THE TOON v THE ARSE *** TEATIME TODAY!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 4th Novembaa 2023

Last season NUFC lost 0-2 to The Arse at SJP ---

Lets hope we can dee much better this time!

It haz certainly been a hectic period for fixtures and just 3 days after wor great Leegue Cup win at Moan U on Wedinzday, we face The Arse at SJP today, in a Premyaa Leegue clash at '5:30 bells' for live telly!

And then next week we fly from Toon airport to Dusseldorf on Munday for wor Champions Leegue game v Dortmund on Tuezday, fly back on Wedinzday afternooon and then prepare for wor langest Premyaa Leegue away trip to Bournemoooth on Saturday, at '5:30 bells', and then homeward bound next Sunday!

We expect a raft of changes from Wedinzday and it will be very interestin to see the startin line up which iz released an hour before kick off!  

Wor home record against them iz shockin, az we have lost 8 oot of the last 10 games---winnin just 2 of them!

A full Geordie Times match report on today's game will appear here on Sunday, but it might be langer to dee the Dortmund report az we are away 3 days for that one!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

*

MOAN U MUPPETS 0 THE TOON 3 *** LEEGUE CUP 4th ROOND

 Posted '3:37pm bells' Thorzday 2nd Novembaa 2023

This iz just 5 mins after Willock’s goal in the 60th minute to put NUFC 3-0 up!

"REVENGE IZ SWEET!"

Toon players and fans celebrate at the end of the match, while the letters in the seats can be read with hardly any Moan U fans left inside ‘The Theatre of Muppets’

For the first time ever, ah woz confident that NUFC could beat Moan U at their place—-but when ah saw the team line up, with just 3 of the players who started at Wolves last Saturday included, ah had 2nd thoughts!—how wrang ah woz!

Dead simple—we started off on the front foot and never took it off the excelorator!

5th minute: Matt 🎯 Targett pulls up with wot looks like a hamstring injury and iz replaced by Almiron (which turns oot to be a blessing in disguise 🥸!) ⬇️

28th minute: Livramento races doon the pitch and sends a pin point pass to Miggy Almiron who holds off a home defender to hit a sweet left foot shot across the goal into the far corner of the net in front of The Stratford End!

36th minute: Joe Willock sends a cross into the box and McGuire heeds oot, straight to 19 year old Lewis Hall, who hits a great left footed shot into the corner of the goal to double wor lead and get his first senior goal for the Toon!

The 2nd period woz the same and on the hour mark Joelinton puts a foot in to win the baall, which falls to Joe Willock—He gans on a run and hits a fantastic shot past in the Milan U goal to send the 7,000 plus Toon fans behind that goal into meltdown!

“3-nil to The Geordie boys!”

It’s at this point that their fans get oot of their seats and (virtually!) stampede towards the exits! (See top picture!)

It seemed unreal!—it woz 10 years since we last won here and just the 2nd time we have won here in 51 years!

A game that will live in wor memories forevermore!

Attendance: 72,484 (7,300 jubilant Toon fans!)

Pegswood Geordies actually! Not Egswood! (Pegswood iz a village in Northumberland)

PS: The draw for the qwaataa final wasn’t kind (again!) and paired us with Chelsea—AWAY!

Spotted in the away section wearin specs. Fairs Cup winning captain Bobby Moncur!⬇️

Footnote:

PUB CRAWL PIX   3 visited runnin total 43 (aalso visited Heaton Park which woz visited v Man City so we cannot include it )

RIP DINZZY

Loyal Toon fan ‘Dinzzy’ (Aiden Brannan) haz passed away!

He travelled home and away to watch us!

This iz very sad news indeed!

DINZZY—lost but not forgotten!

THE MOAN U MUPPETEERS v THE TOON **** LEEGUE CUP 4th ROOND **** TOONEET!

 Posted' high noon bells' Wedinzday 1st Novembaa 2023

THE HOME SECTION THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE!

A canny selection from Dublin, Exeter, Wales, Scotland, China, Alnwick, Chelmsford, Outer Mongolia and of course, LONDON!

We travel across the Pennines to mancland for a Leegue Cup tie at the ridiculous time of 8:15 bells' for live telly, just to make sure that we cannit get back yem by public transport!

SO! we are settin' off in mee 'canny 9 seater tranny' very soon and are stoppin in a hotel on the ootskirts of eest Manchester! (Then a tram to 'The Theatre of Muppets'!)

We expect a raft of changes to the startin line up at Wolves and expect Moan U to dee the same!

