THE TOON RESORVES 1 THE COCKNEY REDS OF SALFORD RESORVES 2

Posted '9:30am bells' Tuesday 13th November 2012

For the second time in two days we were beaten by 'The Cockney Boys'!---On Sunday it waz the 'West Ham' version and last neet it waz the 'Salford' version!

A crowd of aroond 500 had assembled @ 'Blue Flames' (includin' a smatterin' of Cockneys!) in this televised resorve game which waz live on MUFC TV! (see above!)

'The Xisco Kid' nearly put us in front in the forst minute when he waz put through, but he shot straight at their keeper and the chance waz gone.

It waz mostly 'even stevens' after this, with Brad Inman and Xisco, again, gannin close for us, but the game ended up goal-less by the half time interval

The visitors broke the deadlock soon after the restart when Tom Thorpe heeded past Jak Alnwick in the Toon goal.

We levelled things on the hour mark through Conor Newton, who side footed an easy change into the net after their keeper, Sutherland, fumbled a shot from Marcus Maddison.

They were back in front though, just seven minutes later when Tom Lawrence netted from close in to win the game for them! (and nee doubt send their telly viewers from London town into joyous celebrations!)

THE TOON RESORVES v THE COCKNEY REDS of SALFORD RESORVES***TOOONEET!

Posted '2:55pm bells' Monday 12th November 2012

The resorves are in action again toneet @ Blue Flames, Benton  (aka Whitley Park) when they tek on Man Us equivalent in the Resorve U21s Leegue.
Yoo may remember the match report in wor last resorve outin' in norf Landan when we lost 6-0 to Spors!
(scroll doon page for the match report on that!)

The game kick off @ '7 bells' and we will bring yoo a match report az per usual later on!
Admission iz free to season ticket holders
(£3 others/£1 sprogs etc)

THE TOON 0 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 1

Posted '9:15pm bells' Remembrance Sunday 11th November 2012


'THE TOON'ATTACK 'THE GALLOWGATE END'
DURIN' THE 2nd HALF!

'Big Fat Sam' wud have had a 'big fat smile' az wide az the Tyne on hiz bloated 'boat race'< (Cockney slang!) az hiz side inflicted a one-nil defeat on us, with the anly goal of the game (of course!) bein' scored by the ex Toon hero 'The funky chicken' Kevin Nolan, who made a 'non celebration' of hiz goal @ 'The Gallowgate End' in the forst half! (az iz per usual theeze days!) 
('Hero' because he scored a hat-trick for 'us' against the SMBs two years ago in the 2010 '5-1' Halloween Derby Massacre!)

It reeely waz a lack lustre and poor performance from us, just three days after retornin' from wor European exploits in Belgium against Club Brugge!---BUT! that shud be 'ne excuse' az there waz anly ONE! player who made the startin' line up against 'The Cockney Boys', who made the startin' line up in Belgium last Thorsday!
(check both the team line ups below and in the Brugge match report fortha doon the page to find oot who it waz!)

A near full hoose crowd of 51,855 (which waz aroond 2,000 more than we predicted!), packed St James' Park and this included 3,000 or so 'jovial Jellied Eels' who were in 'level 7' of 'The Leazes End'!

Tyneside born 'Andy Pandy', who of course aalso made a retorn visit, waz booed by a section of the crowd, but it wasn't anywhere near az bad az when he came back with 'The Liverbirds' last time!---(Nolan hardly got any stick at aall!)

Anotha one to confine to the dustbin I'm afraid!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (Obertan 79), Steven Taylor, Santon, Williamson, Santon, Ben Arfa, Cabaye, Gutierrez (Anita 23), Ferguson, Ba, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 46)

THE TOON v THE JELLIED EELS MOB***TOOODAY!

Posted '9:30am bells' Remembrance Sunday 11th November 2012

"WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!"

This afternoon @ '3 bells' 'Big Fat Sam' retorns again to St James' Park with a certain 'Andy Pandy' and SMB 'hat-trick hero' 'King' Kevin Nolan!
Whereaz Nolan iz sure to get a great reception, Andy will ne doubt get a mixed one to say the least!---and az for ex SMB 'Fat Sam'? (aa think yoo can guess that one!)

This game isn't on 'normal telly' but yoo can bet that a canny few bars will have it on!
A wreath layin' ceromony will take place before the match followed by a minutes silence on wot iz of course Remembrance Sunday

The Toon squad will be withoot 'Fab' Coloccini and Cheick Tiote who are banned and of course injuries to Ryan Taylor, Dan Gosling, James Perch and Haris Vuckic fortha deplete wor squad but happily Demba Ba shud be fit to face his old club!

The Jellied Eels Mob normally bring a canny squad up from 'eeest Landan' and we predict a 49,000 to 50,000 crowd will be present tooday

Match report az per usual will follow much later!---watch this space!

