THE TOON 0 NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted '4:17pm bells' Sunday 20th September 2020

Updated Munday from '10:35am bells'

"HORROR SHOW AT SJP!"----"NORMAL SORVICE RESUMED!"

Just ONE line 'max' on wor attakin' performance!

NEE shots on target = 'NEE goals'!

UPSTAIRS IN ROSIES AZ THE GAME KICKS OFF!

Wot can we say aboot thiz abysmal performance?

Not much reeely, az Brightin were streets aheed of us in tactics and knowhow!

It took them just 3 minutes to open the scorin, when Saint-Maximin needlessly fouled Lamptey in the box to give an orly spot kick at The Gallowgate End!

Maupay made nee misstayk az he hammered the baall into the centre of the goal with Darlow in The Toon goal gannin the wrang way and unable to stop it!

It woz soon 2-0 to wor visitors from the sooth coast, when Maupay scored hiz second goal after just SEVEN minutes on the clock, when he clipped the baall into the far corner of the net!

A lang VAR check said he WASN'T offside and so the goal stood!

The mood in Rosies Bar near to SJP woz one of dispair, az despite aall 4 new players on show, it woz 'Normal sorvice resumed' from last season!

With nee shots on target az we attacked The Leazes End, it woz on the cards that the 3 points would be heedin sooth!

By half time we still hadn't had a clear shot on goal--truely shockin'!

A RARE TOON ATTACK ON THE LEAZES GOAL!

The second period woz nee better az *'Nee Where Near' Brightin went for the jugular, hittin the woodwork twice before put the final nail in wor coffin in the 83rd minute, when Connolly beat Lascelles to the baall to hit hiz shot into the corner of the goal!

The anly notable effort we had on goal iz when Wilson heeded wide from an unmarked position inside the penalty area----and that woz it!

Just when it looked that we would avoid a relegation battle with wor fine 2-0 win at West Ham last week, then we are brought back doon to orth, with the reality, that we ARE! 

 

*PS: We say 'Nee Where Near Brightin', az their groond iz miles away in the countryside!

THE TOON V NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN *** THIS AFTERNOOON AT SJP (BCD)

 Posted '10:25am bells' Sunday 20th September 2020

The Toon play wor forst home game of the new season v Brightin in a '2:00 bells kick off!

We are gannin to Rosie's Bar near St. James' Park to watch it and hopefully we will repeat the great performance at West Ham last week, where we won 2-0

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime tomorrow---Az well az a report from the Dunston v Marine game, which we attended yesterday (Dunston won 2-1) (I intended to dee Dunston's match report today, but unfortunately I havvint got time az the boozers are open soon!)

Az per usual "Watch this space!"---tomorrow!

'BAD BLUE BOYS' V 'THE SUB MARINERS' OF MARINE *** NORTHERN PREMIER LEEGUE NORTH WEST DIVISION

 Posted '10:31am bells' Saturday 19th September 2020

Az The Toon arnt playin til tomorrow afternooon (on the telly), we are off to see 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston play 'The Sub Mariners' of Marine, who hail from Crosby in Liverpoool!  And of course their home shirts include the colour yellow!

This is the first game of the leegue season and a canny crowd iz expected.  400 maximum, but its pay at the gate (£7 big kids and £4 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!)and the attendance will probably be aroond aboot the 300 mark!  The game kicks off at '3:00 bells' at the UTS Stadium in Dunston (aka Federation Park)

A full Geordie Times match report on the game will appear here, eethaa later tooneet or orlyish on Sunday!

"NOW WE CAN'T EVEN WATCH THE MATCH TOGETHER ON THE TELLY NOW!" Update: "OH YES WE CAN!"

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Friday 18th September 2020

EVEN THE MOVIN' HEADS HAVE GOT TO 'SOCIALY DISTANCE' AND 

WEAR FACE MASKS IN 'ROSIES BAR'!

