GEORDIE TIMES FA CUP EXCLUUUSIVE!

Posted '8:30pm bells' Thorsday 29th November 2012

"COME IN NUMBER 28 !"

'The Geordie Times' can excluuusivleee reveeel through wor secret club 'insider' that NUFC are baall number 28 in the FA CUP thord roond draw which takes place this Sunday @ '2:40pm bells' live on ITV!

If we are wrang? then! after the draw iz made, we will eat wor Bordeaux tickets for the game in France next Thorsday! (washed doon with a pint of 'Smith's' in 'The Porcy'!)

THE PULIS P*SS POTTS 2 THE TOON 1

Updated '8:15pm bells' Thorsday 29th November 2012

'THE TOON' ATTACK THE SOOTH STAND GOAL

An absolutleee horrendous November waz roonded off with this undesorved 2-1 defeat in 'The Potteries' last neet.

We held our own for the forst half with a much better display than we have had in recent weeks.

The big breakthrough came not lang after the re-start when a Demba Ba shot waz blocked by their keeper, anly for the baall to rebound to Cisse and his resultin' shot went into the net via the post to send the 2,000 or so Toon diehards behind that goal into wild celebrations!
Aa then remember lookin' at the clock as it coonted the minutes to the end of the match and with '80' on the clock we anly had 10 minutes to survive---and The Toon fans revelled in the chant of: "You're just a tramp in a tracksuit!", aimed at Tony Pulis----but then disaster struck!

FORST!---Jon Walters heeded home at 'The Boothen End' just after this to level things and then we just fell apart with 'The P*ss Potts' pilin' on the pressure for the winnin' goal.
The unthinkable happened five minutes later when Jerome fired home past Tim Krul to make November the month NOT TO remember for anyone of black 'n white persuasion! 
The lang drive back meant that in two day we had travelled  a THOOSAND MILES by road to watch them (the previous day we'd went to Barnet in London to watch the U18s lose 3-0 to The Arse U18s!)  

The result meens that we have went through the entire month withoot a win and more alarmingly we have now lost fower Premya leegue games in a row and are anly two points off thord bottom with a tough December to follow!

Toon team: Krul, Coloccini, Santon, Simpson, Williamson, Perch, Anita (Sammy Ameobi 87), Gutierrez, Tiote, Ba, Cisse (Ranger 87)

Attendance: 26,793 (includin' 2,000 or so beleaguered Toon fans!) 

THE ARSE U18s 3 THE TOON U18s 0

Posted '9:20am bells' Wednesday 28th November 2012

Very brief match report:

Ground number 294, Underhill, Barnet, London

THE TOON MAKE ARARE ATTACK ON 'THE ARSES' GOAL
(SPOT THE TUBE TRAIN!)

In akin to the forst team, the juniors did a 'copycat impression' of them with this totally inept performance @ Barnet's Underhill groond in norf Landan last neet. 

We were totally ootplayed and 3-0 waz a fair result az The Arse were a different class to us I'm afraid!
Attendance: 500 or so includin' quite a few 'Toon hoppers' who had made the hazardous 550 mile plus roond trip from Tyneside through floods rain and gale force winds!
(More to follow on this later az I must dash!)

We play 'The Pulis P*ss Potts of Stoke' toneet in the Premya Leegue @ The Britannia Stadium to roond off a vey wet and miserable November! (Roll on December!)
Match report on BOTH games to follow sometime tomorrow!) 

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS! *****NEW GROOND!*****NEW GROOND!"

Updated '8:30am bells' Tuesday 27th November 2012

'Mooth-waaterin' news that wor 'FA Youth Cup thord roond tie' against 'The Arses' youth team tooneet will definateleee be played @ Barnet's Underhill Groond and NOT 'The Emirates', az waz forst feared!, iz great news for the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az 'Underhill' iz a groond we have neva (ever!) played on or been te before!

