THE TOON 2 HARRY'S HOTSPURS 2

Posted '9:45 pm bells' Sunday 16th October 2011

This was an absoluteleee brilliant game for the 'cootch potato' 'neutral TV fans', watchin' this on 'Sky', (especially the 2nd half!)but did nothin' for the weak hearted diehearted fans who were actually present for this 2-2 thriller!

Spors took the lead in the forst half when 'The Toons' Steven Taylor was judged to have fouled Adebayor in the box and after several seconds the 'ref in red' eventually gave a penalty, which was duly convorted by DutchmanVan De Faart. (er!---sorry!--that shud read---Van Der Vaart!) to gave the Londoners a 1-0 lead five mins before half time @ The Gallowgate End

We hit back with just two minutes gone in the 2nd half when Demba Ba hit a sweet 'Spiderman' cross home to level the scores.

'Happy Harry'??? (Spors manager!) then brought on Jemaine Defoe to score a belter in front of the 3,000 or so 'Spors fans' housed in 'Level 7' of 'The Leazes End' in the 68th minute and it looked az though at this point that wor unbeaten five and a half month run waz comin' to an end!

However!---'I Beg Your Pardew' (Toon manager!)then made a double striker substitution of Ben Arfa and Shola Ameobi (replacin' Demba Ba and Leon Best) a few minutes later, which paid off handsomely when 'Shola' cut in from the 'East Stand side' to hit a fantastic shot past the despairin' Spors keeper to level things once again, with just fower minutes to spare and extended wor unbeaten run for another week at least!

Wor '100 pub crawl challenge' started off at the appropriatly named 'Hotspur' boozer in the Haymarket (pub 21) az predicted and we did a fortha fower 'new' pubs, before retirin' for the neet at 'Rosies Bar' (pub 25) after the match!

Attendance 46,420 (3,000 Spors fans)

'Match of the Day's' on soon---must dash!

THE TOON v HARRY'S HOTSPURS--TODAY @ '4 BELLS'

Posted '10:00 am bells Sunday 16th October 2011

TOMMY WALKER SCORES IN THE 1951, 7-2 DEMOLITION

Just ower sixty years ago 'The Toon' beat the then League Champions 'Spors' 7-2! @ St James' Park---A repeat of that scoreline today would de very nicely indeed!---Thank yoo very much!

Where else could we start wor 'pub crawl' today but 'The Hotspur' in the Haymarket?----we'll be there @ '12 bells' if anybody fancy's joinin' us on wor '100 pub crawl challenge'? ('The Hotspur' will be 'waaterin hole' number 21!)

We gan into todays game, unbeaten and STILL in a 'Champions League place' after yesterdays matches and anly a high scorin' win by wor visitors today will dislodge us from wor lofty perch (a draw will keep us in 4th position)

Wor most likely team line up iz?---Krul--Simpson--Coloccini--Steve Taylor--Ryan Taylor--Obertan--Tiote--Cabaye--Gutierrez--Best--Ba

Match and 'pub crawl' reports to follow much later tooneet!

ST JAMES' PARK---WORLDS OLDEST TOP FLIGHT CLUB GROOND!

Updated '1:00 pm bells' Saturday 15th October 2011

ST JAMES' PARK---1904

Not many people naa this!--but!---St James' Park iz  the oldest top flight club groond in England,  and az the English League iz the oldest in the world, it iz therefore the oldest in the world az well!
Club futbaall was forst played here 131 years ago in 1880 when Newcastle Rangers occupied the groond until 1882.  Newcastle West End then took ower the groond in 1886 and with the amalgamation with Newcastle East End in 1892 became Newcastle United FC

Current Premier League grounds list---oldest to newest

1 St James' Park 1880 (Newcastle Rangers)
2 Anfield 1884 (Everton!)
3 Molineux 1889
4 Ewood Park 1890
5 Goodison Park 1892
6 Craven Cottage 1896
7 Villa Park 1897
8 White Hart Lane 1899
9 The Hawthorns 1900
10 Loftus Road 1904
11 Stamford Bridge 1905
12 Old Trafford 1910
13 Carrow Road 1934
=14 Britannia Stadium 1997
=14 Reebok Stadium 1997
=14 The Stadium of Shhhh! (yee naa wot!) 1997
17 DW Stadium 1999
18 City of Manchester Stadium 2003
19 Liberty Stadium 2005
20 Emirates Stadium 2006

VIEW OF THE WEST STAND

U.S.A. AALLTHE WAY!

