CIVIL WAR AZ MAN CITY UPTURN THE PREMYAA LEEGUE APPLE CART!

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Wedinzday 5th Joon 2024

Unless yoo live on the Moon, you'll have hord through wor 'little sister paper' 'The Times' and the media, that Man City have issued a legal action against The Premyaa Leegue for tryin' to stop their spendin' spree!

If they win their case it could meeen that NUFC can spend wot we like to compete with the so caalled 'big six'!

We await with 'baited breath' to see the outcome of the 2 week hearin' which begins on Munday 10th Joon!

We've made the artice a bit bigger so those of yoo with dodgy 'mince pies' can read it!---And best of luck with deein 'The Times' Crossword!

ING-ER-LAND EXPECTS!

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Munday 3rd Joon 2024

Ing-er-land take on Bosnia at SJP tooneet in a pre Euro Tournament warm up game!

Wor very own Kieron Trippier will captain the team and hiz young son will be the mascot!

Anthony Gordon iz expected to 'miss oot' coz of an ankle injury!

It's a complete selloot and the games kicks off at '7:45bells' and iz live on Channel 4 if yih havvint got a ticket and cannit get to your nearest boozer!

Updated Tuezday:

A 3-0 win for Ing-er-land, which included NUFC's Kieran Trippier az captain, with 2nd half goals from Cole Palmer (pen), Trent Alexander Arnold and Harry Kane in front of a 50,000 plus crowd!

TOON DATES FOR YOUR DIARY!

Posted 'high noon bells' 🔔  Sunday 2nd Joon 2024

LATEST PIX OF 'THE STACK' BOOZER BEHIND THE GALLOWGATE END, WHICH SHUD BE OPEN VERY SOON!

“STACK EM HIGH!”

2024

Friday 7th Joon: New kit launch

Sunday 9th Joon: Blaydon Races Day 162nd anniversary of the song written by Geordie Ridley!

Tuesday 11th Joon: 55th anniversary of wor Fairs Cup win (Fairs Cup Day!) 🤪👍🏁 🏆 

Wedinzday 12th Joon: Fairs Cup parade! ( And my 🎂 borthday!)

Friday 14th Joon: Transfor window opens

Tuezday 18th Joon: Premyaa Leegue fixtures released

Friday 21st Joon: Home cup ticket scheme deadline '5:00 pm bells'

Wedinzday 31st July: Urawa Red Diamonds, Satima Stadium, Japan, '7:30 bells' local time

Saturday 3rd August: Yokohama F Marionos, National Stadium, Japan, '7:00bells' local time

Saturday 17th August: Premyaa Leegue starts

Week commencin' Monday 26th August: Leegue Cup 2nd roond

Friday 30th August: Transfor window closes

2025

Wedinzday 1st January: Transfor window opens

? ? January: FA Cup 3rd roond

Monday 3rd February: Transfor window closes

Sunday 25th May: Season ends

"AWAY THE LADS!"

 Posted '12:57pm bells' Wedinzday 29th May 2024

*Az well az the above familiar faces, aalso leavin' are some unfamiliar names: Matty Bondswell, Kyle Crossley, Amadou Diallo, Jordon Hackett, Michael Ndiweni and Jude Smith---and aalso expected to leave are: Lucas Debolle, Will Brown, Dylan Stephenson and Rodiga Vilca!

*Nee news yet of any incomin' transforz, but the summer window opens on Friday 14th Joon 

*WE won't speculate just who we might sign until its done and dusted and they are standin in front of The East Stand 'NEWCASTLE UNITED' sign wavin' a black 'n' white Toon scarf!

DUMMY FAREWELL!👏

AND HERE’S A BRILLIANT MESSAGE FROM MATT RITCHIE!👏

CHELSEEE TO PULL OOT OF EUROPA CONFERENCE LEEGUE RUMOURS!

 Posted ‘4:00pm bells’ Munday 27th May 2024

NUFC could STILL play in Europe IF Chelseee pull oot, coz of financial punishment possibilities!  

Or are we clutchin’ at straws?

(Read article below)

 

SO! Divvint put yih passports into hibernation just yet Toon fans!

🤪👍🏁 🇪🇺

"JAGIELLONIA BAILYSTOK HERE WE COME! *** OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!"