CLUB BRUGGE 2 THE TOON 2

Updated '8:25pm bells' Saturday 10th November 2012

THE TOON (IN WOR HIV VIZ YELLOW STRIP)
ATTACK THE BRUGGE GOAL

Ground number 293
Date of First Visit: 8th November 2012
Jan Breydel Stadion, Brugge, Belgium

Club Brugge 2
Newcastle United 2 (Anita, Shola Ameobi)

Europa League Group D

Attendance: 18,003 (2,600 Toon fans in the away end plus just as many 'hidin' in the home sections!)
(plus!-another 3,000 who were unable to get tickets and watched on big screens in the centre of Brugge!) (11,000 empty seats in the stadium!!!)


"A BRIDGE TOOO FAR!"

The neet before the match we drank in Brussels before heedin' for Brugge orly the next day which waz an hours train ride away.

We avoided the packed market square full of Toon fans where a big screen had been erected and heeded for some bars in the side streets away from the beaten track!
The bars aroond the square were aall servin' beer oot of plastic glasses, but the ones we foond had 'propa' ones to drink oot of!

Eventually we heeded in the direction of the groond which waz across a river that splits Brugge in two---anly to confronted by a line of 'dibbles' blockin' the picturesque bridge!
"Wor hotels on the other side of the bridge!" one of the lads said az he pointed to it in the distance, but they still wouldn't let us pass and so we had to de a mile detour across anotha bridge near to the train station to get ower the river!

"A BRIDGE TOOO FAR!"

The hotel they were stoppin' in had a bar and we decided to stop there until it waz time to gan to the match---which we were telt waz a twenty minute waalk from the hotel---WRANG!--it waz much fortha and az the police had banned Toon fans from usin' busses or taxis to get to the game, it waz 'shanks's pony' to the stadium! ("Wot a way to be treated!---EH!")

Havin' got through FIVE security checks, (that's reet FIVE!) we eventually got into the stadium with ten minutes to spare, but we were the lucky ones az quite a few missed the kick off!

Brugge took the lead in the 14th minute through Ivan Trickovski who shot past Tim Krul in the Toon goal and then doubled their tally six minutes later when Jesper Jorgensen hit an effort just inside the post in front of The Toon fans!

We fought back however when Anita hit a right footed screamer into the Brugge goal in the 41st minute and Shola Ameobi levelled things just two minutes later when he stabbed the baall home after he recieved a through baall from his younger brother Sammy to send the Toon fans wild with delight.

In the second period we nearly won it when 'Sammy Ami' hit the bar with a great shot but
there was ne more scorin' in the game and after bein' locked in for half an hour after the match we were eventually let oot for some post match 'liquid refreshments' in one of the local ale hooses!

We then heeded back to the hotel where a Toon fan telt us that hiz mate had been 'nicked'.
"Wot for?" we asked.
"He got to the fourth 'checkpoint' and waz asked once again to show hiz ticket, but he must have dropped it at the previous one and so they arrested him for attemptin' to get into the match withoot a ticket!"
(HONEST!--IT'S F*****' TRUE!)

Toon team: Krul, Anita, Williamson (Steven Taylor 58), Coloccini, Tavernier, Tiote, Sammy Ameobi (Amalfitano 83), Marveaux, Bigirimana (Cabaye 72), Obertan, Shola Ameobi

Europa League Group D
                      P   W   D   L   F   A   GD    Pts
THE TOON*4    2    2    0    6    2    +4    8 
Bordeaux****4    2    1    1    6    4    +2    7
Brugge******4    1    1    2    4    7     -3    4
Maritimo****4    0    2    2    1    3     -3    2

Much more to follow on wor trip in a 'mad-sad groundhoppers match/hootch report' later in the week!

CLUB BRUGGE v THE TOON***THORSDAY NEET!

Updated '7:55am bells' Wednesday 7th November 2012

Later this mornin' we set off from 'The Central' to King's Cross and then onward to Brussels by Eurostar for wor Europa Leegue group game in Brugge on Thorsday neet!

We are stoppin' in Brussels coz we reckon that it will be chaotic in Brugge centre, with an estimated 6,000 to 10,000 Geordies invadin' the beer capital of Belgium---and so Brussels it iz!

With an official followin' of 2,600 in the 'away end', there will be at least az many Toon fans in the home sections of the 29,000 capacity Janbredel Stadion, who have bought tickets elsewhere--many on the black market! (lets hope things divvint 'kick off'!)

A full and comreeehensive 'Geordie Times' 'mad-sad groundhoppers'/'beerhoppers' report will of course follow on eetha Friday neet when we get back or Saturday mornin' when we sober up! ("Er!"---"it's a lang jorney back yi naa!")

