050 craven cottage fulham

(GROUND NUMBER 50)

Date of First Visit: 16th DECEMBER 1978

CRAVEN COTTAGE, LONDON

FULHAM 1 

NEWCASTLE UNITED 3 (Connolly, Withe, Shoulder)

(OLD) DIVISION TWO

ATTENDANCE: 8,575 (2,000 Toon fans)

“CRUFTS!---CRUFTS!---HERE WE COME!”

Chapter ONE:

"MESSIN' ABOUT ON THE RIVER!"

Wi'd caught the midneet train doon tih London for this one and arrived at aboot five in the mornin' totally 'cream crackered', as wi'd been on the hoy in the Toon on the friday neet az was usual.

‘Piper’ on the other hand had opted for the bus to Victoria instead az it was cheaper than the train and we arranged to meet him in central London at Snows bar aboot dinnertime-ish (‘Dinner’ bein’ a pint of flat bitter and---er!----Another pint of flat bitter!)

When wih got to Kings Cross wih headed for Euston for a wash 'n' brush up, before catchin' the forst tube of the day at ‘six bells’ tih Spitalfields Market for a few 'Arthur Scargills' (gargels!) in 'The Gun' which opened early for the market traders. (and us!)

It was six 'o' clock in the mornin' as ah stared blankly at mee pint of 'Londons finest' (i.e. flat as a fart and nee heed!) and it took iz aboot an hour tih drink it!.

Aa was feelin' 'Az rough az a badgers' az wih left the bar and wih made for the 'bright lights' of the 'West End' az wih did in them days.

Then, after a few more 'gargels' in 'Snows' and the 'Cockney Pride' wih heeded for the Thames az that's where Fulham play. (Beside it---NOT! in IT!)

Near tih the 'Hooses of Parliament End' there were pleasure boats offerin' cruises doon the Thames to The Tower of London' amongst other places.

Ah noticed that one of the boats had a bar on board---SO!---az yih dee!---wih decided tih become 'tourists' for the day and tek a trip doon the 'swanny' tih 'see the sights'!.

On board were a group of Scandinavian tourists, complete with obligatory  back packs and camraaz, and they spoke 'The Qweenz English' betta than us!..

We were taalkin' away amongst worsels when ah mentioned the word 'YHEM' in the conversation!.

Straight away, one of the group, who had owerhord iz, said:

"ARE YOO FROM NORWAY I THINK!" (Like ah say, they could speak 'wor lingo' better than us!)

"NAA!---NAA! HINNEY!----WIH COME FROM GEORDIELAND!", came the reply 'yorz truly'!.

"I NO OONDERSTAND WHAT YOO SAY?", came the reply from wor puzzled 'Laplandlian'! friend!.

Ah modirated mee language so shih could understand iz, and 'hoyed' a bit of 'The Qweenz Lingo' in for good measure!.

"OHH I SAIY!---WEE ARE FROM THEE NUWWCARSSIL REEGON OHV THEE YOONIGTED KEENGDUM--- AACT-TU-LEE!". (Translation: "Oh I say!---we are from the Newcastle region of the United Kingdom---actually"!)

Shih understud that!, and said: "OH!---IT'S JUST THAT I HEARD YOO SAY 'YHEM'!---THIS IS NORWEIGAN FOR 'HOUSE'!".

Amazin'!---in't it?---'YHEM' meens 'HOOSE' in Norweigan AND 'Geordie'!. (It's a smaall world!)

Ah explained this too hor, and heeded for the 'bar' tih catch the lads up, az the 'gadgie' was just pullin' off the forst 'Arthurs'! behind the coonta!. (Ah wonder what 'GARGEL' meens in Norweigan???)

Az the boat set off the tourists lined the decks and the tour guide started tellin' them aboot the history of London toon. (We of course 'lined the bar'!)

"On your right is the Houses of Parliament"-----"and on your left is Big Ben"!, she announced ower the rather 'loud', loudspeakers, to hor enthraaled audience, who were clickin' their camraz for their 'prized? pictures??.