 Posted '1:33pm bells' Saturday 25th May 2024

“YIV GOT TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT!—BUT WILL WE BE!?”’

Today iz the biggest day of the season for NUFC!----AND WE ARN'T EVEN PLAYIN'!

For it's FA Cup final day at Wem-ber-leee, where the blue side of Manchester, take on the red side of Salford!

The scenario iz simple for The Toon to qualify for next season's Europa Conference Leegue!

A Man City win (Yes pleeeze!) meenz that we QUALIFY!

A Moan U win (Nee thanx!) meenz that we DIVVINT!

Withoot jumpin the gun, wor possible opponents are from places we've never hord of, from countries we've never hord of!

'Exotic'? places like Jagieonia Bailystok, TSC Backa Topola and Borac Banja Luka to name just three possible opponents for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!' (Havvint got a clue which towns or cities those teams are from OR which obscure countries they come from, whch we've never hord of!???)

I will be watchin' it in 'The Leazes End (Companions) Club' in Leazes Park Road, which iz within hocklin distance of SJP!

It's the cheapest bar aroond these parts by far, so why not caall in for a pint or TEN to watch it!

Kick off iz at '3:00 bells' and we shud naa by '5:45pm bells' at the latest IF we are in Europe next season or NOT!

The Geordie Times will of course bring yoo the outcome az soon az we find oot!  "COME ON CITIH!"

*Updated 5:50pm 'bells' 

THE NUFC WEMBLEY CURSE STRIKES AGAIN!—EVEN WHEN WE’RE NOT PLAYIN’!

In 1995 Moan U were odds on favourites to win the FA Cup v Evaatin at Wembley!

Evaatin won and took wor place in Europe!

Fast forward to 2024. Man City were odds of favourites to win the FA Cup v Moan U at Wembley!

Moan U won and took wor place in Europe!

“I HATE WEMBLEY!” 🥶🔫

PS: NUFC are anly the 2nd team in 10 years to finish 7th and not qualify for Europe! 🙈🔫

Updated Munday

We wanted Leeedz to win the play offs at Wembley az its 500 miles less than a roond trip to Sooothampton!

Of course 'the NUFC Wembley jinx' struck again az Sooothampton won 1-0!

A LEEGUE ALL STARS 8. NUFC NO STARS 0 *** MEANINGLESS FRIENDLY!

 Posted’2:00pm 🔔 bells’ Friday 24th May 2024

NOT SO MARVELous at THE MARVEL STADIUM

“22,000 MILES FOR A JUNIOR GAME!?

Goalie Mark Gillespie led oot a team with ZERO Premyaa Leegue games under their belts—and paid the ultimate price!

I feel sorry for The Toon fans who made the 22,000 mile roond trip at great expense to watch players from the forst team squad and ended up watchin players they’d probably never hord of!

Aalso wor Australian based fans must have been puzzled at the line up and were sold short!

NOT a very good PR exercise!

NUFC 'LAND OF OZ TOUR' 2024!

 Posted '7:00pm bells' Tuezday 21st May 2024

Updated 1:20pm bells' Wedinzday

The Toon are playin' 2 absolutlee pointless games in the Land of Oz tooneet and Friday!----A 25 hour flight from London to Melbourne!

It's aall for publicity and money of course, but after a lang and tierin' season, surely this iz the last thing wor players need?---and just before the Euros in Joon!

For certain, wor Australian based fans WILL be happy though!

Season ticket holders and members can watch the 2 games v Sporz tomorrow at '10;45am bells' GMT (Geordie Meeen Time!) and against The A Leegue Aall Stars?<Whoever they are? on Friday at '8:45am bells' GMT and fans shud receive an e mail from NUFC to 'log in'!

IT'S FREE TO WATCH!  

Updated Wedinzday:

"DOON UNDER DELIGHT! 

🤪👍🏁

ISAK’S GOAL*A SIMPLE TAP IN!

NUFC drew 1-1 with Sporz, but won 5-4 in a penalty shootout in front of ower 78,000 at Melbourne Cricket Groond!

Isak scored wor goal in normal time after Maddison had put Sporz ahead and Harrison Ashby scored the penalty shootout winner!

