WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-22

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Sunday 3rd October 2021

"WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN(S)!"💩

(In more ways than one!)

The Geordie Times said in wor match preview that Wolves hadn't scored a home goal so far this season!  And predicted that they would against wor leaky defence!---And that's exactly wot happened at Molineux yesterday!

'JARRA' IZ GEORDIE SLANG FOR JARROW, SOOTH TYNESIDE

We were truly shockin in this 2-1 defeat az the rain lashed doon, with the anly highlight being sub Hendrick's 30 yard piledriver to level the scores at 1-1 in the forst half!

However, wor goalie Karl Darlow failed to stop a shot to hiz nearside post in the forst half and a farside post shot in the second, so we ended up pointless and 2nd bottom of the table, having failed to win ANY of wor games so far this season!

Put it simply, we will surly gan doon if we keep 'Broken Nose Bruce' az heed coach!

The anly shot we had on goal  woz Hendrick's strike and a Saint- Maximin effort in the 2nd half, which woz blocked by their keeper!

After the match Brucey said that he couldn't remember goalie Darlow havin saved a shot in the entire game!

That woz because he couldn't get anywhere near the 2 Wolves goals, Steve!

Wolves wornt very good eethaa, so wot does that say aboot WOR predicament???

We havvint got a clue wot the player on the right iz caalled, coz we hardly seen him aall match!

Attendance:30,000  (3,000 p*ssed off Toon fans!)

Much more to follow on aall this, later!

We went to Stafford for the pre match gargels (coz bars in Wolverhampton bar 'away fans'!) and Manchester afterwards! (To drown wor sorrows!)

*STAFFORD

The above iz a magnificent cinema convorted into a Wetherspoons bar!

*MANCHESTER

AND WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN!

BIG AL (NOT! the sheet metal workers son!) WOZ SHIT ON BY A PIGEON IN MANCHESTER TO ROUND OFF THE DAY!

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ v THE TOON *** TODAY AT '3:00 BELLS'!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 2nd October 2021

THE LAST NUFC WERE AT MOLINEUX WOZ LAST SEASON, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS AND WE WATCHED IT IN A NEAR DESERTED ROSIE'S BAR NEAR SJP

 *** 1-1   (DARYL MURPHY'S GOAL IZ ON THE TELLY!) ***

WE are heedin to Wolves az we speak and are stoppin off at Stafford for the pre match gargels, az gettin pints of liquid lubrication in Wolverhampton iz not easy if yoo are an away supporter! (home fans only in most bars)

Stafford iz a short train ride away and we will send yoo pub crawl pix sometime on Sunday, when we get back!

We gan into this game, just above the drop zone and a 7 game winless start to the season!

Amazingly, Wolves have yet to score a solitary goal at home this season, in 3 Premyaa Leegue games (aall lost!)---so yoo can bet your bottom dollar that they will score against wor leaky defence!

The last 6 Premyaa Leegue games that we have played at Molineux have ended with 1 win to us and 5 1-1 draws!

We have sold wor 3,000 tickets, but they had to gan on general sale to sell oot! (A sign that some season ticket holder have given up aalready!)

Callum Wilson iz still crocked and iz badly missed up front, az withoot him in the side, we have managed to win just 2 Premyaa Leegue games oot of 15, withoot him! 

Shelvey, Dummett, Dubravka and Lascelles are aalso still crocked az well!

Another 1-1 draw looks the most likely outcome---but this IZ NUFC and anything could happen!???

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Sunday!

THE TOON U23s v THE SMOG MONSTERS U23s *** SJP *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 1st October 2021

THE EAST STAND (v Bornley)

A rare occurrence takes place tooneet at St. James' Park, when wor 2nd string play Boro's 2nd string in the Tyne tees derby (if yi can caall a game a derby when we are 40 miles apart?) in a Premyaa Leegue 2 fixture.

NUFC have lost the last 5 games in leegue and cup and to be honest are not very good----just like the forst team!

The East Stand will be open and kick off iz at '7:00 bells', with season ticket holders admitted for nowt and aall others eetha 3 poond for big kids and just a quid for sprogs and zimmerframeites! 

Az we are off to Wolves orly in the mornin', (to watch wor forst team) a match report wont appear here til sometime on Sunday, alang with the Wolves away game! However!---We will publish the full time score and scorers later tooneet!

Az per usual "Watch this space---eventually!" 

Will be updated by '10:00pm bells'

 

FT Won 4-1! Wiggett, Anderson, Stevenson, plus an own goal for The Toon in stoppage time!

The Boro scorer woz Fletcher!

Attendance: 752 includin 17 Smoggie diehards in the Leazes End lower tier!

(Match report on Sunday)

NUFC TRIBUNAL TODAY! *** HOPE OR A DEATH SENTENCE?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 29th September 2021

Updated Thorzday

The Competition Appeals Tribunal (CAT) meet today to determine in the NUFC case against The Premyaa Leegue can gan aheed!

The claimant (NUFC)  alleges that the defendant (PL) prevented or hindered the proposed takeower and knew that its actions would prevent or delay the proposed takeower!

