INGLAND 1 THE DANISH BACON BRIGADE 1

 Posted ‘1:11pm 🔔 bells’ Friday 21st Joon 2024

KANE’S GOAL AT WOOLLY EDGE SERVICES

“HEADS IN A SPIN! (DRYER!”)

England expected but the team didn’t deliver!

By amazin’ coincidence aa saw Harry Kane’s goal ⚽️ at Woolly Edge services on the M1, az aa woz walking 🚶 past the telly to Greggs for a cup of coffee! ☕️ 

By the time a got back to mee truck in the truck park and switched on the radio, Denmark 🇩🇰 had equalised!

The co woman commentator then said the immortal words! “ENGLAND HEADS ARE IN A SPIN!’—“ITS LIKE THEYVE BEEN INSIDE A TUMBLE DRYER!”  Now wot the hells a ‘tumble dryer’, like?

Aa wonder if wor lass naaz????

A poor 2nd half and we were lucky to get away with a draw in an aaful performance!

Thank God aa couldn’t watch THAT!

(And why oh why didn’t Southgate bring Anthony Gordon on to run doon the wing and supply the crosses???)🤔

TOON FIXTURES RELEASED FOR NEW SEASON!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' 🔔 Tuesday 18th Joon 2024

The Premyaa Leegue fixtures have just been published and they have been sort of kind to us travellin Toon fans!

We start off with a home game v newly promoted Sooothampton and then the longest away trip of the season to Bournemoooth!(Get it oot the way!)

Xmas and New Year doesn’t look bad eethaa with a home game v Villa on Boxin Day and an away game v Man U just before new year’s day! (wor 2nd nearest away game after Man City!)

We have 3 midweek home games and just one midweek away game! (The Liverbirds in February)

Amazingly we will play Evaatin away on a weekend day (unless they move it to a Friday or Munday neet)( We normally play them midweek away)

Wor last home game iz against Ipswich Toon, who will probably have been relegated by then!

Of course the vast majority of them will be moved for live telly, so divvint book owt yet, like!

IN COMPLETE CONTRAST! ⬇️

HOWAY INGLAND! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 27th Joon 2024

Congrats to Ingland on their 1-0 win ower Serbeeeaaa last neet in Gelsenkirchen! (Been there with The Toon--got the Tee shirt!)

Watched it in the hoose, great forst half---crap second half!

Kieron Tripper played, but Anthony Gordon, who woz one of the subs didn't get on!----Next stop, 'The Danish Bacon Brigade' on Thorzday in Frankfurt! (Aalso been there to watch The Toon!---got the Tee Shirt from there az well!)

And spare a thought for the daft Ingland fans who got dreanched to the bone in Times Square in The Toon, payin a tenner each to get in and £7 a pint in a thin plastic container to watch it on the giant screen! (Are they completleee mad---or wot?) ⬇️

TOOK THIS PHOTO OF 'TIMES SQUARE' ON THE BUS YEM!

(NAMED AFTER 'THE GEORDIE TIMES' OF COURSE!---HONEST!)

  

THE BIG SCREEN AT MEE ‘LOCAL’ 

PS: IT WOZ MUCH DRYER IN WOR HOOSE, LIKE!)

SEND FOR KELLY!

 Posted ‘3:30pm bells’ Thorzday 13th Joon 2024

Wor first signin of the new season haz put pen to paper!

25 year old Lloyd Kelly haz signed a 5 year deal and will officially join NUFC on July 1st

He’s a left sided central defender and comes on  ‘free’ after his Bournemoooth contract expired

Welcome to The Toon Lloyd!

ATTENTION NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS!

 Posted 6:30pm bells’ Friday 7th Joon 2024

“ NEW GROOND!  NEW GROOND!” 🤪👍🏁

News reaches The Geordie Times that Sooth Sheeeldz hav announced that they will play a friendly v NUFC U21s at their groond in August!

This will be the forst time ever that we have played them there!—-EVER!

The groond iz near BEDE Metro station!

It aalso says that anyone tornin’ up in  mackem strips will be refused entry and if anyone of them gets in they will be hoyed oot!

