THE CHERRY PICKERS 1-1 THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted 'high noon bells' 🔔 Munday 26th August 2024

*”VAR MY LORD!—VAR!🙏🏻

*The main talkin points of this game came near the very end when Joelinton grabbed their goalie aroond the neck and woz anly given a yellow card!(We thought it would be red) and Bournemoooth’s winnin goal deep into stoppage time woz ruled oot for‘upper arm hand baall’ by Ouattara who had heeded the baall into the back of the net in the 95th minute!

We simply didn’t play in first half and were very lucky to gan in just one goal doon after Tavernier had scored in the 27th minute after a bad misstayk by Joelinton who had been dispossessed just oot side wor box!

*The 2nd period woz much better from us, with their keeper makin several crucial saves to deny NUFC!

However!  Aall woz not lost az Harvey Barnes hit a pin point cross to Anthony Gordon who fired home the equaliser in the 76th minute!

*And then the 2 controversial moments!

We had certainly got oot of jail to take the one point which woz hardly deserved!

Attendance: 11,161 (1,350 Toon fans!)

*Much more to follow later today az I’m deein this report on the Lumo train back to The Toon!

*  THE MAGICAL MYSTERY PUB CRAWL TOUR 2024-2025

(Before and after Bournmoooth game in London and Pokesdown)

FRIEND AT HAND, LONDON

MARQUIS OF CORNWALL, LONDON

LORD JOHN RUSSELL, LONDON

NORFOLK ARMS, LONDON

BREWHOUSE AND KITCHEN, POKESDOWN, BOURNEMOOOTH 

OUTBACK,POKESDOWN, BOURNEMOOOTH

WATERLOO TAP, LONDON

*We stayed owerneet on Saturday in London and went to Greggs at Waterloo station for some scran the next day, before catching the train to Pokesdown (The nearest station to Bournemoooth’s groond)

A scruffy ‘down and out’ walked into Greggs and brazenly picked up a bottle of pop and a sarny and casually walked oot withoot payin!

5 minutes later he walked back in and put the sarny back on the shelf, shoutin at the staff that he wasn’t hungry and had done them a favour by bringin it back!—How brazen and ridiculous iz that?

Then on the train to the game we sat in the 1st carriage at the back of the train which woz carriage 1 on the sign,only to be told that the train would split at Eastleigh and only the first 5 carriages would take us to Pokesdown—- SO! we moved to carriage 6 az the front of the train woz carriage 10 and so carriages 6,7,8,9 and 10 made up the 5 carriages at the front!

The ticket inspector came roond and told us that we needed to be in the next carriage up!

We pointed oot the above carriage number and that 10 woz at the front of the train—-and wot did he dee!?

He went to the control box and reversed the carriage numbers so the front woz now carriage 1 and the back woz carriage 10! ( But number 6 stayed the same instead of changin to carriage 5!) Help! I need a drink!

So we had to move yet again! (Just to be on the safe side!)

How confusin and ridiculous iz that?

(Hope yoo can follow aall this and arnt confused like we were!)

To make it even more ridiculous, the train DIDN’T split at Eastleigh and still had aall 10 carriages when we arrived in Pokesdown!

In other words we didn’t need to move carriages at aall! (Quick!—Pass the whisky bottle!😵‍💫)

THE CHERRY 🍒 PICKERS V THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 *Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Saturday 24th August 2024

“THE LONG AND WINDIN’ ROAD!”🛣️ 

We are off on wor first Premyaa Leegue away travels this afternooon for wor game at Bournemoooth on Sunday at ‘2 🛎️ bells’ (a 750 miles roond trip!—The langest away trip possible in Premyaa Leegue history)

It’s a hectic week with us playin away to ‘The Friar Tuck Mob’ (Forest) next Wedinzday, (350 roond trip)in the Leegue Cup, then to Matlock in deepest Derbyshire next Friday to watch wor U21s play Derby Coonty U21s, (320 roond trip) on a new groond for The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers! (1,420 miles in 5 days for the 3 away games!)

