THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS---APRIL FOOLS DAY!

Updated '8:15am bells' Saturday 31st March 2012

'THE LEAZES END' FROM LEAZES PARK LAKE

For the thord Sunday in a row we will be in Leegue action when we play The Mickeymousers of Anfield @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) ('1:30 bells' kick off---live on SKY yet agen!)

We are currentleee a 'massive'? eight points aheed of them in sixth place and shud we win? this 'April Fools Day' encoonta, then that will gan into double figures!

Not anly that!---but we would aalso move to within TWO POINTS of a Champions League place az Spors divvint kick off against Swanzee 'til afta wor game is ower!

Jose Enrique who 'jumped ship' to leave us for 'The Liverbirds', tweeted a few months ago aboot us:

"The club is allowing all major players to go!---Do you think it is the fault of the players?---With this policy, this club will NEVER again fight to be in the TOP SIX!!"

Actually, Jose, baby!---have yi seen the leegue table lateleee???

1 Cockney Glory Hunters of Salford---73 points
2 Blue Moonies---70 points
3 The Arse---58 points
4 Happy Harrys Hotspors---55 points
5 Kings Road OAP's---50 points
6 THE TOON---50 points!
7 THE LIVERBIRDS---42 points! 

FA VASE SEMEEZ
Because The Toon arnt playin' 'til the sabbeth again, 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston will again take centre stage this afternoon, az they are in action @ Staveley in the 2nd leg of the FA Vase semi finals. 

Dunston won the forst leg 1-0 last week and 'The Geordie Times entourage' iz gannin doon to Derbyshire in a couple of hours time to (hopefully!?) cheer them on to Wembley, where the final iz bein' held.

The other 'semi' iz between West Auckland and Herne Bay and the possibility of an aall north east final iz on the cards az 'West' drew 2-2 away last week in Herne Bay!

'Bad Blue Boys' match report to follow later tomorrow mornin'!

"SPRECHEN DE 'GEORDIE' HINNEY!?" ("DO YOU SPEAK 'GEORDIE' MY FRIEND!?")

Posted '8:30pm bells' Friday 30th March 2012

The Geordie Times haz just received it's 500th hit from Jawmany and we'd like to thank everybody from Dusseldorf to Hamburg and Frankfurt to Berlin for their support and we're sure that there'll be a few 'Dennis' and 'Jimmy Nail' exiles oot there loggin' onto this site az well!

Once again thanx for your support!---- "Auf Weidersehen Pet!"----iz alive and kickin'!

GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!---OAP's AWAY---NOW IN MAY!

Posted 7:30pm bells' Thorsday 29th March 2012

Wor game @ Stamford Bridge against the OAP's of Chelski haz nuw been rescheduled for Wednesday 2nd May with a '7:45 bells' kick off, az they are in the FA Cup 'semeez' the day we are due to play them in the League.
And so yet anotha owerneet stay haz been forced upon us coz we cannit catch the last train yem!

THE TOON RESORVES 1 THE BAGGIE TROOSERS RESORVES 4---BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!---AGEN!!!

Updated '4:15pm bells' Thorsday 29th March 2012

The resorves took on WBA's equivalent @ Darsley Park, Benton @ '2 bells' this afternoon in wot waz yet anotha game bein' played behind closed doors, with NE admittance to plebs!/fans!

Az per usual in cases like this we sent wor intrepid 'Geordie Times' 'Stop the Pigeon' reporter, who 'winged' his way ower the Benton pitch!
He flew ower the action for the full 90 minutes to bring us the vital news message below of just wot the score waz and who scored the goals!

STOP! PRESS! STOP! PRESS!---THE BAD NEWS IZ!---
The final score waz!---1-4 ! to the visitors with Marcus Maddison scorin' wor only goal with a 25 yard shot-----(many thanx to 'Stop the Pigeon' who haz just contacted us on hiz mobile 'tellin bone' with this devestatin news!)

Footnote:
An exhausted 'Stop the Pigeon' iz nuw heedin for the Haymarket area of Toon to rest hiz wings and gan for some much needed 'liquid lubrication' and a packet of the finest 'Trill' bord seed! (yoo desorve it mate!)

"NO NIGHTMARE SCENARIO!!!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 28th March 2012

"IT'S  A  CATASTROPHE!!!"

                                

The nightmare scenario of  'moanin martin's mackems' reachin' the FA Cup final iz ower!---thanx to 'The Toffee Noses' 2-0 victory @ the Stadium of "Sshhh!---Yee Naa Wot!", last neet!

Had they reached the final and we'd finished in wor current SIXTH position at the end of the season, then THEY would have booked a place in the Europa League at wor expense! even if they'd lost!, az the otha finalists, namely Chelski or Spors would automatically qualify for the Champions League/Europa League, through their current league position.

Under the rules, this would mean the losin' finalists then qualify for 'The Europa'! (it doesn't bear thinkin' aboot!!!?)

