did mee last groond archive report, so, az we are playin' away @ Sporz on Saturday aa thought a'd 'dig' this one up from mee forst visit to White Hart Lane from just under 40 years ago in 1973.

*For a list of aall the groond match reports that are online so far, click onto the 'ARCHIVE GROUNDS LIST' @ the top of this page (oot of 296 groonds visited, '50 odd' reports have been published so far!***so there are still a canny few to de!)

026 white hart lane tottenham

(GROUND NUMBER 26)

Date of First Visit: 28th APRIL 1973

WHITE HART LANE, LONDON

WHITE HART LANE MAIN ENTRANCE---
AZ IT LOOKED IN 1973

 

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR  3 

NEWCASTLE UNITED  2  (John Tudor, Terry McDermott)

 

(OLD) DIVISION ONE

ATTENDANCE 21,721 (2,000 Toon fans)

 

"THE PARK LANE GEEZERS!"

 

 

In 1973 White Hart Lane waz probably the best leegue groond in London with cover on aall fower sides, which waz a rarely in them days ! (Arsenal's Highbury groond for example, anly had cover on three sides at the time!)

Before the match we'd heeded up 'the High Road' which had many bars dotted alang it, but yi had to be wary of the local 'skinheeds' who were notorious at that time and who were on the lookoot for any strangers to give a good kickin' te!

But the NUFC 'Leazes End Boot Boys' were there in force az well!--- in their traditional 'butchers coats' and 'Doc Marten steel cappers' and we got to the match unscathed az the locals backed doon from any confrontations! (very wise!)

The Toon hoyed this one away as we were leadin' two-nowt at half time. Wor forst goal after 21 minutes was scored by John Tudor when Pat Jennings in the Spurs goal failed tih hold a shot from 'Supermac' and Tudor rushed in tih prod the baal home for his 23rd goal of the season. Terry McDermott added a second, when he hit a right footed volley past the hapless Jennings and an easy victory looked on the cards.

(WRANG!)  Spurs hit back in the second half with a couple of strikes from Martin Peters tih level the match at two's each. Two minutes from time Toon full-back Frank Clark gave away a dodgy penalty when he was alledged to have pushed Alan Gilzean and Martin Chivers converted from the spot tih send the Toon yem pointless! (Typical!)

 

The Spurs fans were (understandably!) ower the moon and we were (understandably!) totally pissed off! havin' hoyed the precious points away!.

In those days aall clubs of course had 'ends' where their nutters used tih congregate, and wor 'norf Landan friends' were nee exception, with 'The Shelf' 'Geezers' on the 'East Stand' side of 'The Lane' (nuw replaced by (surprize!-surprize!) executive boxes!---Aaarrr!!) and the  'Park Lane Geezers' tih the left of 'The 'Shelf'.

 

Nuw the reason that ah remember the latter name in particular is because the Spurs fans had painted 'PARK LANE GEEZERS' on the perimiter waall of the old Gallowgate End in the late '60's.

It was there for years, and aa could'nt help wonderin' just why their 'art-work' had never been cleaned off?.

(Mebees somebody from 'The Toon' was a 'closet' cockeral perhaps??)

Anyway!---after the match we (despondently!) made wor way up the Tottenham High Road in mee 'motaa' and on tih the 'North Circular' and heeded back yem with nowt tih show for wor efforts.

 

                                             

 

 

      

WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

Posted '3:25pm bells' Monday 4th February 2013

The back page of 'The Ronny-Gill' sez it aall aboot wor 'MAGnifique' performance on Saturday against the European champions from 'The Kings Road'
On the inside pages Yoan Gouffran admitted that he'd NEVER played in front of such passionate fans: Speakin' to 'The Ronny-Gill', he said:
"I'VE NOT SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!--NEVER!---NOT AT ALL!"
"TO HAVE THOSE SUPPORTERS BEHIND US WAS UNBELIEVABLE!" 

Meeenwhile!--- in 'The Daily Mail' the above photo of Coloccini's 'spat' with old adversary Demba Ba clearly shows that Ba tried to bite Colo's right boot!---I think yooo'll agree that the evidence iz owerwhelmin'!!!
'The Geordie Times' will AALWAYS! give yoo 'wor loyal reeeders' an unashamedleee, unbiased opinion!!!!  

THE TOON 3 THE CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE 2 !

Updated '7:10pm bells' Sunday 3rd February 2013

"THE SISSOKO KID COMES TO THE RESCUE!"

   


THE SISSOKO KID (extreeeme right) FIRES THE BAALL
PAST CECH FOR THE WINNIN' GOAL!

This waz an absolutleee brilliant day for anyone associated with NUFC!---and a 52,000 plus crowd to see it on the BEST DAY of the season so far!