An injury crisis iz engulfing NUFC with 7players unavailable due to various ailments

The Mancs will be on a massive 'downer' after their 3-0 defeat at home to arch rivals Man C on Sunday and we expect a somber home crowd for the occasion!

7,300 away tickets have been sold and many more would have attended if they had given us a bigger allocation!---At £38 for an adult ticket, this iz still cheaper than wot they charged us 10 years ago in the same competition----a ridiculous £45! 

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime on Thorzday!---Az per usual---"Watch this space!" 

THE HALLOWEEN BAG JINX STRIKES AGAIN!

 Posted 'high noon bells' on Halloween Munday 31st Octobaa 2023

HAZ A GHOST NICKED MY BAG?"

9 years ago on Halloween 2014, Colonel Gadaffi (NOT the one from Libya---the one from Bracknell in Berkshire!) stopped owerneet for wor game v Livaapoool and when he went back to hiz hotel he foond hiz owerneet bag woz missin from hiz room! Had a Halloween ghost nicked it, or wot? (He'd went to the wrang floor!)

This time before wor game v Villa he left hiz bag on the number 11 bus on hiz way to hiz west end hotel in Newcasil----He had to gan to Argos and buy anothaa one plus some toiletries and a change of clothes!

The Livaapool one iz a classic and we have reproduced it again on the Halloween annivorsary (see below)

THE TOON 1 THE LIVERBIRDS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:15am bells' Sunday 2nd November 2014

Reposted 'high noon bells' Halloween 2023

"WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED?"

John 'The Undertaker's' funeral had been the day before and 'The Colonel' (he's 'the spit' of deposed 'crackpot' Colonel Gadaffi!) waz stoppin' owerneet in The Rowers Hotel in Dunston to go the funeral and then the match against The Liverbirds the next day. (He lives in Bracknell in Berkshire)

We'd had quite a few drinks in celebration of 'The Undertaker's' life and after hiz funeral in The Toon and after a canny few drinks in various hostelries, I showed 'The Colonel where the hotel waz on the Friday evenin' and he dropped hiz owerneet bag off in 'Room 1' on the 1st floor of the hotel.

Az he waz droppin' hiz bag off  aa asked the hotel manager if he waz full that neet!  "We're fully booked", he said,  "But some of our business guests have been unavoidably delayed and won't get here til the mornin'!" <(an important point---reeed on!)

We then went on 'the hoy' in Dunston takin' in The Royal Hotel bar and The Tudor Rose bar where a Halloween party waz takin' place with the locals dressed up az ghouls, witches and devils with horns stickin' oot of their heeds and there waz even one idiot in a gorilla suit!

"THERE'S A GHOST IN THE HOUSE!" *** TUDOR ROSE

"Have yoo seen them?" 'The Colonel' said, and I told him that this waz the NORMAL dress attire in Dunston!

Anyway!---aa finally left him in a dishevelled and inebriated state 'late on' and arranged to meet him the next mornin' @ '10 bells' to gan to the match which kicked off @ '12:45 bells'

"Yi'll nevaa guess wot happened to me last night!?" he said when he torned up---and aa had visions of him tellin' me that he couldn't find hiz way back to the hotel!

But a more bizarre set off events had taken place!

He DID find the hotel and went to hiz room (which he'd forgot to lock!?) and 'crashed oot' "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

Next mornin' he awoke and opened the curtains and he could see that he had a view of the River Tyne from hiz window!
He couldn't understand why, az when he had went to hiz room the previous night to drop hiz bag off, he had a view of the road that leads to Dunston's futbaall groond?

He decided he needed a shave and went to get hiz owerneet bag which he'd left on a chair beside the bed---but it wasn't there!---he searched the room and even looked under the bed to see if it waz there---but it wasn't!???----(it waz Halloween wasn't it---spooky!) Someone must have sneaked in and 'nicked it' while he waz asleep, he thought and he went doon to reception to complain to the manageress of the hotel!

She went back upstairs with him and like a scene from 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears', she discovered that in fact he'd went back to the WRANG ROOM when he'd came back and had slept in the WRANG BED!--hence the 'Tyne view' he had and 'ne bag' in the room! <(yi couldn't make it up!)

Obviously the room he'd slept in WAZ for the (still un-arrived!) business people the hotel manager had told me aboot the neet before!

Imagine the scenario if the delayed business people HAD arrived orly in the mornin'???---A Beautiful blonde bimbo businesswoman arrives exhausted and gans to hor room!
She hoys hor 'kit off' and dives into bed--anly to discover a 'Colonel Gadaffi' lookalike snorin' hiz heed off on the next pillow!
A 'Halloween Horror Story' if ever there waz one!!!!  