(The anly thing that WE were 'clickin', were wor fingers towards the barman, tih summon him for some more 'liquid refreshment'!) (az yih dee!)

Next stop was 'Towa Bridge and afta a quick 'sauntee' unda it's raised draa-bridge, we eventually arrived at the 'Towa of London' some six pints and half an hour later! (We wor'nt very fast drinkers in them days!)

The 'Beefeaters' were oot in force az we disembarked doon the gang plank back tih 'terra firma' and az the Norweigans rushed towards the 'towa' (click!--click!--click!), we rushed towards the nearest booza which wi'd 'clocked' in the distance (sup!--sup!--sup!) az it was fast approachin' 'first bells'! (er!--ah think yih can guess the rest!?)

Chapter TWO:

"IT’S A DOGS LIFE!"

Much later we arrived at a waaterin' hole aboot five mins waalk from Fulham's groond and after a couple of 'Arthurs' who should mek an appearance, but 'Piper' who'd made his aan way tih London by bus. (Whey!---NOT exactly by 'bus'!)------(reed on!)(REED ON!)

He was covered in cement dust from heed tih foot and looked in a reet state---much worse than what he normally was!

"PIPER!", one of the lads shooted---"WHERE THE HELL HA' YIH BEEN?---LIKE!---YIH COVERED IN CEMENT DUST!"

"IT'S A LANG LANG STORY!---AALL TELL YIZ ABOORIT AFTER A'V HAD A GARGEL, COZ MEE MOOTH'S LIKE 'GANDEES FLIPFLOP'!, said 'the man in yellowy-white' az he dusted himsel doon at the coonta!

'PIPER' (in his aan words) (afta scratchin' hiz scalp and shakin' hiz heed tih get rid of his newfoond 'dandruff'!)

-------------"GULP!"------------------------"GULP!"------------------------------"GULP!"         ---------"GULP!"--------------"GULP!"--------------------------------"G-U-L-P!"

"AAAHHHH!---that's berra!" 

"WELL!---Like ah say!--it's a lang story!---so here gans!"

"Ah was travellin' doon on the midneet 'Rapede' from Gallowgate bus station and ah asked the driver, "Are yih gannin doon?" (tih the match) and he replied, "Aye!--hop on!", and he tore the stub off mee ticket az ah boarded".

"However!---ah thought it was a bit strange az ah took mee seat coz there were loads of aad biddies with 'blue rinses' aalso gettin' on?" (NOT! yih usual futbaall 'crowd')

"Some of them had their pet pooches with them and then one 'wifey' sat doon next to iz with a geet big shephard, which immediately plonked it's sel doon in the alley way! and started lickin' it's owners feet!" (A jorman 'shepherd'---NOT! Freddy Shepherd!)

Ah could'nt work it oot?--but!---afta a 'heavy' neet 'on the hoy', ah could'nt be bothered tih strike up a conversation and ask hor!"       

"Ah quickly 'crashed oot' (ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!)-----and sometime later awoke ootside the 'Bullring' shoppin' centre in Birmingham------F***** BIRMINGHAM!???----the Toon were playin' in LONDON!"

"DRIVER!", ah shooted az ah hurried doon the front of the bus, "THE TOON ARE PLAYIN' FULHAM---NOT! 'VILLA'!---WHERE THE F***** HELL ARE YIH GANNIN--LIKE???"

His reply sent 'shivaz doon mee spine'!

"CRUFTS DOG SHOW!!!"---"Where di yi think???" 

Aa hesitated for a moment in total disbelief and replied at the top of mee voice!---"WHI GANNIN WHERE!?"---CRUFTS  F*****' DOG SHOW!???----STOP THE BUS!---A'M GETTIN' OFF!"

At this point the driver 'slammed the anchors on' and opened the door!  One aad biddy 'piped up'(sic!), "Actually it's not Crufts Dog Show that we're going to, it's a dog show where Crufts is held!" (EH!) (Well!---THAT meks a difference---DOES'NT IT!?)