We will of course bring yoo match and drinkin den reports az they happen!

Az per usual! “Watch this space!”

🤪👍🏁

PS: Just foond oot that wor train haz been CANCELLED! due to a shortage of train crew!—great start to the away games! 🥶

Suggestion: Get some taller train crew to replace the short arses! 

“HI HO!-HI HO!”

“IT’S OFF TO SHIRK!-WE GO!”

PS: Just to hoy a bomb 💣into the works, aall train from King’s Cross to The Toon are CANCELLED az well on Sunday!

(The joys of followin NUFC to away games!🥶)

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB, LEEGUE CUP GAME WED 28th AUG AZ PREDICTED!

 Posted 'high noon bells' 🔔 Tuezday 20th August 2024

*

*

      SOMEWHERE IN SHERWOOD 🌳 FOREST NEAR NOTTINGHAM 

“THE GEORDIES ARE COMING IN THEIR                                DROVES ROBIN!”

*

THE TOON 1. THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 0 **** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 *Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Sunday 18th August 2024

A SPECIAL THANK YOU FOR DEPARTED PART OWNERS, AMANDA AND HOR HUBBY MEHRDAD!🤪👍🏁

“WE’VE ANLY GOT 10 MEN!”

The main talkin point of the game woz the sendin off of Fab Schar for an alleged heedbut on Sooothampton’s Diaz in the 28th minute which brought the crowd to life with very loud booin for their number 17!

“Arrr! I’ve been shot!”

Heeds came together very slightly after Schar woz  clattered in his back and Diaz’s theatricals by fallin to the groond holdin his face got wor number 5 a red card to the outrage of the players and fans alike!

Referee Pawson woz an absolute disgrace!

Before that wor visitors were on top and looked the more likely to score, so the sendin off didn’t look good for us!

HOWEVER!  a bad mistayk from their goalie McCarthy by unintentionally passin the baall to Isak, set up Joelinton to fire 🔥 home from inside the box to give us an unlikely lead, bang on half time at The Gallowgate End!

The 2nd half woz ‘backs to the wall’ stuff from us az The Saints battered wor goal and I lost count of the number of corners they had, which woz into double figures!

It shud be mentioned that ‘The Pope’ made several ootstandin saves to keep them at bay! 👏 

And Lewis Hall made a vital clearance off the line to save wor bacon! 🥓 (Hope I haven’t woken Brucey up!?)

The 10 men somehow managed to hang on for the 3 points to very loud cheers from The Toon faithful!

JUSTICE HAD BEEN DONE!

Attendance: 52,196 (3,204 *Simon Templar Mob).  

*For an explanation of this see article below

THE TOON V THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

  ‘Posted ‘1:51pm bells’ Friday 16th August 2024

THE NEW STACK!  OPEN AT LAST!

 “IT’S A BIT FAR FROM THE GROOND—LIKE!”

The new season iz almost upon us and forst up iz a home game v Sooothampton!

Not sure wot the line up will be, but the squad numbers have been released with number 3 and number 15 vacant!  (Will Marc Guehi get one of those numbers?- 4th bid of £65 million for the Palace defender now reported!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Sunday!

Az per usual—“Watch this space!”

FOOTNOTE: We say ‘The Simon Templar Mob’, az actor Roger Moore woz known az ‘Simon Templar (The Saint) in the hit telly show of the 1960s!

The Saints iz Sooothampton’s nickname of course!—-Get it?🤔

 PPosted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Wedinzday 14th August 2024

“Can we gan here pleeeeze!🙏🏻

The Leegue Cup 2nd roond draw tex place after ‘10:00 bells 🔔’ tooneet!

NUFC are in the Northern section of the draw and the anly team left who’s home groond The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ havvint been tee iz Fleetwood Toon’s Highbury Stadium!

Wor first choice iz an away tie there pleeeze!

OR a home tie against anybody after that!