Posted '8:20 am bells' Friday 14th October 2011

'The Geordie Times Online' haz just received it's 2,000th 'hit' from the United States of America, which iz brilliant news considerin' that wor American cousins are NOT? supposed to like futbaall of the roond baall variety!
 "HELLO! NEW YORK!"---"HELLO
DALLAS!"---"HELLO! WASHINGTON DC!"---"HELLO! HOLLYWOOD!"

Meanwhile!---wor latest and 113th country haz just visited wor site! "HELLO! VANUATU!" in the Sooth Pacific Ocean!

THE TOON v HARRY'S HOTSPURS----PLUS TICKET NEWS

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 13th October 2011

For the second time aalready this season we have a fifteen day gap between games because of Internationals and to be honest it seems like an eternity since we played and beat Wolves @ Molineux nearly a fortneet ago!

Harry's Hotspurs are next up @ St James' for wor fourth live TV game of the season @ 'fower bells' on Sunday and we gan into the game full of confidence followin' wor unbeaten start to the season.

Indeed!---we havvent been beaten in a competitive game since wor 3-0 revorse against the Liverbirds way back on 'May Day' near the end of last season! 

AWAY TICKET NEWS
Tickets for wor away game against Man City on the 19th of November are nuw on sale to season ticket holders priced @ £38 for grown ups, £32 for zimmerframeites and £20 for under sixteen sprogs

We've anly taken wor minimum allocation (again!) of 1,700 tickets, aall in the lower tier behind the goal (ie: we didn't take ANY tickets for the upper tier this time???) 

League Cup tickets for Blackburn on the Wed 26th October are on sale @ £20 & £10 and Stoke on Mon 31st @ £30 plus various prices for concessions

BAD BLUE BOYS 1 v WORLD CUP WINNERS 3

Updated '9:45 pm bells' Tuesday 11th October 2011

UTS PARK---HOME OF DUNSTON UTS FUTBAALL CLUB

It's aall quiet on 'the western front' (er!-- 'west' of the Tyne Bridge---that iz!) as we are left kickin' wor heels until Sunday when we play 'Harrys Hotspurs' @ St James' in a live 'Sky' game @ fower bells. (a 15 day gap since we beat 'Bent Nose McCarthy's' Wolves @ Molineux)

We needed a 'quick fix' so 'The Geordie Times' went to see the Dunston v West Auckland game tooneet @ UTS Park in Dunston (formerly Federation Park) for a Northern League Division 1 encoonta! (KO '7:30 bells')

West Auckland of course are former World Cup winners havin' beaten the great Juventus of Italy TWICE! to win the coverted silverware way back in history ower 100 years ago!

"THE BRIGHT LIGHTS OF DUNSTON!"

It wasn't  a canny neet for 'The Bad Blue Boys' though (Dunston play in aall blue!) az they lost 3-1 in the pourin' rain in front of 200 or so hardy souls!

TOON AALL STARS X1--1 v LIVERBIRDS AALL STARS X1--4

Posted '3:30 pm bells' Monday 10th October 2011

In a re-run of the classic 1996 4-3 game between Liverpool and The Toon at Anfield the two teams lined up again at Kingston Park for a charity match with 'King Kev' wor manager once more!

The Toon lost 4-1 with wor anly goal comin' from Steve Watson who latched onto an Alan Shearer through baall and he shot past veteran goalie Bruce 'handstand' Grobbelaar to give us the lead in the 7th minute.
The lead was short lived however and the 'Mickey Mousers' came back with two goals to lead at the half time break.

'Big Al' then missed a penalty for us on the hour mark, before two more goals from the visitors sealed the victory for them. 

Amongst those 'guestin' for The Toon were cricketer Steve Harmison, 'Run Geordie Run' 'runner' Mark Allison and fanzine editor and match organiser Steve Wraith who has printed some of mee archive stories in his 'Toon Talk' fanzine.
Attendance: a selloot 10,000! 

282 parc y scarlets llanelli

Here at last iz the 'mad-sad groundhopper match report' from wor resorve game at Llanelli in sooth Wales eleven days ago (the carrier pigeon got lost on the way back!)