Wots more!---the north London 'Leegue Two' club will leave their home of 105 years and move on to 'pastures new' @ the end of this season---never! to retorn! and so (unless we draa them in the FA Cup) this will be wor one and anly chance to gan there!
'The Bees' are rumoured to be movin' to a groond caalled 'The Hive' in Harrow for next season ("Er!"--"Wonder why it's caalled 'The Hive'?")

The anly thing that could scupper wor plans iz the fact that the torrential rain and gale force winds which have affected most of the UK iz set to continue for the next couple of days!
Some of the 'hoppers' are gettin' the train doon and some (like us daft f****rs!) are gannin' by road via the 'A1' (if it's not flooded that iz!?).
Lets hope that we aall get there!? (goggles and flippers at the ready!)

The game iz due to be played @ Underhill with a '7 bells' kick off! (Weather permittin'!) Match report to follow on Wednesday!---and if we DE make it---then! (see below!) 

"Get the broon ale 'on ice' oot!"

SOOOTHAMPTON 2 THE TOON 0

Posted '10:10am bells' Monday 26th November 2012

"IT WAS ALL GOOD UNTIL IT KICKED OFF!"

An absoloootleee disastrous November continued @ St Mary's yesterday when we went doon 2-0 to a relegation threatened Sooothampton team who have been at or near to the bottom of the table since the beginnin' of the season.

The match stats speak for themsels:
Sooothampton had loads of chances throughoot the game and if it wasn't for Tim Krul in wor goal who made several vital saves the scoreline would have been much worse. (although he waz at fault for BOTH their goal!)
The home side aalso hit the woodwork three times az wor midfield and defence put in a shambolic display!

The anly action that we can remember in wor favour waz when Davide Santon nodded a bullet heeder towards the corner of their goal, anly to be denied by a fantastic block from their keeper!
Anita aalso shud have scored but fluffed hiz easy chance! (Cisse and Ba were totally ineffective!)

After the match we faced a one mile trek back to the train station in torrential rain and we were soaked to the skin by the time we got there to complete a day of misery! (It was then onward to Victoria Station and then King's Cross and we eventually crossed the King Edward Bridge ower the Tyne @ '12:45am bells' on Sunday mornin'!)

The result meens that we havvent won any of wor six games played in November and with anotha away game against 'The Pulis P*ss Potts of Stoke' loomin' on Wednesday neet, things divvint look good!---do they?

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Steven Taylor (Perch 90), Santon, Gutierrez, Tiote, Anita (Marveaux 65), Ferguson (Sammy Ameobi 46), Cisse, Ba

Attendance: 31,410 (2,000 or so very unhappy Toon fans!) 

Wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' had the quote of the day---which just aboot summed it up!
"It was all good until it kicked off!"

SOOOTHAMPTON v THE TOON***ON SUNDAY!

Posted '5:10am bells' Saturday 24th November 2012

Today 'The Geordie Times' sets off for the sooth coast for wor leegue game 'The Saints' @ St Marys in Sooothampton
Bad weather iz predicted for the whole weekend and we can anly hope that the boozers we visit will have adequate protection from the elements!

Injurys have blighted wor squad and we can anly hope that the decision NOT to buy a few quality players in the close season doesn't come home to roost!---again! 

Match report to follow on Monday! (sometime!)

THE TOON 1 MARITIMO 1

Posted '10:00am bells' Friday 23rd November 2012

'THE TOON' ATTACK THE LEAZES END!

Yet anothaa inept home performance from 'The Toon' meant that Bordeaux, who won 2-1 in Brugge, are now top of the group table, meanin' that we must win there on December 6th or finish 2nd and face the possibility of playin' one of the Champions Leegue 'dropouts' in the knockoot stage of the competition in February. (ie: we have DEFINATLEEE qualified!) 

We took the lead at the mid-point of the forst half when Ben Arfa supplied 'Marveaux the Magician' and hiz shot went through the legs of the Maritimo keeper @ The Leazes End to send the smaall crowd into raptures!

But that waz az good az it got and the minnows from Madeira had chances to level things in the forst half but couldn't make the breakthrough.