With the new restrictions in the north eest affectin' 2 million people, we can't even meet friends in a pub nuw, to watch Toon games together!  

Aa booked at table for 6 upstairs in 'Rosies Bar' near SJP for wor home game v Brightin on Sunday---BUT!---today a'v had 2 phone caalls off mates to say that because we can't sit together, they arn't comin' now!

This will be devastatin news for AALL 'liquid lubrication locations' (pubs!), az they will be forced to torn a group of 6 friends away, for fear of a spot check, and ultimate closure!

I am gannin into 'Rosies' later today (On mee own!) to find oot exactly wot the situation iz, but I fear that they will tell me that anly ONE of us will be allowed in, az we are not related or live in the same hoosehold!

That's one person drinkin up to 6 pints durin the match, instead of 36 pints between us!

It will surely finish off many of the pubs that HAVE reopened since restrictions were lifted and sadly 2 historic pubs, 'The Crown Posada' near the Quayside (The Toons oldest pub, opened in the 1700s!) and 'The Star' on Westgate Road, will be closed for good! (so we hear!)

I will let yoo naa just wot they tell me in 'Rosies' when aa gan for me normal 'liquid lubrications'!

Az per usual, "Watch this space!" for forthaa news! 

Updated '3:10pm bells'

Just hord, aall the bar staff in Fitzys, The Bacchus and not surprisingly, The Crown Pasada have been made redundant! (Aall city centre boozers!)

Updated '4:55pm bells'

Accordin to manageress of Rosie's there are NO restrictions on 6 friends meeting for match in bar!

Sign on door of Rosies

It's not law!

LEEGUE CUP 4th ROOND DRAW *** TOOONEET!

 Posted '8:13pm bells' Thorsday 17th September 2020

The Leegue Cup 4th roond draw will be made tooneet!---even before the 3rd roond haz been played!

So far the draw haz been very kind to us!

With the 2nd, 3rd AND 4th roonds behind closed doors, we are dreadin bein drawn away to a team we had never been tee, and thus spoil wor 100% record on new groonds visited followin The Toon in the 1980s, the 1990s and this century! 

In the 2nd roond we beat Bleakburn Rovers at SJP on Tuesday---and  we will be away to Morecambe  in the 3rd roond next Wedinzday---a groond 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been tee before!

Brentfaad's new groond, Fleetwood, Northampton and Newport are the 4 teams to avoid in the 4th roond draw, az we've never visited their abodes and know that we won't be allowed in!

NUFC/Morecambe are baall number 3 in the draw, live on SKY Sports after the Brightin/Portsmoooth game

Watch this space in a couple of hours to see if we've avoided the above teams!🙏

Updated '10:10pm bells'

OH NO! ITS EETHAA NEWPORT COONTY or Wotfaad away IF we beat Morecambe!

MR GRIMSDALE TO THE RESCUE?

Posted '4:35am bells' Thorzday 17th September 2020

"NO! NOT MR GRIMSDALE OFF THE NORMAN WISDOM FILM!"

"WE MEEN MR GRIMSTONE THE GOVERNMENT MINISTER!"

"YET MORE TAKEOWER TALK TALES!"

With wor beleagered owner engagin' a top London law firm to fight the Premyaa Leegue, we hear of anothaa 'twist' in the tale!

News that a government minister caalled Mr Grimstone, iz to intervene in the protracted takeower talks, to try and find a solution for NUFC and to finally get the 'green light' in this never endin saga!🚦

He haz been engaged by the consortium (so we beleeeve!) to try and sort the sorry mess oot!

Just who ultimatly owns the PIF iz top of the agenda and he will discuss this with The Premyaa Leegue!

Changin the structure of the consortium iz one solution on the table and we can anly hope (and pray!🙏) that we will finally--finally! be rid of 'The Fat Controller' for ever!

