THE TOON 1 THE MOAN U MUPPETEERS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 3rd December 2023

TOON FANS CELEBRATE ANTHONY GORDON'S GOAL TO WIN THE GAME!

"3 IN A ROW! HO! HO! HO!"

For the 3rd time this year we beat Moan U for the forst time in 102 years----1921 to be exact!---And this iz the worst performance from them that 'yours truly' haz seen in 55 years!

We started off on the front foot on a bitterly caad neet and the same startin line up that we played in Paris last Tuezday!

There are too many Toon chances to mention, but Kieron Tripper's free kick woz the closest we came to scorin, az his shot from ootside the box hit the bar at The Gallowgate End, but reboonded off the goal line to safety! 

Man Us goalie Onana got some horrific stick everytime he touched the baall, az he woz at fault for 2 of Galatasaray's goals in their Champions Leegue game on Wedinzday!  ("Dodgy keeper!"and aall that!)

The breakthrough came in the 55th minute when a pinpoint cross from Trippier from the Leazes End byline foond Anthony Gordon unmarked and he hit a sweet shot from close in to give us the lead, to very loud roars from the Toon faithful! (The guy in front of me stood up and blocked mee view of Gordon for a split second and ah just seen the baall enter the net!----but not Gordon hittin it!) Sit doon iff yih luv The Toon!

We completly dominated the game and could easily have won 4 or 5 nil, but lady luck (like Trippers crossbar effort) woz against us yesterday!

Yet another injury blow woz added to the lang list when Toon goalie 'The Pope' injured hiz shoulder late on and had to be replaced by Martin Dubravka!

The 3 points took us above wor opponents who's manager whinged on aboot 'us' playin on Tuezday and 'them' playin on Wedinzday, thus givin 'us' more time to recover from both of wor midweek exploits in The Champions Leegue!   We divvint caall them 'Moan U ' for nothin!

Attendance: 52, 214 (3,100 Muppets in level 7 of The Leazes End ---many had heeded for the exits for the last train to King's Cross, before the ridiculous 9 minutes of stoppage time were added!)

*Before the match az they marched up to the away end the Moan U Muppets sang the usual: "Alan Shearer sad Geordie bastard, shit futball team", song!---We are SO shit that we have beat them 3 times in a row!---just sayin'!

THE TOON v THE MOAN U MUPPETEERS *** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘3:00pm bells’ Saturday 2nd Decembaa 2023

Flashback 60 years, when Toon manager 'smokin' Joe Harvey helped clear the pitch of snow at The Leazes End!---Nee undersoil heatin' in them days! ---Can yoo imagine Eddie Howe deein this today???

In 'Geordiebetical' order, (deep breath!) Anderson, Barnes, Botman, Burn, Longstaff, Murphy, Targett and Wilson are aall still crocked with various injuries, while Tonali (of course) iz suspended til next season!

Ritchie and Krafth are available, while Lascelles and Trippier are one bookin away from suspension for this ridiculous timed Saturday game of '8:00 bells' tooneet!---The game will finish at aroond '10:00 bells' which hardy gives yoo anytime for a post match 'gargel'!

'Pre match' of course, yiv got aall day and evenin to get completely 'sloshed' before kick off!

For once, against Moan U, we are actually favourites to win with the bookies, so lets hope they are reet!---It wont be eezy with aall theeze injuries of course!

It's thermal socks and underwear season, with sub zero temperatures on Tyneside, with a minus 8 recorded in the orly hours of this mornin' and snow on the groond! 

ie: it will be freeezin come kick off time---so wor advice iz to drink plenty of cold beer to keep waam!

A Geordie Times match report to follow tomorrow sometime, so az per usual "Watch this space!"

367 parc dez princes, paris

 Ground number 367

(118th competitive European game in a row, home and away)

Date of First Visit:  28th November 2023

Parc Dez Princes, Paris, France

UEFA Champions League, Group stage F (game 5)

Attendance: 46,435 (2,000 gobsmacked Toon fans!) 

 "SIMPLE SYZMON!"

First of aall apologeez for dein this report back to front, but there’s a very good reason for dein this!

Yuh wud expect a referee who reffed the World Cup final to get a simple decision rest!

But ‘simple’ Syzmon Marciniak got it horribly wrang by awarding PSG a penalty for a non handball by Tino Livramento in the 8th minute of stoppage time, after changing his mind by wavin away penalty appeals from the PSG players in the first place! The PSG Ultra on the tannoy aalso got involved and shouted sommik in French, demandin a penalty! (Why woz that allowed?)

