LEEEDZ 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted not lang after 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th May 2023, onwards

TOON IN AALL DARK BLUE STRIP

"A POINTS A POINT IF YOO GET MY POINT!"

A game that had everything! 4 goals, 3 penalties, 1 disallowed goal and 1 sending off AND a Leeedz fan thrown oot for confronting and pushin Eddie Howe in the dugoot!

The sequence of events were az follows:

7th minute: Completely against the run of play Leeedz take the lead  when Pope saved from Rodrigo,  but Ayling woz there for an eazy finish to send the home fans wild with delight and stun us!

30th minute: They then got a penalty when Joelinton made a clumsy tackle in the box!     Banford took the kick but The Pope saved brilliantly to keep the score at 1-0

32nd minute: At the othaa end anothaa penalty woz given when Isak woz hacked doon in the box by  Wober!   

Callum Wilson took the spot kick and hammered the baall into the net to level the scores!  HT 1-1

69th minute: We didnt notice this, but a Leeedz player handled the baall in the box (Firpo)with The Toon players pointin towards their hands in front of the ref---who had a bad day at the office!

After a lengthy VAR check the penalty woz given and up stepped Wilson again to hammer home and put us 2-1 up----to the joy of the travellin faithful! 

70th minute: We scored again through St Max from a Isak through baall, but the goal woz ruled offside after a VAR check!

79th minute: And then the sucker punch!--- just az we looked to have picked up the 3 valuable points a lang range shot from Kristensen took a wicked deflection off Trippier's heed and the baall wrang footed The Pope in The Toon goal and the scores were level again!

91st minute: Leeed'z Firpo woz sent off for a bad tackle on Anthony Gordon

92nd minute: We couldnt see the dugoot from where we were and anly foond oot later that a Leeedz fan had got into the technical area and pushed Eddie Howe and swore at him!----He woz dragged away by securuty staff and woz banned for life by Leeedz! 

WOR 'NO VIEW' OF THE TECHNICAL AREA!

TOON STAFF AND A SECURITY GUARD GRAP THE TOSSER!

It ended 2-2 and although it looked az though we'd hoyed away 2 points that 1 point meeenz that whatever Livaapool dee on Munday neet, 2 home wins against Brightin next Thorzday and Lestaa the followin Munday will guarantee  Champions Leegue qualification! (If Livaapoool draw or lose we anly need one more win az we have a far superior goal difference!) "Come on Lestaa!"

Attendance: A season high for Elland Road of 36,955 (2,900 Toon fans)

Its still in wor hands lads 'n' lasses!

Pub Crawl report (2 new boozers visited and 1 we have been tee orlier this season so we cannit coont The York Tap!)

Runnin total of different away boozers visited this season now 143!

On the way back az we had to change trains at York!

   

LEEEDZ v THE TOON **** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Thorzday 11th May 2023

"CATCH US IF YOO CAN!"

When Fat Sam (the hippo man!) took the reigns at Leeedz last week they were in 4th bottom place and oot of the relegation zone!

Fast forward a week and they are IN the mire nuw in 2nd bottom place!----In other words Fat Sam haz GOT to try and beat us and not 'park the bus', az he would have done if they were still ootside the relegation zone! 

Wor game iz the forst of the weekend games and a win would take us to 68 points and 6 clear of The Liverbirds in 5th place with 3 games left for them and 5 points clear of Moan U who have 4 games left!

Its 'sqeeeky bum time' for Leeedz, whereaz NUFC still have some 'breathin space', even if we divvint win!----Aall 2,900 away tickets were snapped up lang ago!

The Champions Leegue iz within grasp and a Europa Leegue place iz virtually guaranteed!