(GROUND NUMBER 282)

DATE OF FIRST VISIT: 28^th SEPTEMBER 2011

PARC Y SCARLETS, LLANELLI, SOOTH WALES


 
SWANSEA CITY RESERVES 3

NEWCASTLE UNITED RESERVES 5 (Michael Richardson, Shane Ferguson, Dan Gosling,

Nile Ranger (pen), Gregg McDermott)


 
FA PREMIER RESERVE LEAGUE (NORTH?)

ATTENDANCE: 692 (30 or so Toon fans)


 


"YIH AZ MAD AZ A HATTER!"


 

News that wor resorve game against Swansea was DEFINITELY bein' played at the oddly named 'Parc Y Scarlets', Llanelli, had been conformed meant that we would visit wor second new resorve ground in the space of eight days, followin' wor visit to Chesterfield the previous Tuesday (see ground 281)


 
However!---it was not beyond the realms of possibility that it could have been moved to Swansea's *Liberty Stadium at the last minute (it HAS happened to us before) (*been there before---got the Tee shirt!)
An old mate called 'Dylan' who a'd forst started gannin' to the matches with in the 1960's had text iz the day before and asked if aa was gannin to the match?---Aa replied 'YES!' and he text back 'YIH AZ MAD AZ A HATTER!'

We had wor fingers (and toes!) crossed that it wouldn't be moved for whatever reason and set off @ '10:30 bells' for the 750 mile roond trip in 'The Batmobile' for a (new) sooth Wales ground! (That's 'Wales and NOT 'Australia'!) Three of us were gannin, namely---'The mad-sad groundhopper' (me!)', 'The Bear' and 'The Caped Crusader' who of course was drivin' 'The Batmobile'

Four other 'saddos' were aalso makin' the trip by train and we arranged to meet up at the nearest boozer to the ground as per usual





FERRYBRIDGE POWER STATION---THE CLOUD FACTORY!



We took the 'scenic route' via Wetherby racecourse, 'the cloud factory @ Ferrybridge power station, Trowell services on the 'M1' and past the distant slag heeps in the Welsh valleys, then onward to Llanelli and finally arrived at the retail park next to the new stadium nearly six hours after departure!

If THIS didn't prove that we were sad b******s then nothin' would!


  


 
"THE 'SADDOS' CAME IN TWO BY TWO!"

After parkin' up next to the stadium we heeded for the one and anly 'Beefeater' boozer which was a few hundred yards away for some much needed 'thirst quenchin' golden liquid!


 
Before lang 'train buffs' 'Dave from York' and his sidekick 'Alex of St George' sauntered through the door and 'Alex' said that they planned to gan back via the scenic 'through the Welsh valleys route' to Manchester as they'd never been on that line before and therefore they could cross that one off their list!. (It gets sadder and F*****' sadder folks!)

(Memo: Must do this when a'm 'truckin' roond the U.K. roads!---come to think of it? ---a'v neva drove on the 'B8011' 'Stornoway' to 'Uig' road through the Outer Hebredes before!---"Dear Diary!") (Er!---on second thoughts, perhaps NOT!)

'Glenn from Ashington' and his 'sidekick 'Byzy' then made their appearance and the 'seven saddos' entourage from the north east was complete!


 

It was soon 'match time' and so off we heeded in the direction of the ticket office to get some complimentary tickets which 'The Bear' had been promised (Swansea were chargin' a ridiculous TEN QUID? to get in so the complimentary's came in very handy to say the least!)

After bein' sent 'to and fro' between the ticket office and the main reception area coz nebody could find any tickets for us, we finally got wor hands on the prized pieces of paper just before the kick off and heeded for the main stand (the anly one open)

The new stadium which is used by Llanelli Scarlets rugby union team looked really smart and with a capacity of just under 15,000 it was more than enough to accommodate the estimated 600 or so who were housed in the main stand!

We took the lead in the 10^th minute when Michael Richardson tapped in an easy chance from five yards oot.

We then doubled wor lead in the 15^th minute when Shane Ferguson toe poked the baall past the Swans keeper.

It was 3-0 to us just 7 minutes after this when Dan Gosling picked up a loose pass to fire the baall home and it was 'game ower'!---whey!---not quite! as Swansea pulled one back before the break through Luke Moore after a terrible mix up in the Toon defence.