The second half waz even worse than the forst with passes gannin astray and hardly any efforts on target from us.


SPOT THE 'MARI' FANS!"

Maritimo on the otha hand, fought hard for the equaliser and went close on a few occassions before finally gettin' their much deserved goal when Finlis (in a carbon copy of wor goal!) fired through Tim Krul's legs in the 80th minute to send their smaall band of 35 fans<(yes! we coonted them!) in the Milburn Stand paddock wild with delight! 
They even had a great chance to win it when Finlis again, (me thinx?) shot wide when it waz much easier to score!


Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Steven Taylor, Coloccini, Santon, Marveaux, Bigirimana, Anita, Sammy Ameobi (Abeid 77), Ben Arfa (Ba 40), Cisse (Amalfitano 50)

Attendance: anly 21,632 (35 'Mari' fans!)  

    

THE TOON v MARITIMO***TOONEET!

Posted '9:20am bells' Thorsday 22nd November 2012

ACTION FROM WOR GAME IN MADEIRA
AGAINST MARITIMO IN SEPTEMBER
('THE TOON' ARE IN THE 'HI VIZ' YELLOW STRIPS!)

Tooneet we play wor penultimate<(we naa aall the 'BIG' words!) game in the Europa Leegue group stage when we take on Maritimo @ St James' Park @ '8:05 bells'
A win against the groups bottom club will see us progress to the knockoot stage which begins in February and guarantee us 2nd place at least!

When we were in Belgium a fortneet back, we were taalkin to some Brugge fans after the game and they telt us that Maritimo hadn't brung ANY FANS AT AALL! when they'd played them at their place---so!---gannin on that assumption, and the fact that heavy rain and strong winds are forecast and that the game iz on live telly, (ESPN) we predict that this will be wor lowest crowd of the season, with less than 30,000 tornin up!

Squad rotation will again play a big part, so divvint expect the team who played in wor 'horror show' defeat against Swanzee in the Premya Leegue last Saturday to torn oot! (mebeez that's just az well!)

'Geordie Times' match report (az usual!) to follow sometime tomorrow! 

NUFC LATEST TICKET NEWS

Updated '8:15am bells' Thorsday 22nd November 2012

Tickets are still on sale for toneets home game against Maritimo (£15/£10 and a fiver!)
Ticket application forms for wor Europa Leegue game in Bordeaux on Thorsday December 6th are now open to season ticket holders with 50 loyalty points or more. @ just £13 a ticket (Premya Leegue clubs take note!)

In contrast, tickets which have just went on sale for wor Premya Leegue game in west London against 'The Wacko Jacko Jivers' on Monday 10th December are ower three times higher! @ £40 (£30 and £20 for zimmerframeites and sprogs!)
(now zero loyalty points)
For wor Boxin' Day games @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' (£45 plus concessions) and The Emirates (£35.50 plus concessions)  on December 29th yoo aalso need 25 loyalty points to apply

Wor game @ Sooothampton iz nuw a selloot to Toon fans on Sunday. STOP PRESS! aparentleee we have been given some more tickets for Sunday and theeze are priced @ £35 plus concessions! 

Tickets for wor game away to 'The Pulis P*ss Potts of Stoke' on Wednesday 28th November, are still on sale (£30 plus concessions)---zero loyalty points nuw required.

Home tickets for wor game against 'The Blue Moonies' on December 15th are now on sale az well
("ER!"---"hope yiv got plenty of money to buy aall theeze tickets!?")
 

OVERSEAS--IZ THE 'BEES KNEES'!*** 20,000 THANKYOOZ!

Posted '1:25pm bells' Tuesday 20th November 2012

"GEORDIE TIMES RULES OK!"

'The Geordie Times' haz just received it's 20,000th page view from overseas today and we thank each and every one of wor foreign friends for loggin' into this site!

Not anly that!---but today we aalso received wor 7,000th 'hit' from wor reeeders across the pond in the USA!---and their usual 'Empire State Building celebrations' have started aalready!-----that's 'Yankee Doodle Dandy'!