MAXIMUM POINTS POSSIBLE OF TEAMS BELOW NUFC

Moan U 75 (4 games left)

The Liverbirds 71 (3 games left)

Brightin 70 (5 games left)

Sporz 66 (3 games left)

PS: Accordin to BBC Birmingham, Villa can still catch us BUT az they have 54 points and 3 games left, they can anly get 63 points--2 less than we have now (65 points)

Note---Brightin lost 5-1 at home to Evaatin and have played 33 games, not 32

A Geordie Times match (and booze!) report will appear here on Sunday sometime!---Az per usual: "Watch this space!"

* 

THE TOON 0 THE ARSE 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted '5:30pm bells' Munday 8th May 2023

"HYPOCRITES !"

In wor game at Arsenal this season their manager accused us of blatant time wastin'--Yet hiz team did exactly the same at SJP yesterday az their player fained injury and took ages to take goal kicks and free kicks to slow the game doon!

To say that VAR iz in favour of the cartel, rang very true az well, az we were denied a stonewaall hand baall penalty! On top of that NUFC hit the woodwork twice and scored an own goal!---it just wasn't wor day!

Within 2 minutes of the start Jacob Murphy had hit the post at The Leazes End and 6 minutes later the ref pointed to the spot after a hand baall by an Arseholes player!---VAR told the ref to look at the monitor and after lookin at it for 3 minutes he eventually owertorned hiz decision and changed hiz mind?---to large boooos from the Toon fans! 

Then on 14minutes Odegaard's shot went through Schar's legs to put wor visitors 1-0 up!

Despite several chances we just couldnt get past their defence and that's the way it stayed til the break!

Straight after the restart Isak heeded against the right hand post at The Gallowgate End but the baall boonced to safety!----Fine margins against us again!

There were loads of play actin' by The Arseholes after this az they tried to slow the games doon with stage managed actin az they lay on the groond!

The killer goal came in the 71st minute when a Martinell cross deflected off Schar and into hiz own net! 2-0 to The Arse!

More time wastin followed!

Some brilliant saves by the Arse's keeper kept us oot and wor 2nd home defeat of the season came to pass!

Attendance: 52,267 (3,200 Arseholes!)

Some good news followed az West 'am beat Moan U 1-0 to keep us in 3rd place with 4 games to gan!-----ie We are STILL in the drivin seat!

YOO NEED TO CLIMB 200 STAIRS TO GET THIS VIEW FROM THE MILBURN STAND!

THE TOON v THE ARSE *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 7th May 2023

"WE ARE NEWCASTLE!"

"WE ARE UNITED!"

NUFC gan into this game needin a win, az the games run oot, but we are still in the drivin seat in 3rd place!---It WONT be eezy!

The Arse are now 4 points behind Man City who beat Leeedz yesterday and hopefully will be on a downer this afternooon, az they look like they have blown the title!

The quest for The Champions Leegue looks like gannin doon to the wire, az The Liverbirds have played and won 3 home games since we last played, narrowin the gap to 3 points!  BUT we dee have 2 games in hand on them, plus a better goal difference!

Moan U lost on Thorzday to Brightin and remain 2 points adrift of us---while Villa's loss at Wolves meenz that they cannit catch us!  Sporz won and still have a very slim chance!  Brightin have games in hand of us, but they are 10 points behind us, so this looks unlikly az well!

It shud be a noizy afternooon, especially with a '4:30 bells' kick off (ie: Fans will have loads of time for a canny few 'gargels' before the game!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday!---Az per usual "Watch this space!"

ground number 362 powerday stadium (v brentford 'B')

 Ground number 362                 

Date of First Visit: 5th May 2023

Powerday Stadium, London

Brentford 'B'  0

Newcastle United U21s 1 (Diallo)

Friendly fixture 

Attendance: 800 (estimated) includin 6 who had travelled doon from Tyneside! (Official attendance later given az 687)

"WE'RE ANLY HERE FOR THE CORONATION!" ("NOT!")

This game woz arranged at Hanwell Town FC in West London az they were formed by exiled Geordies 103 years ago, who were working doon there, AND! they play in black n white stripes and are nicknamed The Geordies!

