THE TOON 1 SPORZ 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:36am bells' Sunday 12th August 2018

A TOON FAN HOLDS HIZ HEED IN FRUSTRATION 

AZ A CHANCE GANS 'A BEGGIN' AT THE GALLOWGATE END!

"WOOD' YOO BELEEEEVE IT!"

Non of wor new recruits started this game with Joselu and Perez leadin the line!

It didnt take lang for the forst goal when Sporz took the lead in the 8th minute, when Vertonghen heeded against the bar and onto the goal line at The Gallowgate End!
The ref looked at hiz watch and confirmed that the baall HAD crossed the line and the goal woz given!

It didnt tek lang to find an equaliser thought, when Joselu met a Matt Richie right wing cross and glanced a heeder home at The Leazes End, to send the Toon fans wild, just 3 minutes later!

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

The buzz aroond the groond didnt last lang though az Sporz retook the lead in the 18th minute when an unmarked Deli Alli had a free heeder from close in to give Debravka in The Toon goal nee chance!

We had chances in the 2nd half to equalise again, but the woodwork at The Gallowgate End denied us, when, forst, Diame rattled the left hand post with a pile-driver and thenwor new number 9 Rondon (who had come on midway throught the 2nd half) smashed a shot against the crossbar, but the baall boonced off it in the 85th minute!
In between this Kenedy, who woz clean through unexplicably ' fluffed hiz lines' and woz denied by Lloris in the Sporz goal!
(Muto made hiz debut in the 80th minute, comin' on for Perez)

The same outcome az last season's opener (0-2) but at least we scored this time!

A disappointin' result, but we were very unlucky with the 2 efforts that hit the woodwork! ( but didnt gan in!)

MORE FRUSTRATION AZ WOR NEW NUMBER 9 HAMMERS THE TURF 

JUST AFTER HIZ STUNNIN' SHOT HITS THE BAR! 
RAFA, MEEENWHILE, TELLS US TO FOCUS ON FUTBAALL!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Clark, Lascelles, Diame, Shelvey, Ritchie (Atsu 69), Joselu (Rondon 69), Perez (Muto 80), Kenedy

Attendance: 51,749 (NOT includin' 'The Fat Controller', who haz been missin' from the directors box for 461 days! 
(3,000 Sporz fans)

*PS: Chants against wor absent owner, to, "Get out of our club!" were in vain yet again!---he woz probably in Barbados or somewhere like that!

THE TOON v SPORZ *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:15pmbells' Friday 10th August 2018

We played Sporz on the 1st day of last season az well--NUFC lost 2-0!

Tomorrow dinnaatime we take on a Sporz side who we 'fink' will be depleated by the absence of their players retornin' from The World Cup!

NUFC have 7 new additions to the side and we can anly hope that Rondon and Co. can 'de the business' for us!

It could be much much better if we had spent some serious money, but we MUST get behind Rafa and the team once again and NOT concentrate on slaggin' off wor very unpopular owner----who wont be there anyway----(although he IZ a Sporz fan!)

It wont be an easy season--for sure (once again!) but lets hope that the signings we HAVE made can help us to a mid table position by the end of the season!  (We reckon that we ARE in anothaa relegation battle, BUT can finish between 10th and 15th---the best we can hope for under the circumstances!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Sunday

"BROKEN PROMISES!---BROKEN DREAMS!"---BROKEN HEARTS!"

Posted '2:00pm bells' Friday 10th August 2018

So wor total spend in the transfor window woz £20 MILLION LESS than outgannin transfors!

Promises that Rafa would be given "every penny generated" rings very hollow!
Wor dreams of competin' with the best are broken yet again!
Promises made that wor absent owner wont leave til we win a major trophy are laughable, az we havvint got past January in any Leegue Cup or FA Cup competition in the 11 years he haz been here!
And az for winnin the Premyaa Leegue?---we 750 to 1 to win it this season! (Get your bets on now!)

Lesser clubs like Bournemoooth, Cristil Palis, Fulim, 'uddersfeeeld, Sooothampton, and Wotfaad have aall now got transfor records that are higher than NUFC's!

We gan into the new season tomorrow v Sporz, with Rafa and the fans yet again 'deflated' by the penny pinchin attitude that haz prevailed since 'The Fat Controller' took control in 2007

Rafa looks less than happy

on SKY SPORTS NEWS!

11 years of virtual misery, includin' 7 relegation battles and 2 relegations---and we STILL can't compete with 'the elite' because of wor skinflint transfor policy! ( Yi would have thought that lessons would had been learned after aall that?--'Obviously NOT!)

Anothaa relegation battle looms!
IT'S HEARTBREAKIN'!  Isn't it just!, that one man who hasn't been to a game at St James' Park for 15 months, can ruin the lives of 50,000 people who gan to every home game!--- and there's nothin' we can do about it!

TRANSFOR DEADLINE DAY DILIBIRATIONS??

Posted '1:00pm bells' Thorsday 9th August 2018
4 HOURS TO GAN!