Then just as the ref was aboot to blow for half time Swansea's Steven Dobbie pulled another one back, with his shot wrang footin' Rob Elliot in the Toon goal.

Things then went from bad to worse just after the restart when Dobbie got his second with a shot off the post to unbelievably level the scores at 3-3!

We honestly thought that after this we would totally implode and lose the game but we were (thankfully!) wrang just one minute later as Nile Ranger went doon in the box 'like a sack of tatties' and the ref gave a penalty to us, with (justifiably!) strong protests from the home players!

Ranger took it himself and scored to restore wor lead in this 'see-saw' match!

The inevitable next goal came three minute later when Gregg McDermott became wor FIFTH scorer of the game when he tapped in from point blank range to put us 5-3 up to loud applause and relief from the 30 or so Toon fans present!

It wasn't ower yet though and the Welshmen nearly pulled another goal back in the last throws of the game, leavin' us bitin' wor finger nails and fearin' another comeback, until the ref put the whistle to his lips to blow for full time!

What a game!—but it was well worth it as we sped back through the Welsh valleys, arrivin' back yem at 2:45 am bells after clockin' up at total of 749.9 miles from whence we started! (accordin' to the 'Batmobiles trip meter!)


 
©Fink™ (the mad-sad grJundhJpper!)

EBBSFLEET UNITED 0 THE HEEDBANGERS 1

Posted '10:45 am bells' Sunday 9th October 2011

Gatesheed retorned to the top of The Confer-ence with a one-nil win away to Ebbsfleet @ Stonebridge Road in Northfleet, Kent yesterday afternoon.
The anly goal of the game was scored by defender Jeff Henderson who is on loan to 'The Heed' from 'The Toon' and his goal was a scrambled effort just before the half time break.
Attendance: 947

FORT WILLIAM LOCH NESS MONSTERS 0 TURRIFF UNITED 1-------THE SIX SICK SADDOS! ON TOUR!

Updated '9:35 pm bells' Saturday 8th October 2011

"THE PITCH LOOKS A BIT WAATERLOGGED---LIKE!"

Az there waz yet anotha blank weekend because of the international fixtures, six of the 'NUFC groundhoppers'  decided (against their better judgement!) to heed for 'Loch Ness Monster Country' in bonny Scotland instead and tek in a Highland 'Fling' League game @ Fort William of aall places! (NOT! ME! aa hasten to add!)

They  actually sponsored the match baall @ twenty five quid a heed and got free admission, plus food and DRINK! hoyed in with the price!

'The Mad Professor', (az the name suggests!)  organised it and he put on a 'posh' Geordie voice when he phoned their secretary to sponsor the baall!
He iz a keen moontaineer (he lives on a hill!) and  'climbed' Ben Nevis which owerlooks the groond before the match!

"AA THOUGHT 'BIG BEN' WAZ IN LONDON?"

The other saddos went up by cable car by the way! (lazy b******s!)
'The Geordie Times' makes no apologeee for namin' the 'Six Sick Saddos' who went for a lang wet weekend! (it's waz boond to rain up there!---and it DID!) 
They were!---'The Caped Crusader', 'Mal the Ingish Skoool Teecha', 'Big Al' (no!---not that one!), 'Sarnie Steve', 'Paul the Pensioner' and 'The Mad Professor' of course!

Rumour haz it that they intended to run on the pitch before the match between Fort William and Turriff United wearin' 'Loch Ness Monster' costumes as the annooncer named the match baall sponsors! (this didn't happen coz they were tooo p***ed!)

 'The Geordie Times carrier pigeon'  haz sent us this 'exclusive' match report from the game!

"Fort William lost one-nil to Turriff United in  a rain sodden match and remain bottom of the Highland 'Fling' League with NE! points after SEVEN games! (full stop!)

Attendance (which waz supplied by 'The Mad Professor' after hiz 'compulsary' waalk aroond the pitch and after consumin' many FREE 'alcoholic liquid refreshment beverages') ---132!, which included the Fort Williams officials, their youth team, two moontain goats, a 'yeti' and SIX 'mad-sad groundhoppers', dressed in 'Loch Ness Monster' costumes! (see above!)