THE AALL WHITES 3 THE ORANGEMEN 2

Updated '10:40 pm bells' Sunday 31st July 2011

Today we sampled the 'delights'? of West Yorkshire in wor '2 bells' kick off 'friendly'? against Leeds @ Elland Road where 'The Toon' had a 4,000 plus followin'.

Before the game we heeded to the rundoon district of Holbeck, not far from the groond for the 'customary' pre match 'liquids', but horror upon horror!--- the forst two 'drinkin dens' we came across near Pleasant Terrace werent so 'pleasant' as wor pictures show.

However!---just up the road from these two boarded up hostelries we foond 'sanctuary' next to 'Pleasant Place' (believe it or not?) in the shape of 'The Bulls Head' and we gained entry by knockin' on the back door (as it was before openin time!) and enterin' the bar to be greeted by a large black 'n' white dog barkin' loudly!

SANCTUARY AT LAST!---THORD TIME LUCKY!

After several 'tonsil ticklin' tonics' from the friendly bar staff, we said wor goodbyes to this 'pleasant place' (sic!) and made the qwaata of an hours jaunt to Elland Road for the '2 bells' kick off.

It didn't start off well for The Toon who were wearin' their change orange strip, when in the 4th minute Fraser Forster in the Toon goal fumbled badly and dropped the baall to the delight of Kosnorbo who had the easiest of chances to tap into the empty goal in front of the travellin' fans.

Half an hour later and we were back on level torms when Steve Taylor vollied home at The Gelderd End (aka: The Don Revie Stand)

Midway through the second period a Mike Williamson error let in Lloyd Sam for Leeds to toepoke home.

In the 76th minute we were back on track when Vuckic controlled a cross from Demba Ba and fired into the net.

However!--another blunder from Fraser Forster who misjudged a cross, let in Paynter who heeded in from point blank range to seal the win for Championship side.

Me thinx that Forster has played his last game for us!

Attendance: 20,457

To sum up!----Elland Road is definately NOT! one of mee fave groonds, as aa broke mee leg here 41 years ago, on Boxin' Day 1970 when a crash barrier collased and aa was 'carted off' to St James' Hospital in Leeds (would you believe!) and aa missed the match!
(a 3-0 defeat!)---But that's anotha 'disaster day' story for the 'archives'!

Next up for the forst team---Fiorentina @ St James' Park next Saturday in wor final pre season friendly! (memo: must do better!)

SPENNYMOOR TOON 2 THE TOON RESORVES 4

Posted '9:20 pm bells' Saturday 30th July 2011

NUMBER 9 NILE RANGER (in orange) 
BLASTS HIS PENALTY HOME TO PUT THE TOON
 2-1 UP @ THE BREWERY FIELD

The Toon resorves ran oot 4-2 winners in this 'bakin' heat' encoonta @ 'The Brewery Field' today!

After a few 'liquid refreshments' in the 'Salvin Arms' in doontoon Spennymoor, it was off to the groond just alang the road, for the final 'gargels' before kick off!

Things didn't start off well for 'The Orangemen' (wor change strip, coz 'Spenny' play in black 'n' white stripes like us!) and the home side took the lead in the 40th minute through Peacock.

We levelled things in the 8th minute of the 2nd half when Brad Inman tapped in from close range.

It was 2-1 to us  4 mins later when Ryan Donaldson was hacked doon in the box and Nile 'Lone' Ranger blasted the resultin' penalty into the back of the Spenny net!

An equaliser on the hour mark brung us back doon to orth---but! a 'jinky run' by wor penalty hero saw him gan past two defenders before slottin' the baall home for the best goal of the game!

Brad Inman then got his 2nd in injury time when he fired in from close range to silence the home fans and the 3 mackem striped saddos present!

Attendance: A very healthy 1,127 includin' the 3 SMB's mentioned, plus 2 'freebees' watchin' from their bedroom windows which owerlooked the halfway line! (at least 600 Toon fans by my estimate) 

ANYMORE FOR SPENNYMOOR?