CIVIL WAR AZ MAN CITY UPTURN THE PREMYAA LEEGUE APPLE CART!

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Wedinzday 5th Joon 2024

Unless yoo live on the Moon, you'll have hord through wor 'little sister paper' 'The Times' and the media, that Man City have issued a legal action against The Premyaa Leegue for tryin' to stop their spendin' spree!

If they win their case it could meeen that NUFC can spend wot we like to compete with the so caalled 'big six'!

We await with 'baited breath' to see the outcome of the 2 week hearin' which begins on Munday 10th Joon!

We've made the artice a bit bigger so those of yoo with dodgy 'mince pies' can read it!---And best of luck with deein 'The Times' Crossword!

ING-ER-LAND EXPECTS!

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Munday 3rd Joon 2024

Ing-er-land take on Bosnia at SJP tooneet in a pre Euro Tournament warm up game!

Wor very own Kieron Trippier will captain the team and hiz young son will be the mascot!

Anthony Gordon iz expected to 'miss oot' coz of an ankle injury!

It's a complete selloot and the games kicks off at '7:45bells' and iz live on Channel 4 if yih havvint got a ticket and cannit get to your nearest boozer!

Updated Tuezday:

A 3-0 win for Ing-er-land, which included NUFC's Kieran Trippier az captain, with 2nd half goals from Cole Palmer (pen), Trent Alexander Arnold and Harry Kane in front of a 50,000 plus crowd!

TOON DATES FOR YOUR DIARY!

Posted 'high noon bells' 🔔  Sunday 2nd Joon 2024

LATEST PIX OF 'THE STACK' BOOZER BEHIND THE GALLOWGATE END, WHICH SHUD BE OPEN VERY SOON!

“STACK EM HIGH!”

2024

Friday 7th Joon: New kit launch

Sunday 9th Joon: Blaydon Races Day 162nd anniversary of the song written by Geordie Ridley!

Tuesday 11th Joon: 55th anniversary of wor Fairs Cup win (Fairs Cup Day!) 🤪👍🏁 🏆 

Wedinzday 12th Joon: Fairs Cup parade! ( And my 🎂 borthday!)

Friday 14th Joon: Transfor window opens

Tuezday 18th Joon: Premyaa Leegue fixtures released

Friday 21st Joon: Home cup ticket scheme deadline '5:00 pm bells'

Wedinzday 31st July: Urawa Red Diamonds, Satima Stadium, Japan, '7:30 bells' local time

Saturday 3rd August: Yokohama F Marionos, National Stadium, Japan, '7:00bells' local time

Saturday 17th August: Premyaa Leegue starts

Week commencin' Monday 26th August: Leegue Cup 2nd roond

Friday 30th August: Transfor window closes

2025

Wedinzday 1st January: Transfor window opens

? ? January: FA Cup 3rd roond

Monday 3rd February: Transfor window closes

Sunday 25th May: Season ends

"AWAY THE LADS!"

 Posted '12:57pm bells' Wedinzday 29th May 2024

*Az well az the above familiar faces, aalso leavin' are some unfamiliar names: Matty Bondswell, Kyle Crossley, Amadou Diallo, Jordon Hackett, Michael Ndiweni and Jude Smith---and aalso expected to leave are: Lucas Debolle, Will Brown, Dylan Stephenson and Rodiga Vilca!

*Nee news yet of any incomin' transforz, but the summer window opens on Friday 14th Joon 

*WE won't speculate just who we might sign until its done and dusted and they are standin in front of The East Stand 'NEWCASTLE UNITED' sign wavin' a black 'n' white Toon scarf!

DUMMY FAREWELL!👏

AND HERE’S A BRILLIANT MESSAGE FROM MATT RITCHIE!👏

CHELSEEE TO PULL OOT OF EUROPA CONFERENCE LEEGUE RUMOURS!

 Posted ‘4:00pm bells’ Munday 27th May 2024

NUFC could STILL play in Europe IF Chelseee pull oot, coz of financial punishment possibilities!  

Or are we clutchin’ at straws?

(Read article below)

 

SO! Divvint put yih passports into hibernation just yet Toon fans!

🤪👍🏁 🇪🇺