"Luckily ah was'nt too far from the 'M6' and 'Spaghetti Junction', so ah said mee goodbyes tih the jorman shepherd, jumped off the bus and heeded there tih thumb a lift."

"After a few fruitless minutes a 'Blue Circle' cement lorry pulled up and he telt iz he was gannin tih 'the smoke' and that he'd giz a lift on one condition----ah had tih help him tip his load of bagged cement when wih got tih London!

"O.K.!", ah said, "YIV GORRA DEAL!"

"He nodded his approval, so ah climbed aboard--------------ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!---sometime later we arrived at a buildin' site somewhere in 'norf Landan' near Arsenal's groond, where wih had tih 'hand-baall' the whole 20 ton load ontih pallets coz they had nee 'fork lift'!---(SOME DEAL!)

"By the time we were finished ah was totally 'cream crackered', covered in cement and badly in need of some 'liquid refreshment!', so ah heeded for a bar in Fulham Palace Road and bumped intih a few of the lads and the conversation went sommik like this!"

"PIPER!"---WHERE THE HELL HA' YIH BEEN?---LIKE!---YIH COVERED IN CEMENT DUST!?"

  

"IT'S A LANG STORY!---SO HERE GANS!"

"Ah was travellin' doon on the midneet 'Rapede' from Gallowgate buZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!"

Chapter THREE:

"BETTA LATE THAN NEVA!"

Az mentioned, we were in a booza within' a 'stones throw' of Craven Cottage, (or so we thought!) so an extra 'Arthur' was on the cards when one of the lads asked iz if a wanted a quick 'gargel' at 'half two bells'.

(NO! prizes for guessin' mee answer tih THAT one!)

Ten mins later and with empty glasses in front of us, we had nee option but tih heed for the match. (az yh dee!)

Afta a quick visit tih the 'tool shed' (tih shake hands with the 'unemployed'!)(work it oot!) wih 'staggered' ootside---and---horror upon horror!----the floodlights could be seen doon the road ---BUT!---they were aboot the size of  broon ale bottles!---in other words the groond was f***** miles away and by my calculations it would tek wih a good twenty minutes tih waalk it and by this time there was anly ten minutes tih kick off!.

In them days we were aall aboot five stone lighter than what we are nuw, so wih decided tih 'jog' doon the road tih try and mek the start, but with two gallons plus of 'liquid refreshment'  sloshin' aboot inside wih, (minus the 'tool shed' stops!) this 'idea' was 'aborted' afta approximately TEN SECONDS!

In otha words---there was nee way wi'd get there for 'three bells' and wi'd just have tih hope that wih did'nt miss any goals!

Wor 'HOPES' fell on 'deef lugz', for az wih got within a hundred yards of the tornstiles a big roar went up from the crowd, but wih did'nt naa who'd scored so wih quicked wor pace up tih 'jog standard' once more, then aall of a sudden anotha roar went up---so that was TWO goals wi'd missed!.

Unbelievibly!---az wih payed wor 'bit' at the gate yet ANOTHA! roar went up and wih ran up the stairs tih the terraces (totally oot of breath!) prayin' that wih would'nt miss anymore goals!

A tapped a kidda on the shoulder when wih finally reached the terraces (some five minutes late!) and asked him, "PANT!--PANT!--PANT!---WHAT'S THE SCORE MATE!?--PANT!--PANT!"

"TWO-ONE TIH THE TOON", came the reply, "CONNOLLY AND WITHE GOT WORS AND CHRIS GUTHRIE GOT THEIRS!" (ex Toon player)

So at least mee worst fears that we were loosin' three-nowt were'nt true, but the fact that a'd missed two of wor goals put a bit of a 'dampener' on it for me!

But would there be anymore score?---knaain' my luck there would'nt be, but at least we were in the match!---betta late than neva!---ah suppose!

The rest of the forst half was 'to and fro', but there were nee mare goals and we went in two-one at the break.

Ah had a quick look aroond Craven Cottage at half time and a more 'picturesque' settin' for a futbaall groond would be hard tih find. 