PS: The SMB got knocked oot last neet by 2-0 at Preston!—Thank God we cannot get them at The Stadium of SSsshh!—- yee naa wot!

Watch this space after 10:00 bells 🔔 and we will bring yoo the draw details below!

Updated *****2:02am bells 🔔 Thorzday

IT’S The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham, away! 🙈

A groond we have been tee, menee (menee!) times before! 🥶

Forthaa update:

Nee news yet for the date of the game BUT! yoo can bet your life savings that coz we play on the Sunday before the midweek 2nd roond ties are played ——and Forest play on the Saturday after, that it will be played on Wedinzday 28th August!🙏🏻 💴 

THE TOON 4 GIRONA 0 (FRIDAY) *** THE TOON 1 BREST 0 (SATURDAY)

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 11th August 2024

"IT'S WOR CUPS!”

NUFC played 2 teams ower the weekend with 2 different startin' line ups and won them both!

Forstly, we played Girona of Spain on Friday neet when we easily won 4-0 with aall the goals comin' in the forst half at The Gallowgate End!

     IN THE PINK!  (NOTE THAT THE NEWCASTLE UNITED SIGN ON THE EAST STAND ROOF IZ NOT IN ITALIC SPORTS REJECT WRITING ANYMORE- AND IZ BACK TO THE ORIGINAL STRAIGHT LETTERS BEFORE ‘THE FAT CONTROLLER’S DISASTEROUS  14 YEARS OWNERSHIP)🤪👍🏁

The sequence of events woz az follows:

4th minute: A Livramento pass finds Longstaff and he shoots from 10 yards oot to put us 1-0 up!

13th minute: Lewis Hall heeds the baall across the box and Murphy vollys home to double wor lead!

16th minute: Isak finds Gordon with a through baall and he moves forward to shoot past the Gerona keeper to treble wor lead!

19th minute: Isak woz hauled doon in the box and the ref pointed straight to the spot. Isak took it but hit the baall to their goalie's right and he managed to get a hand to it and the penalty woz saved!

38th minute: Longstaff gets hiz 2nd goal after Joelinton heeded against the bar and the baall fell nicely for him to quadruple wor lead before half time!

We couldnt add anymore in the 2nd period and had to 'settle' for a 4 goal win!

Attendance: 31,958 includin 4 or 5 Girona fans who we spotted in The Gallowgate concourse!----None on level 7 of The Leazes End where away fans normally sit! (We estimated that there were 30,000 Toon fans in attendance!)

Day 2 of the weekend saw us play Brest of France for a chance to win the 'prestigious'? Sela Cup! (The Girona game wasn’t a Sela Cup game!)

The Geordie Times swapped ends for this game and we were in The Leazes corner az opposed to The Gallowgate corner the previous day!

The anly goal of the game woz az follows:

Lloyd Kelly passed to Harvey Barnes az he sped doon the wing and he cut in to strike a MAGnifecent shot into the far corner of the net at The Leazes End in the 15th minute!

The best goal of the 5 in 2 days!

Brest, who like Girona the day before, have qualified for The Champions Leegue were much better than Friday's opponents and had several chances to equalise but Dubravka in The Toon goal made some excellent saves to deny the Frenchmen who had a smaall smatterin of fans in level 7 of The Leazes End!

NUFC held on though to win The Sela Cup, a 'titillating' experience against Brest (sic!)   The cup woz presented at full time alang with the lasses win v Inter Milan women orlier on, to give us 2 trophies in ONE DAY!----UNPRESEDENTED!

Attendance: 33,760 (30 or so Brest fans in level 7)

We predicted that the crowd woz 33,000!---So we wornt far off!  

*THE GEORDIE TIMES—A GROVELLIN’ APOLOGY!

We said that The Toon lasses played Inter Milan, when in fact they played AC Milan!

Wor excuse iz that we didnt see the lasses game az we were consuming vast amoonts of ale at the time in The Leazes End Companions boozer in the shadows of SJP, az that game woz played!

