OFF THE RAILS!

Posted '4:38pm bells' Friday 14th Joon 2019

OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!

(IZ THAT WOR BELOVED OWNER 'THE FAT CONTROLLER'?)

Toon fans are facin' a travel nightmare on the teams 2nd away game of the season---accordin' to wor local rag 'The Ronny Gill'

We are due to travel to King's Cross on the bank holiday weekend  where we play Sporz at their new London abode, BUT aall trains from the north east terminate at Peterborough that weekend because King's Cross iz CLOSED!

Network Rail haz given the followin' advice: 'On Saturday and Sunday there will be no trains between Peterborough/Cambridge and London King's Cross!

You are advised NOT TO TRAVEL!---Customers are advised to travel on Thursday, Friday, and Tuesday for this weekend!'

Not much cop if the game iz on Saturday, Sunday or Munday---IZ IT!?

There are ways aroond this however, by catchin' a train to Chesterfeeeld or Sheffeeeld---and then onward to St Pancras Station not far from King's Cross!

A little inconveeeniant, but it's the anly way to dee it--apart from drivin' (not advisable on a bank holiday!)

The trains WILL be 'rammed' however, so mek sure yi book a seat!

NUFC APPOINT A NEW SPOKESMAN!

Posted '4:56pm bells' Thorsday 13th Joon 2019

NUFC have just appointed a new spokesman to communicate with supporters aboot Rafa, new players and possible new owners! 

NUFC FIXTURES 2019-2020

Posted '1:30pm bells' Thorsday 13th Joon 2019 (anly 4 and a half hours late!)

"SO IT WOZ FAKE NEWS!"

The 'leaked' fixture list yesterday for the new season woz 'fake news' and we will host 'The Arse' at home on a Sunday for live telly and NOT 'The Toffee Noses of Evaatin', away, as woz wrangly leaked!

NUFC Games 'cast in stone' that CANNIT be moved!
Just 2 so far!--The forst and last games of the season!
Sun 11th August: 'The Arse' at home '2:00 bells' live on SKY
Sun  17th May: 'The Liverbirds' at home '3:00 bells'
Telly dates for the rest of August and September are due to be released on 5th July---but divvint haad yer breath!

*36 games oot of the 38 are subject to change

*After wor game v 'The Arse' we then travel to the newly promoted 'Canary Custard Creams of Norwich' the following Saturday?(hopefully) and then anothaa away game the week after that, which will delight 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', when we travel to Sporz new abode in "Norf Landan!" for the very forst time!

We finish off August when we host Wotfaad who were slaughtered 6-0 in the FA Cup final against 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester'!

We then must travel to Anfield where we face Champions Leegue winners Liverpoool, who we host on the very last day of the season in May (hope they don't need to beat us to win the Leegue!?)

Ower the festive period we must travel to 'The Theatre of Muppets' on Boxin Day? to face Moan United and on New Years Day? we are at home to 'The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa'!

Of course---aall games are subject to change for live telly and opponents who are in European action!

We fully expect that 30 of wor games will be moved for live telly! (One aalready v 'The Arse' in wor forst game of the season!)

Aaall this in the wake of the total chaos and confusion which haz engulfed NUFC once again, az we still divvint naa who wor manager will be or who will own us, when the new season kicks off in 2 months time!? (Nee new players signed so far, eethaa!)

PREMYAA LEEGUE FIXTURES OOT TOMORROW!*** 'TOFFEE NOSES' AWAY 1st GAME?

Posted '4:04pm bells' Wedinzday 12th Joon 2019

ST. JAMES' PARK FROM BARRACK ROAD

"FAKE NEWS PERHAPS?"

With nee resolution az to who will be wor manager or owner next season---and with nee new players signed so far---the fixtures for the new season will be oot at '9:00am bells' tomorrow mornin'!

Of course--oot of the 38 games to be played, we expect at least 30 of them will be changed for live telly and for opponents who are in European action!