VAR had told the Polish ref to look at the pitch side monitor and he pointed to the spot after 3 minutes watching replays!

They of course scored to level the tie after NUFC had taken the lead in the 24th minute through Isak to send the 2,000 Toon faithful into raptures!----Livramento had passed the baall to Almiron az we attacked their goal at the far end from us and had a shot---the baall woz fumbled by their goalie and fell nicely to 'Alexander the Great' who said "thank you very much" az he fired the baall into the net!

Relentless pressure then ensued from PSG and they had several chances to equalise, but somehow we kept them oot and went in at half time one-nil to the good!

Again in the 2nd period they laid seige to wor goal and wor patched up side looked absolutleee knackered az the clock ticked doon!

The 4th official then put a ridiculous EIGHT MINUTES stoppage time board up? (there couldnt have been anymore than 4) and then THAT penalty decision which iz the most unjust in aall the  European games I have ever seen, gannin way back to 1968!

The result meenz that we MUST beat AC Milan on home soil on the 13th of Decembaa and hope that Dortmund dee us a favour and eethaa draw or beat PSG in the last group stage game---az that sequence will put us into the knockoot stages in 2024!

Before the match we had watched wor U19s beat PSG U19s on the othaa side of Toon (Full match report on that to follow later) and then did a bit of 'sight seein' at the Arc de Treeeomff and the (Whey!)Aye-fill Towaa!---The liquid refreshments in a bar within site of the tower were the most expensive we've EVER SEEN on wor European travels!   9 pints between 3 of us came to a whoppin'-- 144 Euros! (approximately 130 quid in wor money!---(aboot £14 a pint!)---And here's the proof below!----And then it woz off to the main match!

 "Divvint drink here, unless you're a multi millionaire!"

After the match we were 'held back' for ower an hour and eventually got back to wor hotel on the Paris Metro at '1:00am bells'!--Aall the bars, includin' the hotel's were shut by this time, so we had nee choice but to gan for some 'shuteye' before travellin back on Wedinzday mornin! "ZZZZzzzz!"

We'd travelled here by Eurostar and did the same back----but not before havin a couple of gargels on the train from Paris and at King's Cross between trains! (see photos below when aa get time to dee them!)

“WE WOZ THERE!”

*

The (Whey!)Aye-fill Towaa

The Arc De Treeeomff

* Aall the 'Boozzaa crawl' photos to follow!

*9 visited Runnin total 64

St.Pancras, London on the way to the Eurostar to Paris

*

Paris

*Eurostar train bar (top) and King’s Cross boozer in between trains back

*

366 Stade Georges-Lefevre (v psg u19s)

 Ground number 366

Date of First Visit: 28th November 2023

Stade Georges-Lefevre Training Ground, Paris, France

Paris Saint Germain U19s 1

Newcastle United U19s 2 (Scott Bailey, Johnny Emerson)

UEFA U19s Youth League

Attendance: 700est (6 or 7 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers)

The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers are at the PSG Stade Georges Lefevre trainin groond to watch wor U19s game v PSG U19s which kicks off in an hours time! Then we will heed for the main stadium a few miles away to the east side of Paris to watch wor Champions Leegue game which kicks off at ‘8:00 bells’ GMT! (Geordie Meen Time!)

We will send a few photos and a brief match report at half time and when the U19s game iz ower!

So watch this space intentleee!

HT 1-0 up! Shot from inside box by number 71 Scott Bailey!

Number 8 and captain for PSG sent off in 50th minute for 2nd bookable offence!

58 minute  Scott Bailey hits the bar from a tight angle!

87th minute   PSG equalise with a great strike by their number 6🥶

89th minute  Bailey hits the bar again!

90th minute Number 74 Johnny Emerson wins the game for The Toon with a deflected shot from just inside the box!🤪👍⚽️

1st half action above—2nd half action below!

PSG v THE TOON **** TOMORROW NEET! *****

 Posted from '2:08 pm bells' Munday 27th Novembaa 2023 on the way to France ***

“Iz that Blackpool Tower in the distance!?”🤔

*1st port o call in St Pancras station, London, where we get the Eurostar to Parisss!

🍺The Barrel Vaults

2nd port o call at St Pancras!

🍺An old favorite. The Betjamen’s Arms! Then the train to Parisss!

Through passport control!

Made it to Paris! In the bar below near main train station

 Cristal PARIS!