Tih mee left was the River Thames which meandered slowely past the Riverside Stand (mee finx a'v been there before?) and tih mee right was the 'cottage' that gave the groond it's name which nestled in the corner and it aalso doubled up az the dressin' rooms!. (A little gem!)

The second half started and mee 'dream goal' was'nt lang in comin' when a fine effort from Alan Shoulder put us three-one up and ah had sommik tih celebrate at last! (Cheers Alan!)

This iz the way it stayed and we went away happy that at least a'd seen a qwaata of the goals scored!

And the moral of this story iz: 'If someone tellz yih that the groond iz anly five minutes doon the road, divvint tek their word for it!---CHECK IT OOT YIHSEL!!!

Wih heeded for Piccadilly again afta the match  tih frequent the usual 'haunts' of 'The Cockney Pride' and 'Snows'---etc!---etc!---etc!---etc!

Wih got the midneet 'paper train' az usual back yhem az usual and 'Piper' (believe it or not!?) got the reet bus this time at Victoria! (tih the Toon this time---NOT! 'Crufts'

©Fink™ The mad-sad grJundhJpper!

For the benefit of 'non-Geordie' readers 'click' onto 'Geordie Glossary of Terms 'A' to 'Z' in the right hand column>>>>>>

THE TOON 1. THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE OF FULIM 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Sunday 2nd February 2025

“PIE 🥧 EYED 👀 AND LEGLESS!” 🦵🦵 

 Yih just divvint naa which Toon team will turn up theeze days!?

This woz yet another ‘miss’ in a season of ‘hits and ‘misses’ from the ‘black n whites’!

Yih could tell from the ‘off’ that this woz gannih be a struggle az Fulim attacked The Leazes goal and gave az good az they got!

The breakthrough, however, came at The Gallowgate End when an Anthony Gordon centre foond Jacob Murphy near the edge of the box and he hit a sweet shot past LENO in the visitors goal to put us 1-0 up in the 37th minute! (Just 1 minute orlier Tonali had hit the bar!)(er! his shot NOT him!)

That’s the way it stayed til the half time interval, but we aall knew that it woz a slender lead against The Cottage Pie 🥧 Brigade (Their nickname iz The Cottagers—get it!?) And so it proved to be when Tonali’s misplaced pass in the 62nd minute foond a Fulim player and they raced doon the pitch with a Jimenez shot deflectin’ off Murphy and the the baall ended up in the back off Martin Dubravka’s net! 1-1

Isak then hit the bar at The Leazes End, but the baall boonced to safety!

And then in the 83rd minute a Perreira free kick on The East Stand side of the pitch woz touched in by Munrz with wor defence at sixes and sevens! 2-1 to them!

That goal woz on the cards az we struggled to find an equaliser!

There were 6 minutes of stoppage time, but we just couldn’t find the net again! FT 2-1 to The Cottage Pies!🥧 

The defeat meenz that we have lost 2 home games in a row, but we are unbeaten in wor last 5 away games!

That’s NUFC for you!— Yih never naa which team will torn up!?

Wor biggest game of the season iz at SJP next Wedinzday when we take on The Arseholes in the 2nd leg of The Leegue Cup semi final!

We have a 2 goal advantage from the 1st leg of course!—But will this be enough, we ask, to get us through to the Wembley final!???🤔

Attendance: 52,173 (1,400 Cottage Pie Brigaders!)

THE TOON V THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE IF FULIM *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Saturday 1st February 2025

SJP FROM LEAZES PARK LAKE! 

🦆 “QUACK!—-QUACK!” 🦆 

NUFC gan into todays game havin won 10 oot of the last 11 and we fully expect the same startin line up to the one which beat Sooothampton 3-1 last Saturday!

It won’t be easy against Fulim, but 3 points will keep us in 5th place in the Premyaa Leegue table and possibly 4th if other results gan wor way ower the weekend!?

It’s clear blue skies ower the River Tyne az a look 👀 oot of mee hoose window, but it’s aalso very caad ootside! (Extra layers needed!)

