'THE MIDDLE OF NE WHERE' ALBION 1 ------------THE TOON 0 !

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 29th January 2012

Forst of aall, apologeeez for the late postin of this match report az we didn't get back til qwaata to four this mornin'!


A Mike Williamson own goal settled this 'Farce in Falmer' late yesterday afternoon to knock 'The Toon' oot of the FA Cup in wot waz yet another shockin' FA Cup exit for 'the aall blacks' (we wore wor change strip!)

The drive doon took us six and a half hours and we parked up at Lewes train station which iz the nearest 'boozer friendly' place to the groond---which of course iz built in the middle of ne where, next to a village caalled Falmer (which we thought was 'pub-less'!)

After a few 'liquid refreshments' in the three drinkin dens up the hill from the station, we heeded to the train station to catch 'the cattle truck' to Falmer which iz fower miles distant.
There waz aboot a 50-50 mix of both Brighton and Toon fans az the train set off on wot we were telt was a seven minute jorney to the groond. ("Er!"---TEN minutes actually!)

On close up inspection aa was very impressed with 'The Seagulls' new 'nest' az it wasn't the 'tinny shed' aa expected for a club of their stature.
The rather nice brickwork ootside the stadium looked az though it had cost 'a few bob' to build.

"NICE BRICKWORK!---PITY ABOOT THE LOCATION!"

Once inside, wide padded seats greeted us and it reminded me of The Emirates seats at 'The Arse', the anly difference bein' that these were blue instead of red. (much more to follow on the stadium later!).

Anyway!--- the teams ran oot to a packed crowd and aa couldn't see an empty seat anywhere, so the "empty seats" 'chant' couldn't be used today by the Toon faithful!

It was a dour forst half and we just couldn' t get wor act together with 'Captain Shola' leadin' the line up from with Leon Best just behind.
Brighton were even worse and a can't recaall one shot on target from them in the forst period which not suprizingly ended goal-less!

The second half wasn't much better with wor 'toothless' strikeforce unable to break doon the home sides defence az we kicked towards wor fans in The Sooth Stand.
The anly goal came in the 75th minute when Danny Simpson pulled oot of a tackle to let Will Buckley race through to the box and hiz shot deflected off the unfortunate Mike Williamson and into the net to knock us oot of the cup at an orly stage yet again!
Oh! how we need the two 'Dembas' to fill wor strikers roles (Ba and Cisse)

We didn't get yem til qwaata to four this mornin', like aa say!---(a 725 mile roond trip!) but that's another story for the 'disaster days' groundhoppin' list! (now 283 groonds---and coontin'!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Santon (Ferguson83), Cabaye, Williamson, Perch, Guthrie (Gosling 83), Ben Arfa (Ryan Taylor 83), Shola Ameobi, Gutierrez, Best
Attendance: 21,558 (2,500 disillooosioned Toon fans!)

PS: some of the lads did manage to 'sniff oot' ONE 'drinkin den' not too far from the groond---so it's actually a 'one boozer groond'!


The FA Cup draw iz on at '3:30 bells' this afternoon---but who f*****' cares now!?

PPS: Wots the bettin' that the headline in 'The Ronny Gill' on Monday iz!: (for the thoosandth time!)
------"WE LET THE FANS DOWN!---WE'RE SORRY!"

"FULL 'mad-sad groundhoppers' 'FA Cup disaster!' report to follow later on in the week!"

BRIGHTON, HOVE (& FALMER!) ALBION v THE TOON

Posted '6:00 am bells' Saturday 28th January 2012

VIEW FROM THE AWAY END

Today we travel to the seaside (not!) for wor much antisipated visit to The Amex Stadium in Falmer which iz ne where near Brighton (or Hove!) and miles from the sea!
The groond apparently iz in the middle of ne where and iz 'pub-less' so we believe!? (we'll soon find oot!)
The plan iz to drive to Lewes and park the 'jam jar' next to the station and catch the train to Falmer which iz seven miles away. (there's ne parkin' at the groond unless yoo have a permit!) (and of course---we divvint!)

A capacity crowd of ower 20,000 iz anntisipated for this FA Cup tie @ '5:15 bells' and The Toon will have 2,500 in The South Stand (cud have been more of course but we ('disgracefully') 'knocked them back' for an extra 800 tickets that they offered us?)

We're settin' off in half an hours time for the 350 mile drive and of course a compeeehensive match and groundhoppers report will follow much later on Sunday---when we eventually get back!