Az per usual "watch this space!" IF yoo can stay awake lang enough!  😴

THE TOON 1 V BLEAKBURN ROVERS 0 FULL TIME *** LEEGUE CUP 2ND ROOND *** AZ IT HAPPENS!

 Posted from '7:15pm bells' onwards Tuesday 15th September 2020

"HAZ IT REEELY COME TO THIS!?"

Aa never thought aa would see the day when aa watched an NUFC home game on mee laptop!

But as this iz the anly way to watch wor game v Bleakburn, aa coughed up the ten quid to watch the live stream!

It's ironic to say the least that az aa look oot of mee hoose window aa can see the bright glow of the St.James' Park, in the darkness, barely a mile away, as the drunken magpie fly's! (See photos below)

10 changes from West Ham game!

*Updates and pix az the game progresses! (Scroll doon page for updates!)

1st minute 0-0

10th minute: Crap game so far! Nee shots on target by eethaa team yet!

Halfway point of forst half

Bleakburn the better team

Still nee shots on target!😴

GOAL! RYAN FRAZER FROM A THROUGH PASS BY ALMIRON IN THE 35TH MINUTE! (below)

HT 1-0 to NUFC

The glow of the floodlights from wor hoose at half time!

63rd minute  still 1-0 to The Toon

Bloody picture keeps freeezin'!

(Aa want mee money back!)

68th minute: weak shot on target by Joelinton

Forst shot by 'us' this half!

Followed by an offside Joelinton goal!

85th minute  still 1-0

Terrible game to watch!

We held on to gan into the 3rd roond where we will play Morecambe away!

Just 2 shots on target from us!

Very lucky!

 

IT AINT OVER TIL 'THE FAT CONTROLLER' SINGS!

 Posted '8:00am bells' Tuesday 15th September 2020

THE TOON V THE PREMYAA LEEGUE***COMIN' SOON!

News reaches The Geordie Times that wor 'beloved'? owner 'The Fat Controller' haz employed the top legal team Blackstone Chambers from London to fight the Premyaa Leegue ower the failed takeower by the PIF consortium!

And for once Toon fans are 100% behind him and are singin' from the same hymn sheet!

Things are getting  serious now and if anybody thought that this takeower woz 'dead in the waataa', then 'fink' again!

So, fear not!  We will keep yoo posted of any developments forthwith!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

PS: Wor Leegue Cup tie v Bleakburn Rovers tooneet at '7:30 bells' can be bought on a live stream for £10 from 

https://carabaocup.live/

A Geordie Times match report on the game will appear here IF we can manage to get the live stream?        

NORTH SHEEELDZ ATHLETIC 0 CULLERCOATS 4 *** NORTHERN ALLIANCE PREMYAA DIVISION

 Posted '8:00am bells' Munday 14th September 2020

"NORTH SHEEELDZ SAIL CLOSE TO THE WIND!"

"AZ CULLERCOATS APPLY A GLOSS FINISH!"

 Wor forst choice of games to gan tee woz of course NUFC away to 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham in eest London!

Of course that game woz behind closed doors and so we couldn't gan!

Choice number 2 woz to gan and watch Whitley Bay play 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston in the FA Cup, but 2 Dunston players went doon with the virus and so they had to cancel the game!

And so to choice number 3, which woz Porcy Main Amataaz v Blue Star, but unbelievibleee a Blue Star player aalso tested positive for 'the bat out of hell' virus!!! and that game woz cancelled az well!!! 

(Am I a JINX?)

Just alang the road from Porcy Main, North Sheeeldz Athletic were playin Cullercoats in 'the coast derby' and the game woz definitely ON!   (Thank god!) 4th time lucky!?

We met up at North Sheeeldz Metro station (Me, Big Al, Tex Taylor and Gary, who lives nearby)

A 'mini pub crawl' woz in the offing in boozers on the way to the groond! Forst 'port o call' woz 'The Pub & Kitchen', which iz run by a lad caalled Mick and who we naa from Toon games!

