(GROUND NUMBER 270)
TALLAGHT
STADIUM, (ne where near!) DUBLIN , REPUBLIC OF IRELAND
SHAMROCK ROVERS Reserves/Trialists/Asylum Seekers 0
FRIENDLY FIXTURE
Attendance: 5,200 (+ 33 watchin’ from the hotel
balcony(eees!) ower the road)
( 1,500 Toon fans) (1,000 in orange plastic
macs!) (the rest of us just got wet!)
“FIRST THERE IS A MOUNTAIN!”
“THEN THERE IS NO MOUNTAIN!!?”
“THEN THERE IS!!!??”
This was wor forst game after the ignominy of relegation from the
Premier League at Villa Park just seven short weeks beforehand and meesel ,‘The
Caped Crusader’, Mal and ‘Big Al’ (no!—not
that
one!) had flown ‘ower the waater’ to the
emerald isle for this one.
It was much cheaper to fly and stay in Belfast
so that’s wot we did as the flight to Dublin Belfast to Dublin on the day of the match and arrived in good
time for the morning session before heedin’ for the groond which was in the far
south of Dublin
Fish and chips were on the menu at a very reasonable FOURTEEN euros so
aa decided to ‘starve meesel to death’ instead and ‘feed meesel’ with a few pints
of ‘Magners’! (at a very reasonable SIX euros a bottle!)
Soon it was time to heed for the game and let the tram take the strain
to Tallaght in ‘the sticks’ of Dublin,
but at an average speed of 5mph it was gannih tek a very lang time, as there
were aboot 20 stops to get there. Amongst the stations on route we past
‘Fatima’ and ‘Red Cow’ (aa did’nt realize that fat mackem lasses lived here?)
Aa’m not sayin’ the tram was slow but it was that slow it would have
been quicker waalkin’ it! and some 45 mins after leavin’ the city centre we
finally arrived at Tallaght which torned oot to be in the middle of ne where!
The anly place to get a ‘gargel’ near the groond was at the hotel ower
the road from the main stand aand as yi’d expect it was chocker with Shamrock
and Toon fans (plus a few hotel guests!)
“A TALE OF THREE TEAMS!-TWO PYRAMIDS!-AND ONE ASYLUM SEEKER!”
Our ‘home’ for this game was a glorified ‘roofless’ ‘golf stand’ which
looked like it had been hurriedly erected behind the goal for the game as a big
crowd was expected. It looked ready to collapse at anytime as more and more
fans piled into the former farmers field which had opened orlier on in the
year. Behind this was a rather strange pyramid shaped building (see photo!)
which looked remarkableee like the one at Luxor
in Egypt
the Dublin
Orange plastic macs had been handed to us ‘just in case’ it p****d doon
and we were’nt to be ‘disappointed’! (read on!)
The main stand to wor reet did had a roof which pointed
skywards and it held aboot 4,000 or so,
mostly Shamrock fans with a few Toon fans scattered amongst them
The yet to be finished stand to wor left was still under construction
and was cordoned off to all but baall boys and the far end behind the other
goal had ne terracin at aall with just a sprinklin’ of spectators huddled
behind a brick waall. The Dublin
Moontains towered ower this end of the groond
in the distance, givin’ that end a very ‘scenic look’ indeed.
The anly problem was that there were huge grey clouds above the mountain
peaks and they were heedin’ wor way!
The game kicked off and the Toon kicked towards ‘The Massive Moontain
End’ (it just had to be!) but it torned oot to be an ‘up-hill’ struggle (sic!)
as we failed to dent the Rovers defence despite the fact that their team was
full of reserves and trialists as they’d played a League of Ireland game the
neet before and had rested their forst team squad for this ‘prestigious’? game!
(That very fact shows just how far
the ‘Mighty Mags’ had fallen!)
A very forgettable forst half predictably ended goalless and to
compensate for this caretaker manager Chris Hughton sent a totally different
Toon X1 on for the start of the second period in hope of a better performance.
(It was SO forgettable that ‘Big Al’ who was sittin’ beside me had actually
nodded off on several occasions!)
“THE GEORDIE ORANGE PARADE!”
The grey clouds above the moontains suddenly torned black and the bad
news was that they were heedin’ wor way!
Aa pointed this oot to ‘Big Al’ who had awoken from his slumbers by this
time, but he telt me that he could’nt even see the far goal---neva mind the
moontains as he’d forgot to bring his specs with him and was as blind as a bat
withoot them!
And then the heavens opened as the players ran oot for the restart and
even aa could’nt see the moontains now as the thick clouds that enveloped
them. This resulted in aboot half the
Toon contingent franticly pullin’ their orange plastic macs on and hears me
thinkin’ that the twelth of July orange parades were’nt on til the next day!
This actually did the trick as within 5 mins of the restart Steven Taylor rifled a shot past the Shamrock
keeper from close range at ‘The Luxor Pyramid End’! (yi just knew it----did’nt
yih?) where of course the drenched Toon fans were standin’/sittin’
Not lang after this Shamrock asylum seeker Pavol Jurco hit the post
with an open goal in front of him after Tim Krul in the Newcastle goal had
missed the baall aaltogether (YES!---it’s hard to believe isn’t it?--- but such
was the ‘quality’ of the opposition that they even had f*****’ refugees in
their team!)
We doubled wor lead with 8 mins left on the clock when Guthrie picked
oot Shola Ameobi who’s deflected shot sent
the keeper the wrang way.
The scorin’ was complete in the last seconds of the game when another
Shola effort was blocked by the Shamrock keeper and ’super sub’* Nile Ranger
had the simple task of sidefootin’ the baall into an empty net to complete the
‘pyramid’ effect! (that’s THREE goals to ye and me!)
(*Ranger started the 2nd half---was substituted----and then
came back on again!)
A few gargles in the hotel to ‘celebrate’ wor win was followed by
another torturous tram jorney back to the centre of Dublin
where we caught the train back to Belfast
As we were wanderin’ aimlessly aboot lookin’ for some ale hooses we
came across what looked like another ‘pyramid’ in the distance, but on closer
inspection it torned oot to be a huge bonfire in readiness for the 12th
July celebrations for the next day
The bonfire was at least 60feet high, built with thoosands of wooden
pallets in a pyramid shape (just like the one at Tallaght!) with various Sinn
Fein MP photos and tricolour flags adornin’ the stack. Pride of place went to
Gerry Adams and Martin McGuiness whose photos adorned various sections of the
bonfire! (who says ‘the troubles’ are
ower?)
the Belfast
Next mornin’ we got a taxi to George Best airport from the hotel for
wor flight back yem and curiosity got the better of me and aa asked the taxi
driver just where they’d got aall the pallets for the bonfire from, that we’d
seen the neet before!?
In a thick Irish accent and obviously a protestant, he telt us that six
months before the Orange
“But wot happens if they
still refuse to give them any pallets?”, aa asked him with baited
breath
“They
don’t!------they’d end up gettin’ knee capped or their businesess torched!” , he replied,
addin’ that the photos are nicked from lamp posts durin’ the election
campaigns!
“There’s
even a photo of a UDA minister on the bonfires as well, coz he fiddled his
expenses!”
he added with anger in his voice! (would’nt like to be in his shoes!)
He dropped us off and soon we were back from the ‘madness’ of Belfast
to the ‘sanity’ of ‘The Newcastle Arms’ for a few more liquid refreshment
before catchin’ the bus yem-------and as it torned oot---wor one and anly
‘European adventure’ was ower for another season at least! (although we did’nt
know that at the time as wor planned friendly at Utrect in Holland
©Fink (the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper™)
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