Let’s hope we can get the win to set us up for wor biggest game of the season v The Arseholes for a trip to Wembley IF we win, or even draw after wor 2-0 win in ‘norf Landan’ in the forst leg of the Leegue Cup semis!

Like as say, it’s a big week which could well define wor season!?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here, hopefully by high noon 🛎️s’ tomorrow!

APU “Watch this space!”

EAST STAND SOLUTION!!?

 Posted ‘1:30pm 🛎️ 🔔s’ Friday 31st January 2025

 DYNAMO DRESDEN’S EAST STAND CONCEPT!

There haz been much talk this week aboot NUFCs stadium expansion or relocation to Leazes Park!

But mebeez a solution iz to stay put and increase the current capacity to 67,000 + by puttin a double tier of seats on top of The East Stand like Jawman side Dynamo Dresden are planning’ to dee, who like NUFC, have limited space behind their East Stand!

This would increase the capacity of the stand from 5,500 to 13,000!  An increase of 7,500

SIDE VIEW OF HOW IT COULD BE DONE! STEEPER TIERS AT THE TOP FOR A GREAT VIEW OF THE PITCH!

A bigger gap between the above tiers, with clear glass panels at the back, could be added to let sunlight through to Leazes Terrace!

The Gallowgate End could be extended to hold another 8,000 that haz been mentioned!

By wor calculation the new capacity would then be aroond aboot 67,000 to 68,000!

Not far below the proposed 70,000 capacity for a new stadium in Leazes Park!

Refurbishment would cost mebeez £1billion—- relocation would cost £2 billion plus! 

And nee doubt that there would be protests like there were 30 years ago, when wor bid to relocate to Leazes Park woz rejected in the Sir John Hall era!

We shall see! 👀 

THE GEORDIE TIMES

A GROVELLING APOLOGEEE!

We said in the above article that it woz Dynamo Dresden’s East Stand that had limited space behind it—-When in fact it’s their WEST STAND that haz the limited space!

We apologise for any hurt or distress that this may have caused wor loyal subjects!

Once again, grovelling apologeeez for wor horrendous misstayk!😱

FAREWELL MIGGY!

 PPosted ‘7:45pm 🔔 bells’ Wedinzday 30th January 2025

A ‘WORFLAGS’ TRIBUTE TO MIGGY!

The transfor of Miggy Almiron back to his former American club Atlanta United for a reported £10?million plus add ons reaches The Geordie Times (by carrier pigeon!🕊️)

We wish Miggy ‘aall the best’ and he had a wonderful send off by The Toon fans at Sooothampton last weekend!— Hiz 223rd and final game for NUFC!(In total he scored 30 goals in Leegue and Cups)

JUST CHAMPION! 🤪👍🏁

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 29th January 2025

THE WOR FLAGS DISPLAY V PSG. WON 4-1!

Aall four of the Inglish clubs who qualified are competin in The Champions Leegue tooneet and ‘The Geordie Times’ wishes aall of them well!---and hope they aall win!

That's 'The Hazbeenz & Villians' (Villa) , 'The Blue Moonies' (Man C), The Arseholes and 'The Liverbirds' (Livaapoool)!-------And NO! we havvint aall of a sudden took a likin to these clubs, but the better their results in the Competition, then there's a better chance of NUFC competin in it next season!

Let us explain wor logic!----Here gans! (Deep breath!😵)

CHAMPIONS LEEGUE QUALIFICATION 2025-2026

Az of 29th January 2025 Ing-er-land iz leadin the coefficient table.

Premyaa Leegue clubs have built up the most points and have the highest average.

1: Ing-er-land 100 points---average 14.34

2: The I-ties 88 points---average 11.05

3: The Spanyaadz 82---average 11.77

4: The Froggies: 66 points---average 10.94

5: Jawmany: 79 points---average 9.88 

*Accordin to Opta there iz a 98% chance that The Premyaa Leegue will earn an additional place in next season's Champions Leegue.

How can Leegues earn extra Champions Leegue spot?

Each Leegue earns a coefficient rankin based on how their teams perform in Europe. Coefficient points are earned through match results---Two for a win and one for a draw.

