Friday 10 December 2010

078 ferens park durham

Date of First Visit: 15th AUGUST 1986

NEWCASTLE UNITED 8 (Allon (2), Davies, Bogie, McDonald (pen), Anderson, Whitehurst, McCreery)

ATTENDANCE 1,000 (700 Toon fans)
(Kick Off 6:30pm!)(NOT! 7:30!)


"Is there anybody there!?"

Whatever yi de----Aalways!---aalways!---aalways!---double check what time the kick off is when yih gan to a f*****' friendly match tih watch the Toon!.
That's exactly what wih DIDN'T DE! on this trip tih Durham's old Ferens Park groond.
The 'Ronny Gill' had published the kick off time as 'seven thirty bells' the neet before so we made plans to arrive there at the dezzignated time
After a few 'liquid refreshments' in 'The Spit and Vomit' opposite 'The Central' (er!---that's! 'The Vic and Comet' by the way!) wih caught the '6 'o' clock bells' train tih Durham and arrived at aboot 6:20 bells, in plenty of time for the kick off.

The groond wasn't far from the city centre--so! (az yih de!) wih had a couple of more 'gargels' on the way in the cathedral area . By the time we arrived at the groond which was reet next tih the river *wear and the ice rink where the famous Durham Wasps ici hockey team played, we could see that the approaches to the groond were deserted, which was very strange, considerin' a 'healthy' attendance was forecast as 'The Toon' were sendin' a strong team for this friendly fixture
(* Folk singer Roger Whittaker once did a crap song many moons ago caalled: 'I'm Gonna Leave old Durham Town'. One of the verses went like this: "Standing on the banks of the river TYNE—watching all the ships going down the line!"------DEFINATLEEE 'NOT!'-Roger!) (total C**P!--mate!)

It was 'seven bells' by this time and we could hear people shoutin' inside, az though there was a match gannin on aalready?.
But!--it COULDN'T possibly have started aallready?---could it??. (the deserted streets gave me a little clue!)

Az soon az wih got ootside the groond mee worst fears were realized as aa could see a baall bein' hoofed into the air as aa peared through the open tornstile, desperately fumblin' in mee 'sky rocket' for the dosh to get in. The match WAS definateleee in full flow, so ah asked the gadgy operatin' the tornstile if the game had just kicked off.
"NO!--NO!", came the reply az he looked at his watch. "It kicked off half an hour ago!". (ah meen---they could'iv waited till wih got there!—like!)

"What's the score pal?", ah asked him nervously, hopin' that ah had'nt missed owt.
"It's three nil to Newcastle!", came the reply.
SH**!---aa could'nt believe it---apparently the game kick off orly so they wouldn't have tih put the floodlights on---BUT NEEBODY TELT US!. (F*****' tight BAS*****!)

However!---ah DID see the next goal scored just before the break by Ian 'Bogie Man' Bogie, BUT missed the next one after the restart az a was taalkin' tih somebody!.
A converted penalty by Neil McDonald made it 6-0 (ah managed tih see THAT ONE iz well!)--but!--(yee've guessed it!) ah missed the next one coz mee 'mincers' were distracted by a sumptuous young blonde lassie in a mini-skort and leather boots who was waalkin' past!.

There were nee 'distractions' however for the eighth and final goal with Davy McCreery (ah think?) slottin' the baall home tih complete the rout. (Shi'd gone by then!) (unfortunatleee!)

After the match we heeded for the many 'drinkin' dens' next to 'that river' for a  canny few more 'liquid lubrications' to celebrate wor huge win, before catchin' the last train yem! (we DID have plenty of drinkin' time left, after aall!, as (of course!) the match
finished orly at qwaata past eight!)

Er!"— "aa can feel a song comin' on!"

♫"A'm gonna leave old Durham Town---a'm gonna leave old Durham Town!"
"Standin' on the banks of the river wear---drinkin' aall the pubs dry of their beer!"


Oot of the eight goals scored by the Toon a'd actually saw THREE of them!.

MUST! remember tih double check the kick off times in the future!.

Ferens Park has long since been demolished and the site is nuw a posh hoosin' estate of the same name

©Fink™ (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

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