"It iz now time to put the computaa into hibernation once again for a few days!"
"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

THE LIVERBIRDS 1 THE TOON 1

Updated '10:10pm bells' Monday 5th November 2012


"WALK ON!---THROUGH THE RAIN!"
"AND YOOO'LL NE-VER WALK ALONE!"

This draw ended a run of seven successive defeats @ Anfield, but still we havent won here since 1995 and it iz nuw 18 games withoot success!

The home side started off with 'aall guns blazin' and it seemed anly a matter of time til they made the breakthrough! 
The view from row 2 of The Anfield Road End waz 'breathtakin' az yoo can see, (see below!) and for forty eight quid (plus a poond bookin' fee!) we couldn't complain!---but did the hat gan to the top of hiz heed???

"EXCUSE ME 'DIBBLE'!---BUT! DOES THAT HAT
GAN TO THE TOP OF YOUR HEED???"

However!--despite the home sides dominance in the orly exchanges, (we just managed to see roond 'dibble's' helmet!) it waz 'The Toon' who took the lead in the 44th minute of the forst half when Yohan Cabaye, on the left from us, hit a stunnin' strike across the face of the goal into the far corner of the net in front of The Kop, after Ben Arfa had sent a pin point cross to him across the box, to send the Toon faithful in the Anfield Road End into ecstasy!


"WHY DOES IT AALWAYS RAIN ON ME?"

At half time there waz a hilarious incident when a pitch waata sprinkler went 'beserk' and sprayed waata onto some 500 scousers in the main stand 'posh seats', drenchin' them to the bone!    
"Er!"---I naa we shudn't laff!---BUT!-------"HA!"--"HA!"
(see top photo!)

In the second period 'The Liverbirds' had many chances to level things and this finally happened at the mid point of the half when 'divin champion' Luis Suarez roonded Tim Krul in 'The Toon' goal and slotted home to break wor hearts!

THE TOON ATTACK THE ANFIELD ROAD END

'Fab' Coloccini waz then sent off in the 84th minute for a downward kick on 'diver Suarez' in frustration! (he did hiz divin' act a couple of times durin the game and had gave 'Fab' a torrid time throughoot the match!)

We held oot though for the point and it waz a releeeved Toon Army who left Anfield in the better mood!

On the injury front James Perch, Demba Ba and Yohan Cabaye aall limped off the pitch at various points durin' the match, to give wor manager a few heedaches ower the next few days in antisipation of wor trip to Brugge on Thorsday in the Europa Leegue!

Toon team: Krul, Anita, Steven Taylor, Coloccini, Santon, Ben Arfa, Perch (Simpson 25), Cabaye (Ferguson 67), Gutierrez, Ba (Sammy Ameobi 48), Cisse

Attendance: divvint naa yet but it waz a full hoose!  (wor guess is 44,500 plus, includin' 2,000 Toon fans!") "ER!"---just foond oot: 44,803

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON****TODAY @'4 bells'!

Posted '7:45am bells' Sunday 4th November 2012


(SEE GROUND 003 IN THE 'ARCHIVE
GROUNDS LIST' IN THE TOP
TOOLBAR)
 

For wot must be the 100th time since 1968, 'The Geordie Times' heeds for 'Beatleland' for wor game against the 'red half' of Morseyside in less than an hours time (havin' played 'the blue half' in September!)

Wor record @ Anfield in recent years iz shockin' to say the least!---with the last win comin' in a 1-0 'leegue cup' triumph in 1995 (When Steve Watson scored the anly goal of the game!)
Since then we have failed to beat them in 17 attempts and have lost the last 'seven in a row'!

We set off @ '8:30bells' and I think we shud be able to find wor way there by nuw!?

Az per usual a full 'GeordieTimes' match and pub report will follow much later when we get back!

(Lets hope it isn't a 'Eight in a row' report!)

SPORS U21 RESORVES 6 THE TOON U21 RESORVES 0!

Updated '9:50pm bells' Saturday 3rd November 2012

Ground number 292
Date of First Visit: 3rd November 2012

Bulls Cross Training Complex
Enfield, London

Tottenham Hotspur U21s  6
Newcastle United U21s     0

FA Professional Development League

Attendance: 150 (estimated) (4 extremleee mad-sad Toonhoppers!)





THE TOON---IN MAROON!--
MAKE A RARE ATTACK ON THE SPORS GOAL
@ 'THE PRIVET HEDGE END'!

After droppin' off fellow 'mad-sad groundhopper' 'Liam of Westgate' ootside 'The Newcasil Laybaa Club', havin' just retorned from wor 600 mile roond trip 'sorte' to "norf Landan", it's time to write the latest 'disaster report' to add to the 'extremleee mad-sad list'!


"A RACE AGAINST TIME!"