We travelled doon on the packed train at '11:00am bells' with a few royalists dressed for the occassion in Union Jack's for the King Charles coronation the next day! (£92 retorn tickets!)

After a few gargels near Marble Arch after leavin the train at KING'S Cross (Tbe nearest we would get to a 'KING' on this trip!) we heeded for Hanwell on The Central Line tube (nearest station to the groond woz Perivale) A 10 minute walk and we were in the groond and were welcomed in the GEORDIE clubhoose with open arms by the chairman of Hanwell who bought the 6 of us who had travelled doon from Tyneside a large jug of beer!--Nice jesture from him!-Cheers!🤪👍🍺

"GEORDIES HERE---GEORDIES THERE!"

The game kicked off and there were actually more Toon fans there than Brentfaad--which iz just a few miles away!

The game wasnt much kop but we took the lead in the 28th minute when wor number 11 Dallio sent a pressision shot into the corner of the net!

Not much else happened and that woz the anly goal of the game!--However! Brentfaad gott a penalty not lang after the goal, but it woz expertly saved it by Thompson in The Toon goal, gannin the reet way to deny The Bees 'B's!

 The 2nd time we had beaten a Brentfaad team in west London this season!

After a couple more gargels post match in a boozer near the groond, we heeded back to KING'S Cross to catch the last (near deserted!) train to Tynside at '10:00bells'   arrivin back at 'The Central' at '2am bells'!---yet another one ticked off the list!

On 2nd thoughts--wish we'd stayed in London for the King's Coronation!🥶

HANWELL TOON---A HISTORY LESSON!

THE PUB CRAWL TOOK PLACE HERE IN MARBLE ARCH AND HANWELL!

lord wargrave

SIX AWAY BOOZERS VISITED THIS TIME, BRINGIN' THE GRAND TOTAL TO 141 DIFFERENT AWAY BOOZERS THIS SEASON---SO FAR!

(We aalso visited The Betjamen Arms near King's Cross, but cannit include it coz we have been here a few times this season!) 

"GEORDIES HERE!---GEORDIES THERE!"

 

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 5th May 2023

"THE GEORDIES v THE GEORDIES!"

*At the time of typin this on mee mobile 'telling bone', we (me and Big Al (NOT the sheet metal workers son!) are on the train to King's Cross (London)  to watch wor U21s play Brentfaad 'B' in a friendly at the home of Hanwell Toon FC, who play in west London!

SO! why are we gannin there and why haz the game been arranged??

Whey! Hanwell were formed by a load of Geordies who were workin' in London ower 100 years ago and indeed they play in Black n White stripes and are nicknamed 'THE GEORDIES'! (AND its a new groond for The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!)

So any exiled groundhoppin' Toon fans who are based in the London area, get yourselz to the match which kicks off at '6:00 bells' tooneet!

Its £6 for big kids and £3 for zimmerframites and a 50% reduction for season ticket holders of ANY club----£2 for sprogs!

The nearest tube station iz Perivale on The Central Line

A Full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime later-----might even be on the '10:00pm bells' train we are on tooneet, on the retorn jorney!  Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

HANWELL TOON---A HISTORY LESSON!

"CATCH US IF YOU CAN!"

 Posted '12:39pm bells' Wedinzday 3rd May 2023 and will be updated az the games are played!

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorzday 4th May 2023

Updated '3:15am bells' Friday 5th May 2023

Its gettin very near the end of the season and NUFC are still in 3rd place!----The question iz how many teams below us can catch us?

In the worst case scenario and we lose aall 5 games left, there are 5 teams below us who could overtake us IF they won every game!----Az some still have to play each other (Brighton beat Moan U 1-0 last neet for example) its not possible for every team below us to win aall their remainin games!