The case began at '10:30 bells' this mornin' and will judge if NUFC are in the right and that  the PL are in the wrong to deny the Saudi takeower, which haz been draggin' on for ower a year and and a half now!

WE havvint a clue just how lang it will take to make a decision, but if we win the case will gan to arbitration next January!

If we win then we have hope that at last we can get rid of 'The Fat Controller' once and for aall!🙏

If we lose it will be like a death sentence, az 'The Fat Controller' will stay in charge of a club he nee langer wants or cares aboot and we will be 'cattle trucked' <(work it oot!)🐄🚚

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo, wor loyal readers, any news that iz forthcomin'!---Az per usual, "Watch this space!"  

Updated '2:07am bells' Thorzday

Nee time scale for CAT decision

Arbitration case to begin on 3rd January 2022 and expected to last a week, with the final decision on the takeower by the end of January!

The wait gans on!--and on!--and on!-- and on!🥶

Upated Friday

*The viewin figures for the  CAT are an aall time record!

*

THE ELTON JOHN MOB OF WOTFAAD 1 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 26th September 2021

"BADGERED INTO SUBMISSION!"

The day started off at '5:30am bells' when a dragged mee lifeless body oot of mee 'pit-scratcher' (bed!) to catched the train to King's Cross (London) and then onwards to Wotfaad via Euston station alang the road!

At Durham Station a chingkee lad got on and sat on wor table (Chingkee iz Geordie slang for a Chinese person)

The ticket inspector came roond and he didn't have a ticket!  He woz told he would have to pay £130.50 for a ticket to Peterborough(where he said he woz gannin)

He eventually paid and woz told if he woz seen on the train after Peterborough that he would be fined £430 for fare evasion!

He DID get off at Peterborough, but just sat on a platform seat, obviously waitin for the next train to London! (Yoo couldn't make it up!)

On arrival at King's Cross we had time for a swift 'gargel' in The Rocket on Euston Road before continuin' wor jorney to 'Elton John country' (he's a Wotfaad fan, in case yiz didnt naa!?)

On arrival at Wotfaad Central, we made wor way to wor forst port o call there, namely The Wellington Arms'!

---The next boozer woz just across the road caalled 'The Estcourt Arms', which woz boarded up the last time we were here, but thankfully now reopened for 'liquid lubrication purposes!

View from The Wellington Arms! (It's a lang walk from 'The Welly'!)

From there we made for a boozer closer to the groond caalled 'The Golden Lion', where aa ordered a pint of Doom Bar bitter!

The barmaid sorved me and then said: "I notice that you are a Newcastle fan and this is a 'home fans only bar'!" (she noticed a smaall Toon badge on mee Tee shirt lapel) "I'll serve you this time, but you will have to leave after that!", she added! (Yoo could say that she woz 'badgering me (sic!)

I heeded for the beer garden at the back and told the lads wot had happened, to great merriment from them and somebody knocked their pint over az they took the p*ss out of me! 

SORVES THEM RIGHT FOR TAKIN' THE P*SS!

None of the other were wearin Toon colours and then aa noticed a fan in a Toon top at another table!----How did HE get sorved, aa thought???

Anyway!---az this woz wor last 'port o call' before the match, aa had to get 'Sarnie Steve' to get me the next 'liquid refreshment' and then 'Big Al' (not the sheet metal workers son!) the one after that!

This saved me queuin' at the bar and az aa had nee change, they had to buy mee pints az well! (MUST dee this more often!)

It woz soon time to gan for wor 'punishment' (the match!) and we jumped the queue to get in az it woz massive at The Toon tornstiles!

We were in the back row behind the goal and wor fans were in good voice before the start---slaggin off Brucey and Elton John! (we wont repeat wot they were singin aboot Elton, but the now usual, "We want Brucey out!", chants were loud and prolonged!

The Toon were clad in wor light blue away strip, similar to Man City's, but a million miles from their quality!

I'm afraid once again, the game woz poor and borin', with 2 teams who will be in the relegation dog fight for sure!

The highlight of the half woz in the 23rd minute when a 30 yard screamer from Saun Longstaff, rocketed into the corner of the net at the far end from us, to send the 2,200 Toon fans wild with delight!

We had chances to increase wor lead before the break, but failed miserably to put the game to bed   HT 1-0 to 'us'!

Good chances for Almiron, Joelinton, and Willock, went 'a beggin' in the 2nd period and we paid the price for that,  when Wotfaad equalised through an unmarked Sarr heeder from a corner kick, in the 72nd minute, to bring the home fans 'to life'!

Near the end Wotfaad scored again, but VAR ruled that it woz 'offside' and we escaped with a point, when we should have had aall 3, az Murphy woz clean through in the 90th minutes, but tried to lob their goalie, but failed miserably!-----It's now 11 top flight games at Vicarage Road for NUFC and not one solitary victory!

At the end of the day we were 'badgered' into submission!--- in more ways than one!

Attendance: 20,650 (2,200 Toon fans in the 'sold oot' away end)

The post match 'gargels' took place in The Estcourt Arms (again!) and 'The Northumberland Arms' near King's Cross station, before we caught the train back to Tyneside!

Some of the 2,200 Toon fans!