The home debut of 'The Sissoko Kid' waz a dream come true az we beat 'The European Champions' with a last minute goal to send 'the faithful' and lang sufferin' Geordie public wild with delight!

Demba Ba, who waz makin' hiz retorn to Tyneside, stuck hiz nose oot and made contact with the end of Colloccini's boot, which resulted in him bein' taken off with a 'broken bugle'< ("Er!"---"aa hope yiz divvint think that this iz a biased opinion on wor part!?")


The Toon dominated the forst half and their attackin' prowls eventually 'bore fruit' when 'Spiderman' heeded home @ 'The Gallowgate End' in the 40th minute to give us a desorved lead at the break!

'The Champions of Europe' then hit back in the 2nd period with a stunnin' strike from Lamp Frankard? ten minutes afta the re-start and then 'Mata' put 'The Pensioners' aheed just five minutes later to seemingly put 'matters' to rest and win the game for them!
Their arrogant fans in 'level 7 of 'The Leazes End' started singin': "We know who we are!----Champions of Europe!"---And who could blame them?---if WE were ever champions of Europe we'd sing it az well!

'THE TOON' ATTACK 'THE LEAZES' END IN THE 2nd HALF
(View from 'The Milburn Stand' 'level 7' balcony)

BUT!---'The Toon' are made of tougher stuff theeze days and new boy Sissoko levelled things just seven minutes later when Yoan Gouffran sped through the middle to send a shot that Chelski goalie Petr Cech could anly parry toward 'The Sissoko Kid' and he gleefully hit the rebound into the empty net to send the crowd wild!

THEN!--in the final minute---when a draw looked the likely ootcome---up stepped Yohan Cabaye to send in a pin point pass, which foond Sissoko and wor new 'number seven' rifled the baall past the dispairin' Cech from the edge of the box @ 'The Leazes End' for a wonder goal to send the faithful into 'heaven' and silence the "Champions of Europe!" chants from the 'level 7' away section!

A TOON FAN SHOWS OFF HIZ 'MAGNIFICENT FIZZEEK'
AND CELEBRATES WITH A
'BELLY FLOP' @ THE FINAL WHISTLE!

The lad who sits next to me and who iz normally very quiet (and who's name I divvint even naa!) couldn't control hiz emotions az he hugged me in celebration and danced a jig of delight on the 'level 7' balcony!--such waz the raw emotion of the occassion!< (a message to wor lass---
"honest pet!---aa still luv u! xxxx!")

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Coloccini, Steve Taylor, Santon, Gutierrez, Perch, Sissoko (Yanga-Mbiwa 92), Cabaye, Gouffran (Marveaux 84), Cisse

Attendance: 52,314 (3,000 shell-shocked OAPs!)

Aall the other scores 'went wor way' az well, to make it 'a perfect day'and the result leaves us just two points behind the SMBs after bein' eight points behind them last week!---Wot a difference a week makes!   

'THE FRENCH CONNECTION!'***TOON FANS CELEBRATE
IN 'THE NEWCASTLE ARMS' AFTER THE GAME!

MYSTERY PUB SIGN***IT'S 'THE STRAWBERRY'!

Posted '11:50am bells' Saturday 2nd February 2013


We asked yoo at the beginnin' of the week to indentify the mystery pub sign that appeared owerneet last Sunday ootside a very famous Toon tavern!
The sign iz in French to welcome wor new 'forrin legionaires' and says!***********************
"THE STRAWBERRY"! which, of course, iz aalso the name of the tavern in question that (for thoze of yoo who divvint naa!?) sits opposite the Jackie Miburn statue (next to the lampost in the photo above) and in the shadows of 'The Gallowgate End' of St James' Park on 'Strawberry Place'!
"SO NUW YI NAA!"

THE TOON v THE KINGS ROAD OAPs OF CHELSKI ***TOOODAY!

Updated '10:00am bells' Saturday 2nd February 2013

This afternoon @ '3 bells' we face anotha 'must win' game @ St James' Park against Chelski and the game iz a virtual selloot az we write this.

Both Frenchmen Gabriel Obertan and 'Marveaux the Magician' are available again after missin' wor 2-1 win against Villa last Tuesday neet and if they play we could have a record number of 'forrin leegionaires' in wor team today!
(Chelski, on the otha hand will be withoot Eden Hazard who iz still suspended afta kickin' seven lumps of sh*** oot of the Swanzee baall boy the other week in their Leegue Cup semi final tie!)

Despite that crucial victory in midweek, we are still anly fower points off 2nd bottom place and a win iz paramoont, but can we de it with wor new 'French Forrin Leeejin'?---"we shall see @ three!"

Match report, as per usual, to follow much later! (probableee tomorrow!)

Incidentleee!---the mystery pub sign answer will appear in the next TWO hours! (see below!)
We'll keep yoo in suspense til then!