We set off from Morrisons supermarket @ Killingworth (where Liam works the neetshift) @ 'twenty to seven am bells' this mornin' in mee 'canny tranny' for the 300 mile trip to Enfield, where Spors have their new trainin' complex.
With just ower fower hours to get there it waz aalways gannih be  a 'close caall' az to wetha we would make the start.

To cut a lang story short we had 'googled' a map to take us exactly to wor destination and on arrival in Enfield with 'ne time to spare' (az it waz dead on 'kick off' time) we tried frantically to find the complex which we thought waz next to 'The Rose & Crown' boozer (but WASN'T!?)

A desperate phone caall to 'The Bear' (who waz aaready at the complex) to ask him where the hell it waz then followed???

The complex waz in fact a mile away from where we were on a different road (he telt us!) and by the time we eventually arrived, we had missed the forst twenty minutes of the game! 

'Glennn from Ashington' who waz aalso another 'extreme saddo' who had made the 'pilgrimage' to the new groond telt us that 'The Toon' were aalready two-nil doon and that Spors had just scored their 2nd goal az we arrived! (at least we hadn't missed a TOON goal!)

We DID see the thord goal however!---scored by  a TOON player, namelee, Yven Moyo!---UNFORTUNATELEEEE it waz a heeded OWN GOAL into The Toon goal to put us three-nil doon orly in the 2nd half!
Spors forward, Pritchard, then curled a free kick high into wor net with 'not one' Toon player respondin', az they stood like statues az the baall flew past them!
To be fair not one of wor line up had ever had forst team expierience and it showed
(see crumpled team sheet below!)

A fortha two goals from Obika completed wor misery for a six-nil rout!

We then jumped back in wor 'canny tranny' and heeded the 300 miles back up the A1!

Anotha one off the 'disaster list'!

PS: The Toon U18s aalso lost to Spors U18s--by 4 goals to 1 on a pitch on the other side of the complex!

292 bulls cross training complex spurs reserves

(Ground number 292)

Date of First Visit: 3rd November 2012

Bulls Cross Training Complex, Enfield, London

Tottenham Hotspur Reserve U21s 6

Newcastle United Reserve U21s 0

FA Professional Development League

Attendance: 150 (estimated) (4 extremleee mad-sad Toonhoppers!)

THE TOON (IN MAROON) MAKE A RARE ATTACK
@ 'THE PRIVIT HEDGE END'

After droppin’ off fellow ‘mad-sad groundhopper ‘Liam of the Lamp’ outside the ‘Newcasel Laybaa Club’, havin’ just returned from wor 600 mile roond trip ‘sorte’ to “norf Landan”, it waz time to write the latest ‘Disaster Days instaalment’ to add to the extreeemleee ‘mad-sad list’!


“A RACE AGAINST TIME!”

We had set off from ‘Morrison’s Supermarket car park’ in Killingworth (where Liam waz workin’ the neetshift) @ ’twenty to seven am bells’ in mee ‘canny tranny’ for the 300 mile trip to Enfield, where Sporz have their new trainin’ complex.

With just fower hours to get there it waz always gannih be a ‘close caall’ az to wethaa we would make the ’11 bells’ start!?

To cut a lang story short we had ‘Googled’ a map to take us exactly to wor destination and on arrival in Enfield with ‘ne time to spare’ (az it waz dead on kick off time!) we tried frantically to find the complex which we thought waz next to a boozer called ‘The Rose and Crown’ (but it wasn’t!)

A desperate phone caall to ‘The Bear’ (who waz already at the complex) to ask him where the hell it waz, then followed!
The complex waz in fact a mile away from where we were on a different road (so he telt us!) and by the time we eventually foond it tucked in a little side road, we had missed the forst 20 minutes of the game!

‘Glennn from Ashington’ who waz aalso anothaa ‘extreeeme saddo’ who had made the ‘pilgrimage’ to the new groond, telt us that The Toon were aalready 2-0 doon and that Sporz had just scored their 2nd goal az we arrived! (at least we hadn’t missed any Toon goals!)

We DID see the thord goal, however!---scored by a TOON player, namely, Yven Moyo---UNFORTUNATELEEE it waz a heeded OWN GOAL to put us 3-0 doon orly in the 2nd half!

Sporz forward, Pritchard, then curled a free kick high into wor net, with ‘not one’ Toon player respondin’, az the baall flew past them!To be fair not one of wor line-up had ever had forst team experience and it showed!

A forthaa 2 goal from Sporz centre forward Obika, completed wor misery for a six-nil rout!We then jumped back in wor ‘canny tranny’ for the 300 mile journey back up the ‘A1’

Anothaa one off ‘The Disaster List’!

 PS: The Toon’s U18s aalso lost to Sporz U18s on a pitch at the far end of the complex which kicked off at the same time, by fower goals to one!
(NOT a good day for ‘The Toon’ in “norf Landan!”)