NEW GROOND FOR NEW 'NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS'---LAST NEET!

Updated '9:00 pm bells' Friday 27th January 2012

The Toon resorves played Man U resorves @ Moss Lane, Altrincham last neet @ '7 bells' in the Premya Resorve Leegue North and I have to tell yoo that we lost 6-0 in this Altrincham Annihilation ! (not much more to say!---iz there?)

'The mad-sad groundhoppers' wernt there (thank god!) az we have done this groond some time ago, so we didn't need to gan back! (we're just 'part-time resorve hoppers'!)

We of course sent wor faithful 'Stop the Carrier Pigeon' reporter to this game (at great expense!-----two packets of 'Trill' bord seed!) and he got back this mornin' with the bad news

  

Remember wor motto:
"We'll bring yoo the news, second hand, forst!"

"COME IN NUMBER 18!"---"COME IN NUMBER 9!"

Posted '9:30 am bells' Thorsday 26th January 2012

"FROM AFRICA TO EWOOD!?"

"Sensational news from Africa!"----Senegal, one of the favorites to win the African Nations Cup were knocked oot of the competition by minnows Equitorial Guinea, when they lost 2-1 last neet,
which meens that number 18 Demba Cisse and number 9 Demba Ba on the above Senegal team photo, will be flyin' back to Tyneside MUCH ORLIER than expected and could even be selected to play against Blackborn away next Wednesday neet @ Ewood Park!?

We certainleee need them after 'The Catastrophe @ The Cottage' last Saturday! (see below!)

LOYAL TOON FANS LET DOON YET AGAIN!!!

Updated:'high noon bells' Wednesday 25th January 2012

"CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE OF THEEEZE?---PLEEEEEZE!"

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that NUFC DIDN'T take wor full allocation of tickets offered for Saturdays forthcomin' FA Cup tie away to Brighton, which sold oot within two days of gannin on sale last Thorsday.

This follows on from the decision to take wor minimum allocations of less than 2,000 for Man U, Man C and Norwich! (because we can't be bothered with the hassle of sellin' them, as the home club keeps aall the 'bit'!)

The followin' statement comes from the official website of Brighton. www.seagulls.co.uk
"Newcastle have not accepted their full allocation for Saturdays fourth round FA Cup tie, so the club is pleased to announce that an extra 5 per cent of tickets will be available to Albion supporters for this game". 

We've taken an allocation of 2,500 and were offered 800 more, BUT WE TORNED THEM DOON!!!!????
We've said it aall before!----it's a total disgrace! and many fans have been been let doon and left disappointed YET AGAIN!----

We had 4,000 fans @ Fulham last Saturday divvint forget! (Fulham sell the whole of The Putney End to away fans with ne extra charge for non sales, so we could buy as many as we wanted!)

"GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!--NUFC!!!"---

THE GEORDIE TIMES pageviews in the last month---include:

England---Scotland---USA---Venezuela---Russia---Canada---Austria---Australia---Ukraine---Wales---Holland---Northern Ireland---Republic of Ireland---Greece---Singapore---France---Norway and the Cayman Islands---

"HELLO TO YOO AALL!" 

AMEX STADIUM------NEW LEAGUE GROOND!------100 HOURS TO GAN!!! (AND COONTIN'!)

Posted: '1:15 pm bells' Tuesday 24rd January 2012

"BEWARE!---WOR LASS'S ROLLIN' PIN!" 

Now the dust haz settled and we've dusted worselz doon afta wor second half  'horror show' @ Craven Cottage, it's time to 'move on' and regroup for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' next forst team match @ Brighton in the FA Cup 4th roond on Saturday tea/beer! time which of course iz at a "NEW GROOND!"

The six month old American Express (Amex) Stadium in Falmer iz ne where near Brighton of course and if you gan by train, you, (apparently!) have to queue for at least an hour afta the match to get back to Brighton!

Because of yet another crazy kick off time of '5:15 bells' to satisfy the 'couch potatos' and 'pub plonkies', we cannit get back to 'The Toon' by rail az we would miss the last train from Kings Cross (London) back yem---SO!----we're reluctantlee travellin' doon in 'Norman the Cowboy Plumbers' 'Merc' and are plannin' to leave @ '7 bells' on Saturday mornin'! 