Of course---IF?  'The Toffee Noses' of Everton beat 'The Liverbirds' in the aall Morseyside semi final @ Wembley, then THEY will qualify instead, at wor expense! (shud we finish sixth)

Aall Toon fans shud now be rootin' for the red half of 'Mickeymouseland'< (one word!) to reach the final az 'Cringin' Kenny's' side have aalready qualified for the Europa League through their League Cup success!

Of course if we can finish FIFTH above Chelski, than this 'scenario' won't arise! (FOURTH! iz even a possibility???----but divvint haad yer breath!)

(see current league table below)

EUROPEAN QUALIFICATION---AZ IT STANDS!

Updated '10:35pm bells' Monday 27th March 2012

Az it stands the followin' European places will be allocated az follows:

FA Cup winners/finalists--Europa League place guaran-teed 

Premier League European qualification: 4 places for The Champions League---3 places for Europa League


Az it stands with 8 games to gan!

1 Man U--played 30--points 73--Champions League

2 Man C 30/70--Champions League

3 The Arse 30/58--Champions League

4 Spors 30/55--Champions League

5 Chelski 30/50--Europa League

6 THE TOON 30/50--Europa League---'but only IF? 'The Liverbirds' beat 'The Toffee Noses' to reach the FA Cup final!---If this doesn't happen then we need to finish fifth to qualify!

7 The Liverbirds 30/42--Europa League qualifiers by virtue of winnin' the League Cup

8 SMB's 30/40--Can't qualify through FA Cup coz they got beat 2-0 off 'The Toffee Noses' in the FA Cup tooneet ("HA! HA!")

9 The Toffee Noses 30/40--Will qualify for Europa League if they beat 'The Liverbirds' to get to the FA Cup final, meanin' that The Toon MUST finish fifth to qualify

LIVERBIRDS---SELT OOT!!!

Posted '10:20am bells' Tuesday 27th March 2012

"COMIN' SOON TO 'THE TOON'!"

Wor forthcomin' home game against 'The Liverbirds' on April Fools Day (next Sunday) iz now a complete sell oot and a 52,000 plus crowd iz guaranteed for the '1:30 bells' kick off!

Not bad for yet anotha live Sky game at anotha reeediculuuus kick off time!

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 1 THE TOON 3

Posted just before 'midneet bells' Sunday 25th March 2012

DEMBA CISSE (ON PENALTY SPOT IN THE ORANGE)
SCORES THE TOON'S 3rd GOAL OF THE GAME

A mezzzmeriszing forst half performance from 'The Toon', playin' in their 'Orangemen' away strip, sealed the three points, az we went 3-0 up in just 34 minutes in front of the exxstatic two thoosand travellin' faithful, who were housed in The Smethwick End.

Goal number one came in the sixth minute when Ben Arfa crossed from the byline to the waitin' Cisse and he blasted the baall into the net.

Number two wasn't lang after when in a complete reversal of the forst goal, Cisse foond Ben Arfa and he ran through the home defence to fire home a fine effort.

The thord waz the best of the lot when Ben Arfa again supplied Demba Cisse (in another reversal!) and he rifled the baall home from near the penalty spot for hiz second goal of the game.

'The Baggie Troosers' pulled one back orly in the second period after a mistake by Williamson, but that waz the end of the scorin' and we moved up to equal fifth with Chelski in the Premya Leegue table on 50 points!
(We now have a total of 1,002 'Premya' points!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini (Santon 46), Perch, Ben Arfa (Shola Ameobi), Guthrie, Cabaye, Gutierrez, Cisse (Ferguson 79), Ba 

Attendance: 25,049 (2,000 happy Toon fans!)

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS v THE TOON----TOODAY!

Posted 8:40am bells Sunday 25th March 2012

In little under an hours time The Geordie Times entourage will be settin' off for the west midlands and 'The Sportsmans Bar' in particular near West Brom toon centre, which iz aboot a twenty minute waalk from The Hawthorns.

Cheik Tiote iz expected to be back in wor startin' line up (hopefully!), and three points today would take us level with Chelski in fifth position.

Match report az usual, to follow much later when we get back!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 1 STAVELEY MINERS 0--------FA VASE SEMI FINAL

Posted '9 pm bells' Saturday 24th March 2012

 Dunston took a slender lead to Derbyshire for next weeks crucial 2nd leg tie against Staveley Miners Welfare, who were 'shafted' 1-0 @ Federation Park this afternoon!

The anly goal of the game came deep into the 2nd half when "Bully---Bully"! scored with a fine strike with just 12 minutes to gan (Andrew Bulford!) to give 'The Bad Blue Boys' a slender lead for the 2nd encoonta in Derbyshire next Saturday!---with a place @ Wembley Stadium the ultimate prize for the winners!

979 were there to witness this 'lack lustre' game, but it's advantage Dunston in the 2nd leg and (hopefully!) a "day oot in Landan!" the ultimate prize!