He insisted on gettin us the first roond of drinks 'on the house', which woz very nice of him! "Cheers Mick!"

It woz then 'onward' towards the groond alang Preston Road, but not before another 'port o call' at The Spread Eagle!

Kick off had now come and gone az we rushed towards the pitch, which iz inside the groonds of John Spence High School !

We'd missed 15 minutes of the game and aa asked an old gadgy if there woz any score!

"One-nil to them!", he replied

"But which team?" I said, and he replied, "The team North Sheeeldz are playin'!"

It turned oot that he'd come to see his grandson, who woz playin for Sheeeldz, but didn't have a clue just who they were playin'!

"Cullercoats!", I told him, as we took wor places on a grass bank beside the pitch!

It woz dead windy and Cullercoats ,who played in black n white quartered shirts, had the wind behind them!

This proved to be decisive as they doubled their lead with a wind assisted pile driver from one of their forwards, which gave the Sheeeldz keeper 'nee chance'!

It woz soon 3-0 to the visitors from alang the coast when the Sheeldz keeper made a fine save from another wind assisted shot, anly for a Cullercoats player to heed into the net from the rebound!

The half time whistle blew and we heeded for the nearest ,'tool-shed' for a 'gypsies kiss' to get rid of the excess alcohol!

And an added 'bonus' woz aboot to greet us az we entered the buildin'---for there woz a BAR complete with beer pumps, which we didnt expect inside some school groonds!

AN OASIS IN THE DESERT!

Pints were quickly ordered, but the other 3 decided to stay put for the duration and MISS the 2nd half!

I woz having non of it and quickly downed mee pint of John Smith's a returned to the game which had restarted!

The wind had died doon, which didnt help Sheeeldz and before lang a penalty woz awarded to Cullercoats for some unknown reason?

Their number 9 took it (aa fink?) and sent the keeper the wrang way to put them 4-0 up

A 'whitewash' for 'Culler'coats (sic!)

                                                            CULLERCOATS PENALTY

It woz then back to the bar for another 'liquid lubrication' before eventually heedin back to the centre of Sheeeldz (via The Gunner)

to catch the Metro to 4 Lane Ends (Benton) where we watched The Toons 2-0 win at West Ham in The Black Bull, to complete a canny day oot!

Official Geordie Times attendance: 61 (Aye, aa counted them--and 'me'!)

*

THE JELLIED EELS MOB 0 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted '10:25am bells' Sunday 13th September 2020

CALLUM WILSON GOAL!---VIEW FROM TABLE 16!

A great start to the season and a superb 3 points!

We watched the match in The Black Bull in Benton after we'd been to Sheeeldz to watch North Sheeeldz Athletic lose 4-0 to Cullercoats in The Northern Alliance (match report on that game later!)

We'd tried to get into The Benton Ale hoose forst, but they were full and so made a mad dash alang the road to 'The Bull' and thankfully there woz room inside!

We played well in the opening period az the new players gelled aalmost immediately, and we shud have been ahead at the break, but missed several chances to open the scorin'!

Very encouraging!

And then the breakthrough 9 minutes into the 2nd period when new £20 million striker Callum Wilson scored a classic poachers goal when he toe poked the baall into the net, just beatin' their keeper to baall to send the 100 or so Toon fans in the bar wild with delight!

We were well on top and went for the jugular as West Ham struggled to contain wor attacking prowess!

The icing on the cake came with just 3 minutes left on the clock when another new debutant Jeff Hendrick hit a screeeemer from just inside the box, which gave the home keeper 'nee chance'!

JEFF HENDRICK'S SCREEEEMER!

The win and clean sheet meant that we are 2nd in the table behind The Arse and above The Liverbirds---for the time bein' at least!

Happy days!---after the farce of the takeower!

'OFFICIAL' ATTENDANCE IN THE BLACK BULL: 100