("Er!"---It's the Chinese new year parade on Sunday and wor lass haz booked a table at a restaurant in China Toon (next to St James') and I'm unda strict instructions to get back in time and NOT stay owerneet in 'The Smoke'!) (she's threatened me with hor rollin pin if a divvint make it!)

'The Cowboy Plumber' iz drivin' doon and the 'NOT so little old ME', who drew 'the short straw', iz drivin' back, which meens the latter cannit have much to drink! ("BOO! HOOO!")---
BUT! sacrafices HAVE to be made some times in the pursuit of 'tickin' a rare new league groond off the list! (and keepin' wor lass happy!)

NOT! an artists impression
of me and wor lass!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

THE TOON v THE SMB's----ANOTHER HIGH NOON SHOOT OUT!

Posted 'high noon bells' Monday 23rd January 2012

Not suprizingleee, wor forthcomin' home game against The SMB's haz been moved to a high noon Sunday kick off! (now on Sunday 4th March)
Wor home game against The Liverbirds haz been moved to a Sunday az well. (now @ 1:30 bells on April Fools day!)

Wor away game against The Arse haz aalso been moved to a Monday neet (now @ '8 bells' Monday 12th March) az haz the WBA game which iz now on a Sunday afternoon (now @ '4:00 bells' Sunday 25th March)----aall of course for the benefit of the telly (but NOT the fans) az per usual---For aall the fixture changes----see below

COTTAGE CATASTROPHE!-----THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS 5 THE TOON 2

Posted '10:30 am bells' Sunday 22nd January 2012

IF EVER there was a game of two halves then surely this was it at Craven Cottage yesterday!
The Toon, playin' in wor 'aall blacks' change strip, TOTALLY dominated the forst half az we kicked towards The Hammersmith End opposite to where we were housed and we missed many chances to gan aheed.
The invertible breakthrough came in the 42nd minute when number 8 Danny Guthrie hit an unstoppable shot from the edge of the box into the right corner of the net.
The floodgates would now surely open but we couldn't get another before the break and this proved decisive az the players left the pitch to a standin' ovation from the 4,000 Toon fans in The Putney End.

'Shell shocked' iz the anly way to describe the second half and it aall went 'pear shaped' in the 52nd minute when David Santon pulled doon Damian Duff on THE EDGE of the Fulham box and the ref influenced by the pony tailed linesporson (or whatever she's supposed to be caalled?) gave a penalty to the home side which was duly convorted by Murphy

We then completely 'imploded' with some absolutely shockin' defendin' by us and in less than 30 minutes, Clint Dempsey went on the rampage with a hat-trick of goals!
In between his hat-trick 'The Wacko Jackos' got another dodgy lookin' penalty, (scored by Zamora this time) and then Ben Arfa pulled one back for us in front of the travellin' fans with a mazy dribble.

However!---Dempsey had the final say and he got his thord in the last minute to make the scoreline an unbelievable 5-2 to them!

An absolutleeee devestatin' result for aall The Toon fans who were there and we aall shook wor heeds in disbelief az the ref blew for full time!
Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson,Coloccini, Santon, Ben Arfa, Guthrie (Perch 78), Cabaye (Gosling 83), Best (R Taylor 86), Shola Ameobi, Gutierrez 
Attendance: 25,692 (4,000 'shell shocked' Toon fans!)

THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS OF FULHAM v THE TOON---TOMORROW!

Updated '6:20 am bells' Saturday 21st January 2012

"YI CANNIT 'WACK' THIS!"

This afternoon @ 3' bells' we're off to Craven Cottage for the sole purpose of viewin' the Wacko Jacko statue that stands alang side that otha Fulham great 'Johnny Haynes'. 
Wacko Jacko's claim to his statue iz that he once waalked across the muddy pitch to the dugoots on the far side of the groond, many moons ago, while Johnny Haynes made a 'mere' 658 appearences for the club spannin' 18 years, scorin' 'a paltry' 158 goals!---and I'm sure yooo'll agree that this pales into insignificance, compared to Wacko's 'achievement' of actually managin' to 'walk the walk' across the pitch!

"WHO ARE YOU?"

Az usual on trips to 'The Smoke' we're lettin' the train take the strain this mornin' and a full match (and liquid lubrication!) report will follow sometime tomorrow mornin'! 

The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers forst visited Craven Cottage 34 years ago and we have 'dug up' this archive gem of a 'match report'? from that game in 1978 which iz reproduced below.