However, these are the 5 teams who can overtake us IF we take 'a wobbler'

Moan U: max points possible 78 

Brightin: max points possible 73

The Liverbirds: max points possible 71

Sporz: max points possible 66 

Villa: max points possible 66 

Az NUFC have 65 points, it iz highly improbable that Sporz or Villa could catch us! (2 more points for us will put them oot of reach!)

Another 9 points for NUFC from wor 5 remainin games will defiantly see us in the top 4 and a Champions Leegue place! 

The Liverbirds have got 3 homes games in a row before we play again---and have won 2 of them so far (controversially!) and are now 6 points behind us!----3 if they beat Brentfaad on Saturday, but havin played 2 games more! (NUFC dont play til Sunday v The Arse)  

THE TOON 3 THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 1st May 2023

"SUPER SUB CALLUM, SAVES THE DAY!"

The old cliché of a game of 2 halves couldn't be more appropriate in this case!

Put simply we were terrible in the forst half and class in the second!

In the forst half NUFC could hardly put 2 passes together, while Sooothampton fired an orly warnin' with a shot in the forst minute which 'The Pope' in The Toon goal gathered comfortably!

Yoo would have thought the bottom club would easily succumb to the team in 3rd place in the table, but az we aall naa anything can happen with NUFC!

And so it did in the 41st minute when wor visitors took the lead through Stuart Armstrong, who fired home a shot at The Gallowgate End to stun the near 51,000 home fans and to the delight of the 1,500 travellin' faithful from the sooth coast! 

Anthony Gordon had had 2 great chances to give us the lead but fluffed hiz lines badly and he woz replaced by Callum Wilson for the 2nd period! (We honestly believe that he will come good, just like Joelinton, he needs time!)

This had an instant impact az we finally got wor act together to lay seige on the 'Simon Templar Mob', who hardly crossed the halfway line in this half!

Wilson toe poked the baall into the net 9 minutes after the restart to the relief of the home faithful to level the scores!

A 2nd goal for Wilson followed soon after but after a very lengthy VAR check, it woz ruled oot for a fractional offside!

However, this didn't deter us and just a few minutes later it WOZ 2-1 to NUFC when Walcott deflected the baall into hiz own net from a corner kick to loud cheers aall aroond!

The final nail in Sooothampton's coffin came in the 81st minute when Wilson roonded their goalie to score an excellent goal! 3-1!

That woz the end of the scorin, but right at the death Wilson double struck the bar az the baall hit the woodwork and boonced doon on the crossbar again and oot of play!----Final score 3-1 to NUFC

Attendance: 52,252 (1,500 away diehards)--still 1,000 left at the final whistle---great loyalty for a team who will certainly gan doon!👏👏👏👏👏

DIEHARDS TILL THE END GAME!

*

Explanation (again!) We say 'The Simon Templar Mob' after the 1960s character in 'The Saint' cult TV detective series played by Roger Moore: Sooothampton's nickname iz 'The Saints' of course (Get it???🤔)

NUFC ARE NOW CERTAIN OF A EUROPEAN PLACE NEXT SEASON AZ WE CAN FINISH NO LOWER THAN 6th AZ SOME TEAMS BELOW US MUST PLAY EACH OTHER!

Footnote: This woz the 4th time this season that NUFC have beaten Sooothampton in the Premyaa Leegue and the 2 legs of the Leegue Cup semi finals!--It's the forst time in wor lang history that we have beaten the same team 4 times in the same season!!

THE TOON v THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON *** TODAY AT '2:00 BELLS'

 Posted just before 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th April 2023

*NUFC play anothaa vital game this afternooon against relegation favorites Sooothampton!

We have aalready beaten them 3 times this season in The Leegue away and League Cup semis home and away!

IF we win then this will be the forst time in wor lang history that we will have beaten the same team 4 times in the same season!

We imagine that the same startin line will appear again after wor 4-1 win at Evaatin on Thorzday neet!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday

Az per usual "Watch this space!"