The points earned by clubs from the same domestic Leegue are added up and divided by the number of clubs the Leegue haz in Europe.

For example, if The Premyaa Leegue had 100 points, that would be split by the number of teams playin in Europe (seven) and give Ing-er-land a coefficient of 14.28. (So we even want Moan U and Sporz to win in The Europa Leegue and Chelseee to win in The Europa Conference az well!) Never ever thought we would say that in a million years!

This season bonus points are available to clubs playin in The Champions Leegue, which iz adventageous<(we naa aall the big words!) to Leegues with more clubs competin in it, such az Jawmany and The I-ties.

The countries that finish in the top two of the coefficient table earn an additional Champions Leegue spot.

Those spots are awarded to the teams which finish in the forst position below The Champions Leegue allocation in those Leegues.

In The Premyaa Leegue the top four clubs qualify for The Champions Leegue via Leegue position, so any additional spot would gan to the team in fifth.

Last season the additional spots were given to Bologna and Borussia Dortmund respectively.

So IF The Toon finish at least 5th (and it’s quite possible az we are in 5th place at the moment!) then there's a very (very!) good chance that we would qualify!

SO! lets aall cheer on Villa, Man City, The Arseholes and Livaapoool, tooneet, even if yih divvint like them and cannit stand them!

🤪👍🏁

Updated 11:20pm 🔔s

Villa beat Celtic 4-2 👍

The Arse best Girona 2-1 👍

Man C beat Brugge 3-1 👍

Livaapoool lost to PSV 3-2 👎

Latest standings after toneets results     👇

So it’s lookin very good to get that extra Champions Leegue spot for next season! 🤪👍⛿

“Bring on Fulim!” (NUFCs next game on Saturday!)

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 1. THE TOON 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted  ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ on the train back from Bormingham where we stopped on the way back from Sooothampton!

“10 OOT OF 11 !”

*Put it simply, we didn’t play well and despite havin the orly chances az we kicked towards the far goal from the away end, Sooothampton took a shock lead with virtually their forst attack in the 10th minute, when Bednarek heeded home unmarked, from a Bree cross! 1-0 to them!

However!— it seemed to wake us up and within 15minutes we were level, when Isak woz brought doon in the box and after a lang VAR check a penalty woz awarded!

Isak took it himself and sent their goalie the wrang way to send the 3,000 Toon followers wild with delight!—Az we were still celebrating that goal, Isak ran through the Sooothampton defence and convorted a fantastic through baall  from Jacob Murphy, to put us 2-1 up, with hiz shot gannin in off the post!

This woz ‘Alexander the Great’s 48th goal in the Premya Leegue era and he iz now the 2nd highest scorer for NUFC behind Alan Shearer!(148 goals) (‘just’ 100 behind!) AND! he's the forst NUFC player to score in 5 consecutive Premyaa Leegue away games!👏

Joelinton hit the post just after this, but we had to settle for a 2-1 lead at the half time interval!

Just 6 minutes after the restart, Anthony Gordon threaded a great through baall to Sandro Tonali and with just their goalie to beat, he placed a precision shot into the corner of the net, to send ‘the faithful’ in the corner section behind that goal, into meltdoon! 3-1 to us!

Jacob Murphy then hit a fantastic shot, which agognisingleee hit the post, but the baall boonced to safety!

We were still not 100%, losin possession and slack markin’ time after time, but Sooothampton were that poor we got away with it!

A late scare then happened when Schar inexplicably let the baall gan ower hiz heed to let Fernandez in, who then raced doon the the pitch and with just Dubravka to beat in the Toon goal, planted the baall into the net! 3-2—-oh hang on a minute?— the scoreboard said there woz a possible offside and after another lengthy VAR check the goal woz disallowed, much to the annoyance of the home fans, (that’s those of them who were still there!) who sang:,”We lose every week, we lose all the calls!”(VAR calls, that iz!)

More chances were missed by NUFC but we ran oot 3-1 winners, despite wor iffy performance!