Anyway!---off we set for The Toon and he got 'a load of merciless stick', aboot it, aa can tell yiz!

It waz then 'match time' and we heeded for wor seats.
The Toon started off the better of the 2 sides and went close on a couple of occasions. The Liverbirds were not very good and couldn't muster a shot durin' the 1st half and they were lucky not to be behind at the interval when at least one penalty decision went against us!

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END (1st HALF)

The visitors were a bit better in the 2nd period but The Toon stuck in and went for 'the jugular'.
The breakthrough came in the 73rd minute when a Sissoko pass was blocked by Mereno, but it fell nicely for Perez and he whacked the baall into the net from just inside the box to put us one-nil up, to huge roars from the crowd!

It shud have been two just eight minutes later when Cabella waz put through by Sissoko and with anly Mignonet to beat in The Liverbirds goal he shot by the keeper managed to push the baall around the post to deny him!

It 'mattered not' though!---and we held on to record wor FOURTH win in a row and move up to the dizzy heights of 11th in the table!

ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END DURIN' THE 2nd HALF

After the match me and 'The Colonel' heeded for 'The Bodega on Westgate Road where he left hiz owerneet bag under a table!

Sometime later he looked for it, but (again!) it wasn't there? and had mysteriously moved by itself to an alcove above a door!----very spooky! 

"HOW DID THAT GET UP THERE!???"

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Steve Taylor, Dummett, Sissoko, Abeid, Colback, Obertan (Aarons 27), Cisse (Perez 46), Sammy Ameobi (Cabella 66)

Attendance: 52,166 (3,200 Liverbirds)

Wolverhampton Wanabeez 2. The Toon 2 …Premyaa Leegue 2023-2024

 Posted from 11:00am bells’ onwards Sunday 29th Octobaa 2023 on the train back from Wolves

Callum Wilson’s penalty to put us 2-1 up!

“Don’t let it rain on me!”

For the 2nd game in a row we played in torrential rain and as have to say that wor players divvint like it!

After some Wolves pressure only on, it woz US who made the breakthrough at ThecSouth Bank end in the 22nd minute when Callum Wilson did a spectacular owerheed kick from close range to give us the lead!

Toon fans celebrate Wilson’s 1st goal!

The rain woz chucking it doon az Wolves went for the equaliser and it came 15 mins later when Laminate heeded past The Pope in the Toon to level the score!

Deep into stoppage time we were awarded a controversial penalty when Chan fouled Fab Schaefer on the edge of the box!

After a very lengthy VAR check the spot kick woz given and up stepped Callum Wilson to fire home his 8th goal of the season az in the home goal got a hand to it but couldn’t stop the baall hittin the back of the net!

HT 2-1 to us!

Wolves came oot in the 2nd period with aall guns blazin az the heavy rain continued!

Anothaa equaliser came in the 72nd minute when Chan fired home into the corner of the goal!

We were out of sorts az they went for the winner!

NUFC had chances az well, but the game ended in stalemate after 8 mins of extra time!

In the end as woz happy for a point az the players clapped the 3,000 Toon fans—-and vice verser 

One change from Dortmund starting line up—-Wilson for the injured Isak

Attendance:  31,584 (3,000 Toon fans who got very wet after the game!)

Magical Mystery Pub Crawl Tour 2023-2024

Just 3 drinking dens this time! Video footage az well! Runnin total 40

The Wellington  Birmingham

The London North Western  Birmingham station

85 Cafe Bar  Travelodge Birmingham International

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ v THE TOON *** LATE TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

 Posted '1:11pm bells' Friday 27th Octobaa 2023

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE!---A 1-1 DRAW IN AUGUST 2022 

(TOON IN WHITE AND GREEN)

We heed to 'the black country' tomorrow, where we take on Wolves at Molineux----A groond aa forst visited way back in 1968 when we lost 5-0!----Not so good memories! (See archive section)

NUFC have a depleted squad with Harvey Barnes, Sven Botman, Alexander Isak, Jacob Murphy and Elliot Anderson oot through various injuries---and of course Sandro Tonali iz suspended til the start of next season for illegal gamblin'!

We are gannin doon by Sarnie Steve's 'jam jar' orly tomorrow mornin---stoppin' owerneet in Bormingham and gettin the train back to Tyneside on Sunday mornin' (Sarnie Steve iz workin' near Reading on Munday---so we have to get the train back!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az we travel back on the train!---Spelllin mistayks and aall, az aa dee it on mee mobile 'tellin' bone', az the train jolts from side to side!