TO THE LEFT!

AND THE RIGHT!

WOTFAAAD v THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 25th September 2021

At the time of writin' this, we have arrived in 'The Smoke' (London) via King's Cross train station and are on wor way to Wotfaad to the north of London!

NUFC have played 10 top flight games here and shockingly havvint won ANY!---drawin 5 and losin 5!--A shockin stat against a so caalled smaall club! ('Wot' does that tell yoo aboot how 'big' we are!?)

An injury crisis haz engulfed 'The Toon' with several key players unavailabe, includin Callum Wilson, Joe Willock, Jamaal Lascelles, Jonjo Shelvey and Paul Dummett ---aall 'crocked'!

Aall 3,000 away tickets have been sold in 'wot' will be a capacity Wotfaad crowd of aroond 20,000!

Az per usual a full 'Geordie Times' match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday----Lets hope that we can get wor forst win of the season and forst EVER win in the top flight at Wotfaad!----But divvint haad yer breath!

Footnote: Yesterday wor 2nd string were in action at Motspur Park in London v Fulim U23s and they lost 3-1  Wor 5th loss in a row!

U-S-A-!, AALL THE WAY! **** 100,000 THANKYOOOZ!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th September 2021

"THE GEORDIE TIMES RULES OK!" *** "HOWAY THE LADS!"

*The Geordie Times haz just received wor 100,000th hit from the USA!  We thank each and every one of yoo for loggin into this site from across the pond!

This iz the 2nd highest behind the UK (az yoo'd expect!)

Who says wor American cousins divvint like futbaall of the roond baall variety!?

The celebrations have aalready begun on top of The Empire State Building in New York! (see photo!)

Once again many thanx for loggin into this mad-sad Toon website! 

THE TOP 20 AALTIME LIST

And divvint forget!- The Geordie Times iz advort free!---meeenin that we make nee financial  gain and that we get paid F**K AALL for dein this website!  We dee it for the love of NUFC for FREE!

DISPAIR AND JOY FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 23rd September 2021

HELLEVISION NEWS!

The telly fixtures for November are oot and to the dispair of NUFC fans, 2 lang distance away games have been moved to crazy kick off times!

Forst of aall, wor visit to 'Nee Where Near Brightin' in orly November iz to be a Saturday '5:30 bells' kick off in BT, makin it impossible to get back to Tyneside by train-- and so an owerneet stay in London haz been forced upon us! (A 700 mile roond trip!)🥶👎

And then at the end of November it's a '12:30 bells' kick off at 'The Arse' in North London (thanx to BT again!)--meenin' that we must get oot of bed at an ungodly hour to catch the forst train to King's Cross! (London) (A roond trip of 600 miles!)😱👎

However!-- There IZ some joyous news for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az wor home game v Brentfaad on Saturday 20th November HAZZINT been picked for live telly on the Munday, az we feared and so it DOESN'T clash with wor maiden visit to Alfreton on Munday 22nd November, where NUFC U23s play Forest U23s in a Premyaa Leegue 2 fixture!

Indeed! 'Yours truely' haz aalready booked a days holiday from work for the occasion!

Another NEW groond for The NUFC 'saddos'!🤪👍

THE TOON U23S 2 THE P*SS POTTS U23S 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 21st September 2021

SECOND STRING SYNDROME!

Havin not been to Benton for 2 years to see wor U23s due to covid restrictions etc, it woz pleasin to see that the 3 boozers on route to the groond were still up and runnin!

After a quick gargel in The Junction bar next to the Haymarket bus station, it woz time to heed for Benton via Four Lane Ends on the Metro.

Forst 'port o call' woz The Benton Ale Hoose and then onwards to The Black Bull alang the road for some more liquid refresments, before finishing off in The Ship a few hundred yards from the entrance to Blue Flames, where the game woz due to kick off at '7:00 bells'!

On arrival the clubhoose woz cordoned off with a chain link rope fence and woz closed--The seats for the ordinary fans were aalso out of bounds!

Since aa woz last here a smaall roofed stand had been erected behind the far goal, but apart from that the groond looked the same az it woz 2 years ago!

A DUMP!

ANYWAY! The game kicked off and both sides struggled to create any chances!

The breakthrough happened just before the half-time interval when a Stoke player handled the baall in the box and the ref pointed straight to the penalty spot!

Elliot Anderson took it and he made nee misstayk with the kick! 

HT 1-0 to The Toon!

It didn't take lang for The P*ss Potts (Potters) to level things in the 2nd period when Wright-Phillips scored. It woz soon 2-1 against the run of play to wor visitors, when a Sparrow shot 'flew (sic!) into the net!

Their lead woz increased to 3-1 when Campbell latched onto a wayward pass to shoot past Dan Langley in the Toon goal!

Adam Wilson pulled one back in the 80th minute, but we couldn't find the equaliser and so wor U23s remain winless for the 4th game in a row!

Very similar to wor forst team in fact, who are winless in 5 Premyaa Leegue games!

Attendance:150 (estimated) Nee sign of any Stoke 'mad-sad groundhoppers'!

Ootside The Black Bull

We have to tell yoo that wor U23s game woz NOT televised live!