Posted '10:40 am bells' Saturday 30th July 2011

The resorves are playin' @ the 'romantically named'? 'Brewery Field' groond, Spennymoor this afternoon @ '3 bells' and aa'll post a match report later on toneet when aa (eventually!) get back.
It's three quid to get in, if yih fancy gannin'

THE CREW 0 THE TOON 3

Posted '2:15 pm bells Wednesday 27th July 2011

The Toon finally came good in their USA tour with a great 3-0 win @ The Crew Stadium, Ohio against Columbus Crew.

Shola Ameobi 'copied' his brother 'Sammy' (see Almere report below) by scorin' a fine goal in the 9th minute by roundin' their keeper after a defensive mistake.
'Fab' Coloccini made it two when he fired in from ten yards oot and Harris Vidic wrapped things up with a great shot in injury time, in front of the joyous Toon fans at that end of the stadium.
Final score 3-0 to us!

Things are (hopefully!) lookin' up!

Attendance: 11,224 (quite a few Toon fans)

THE SHEEPHEADS 3 TOON XI 2

Posted '2:00 pm bells' Wednesday 27th July 2011

As aa
was
havin'
'ground withdrawal symptoms', aa decided that aa MUST! tek in at least ONE of wor pre season games in the 'second strings' tour of Holland and so alang with 'Mal the Inglish Skool Teecha' <(he told me how to spell it!) we heeded for Leeds/Bradford airport for a bucket price flight to Amsterdam

When we arrived at the groond which was half an hours train ride from 'Amsterdam Centraal' we were telt by 'Glennn from Ashington' (who'd 'groundhopped' to AALL of the Dutch games) that the game wasn't bein played there, as they had a plastic pitch and 'The Toon' refused to play on it!

This meant that the game had to be played on a grass trainin' pitch next to the groond on 'The Toons' insistance!

Aall that way to see a match on a f*****' trainin' pitch was devestatin' news to both me and Mal, but at least they hadn't caalled the game off aaltogether!
Brief match report below (full groundhoppers report to follow later on in the week!)

Veld 7, (Field 7!) Fanny Blankers Koen sports complex
(honest! aa havvent made it up!--see photo above!)
Almere City 3
Newcastle United XI 2 (Nile Ranger, Sammy Ameobi)

Friendly fixture
Attendance:280 estimated (40ish Toon fans) 

Things didn't start off well on 'Veld 7' as within a minute of the start the home side known as 'The Sheepheads' took the lead afta sloppy Toon defendin'
It got worse six mins later when Almere doubled their lead and we were now on the back foot.

Nile Ranger pulled one back at the otha end with a fine effort but it remained 2-1 to the hosts at half time.
'The Sheepheads' restored their two goal advantage midway through the second half when Joey Barton fouled one of their forwards in the box and the home side convorted a penalty through Meulens

Sammy Ameobi reduced the arrears with a tap in near the end but we couldn't get another, although Ranger came close in the final minute to levellin' the game!

This was mee 280th groond watchin' The Toon and as coincidence would have it, there were 280 spectators present (aye! we coonted them!)

Like aa say!---full mad-sad (and 'sick'!)groundhoppers report to follow (much) later!

FARCE IN FLORIDA***ORLANDO 1 THE TOON 0

Posted '7:15 am bells' Sunday 24th July 2011

"I'm a canny cetre forward---like!"

This match in 'The State of Disneyland' @ '1:30 bells' this mornin' had to be played on a plastic pitch due to the grass one, (which had hastily been laid on the top ), comin' up 'like a loose carpet', which then had to be removed before the match could take place for fear of yet more injuries to key players!

We had precisely ne chances in the forst half and then Orlando, who play in the lower leagues of America, struck in the 76th minute of the second half when Kevin Molino fired home to win the 'drastic plastic' game 1-0. 
We could have done with a 'Mickey Mouser' apparently, (Scouser, Joey Barton, perhaps?) as we were totally inafective again up front!
USA tour so far: Played two, won none, scored none! 

Attendance:10,889 (in a 70,000 seater stadium!)