THE TOON 4 CHELSEEE 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Sunday 26th Novembaa 2023

“WE'RE OWER THE MOON WITH THIS RESULT!”

An unexpected result for certain az we expected a tough game and a draw woz predicted by The Geordie Times for wor injury depleted side, which included THREE goalies on the bench!--How wrang we were!

The sequence of events were az follows:

13th minute: 17 year old Lewis Miley threads a pinpoint baall through to Isak who hits hiz shot past Sanchez in the visitors goal at The Leazes End! (1-0 to us!)

23rd minute: A misstayk by Lascelles led to a free kick on the edge of the box for Chelseee. Sterling took it and gave Pope in The Toon goal nee chance with a shot into the top corner to level things! 

45th minute: Trippier free kick hits the goal frame!

(HT 1-1)

60th minute: Lascelles makes up for hiz orlier error by heedin home unmarked from a Gordon cross! (2-1 to us!)

61st minute: We hadnt stopped celebratin Lascelles goal when Joelinton latched onto a misstayk by a Chelseee defender and fired home to increase wor lead to 3-1!

73rd minute: Chelseee caption James iz sent off for a 2nd bookable offence to reduce wor visitors to 10 men!

Fans celebrated Gordon’s goal!

83rd minute: Gordon completes the scorin with a shot into the corner of the net to send the crowd into raptures! (apart from the 1,000 or so left in the visitors section, az 2,000 had aalready departed for the train to King's Cross!)⬇️

A great performance to set us up nicely for the trip to Paris on Tuezday neet when we play PSG in wor last away game in the group stage of The Champions Leegue!

ATTENDANCE: 52,227 (3,100 very unhappy visitors who sang “We’ve won it all!—You’ve won F??k all!” Before the game!) And we aall hope they had a-miserable 💩 jorney 🚂 back to London!

 🤪👍

T

This game iz dedicated to 3 Toon diehards who have recently passed away!

RIP Dinzzy who drank in The Leazes End Companions Club before the match and Fairza who drank in Rosie’s Bar!

And Ray Gilroy (who we’re never met!)

Lost but not forgotten! 🪦 

The ‘tool-shed’ in Rosie’s

THE TOON v CHELSEEE *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 25th Novembaa 2023

HAPPY FANS LEAVE SJP AFTER BEATIN' CHELSEEE 1-0 LAST SEASON!

* This afternooon at '3:00 bells' we take on Chelseee at SJP in a rare non televised game and we havvint got a clue wot side Steady Eddie will be forced to pick, az the forst team injury list iz still in double figures!???

It will be tough for certain az we enter a hectic period with NINE games before Xmas Day in 3 competitions!

At the time of writin this, we will be very happy with a win against a resurgent Chelseee side, on the up! But a draw iz the most likely ootcome!

Then its off to Paris next Tuezday, for wor Champions Leegue game against PSG (We are on the Eurostar from St. Pancras for 'this one'!) and then 7 more games in 21 days, with an unglamorous trip to Luton the last of the 7, just before Xmas!

A full Geordie Times match report on today's game will appear here , sometime tomorrow!---Az per usual!

TOON GET GREEN LIGHT FOR LOAN SIGNINGS

 Posted '6:14pm bells' Wedinzday 22nd Novembaa 2023 

"CAN WE HAVE SOME OF THEEEZE?---PLEEEZE!"

Unexpectidleee, NUFC have been given the green light to sign loan players from Saudi clubs in the January transfor window, after the 20 Premyaa Leegue clubs voted by 12 (to ban loan players) to 8 (to allow it) az the 14 majority needed to ban loan players woz not reached! 

The 8 who voted to keep loan deals are Shefff U, Forist, Maan City, Chelseee, Evaatin, Wulvz, Bornley and of course NUFC!

NUFC INJURY LIST LENGTHENS!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Saturday 18th Novembaa 2023

There are an incredible 14 Toon players who are unlikely to play against Chelsea next Saturday through injuries, Ineligibility's and suspensions!----

"BRING ON THE RESORVES AND YOUTH TEAMS, EDDIE!"

1:Schar: Hamstring

2:Isak: Groin

3:Manquillo: Groin

4:Hall: Ineligible for Chelsea game az they are hiz parent club

5:Longstaff: Ankle

6:Almiron: Hamstring

7:Barnes: Foot

8:Wilson: Hamstring

9:Murphy: Shoulder

10:Burn: Back

11:Anderson: Back

12:Targett: Hamstring

13:Botman: Knee

14:Tonali: Suspended