THE BRENTFAAD BEEEZ 2 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Munday 20th May 2024

BRUNO’S DECISIVE 4th GOAL TO SEAL THE VICTORY!

“EUROPE OR BUST!”

The European dream iz still on, thats IF Man City beat Moan U in the FA Cup final next Saturday!  IF that happens, then we will be in The Europa Conference Leegue next season!---BUT IF Moan U somehow beat their near neighbours, then we will miss oot, az Moan U will gan into The Europa Leegue and Chelseee (who finished in 6th place) will take wor place in The Conference!

On a bright and hot sunny day in west London we secured 7th place above Moan U after a 4-2 win at Brentfaad!

The events unfolded az follows:

2nd minute: Ivan Toney scores against hiz former club to put The Beeez 1-0 up BUT VAR owerruled this for offside and the goal woz disallowed!

21st minute: Harvey Barnes heeds home from a Bruno centre! 

1-0 to us!

Soon after Longstaff then had a goal ruled oot for offside by VAR

36th minute: Murphy fires home from an Isak cross! 2-0 to us

38th minute: We hardly had time to regain breath when 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) sidefooted the baall into the net from a Bruno through baall to score hiz 21st goal of the season! HT 3-0 to us!

48th minute: A big scare just after the restart when Brentfaad pulled a goal back when Janelt ran through the Toon defence to fire home past 'The Pope' in the Toon goal! 3-1 to us!

70th minute: Nerves started jannglin in the away end when Wissa 'whizzed' through to hit a great shot which went in off the post!

3-2 to us!

77th minute: The main talkin point of the game when Lewis Hall woz sent sprawlin in the box by Mbeumo and the ref pointed straight to the penalty spot!  HOWEVER!----VAR got involved and said Hall woz tripped just ootside the box and so the ref changed hiz mind and gave a free kick on the edge of the penalty area, much to the disgust of Toon players and fans alike!  "Chants of "FCUK VAR!" then followed from the outraged away section!

Isak took the free kick which woz parried into the path of Bruno who had the simple task of strokin’ the baall into the net to send the NUFC faithful into raptures!----JUSTICE WOZ DONE! 4-2 to us full time!

(Bruno’s goal video at top of page!)

Attendance: 17,124 )(1,730 Toon fans)

Chelseee'z win against Bournemoooth meant we must settle for 7th place and (hopefully?) more European futbaall next season!

"COME ON CITIH!"

*SEASON ROUND UP --"That's entertainment!"

102 goals in aall competitions 

A record 85 Premyaa Leegue goals

A record 36 Premyaa Leegue away goals

147 Premyaa Leegue goals in Toon games (The most this season)

London pub crawl: 5

Grand total for the season 118 different boozers

“At £8:50 for a real ale, yi need to remortgage yi hoose to drink here!”

“Yi need a bank loan for a sarnie and gargel here!”

Unlike most London games, Toon fans were welcome in every boozer near the groond---and their fans were friendly!---If anly they didn't play in those horrible red n white stripes!

THE BRENTFAAD BEEEZ V THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘6:00pm bells’ Saturday 18th May 2024

The very last day in an exhaustin' season tomorrow, where we have seen The Toon’s 1st team play 54 games to date, with one to gan (won’t be in Australia next week, unless yoo can lend/give me £3,000!?)

For certain it’s been the most expensive season for away games with ower 20 owerneet stays at an average of £50 for hotels=£1,000 (at least!)

That’s nee thanx to daft kick off times and train strikes, not to mention 3 days away each for wor 3 Champions Leegue away games at aboot £600 plus for each game aall in! (Trains, flights, trams, busses, booze, scran, hotels etc!)

It will be great to have a 2 month ‘break’ before the next game—-wherever that may be?

Will we be in Europe again?  We will have a better idea come ‘6 bells’ on Sunday when the season finishes!

The 2 othaa games we are interested in:

Chelseee v Bournemoooth and Nee Where Near Brightin v Moan U

Bournemoooth and Brightin wins pleeeze!

We are on the train yet again to King’s Cross in the mornin and amazingly we can actually get back from London on the same day!  (A rarity these days!)

And wor last report from the Premyaa Leegue season will appear here eethaa on the train back from King's Cross tomorrow neet on mee mobile 'telling bone' OR the followin day on mee lap top!

Az per usual:"Watch this space!"