Better news from Holland though, where a Toon XI beat an Utrecht XI 3-2 on their trainin' pitch after bein' 2-0 doon at one stage.
Joey Barton , Michael Richardson and Ryan Donaldson were wor goalscorers

(more to follow later when aa finish work!)

WE'RE NOT FERRY GOOD!

Posted '10:45 am bells' Friday 22nd July 2011

HOLLANDIA 2  TOON XI  2 (Joey Barton, Ryan Donaldson)
Attendance: not known, but aa naa of at least one 'Toonhopper' who would have been there!

The Toon's second string, boosted by the appearances of  Joey Barton, Yohan Cabaye, plus several others with forst team experience could anly draa with the Dutch amateurs in the smaall toon of Hoorn last neet.

Joey Barton opened the scorin' in the 16th minute but the Dutchmen then struck twice to lead 2-1 at half time.
Barton then missed a penalty which hit the post 10 mins into the 2nd half, but wor embarrassment was saved by Ryan Donaldson who equalised for us with just 10 mins left on the clock.

Amazingly! the team were forced to 'slum it' on a SIXTEEN HOUR! ferry jorney from North Shields instead of a ONE hour flight from Toon airport!

This is reminiscent of a forst team tour to Sweden in the late 1980's, when players had to endure a torturous FORTY HOURS! plus ferry ride in rough seas to Scandinavia.
Some of the players, includin' Brazilian star Mirandinha were SO p****d off, that they actually paid for their AAN! air fares home, rather than come back on the ferry!
Twenty odd years on---and nothin' changes!

SPORTING KANSAS CITY 0 THE TOON 0

Posted '7:00 am bells' Thorsday 21st July 2011

The Toon drew nowts each with Kansas  in the (very) orly hours of this mornin' @ Livestrong Sporting Park in the swelterin' heat in their forst game of their USA tour.

Dan Gosling went off in the 15th minute with a facial injury and more worryin', Ben Arfa was stretchered of on the half hour mark with a leg injury!
Demba Ba made a quiet debut in front of 16,131 fans includin' aboot 9 or 10 Toonhoppers who'd  travelled from England. (but not me a'm afraid------As mentioned, (see article below) aa was unable to travel to The States this time (aa was there on wor last visit in 2000) and was fast asleep in bed back home when the match was on!) "ZZZZZzzzzz!"

BERWICK RANGERS ANSWER!

Posted '8:00 pm bells' Tuesday 19th July 2011

Answer to 'The Geordie Times 'quiz

Wot is unique aboot Berwick Rangers badge?

Answer: Berwick are the anly club to have a Scottish lion and an English lion in their club badge!

FOR A FEW (THOOSAND!) DOLLARS MORE!

Posted '9:45 bells' Tuesday 19th July 2011

Like Joey Barton, Nile Ranger and Yohan Cabaye, I winnit be gannin to 'The States' for wor pre season tour tomorrow, due to work commitments and financial considerations <(I'm NOT! in the 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire', league!) and aa simply cannit afford to tek ten days off graft to gan.

I worked it oot that if me and wor lass went, it would cost us £2,000 each for hotels and the (possible) ten flight 'nightmare' (I divvint like flyin'!) and with spendin' money and lost wages added on, yi taalkin aboot a £5,000 outlay at least! (That's roughleee EIGHT THOOSAND DOLLARS! ($8,000!) to wor American friends!

However!--- if anybody is willin' to lend/give! me the 'bit', we could catch a flight to Kansas tomorrow in time for the forst match! (any offers???)----(the silence iz 'deafenin'!!!)

But fear not!-- I do have contingency plans in place to 'slum it' and gan to at least ONE of the resorves pre season games on their tour of Holland and so get at least one new groond under mee belt! (the tour was annoonced just last week, givin' us virtually ne time to organise things!)

It's ironic to say the least that the Toonhoppers who ARE gannin' to the USA (seven, that aa naa of!) will miss the games in Holland as they are bein' played in the same time period!

Aa meen!--yi cannit be in two places at the same time!---can yi!!!???