Posted '2:00pm bells
3 HOURS TO GAN!---'BREAKIN' NEWS'!---Fernandez on hiz way!

Posted '3:00pm bells----ne more news yet!
2 HOURS TO GAN!

Posted '4:00pm bells'----
1 HOUR TO GAN!----Fernandez at NUFC trainin groond!

Posted 5:00'pm bells'----TRANSFOR DEADLINE REACHED!
We understand that Fernandez haz signed!----Ne one else though!----It will be a lang hard season YET again!

Its transfor deadline day folks and we understand that NUFC are after 2 possible signings before the '5:00pm bells' deadline to bolster wor weak squad!

TARGET 1:
Barcelona'z 22 year old central defender Marlon Santos iz a loan target!----Transfor aborted because of work pormit problems!😲 

TARGET 2:
Swanzee'z 29 year old centre half Federico Fernandez for an undisclosed bid!---On Tyneside az we speeek!

So that's it folks!----we await with baited breath to see if eethaa player will be wearin the black n white stripes this comin season!

UPDATES EVERY HOUR TIL THE '5:00 BELLS' DEADLINE---AZ IT HAPPENS! (or NOT az the case maybe??)

THE EIGHTH OF THE EIGHTH, EIGHTY EIGHT, MATCH REPORT FROM DUNDEE!

Posted 1:30pm bells' Wednesday 8th August 2018


DENS PARK AZ IT LOOKED IN 1988

On this day 30 years ago we played Dundee away in a friendly @ Dens Park. 'The Geordie Times' archive match report on this game iz printed below (Ground number 086)

RAFA'S STARK WARNIN' TO 'THE FAT CONTROLLER'!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 8th August 2018

With just one day left of the transfor window and with so caalled lesser clubs like Bournemoooth and Bornleee breakin their record transfor fees, NUFC just plod alang hopin everything will torn oot fine in the lang run!
Wor absent owner iz like an ostrich with its heed in the sand!

                            The headlines in
                       yesterday's 'Ronny Gill'!

2 MORE TELLY GAMES ANNOONCED!

Posted '3:30pm bells' Tuesday 7th August 2018

Two more telly games have been added to wor list!
Thankfully just one of wor games in October and November haz been moved from a Saturday, when we play Bornley away on a Munday neet!

October
Sat 6th Moan U away on BT at 5:30 bells
Sat 20th Brightin home at 3 bells (ne TV)
Sat 27th Sooothampton away at 3 bells (ne TV)

November
Sat 3rd Wotfaad home at 3 bells ( ne TV)
Sat 10th Bournemoooth home at 3 bells ( ne TV)
Mun 26th Bornleee away on SKY at 8 bells

*

NON ATTENDERS IN WAR OF WORDS!

Posted '2:50pm bells' Tuesday 7th August 2018

"Welcome to the 

NUFC pantomime!"

A war of words haz broken oot between wor absent owner and Newcasil MP Chi Onwonga <(I 'fink' thats hor name!) after Onwonga presented a motion in the House of Commons aboot how unfit wor owner woz to run wor club and declared a while back that she would not be attendin' future games at St James Park, because of the Wonga money lenders logos on the front of wor strips!

She embarrisingly caalled Rafa Benitez, Rafa 'BEN-NETT-EZ'!  in hor House of Commons speech!----Which just gans to shows hor 'knowledge'? of futbaall on Tyneside!

Az far az we are aware, she haz NEVER seen a match at St James' Park anyway, so how she can boycott us if she's never been, iz a 'no brainer'!

Wor 'beloved'? absent owner, who hazzent been to a home game for 15 months replied that he haz ploughed millions into the club, but failed to mention hiz skinflint transfor policy, where players must be sold before we can buy!
"I'm the pantomime villain!" he added!

The letter which woz written on NUFC headed paper, woz sent to The Secretary of State in protest at Onwoga's criticism and woz signed with an unreadable scribble, which suggests that someone else actually wrote and signed it! (Allegedleee!)

"ANOTHER FINE MESS!"

Posted '4:35pm bells' Munday 6th August 2018

It haz just been reported on SKY SPORTS NEWS that Toon players have REFUSED to de scheduled walk up sessions for the TV at the club's trainin groond this afternoon, because of a dispute with wor 'beloved owner'? aboot bonuses for the forthcomin season!
Again, yi couldn't make it up, with just 5 days to gan before wor forst Premyaa Leegue game of the season, at home to Sporz!😨

"DA DOO-RON-RON-DON!---DA-DOO-RON-DON!"

Posted '2:08pm bells' Munday 6th August 2018

The Hilton Hotel, Gatesheed

New that Salomon Rondon haz finally arrived haz just reached 'The Geordie Times'!

He woz spotted yesterday in the Hilton Hotel next to The Tyne Bridge in Gatesheed, which iz within sight of St James' Park!

We understand that its a swop deal with Dwight Gayle, who heeds in the opposite direction to West Brom!

The striker iz a Venezuelan International and iz 28 years old!

Hopefully more signings will be added before the transfor deadline on Thorsday!? (BUT! divvint haad yih breath!)