THE TOON 0 BORUSSIAAA DORTMUND 1 *** CHAMPIONS LEEGUE GROUP STAGE 2023-2024

 Posted from '1:30 pm bells' onwards, Thorzday 25th Octobaa 2023

FINE MAGINS PROVES COSTLY!

I divvint naa just wot wor fans expected last neet, did they expect Dortmund to roll ower like PSG in the previous Champions Leegue home game???---Whey! that woz never gannin to happen and the alarm bells rang orly az the Jawman's had 3 orly chances to take the lead at The Gallowgate End az the rain p*ssed doon!

We had chances worsels but couln't make the breakthrough az chances went a'beggin with Anthony Gordon missin 2 and yoo just knew that this game wouldnt end goalless!

Isak had to be replaced after 15 mins by Wilson az he had a groin problem which iz a worry az wor injury list grows!

The one and anly breakthrough fell to wor visitors bang on 45 minutes when Nmecha fired home from the edge of the box to silence the Toon fans and send the drum beatin' 3,000 Dortmund fans wild with delight, high up in the gods of The Leazes End! HT 0-1

The Toon fans were very quiet at times in the 2nd period, not used to bein' behind and the heavy rain didnt help, az many of them were soaked to the skin, especially in The Gallowgate End az the wind drove the rain into them near the front rows!

Tonali and Murphy came on near the midpoint of the half, but Murphy didnt last lang az he had to be replaced by Willock after just 5 mins due to a bad shoulder injury!

We just couldn't make the breakthrough az we laid seige to the Gallowgate goal

We had 2 chances near the end when we hit the bar twice through a Callum Wilson heeder and a Anthony Gordon shot, which deflected of a defender!  On anothaa day those efforts would have went in off the bar, but agonisingly not this time az we lost for the forst time after 8 undefeated games previously!

Thats 1 win, 1 draw and 1 defeat in the group stage to send us from top to 3rd place despite havin a better goal difference that Dortmund, az the went above us to 2nd place on the 'head to head' rule!

PSG beat AC Milan 3-0 to top the group!

Attendance:52,000 (3,000 Dortmund)

Dortmund fans marchin’ to the groond (gannin past The Leazes End Companions boozer near SJP!)

News today that Tonali haz been banned for 10 months for breachin bettin rules comes az nee suprize eethaa! 

More pix and some videos to follow later!

THE TOON U19s 1. BORUSSIAAA DORTMUND U19s 2 —- UEFA YOUTH LEEGUE

 Posted ‘6:35pm bells’ Wedinzday 24th Octobaa 2023

Brief match report

The Toon young guns took on Dortmund you find at Gatesheed Stadium this afternoon and lost 2-1 to a strong Dortmund team in heavy drizzle!

It woz 1-0 to the Jawman’s by half time and they increased their lead idly in the 2nd period!

We pulled one back with a glorious effort from number 88 Sean Neave who had came on from the subs bench!

Unfortunately  we couldn’t find an equaliser and so we suffered wor 3rd defeat in a row in the UEFA Youth Leegue for U19s teams in the Champions Leegue!

Attendance: 800ish (quite a few Dortmund fans in the far corner of the picture below!

Main match report for the big boys at SJP sometime tomorrow!

THE TOON v BORUSSIAAA DORTMUND **** TOMORROW NEET!

 Posted '12:40pm bells' Tuezday 24th Octobaa 2023

We gan into this Champions Leegue group stage game, 8 games undefeated in 3 competitions, after yet anothaa great performance on Saturday, when we beat The Paliss 4-0 at SJP

News awaits of Sandro Tonali's fate for gamblin on games and we fear that he will be oot of action til at the very least the start of next season! (The Geordie Times will bring yoo news of that here, az soon az we find oot)

It shud be anothaa great occasion tomorrow in wor 3rd Champions Leegue game so far!

We top the group of course and a win would virtually qualify us for the knockoot stage in 2024! It's a complete sell oot of course with Dortmund takin their full allocation of 3,000 tickets! (NUFC fans have been given 3,900 for the retorn game in 2 weeks, in a stadium that holds ower 81,000!)

Before that game, wor U19s are in action at Gatesheed Stadium v Dortmund's U19s, a game that kicks off at '3:00 bells' in the European Youth Leegue---game 3 (we lost the previous 2 v AC Milan and PSG!)

A match report on both games will appear here in due course!