We arnt really into lasses futbaall, but wish them every success in the future!

Thanx to eagle eyed ‘Jimmy the Riddler’ for spotttin wor misstayk!

(At least we got ‘Milan’ reet!)

🤪👍🏁

THE TOON V GIRONA ON FRIDAY AND BREST ON SATURDAY*** SELA WEEKEND

 PPosted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Friday 9th August 2024

SJP FROM HADRIANS TOWER, BUT CAN YOO SPOT THE STRAWBERRY 🍓 BOOZER! 

(See bottom of this article if yoo can’t spot it!)

The Sela Weekend iz aalmost upon us az NUFC play 2 games in 2 days v Spanish 🇪🇸 and French 🇫🇷 opposition at SJP!

Nee doubt that there will be 2 completely different line ups on both days to give aall of wor first team squad some game time! Apart from Tonali of course, who iz still suspended!

Geordie Times match reports and pix will appear here on Sunday and Munday! (Won’t have time to dee Girona game report on Saturday, az I will be off to the 2nd game v Brest at ‘high noon bells 🔔 on Saturday afternooon!)

“Watch this space az per usual on Sunday!”

This IZ The Geordie Times!—-wot did yoo expect!?🤔

OSULA SIGNS FOR NUFC!

 Posted ‘2:12pm bells 🔔’ Thorzday 8th August 2024 by

News reaches The Geordie Times that William Osula haz been signed from Sheff U for a reported £10 million quid!

The 21 year old Danish born striker iz a welcome addition to wor squad!

I am sure that you’ll agree that he looks much better in those brilliant 🤩 black n white stripes, than those horrible🥶 red n white stripes he wore at Sheff U!

*

369 1st cloud arena south shields (v u21s)

Ground Number 369 (370 if you include Motspur Park from ootside!)

Date of First Visit: 4th August 2024

1st Cloud Arena, South Shields

South Shields  1

Newcastle United U21s  1 (Johnny Emerson)

Friendly fixture

Attendance: 1,424 (quite a few Toon fans)

“HEY! HEY! YOU! YOU!—-GET OFFA MY CLOUD!”

NUFC have played here before 32 years ago, but we wernt there coz it clashed with a 1st team game in Doncaster!

And so it came to pass that The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers got this groond off wor bucket list at last! That’s ‘Alex of St George’, (Middleton St George), Dave from Gossy’ ( Gosforth) and not so little old me!

Wot a smashin' little groond with cover on aall 4 sides---better than many leegue groonds we have been tee, includin Luton last season in The Premyaa Leegue! (Soooth Sheeeldz are in The National Leegue North this season—2 steps below The Futbaall Leegue!)

The Rolling Stones “Get offa my Cloud” 1960s hit record woz blasting ower the loudspeakers— very appropriate az the stadium name suggests!

"DRINK!--DRINK--- WHEREVER YOO MAY BE!"

It didnt start off well az Soooth Sheeeldz were aall ower us in the forst half of the forst half and the breakthrough came in the 9th minute when Paul Beckett's cross foond Ewan McGowen inside the penalty area and he made ne misstayk with a fine shot to put Sheeeldz 1-0 up!

They pounded wor goal with goalie Aiden Harris havin a blinder and anothaa goal looked odds on az wor youngins could hardly get across the half way line----but this iz futbaall and anything can happen az an error from a Sheeelz defender in the 32nd minute, let in Johnny Emerson, who raced doon the field  with just the goalie to beat and he expertly shot home to level things in front of the Toon faithful behind that goal!

1-1 at half when Soooth Sheeldz shud have been well clear!

WE played better in the 2nd half but again Sheeeldz couldnt get past Harris and the game ended aall square!

The mad-sad groundhoppers who went to Japan wernt there of course, but az we've said in the past, "yih cannit dee them aall!" 

*

TAMS BAR

Tams Bar in an industrial estate near the groond 

(for ‘gargels’ pre match!)

*MATCH ‘TICKET’!

    “WE WOZ THERE!”