The win lifted us up to 5th place,, level with Man City points wise and just 2 points behind Forest in thord place!

Aalso this woz wor 10th win in the last 11 and wor 5th away win ‘on the spin’! (not bad for a currently under performin team!)

In complete contrast’The Simon Templar Mob’ look certain to gan back doon, with just 6 points and 1 solitary win aall season!

Attendance: 31,141 (not many left by the final whistle! (3,000 relieved Toon fans, after the orly scare!)

The mini pub crawl 👇 just 4 this time!

85 CAFE BAR, TRAVELODGE HOTEL BIRMINGHAM (where we stopped)

SOOOTHAMPTON—THE GIDDY BRIDGE

BELGIUM & BLUES, SOOTHAMPTON

BELGIUM & BLUES

BELGIUM & BLUES

SOOOTHAMPTON—THE MAYFLOWER VILLAGE 

Explanation: Simon Templar woz a detective in the 1960s cult TV series ‘The Saint’.  Sooothampton’s nickname iz, ‘The Saints’ ‘—-‘The Simon Templar Mob’—-(get it?🤔)

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Friday 24th January 2025

ST. MARY’S ‘MACCANO’ STADIUM, SOOOTHAMPTON

We heed with great difficulty to the sooth coast via Bormingham az King’s Cross station in London iz shut again for the 2nd time this season for maintenance!🥶

The dreaded replacement busses are from Peterborough to Bedford (which will take ages!) and then a train to St Pancras (next to King’s Cross) and then onward to Sooothampton via tube and Waterloo station!

So “fcuk that”, it’s via Bormingham instead to avoid the bus jorney!

Storm Enoch (or whatever it’s caalled?) haz caused havoc today and disrupted LNER trains southbound, with many cancelled, so it’s by a stroke of luck that we are travelling by car instead later today, on the forst part of wor 350 miles jorney to deepest Hampshire!

On paper it shud be an eazy 3 points az Sooothamton have won just 1 solitary game this season and have just 6 points in total!—while The Toon are gannin for wor 5th away win in a row and 10th win in 11 games oweraall!

BUT! hang on a minute!— this iz NUFC and anything can happen, az we sadly foond oot last week in wor shock 4-1 defeat by Bournemoooth at SJP!

We have slipped from 4th to 6th in the Premyaa Leegue table after last weeks defeat, but a good win would propel us up at least 1 place! (A Champions Leegue place, no less, az Inglish clubs are deein well in this season competition and 5th place will probably be ‘up for grabs’ next season!)

Aall 3,000 away tickets were snapped up ages ago and it shud be noted that the away end haz moved to the opposite end of the groond since we were last here, to the Chapel/Kingsland Corner!

Nee news of the team line up, but we expect ‘nee change’ from last week!

A full GeordieTimes match (and booze!🍺) report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

APU “Watch this space!”

Explanation: Simon Templar woz a cult hero in the 1960s TV series’The Saint’, which of course iz Sooothampton’s nickname!—-‘The Simon Templar Mob’—-get it?🤔

THE HEEDBANGERS 2 THE TOON U21s 4 *** NATIONAL LEEGUE CUP GROUP 'C'

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 22nd January 2025

TOON IN MAROON AND BLUE SHIRTS—-HEED IN WHITE SHIRTS

"MY GARDEN SHED IZ LOUDER THAN THIS!" (???)

The Toon U21s had to win this to have any chance of progressin to the knockoot stage of the competition and az expected there woz a very low crowd to witness the forst ever competitive Tyne Bridge derby!

Before the game aa heeded to Gatesheed toon centre to sample the delights of 'The Tilley Stone', 'The Met' and 'The Nags Heed' boozers!

Not one Gatesheed (or Toon) fan woz in any of them? which gave me a very good indication of the likely tornoot at The Gatesheed International Stadium!

Aa got there in good time and met up with 'Glennn from Ashington' and 'Biffa the Beer'----Aa tried to get into the Gatesheed clubhoose underneath the main stand but a lassie securuty guard stopped me and asked if aa had a wristband!  Aa didn't and woz refused admission!!!!---aa tried to buy a pint on the concourse but woz told it woz a 'non alcoholic game'!!! (Memo: Won't be back here again for a very!—very! lang time!)