Leaked reports claim that wor forst game will be away against 'The Toffee Noses of Evaatin' at Goodison Park on the 10th August!
(Likely to be changed IF this iz true?---although NOT accordin' to the  live telly list below, which haz us az a '3:00 bells' Saturday KO!) 
(Note that there iz NEE Friday neet fixture for live telly az we were told there would be?----iz this 'Fake News'?)

THE 'LEAKED' OPENIN' DAY FIXTURE LIST!?

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo, wor loyal subjects the fixture news 'second hand, forst', when aa get up after mee night 'truck run' to Manchester (aboot 4 hours after they are published elsewhere!)
Reeed 'The Geordie Times' for aall the latest news!----last!

POP ROBSON mACKEM HERO!

Posted '4:05pm bells' Tuesday 11th Joon 2019

POP ROBSON 'mACKEM HERO!'

News that 'mackem born deserter' Jordan Henderson iz very likely to be given the freedom of sund'land, followin' hiz Champions Leegue success with Liverpoool, haz reached 'The Geordie Times'!

Az coincidence will have it, on this day 50 years ago, anothaa 'mackem born hero', Pop Robson won a Inter Cities Fairs Cup winners medal!-- with! ----NUFC!

WILL HE FINALLY BE GIVEN THE FREEDOM OF sUND'LIND AZ WELL, FOR HIZ MAGNIFICENT ACHIEVEMENT AALL THOSE YEARS AGO????

STATEMENT FROM NUFC! 😳

Posted '3:20pm bells' Tuesday 11th Joon 2019

The club have just released the followin' statement regardin' Rafa's contract, the proposed takeower, incomin' transfers and season ticket sales dates for 2019-2020!

RAFA RETORNS ORLY!

Posted '4:30pm bells' Munday 10th Joon 2019

RAFA IZ DRIVEN INTO WOR TRAININ' GROOND AT 

BREAK-NECK SPEED ORLIER TODAY

(Geordie Times excluuusive!)

News reaches us from wor paparazzi fotogrifaa that Rafa the Gaffer haz returned unexpectedly to wor trainin ground in Benton.

We hord news yesterday through the grapevine that aall club employeeez were asked to come to work today smartly dressed, for some unexplained reason? (foreign visitors perhaps from the middle east?) 

We have ne idea if the above 2 news stories meen anything at aall---BUT! we live in hope of course!

The Geordie Times will of course keep yoo, wor loyal reeeders informed of any forthaa developments az they happen!

TURMOIL ON TYNESIDE 2!

Posted '1:55pm bells' Saturday 8th Joon 2019

NUFC fans are not the only ones who are in turmoil on Tyneside!

The other 'black n whites' from across the sacred Tyne river, Gatesheed F.C. have b een demoted from The National Leegue to The National Leegue North, after financial iregualities from their former far east owner!

2 Heedbanger fans have bought the club and the hope is that they can play at Gatesheed Stadium next season, after bein' kicked oot of their home by Gatesheed council for non payment of rent!

There is relief however, as it could have been much worse and they could have ended up in the Northern Leegue or worse!

They will have a few derbies as well, against arch rivals The Spartans of Blyth, Darlo and Spennymoor Toon.

We wish them well!

"A SIGN OF THE TIMES"?

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 7th Joon 2019

"IZ THAT A WASHIN' MACHINE--LIKE?"

Most of the ugly red, white and blue advertisin' signs, which have blighted SJP for years, have finally foond their 'rightful place' in a rubbish skip underneath The Milburn Stand!

We were told that they had been taken down for "cleaning", but just how do you clean advertisin' signs in a rubbish skip?

Wor eagle eyed paparazzi fotogrifaa took this exclusive fotograaf this mornin' as he passed the groond!

We have nee idea if this has anythin' to see with the proposed takeower, but we can only hope it's TRUE and that we will finally get rid of wor 'muthaa in law' 'The Fat Controller', who has been an uninvited 'get'--"sorry!" 'guest', for the past 12 bleak years!

We live in hope!🙏

TAKEOWER LATEST! ----"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 6th Joon 2019

We divvint naa if this meeenz anythin' or not, but me mobile 'telling bone' has been gannin ballistic in the last 24 hours!