Anyway!-- the game kicked off in front of my estimated 300 to 400 fans and the centre section of the stand woz resorved for 'guests' and the rest of us 'plebs' were forced to sit in one smaall section of the stand to the far right of the pitch, with the rest of the groond’s 11,000 red seats completly empty!

One brain-dead teenage Gatesheed fan behind me started singin at the top of hiz voice, "My garden shed iz louder than this!"---which made absolutleee nee sense at aall!???? (I then decided to move to a seat az far away from him az possible at the back of the stand, az I couldn't put up with that kind of 'crap 💩 nonsense' ringin in mee right lug, for 90 minutes!)🥶 (Nee wonder we caall them 'The Heedbangers'!)

The Toon U21s took the lead through Alfie Harrison who fired home after 8 minutes!  That woz soon cancelled oot by The Heedbangers who equalised 6 minutes later through Jovan Malcolm who raced through wor defence to hit a fine shot into the net!

"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!"

We regained the lead 6 minutes later through Josh Donaldson who hit a sweet shot home from a Johnny Emerson cross!

Things were level again just 5 minutes later when an error from Toon keeper James Taylor let in Callum Trip to score! 2-2 at Half Time!

KUOL ABOOT TO TAKE THE PENALTY!

There woz nee more scorin til the 75th minute when Garang Kuol woz fouled in the box!---Penalty!--Kuol took it himself and easily beat the Heedbangers keeper!  3-2 to NUFC👇

To make absolutleee sure of the 3 points Kuol crossed to Darren Palmer, who heeded past The Heed keeper with 7 minutes left on the clock!

That result meant wor U21s finished top of the group aheed of Boston (who drew) and Leeedz (who lost) to qualify for the knockoot stage of the competition! 

PS: THE BBC WEBSITE SAYS BOSTON FINISHED WITH 9 POINTS FOLLOWING THEIR PENALTY SHOOTOUT WIN V BORO AND GAVE THEM 3 POINTS INSTEAD OF 2.  1 POINT FOR THE DRAW AND 1 POINT FOR THE PENALTY WIN = 2 !

Attendance: 470 (Heed and Toon fans mixed in, probably 150 Toon fans!

This (believe it or not!) woz the HIGHEST attendance in wor 4 away games in the competition! 

292 v Halifax (a record low crowd for them!), 387 v Tamworth and 386 v Boston, a total of just 1,535 for the 4 games, givin an average of 383 per game!---National Leegue fans said they would boycott this competition and they have been true to their word!

The pre match pub crawl took place in Gatesheed toon centre!👇

AT 99 pence A PINT, THE CHEAPEST BY FAR THIS SEASON!

THE TYNE BRIDGE DERBY! *** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘high noon bells’ 🔔 Tuezday 21st January 2025

👈GATESHEED SIDE OF THE RIVER TYNE** **THE TOON SIDE OF THE RIVER TYNE👉

Weather permitting the forst EVER competitive game between ‘The Heedbangers of Gatesheed’ and ‘The Toon’ takes place at The International Stadium in east Gatesheed at ‘7:45 🛎️s tooneet in The National Leegue Cup group stage! (Although it iz anly wor U21s reserve side playin’ Gatesheed’s forst team)                                             And there have been numerous ‘friendlies’ between us ower the years, of course!

Put simply wor U21s have to win to have any chance of reaching’ the knockoot stage—and hope other results gan wor way! (ie: That Boston lose to The Smoggies of Boro!—-or draw and lose the penalty shootout)

(Top 2 qualify for knockoot stage)

Followin other attendances in the competition, it it sure to be a low crowd in the mid 100’s az the National Leegue sides fans are not happy aboot Premyaa Leegue resorve sides ‘hijackin’ their ‘Cup’!

‘The Geordie Times’ will publish a match (and boozer!) report sometime on Wedinzday!

APU “Watch this space!”