(GROUND
NUMBER 8)
Date of
First Visit: 15th FEBRUARY 1969
THE DELL,
SOUTHAMPTON
SOUTHAMPTON
0 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0
(OLD)
DIVISION ONE---ATTENDANCE 22,213
"WHERE'S
SIMON TEMPLAR!??"
This
supporters club coach trip tih the sooth coast cost wih the princely sum of
seventeen and six (aboot 82p!) and it took wih eleven hours tih get there!
(that's reet, ELEVEN F***** hours!)
Mee Skool
mate, Keith Carrol, who was'nt even a futbaall fan?, said he fancied gannin',
just for the adventure! and SOME! adventure it torned oot tih be!
Wi'd left
the Haymarket in the Toon just after friday midneet, az yih had tee back then!
(If yi'd left, say, at six in the mornin', yih would'nt have made the 'three
bells' kick off!)
It was a
hell of a journey, as the roads were'nt too clever in them days, and it seemed
tih tek 'for ever' tih get there and after a couple of stops for some scran and
the 'toolshed' etc., (nee bogs on the busses back then!) we arrived ootside
'The Dell' at 'eleven bells', totally 'cream crackered'!
The Toon
fans piled off wor bus and straight intih the nearest boozer for the forst
pints of the day, but me and Keith could'nt get in coz we were too young. (We
had tih settle for the local 'Greasy Spoon' for a 'cuppa' and a 'bacon
sarnee'!)
Soothampton
of course played in the hated red 'n' white stripes of 'yee naa who'
The match
was a battle of the Welsh namesakes, with Wyn Davies playin' for the Toon and
Ron Davies playin' for the 'Saints'.
 |
| "THERE'S ONLY ONE SIMON TEMPLAR!" |
As the
teams came oot, the loadspeakers blasted oot 'The Saint' signature tune from
the '60s' T.V. series, but!---(and tih my dismay!) there was nee sign of mee
hero, Simon Templar!, (aka. Roger Moore) who was the 'superstar' of the hit
telly show, and who used to appear in the openin' credits, where a white halo
would 'miraculously materialize' above his heed, as he looked skywards!.
("Never
mind!"--ah thought---"Mebees next time!?")
THE TEAM LINE UPS
Newcastle
torned oot in their aall blue away strip and were by far the better team on the
day. Toon number eight Arthur Horsfield looked the most likely tih score and a
excellent shot from him was finger tipped ower the bar by 'Saints' keeper
Gurr.
Wyn Davies
and 'Pop' Robson aalso went close for the 'Blues', but it was Gordon Hindson
who missed the best chance of the match when he 'skyed' a simple chance from
aboot six yards in the second half, and wih had tih settle for a point as the
match ended in a goal-less draw.
The programme cost 1 shilling
(5 pence in today's money!)
The Toon
should certainly have won and we definately had 'The Blues' as wih set off on
wor lang trip yhem, which torned oot tih be pretty uneventful, which is in
complete contrast tih mee visit there fifteen years later, when another coach
trip, organised by 'one' 'Monty', included a neets stay in a cheap hotel (i.e.
minus 'five stars'!) alang the sooth coast in Bournemouth.
(Read on!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date of
Revisit: 24th NOVEMBER 1984
SOUTHAMPTON
1 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0
(OLD)
DIVISION ONE---ATTENDANCE 18,895
"WHO'S
PINCHED THE BED OOT OF ROOM SEVENTEEN?!"
Originally,
we were gannih gan tih Soothampton on a trip with nee owerneet stay, but we
were let doon at the last minute when the bus waz cancelled!
(F*****
great---eh!)
A’d hord
through the grapevine that a Toon fan
who everybody naaz az ‘Monty’ waz
runnin’ a trip with an owerneet stay at a hotel in Bournemooth.
This
sounded too good tih be true and waz reet up wor street, so ah waz straight on
the ‘blower’ tih book some places for the lads.---But there WAZ a catch!
‘Monty’,
(on the otha end of the ‘tellin’-bone’) “AYE!, aall get yiz on!, but there’s
anly one problem!”
‘Me’:
“What’s that—like?”
‘Monty’:
“Wih have’nt booked a big enough bus, so some iv yiz I’ll have tih stand if yiz
wonna gan!”
‘Me’: “Nee
problem, Monty!---az lang az wiv somewhere tih kip for the neet, wih could’nt
give a f***!”
‘Monty’:
“OK!---yiz are on!---the bus leaves from ‘The Tanners’ (Arms) just ower the
Byker bridge at midneet!” (Friday)
Az this was
aalready five bells on the Friday neet wih had nee time tih loose, so ah got in
touch wih the lads and hoyed a few ‘essentials’ intih an owerneet bag (mee
‘Toon top’, a pair of ‘under-keks’, (just in case ah farted ‘n’ ‘followed
through’!) and a ‘six pack’!)
Ah then
heeded for the Toon tih meet up wih the lads for the Friday neet session,
before
heedin’ for ‘The Tanners’ and the lang jorney tih the sooth coast.
Az soon az
ah gor on the bus ah could see that it waz full of ‘radgies’, ‘plonkies’ and
‘heedbangers’!, and ah could ‘sense’ that it waz gannih be an ‘eventful’ trip,
tih say the least!
Like ah
say!---there wornt enough seats tih gan roond, so ah just stood in the gangway
while others opted tih climb intih the owerheed luggage racks, (not an ‘option’
for me, az ‘mee frame would’nt fit in’!) while ‘Piper’ corled up on the floor
and tried tih gan tih kip!
This WAS’NT
a good idea!, az the ‘gargel’ soon started tih get spilt and run doon the
aisle, and,(worse still!) az the ‘tool-shed’ waz soon full tih owerflowin’,
some ‘pissbrains’ decided tih lob their ‘secret weapons’? oot and get a piss in
their empty cans, which iz’nt so eazy when the bus iz deein’ seventy doon the
motorway!, and add the fact that by this time they aall had ‘double vision’,
most of them ‘missed the target’ and ended up deein it on the floor!
Before lang
the whole bus waz ‘awash’ with beer and piss and poor aad ‘Piper’ who waz ‘deep
in the land of nod’ by nuw, (ZZZZzzzz!!!!) got ‘a wash’ that he did’nt expect!
Sometime
later and after several stops tih empty the blocked ‘tool-shed’, (and wor
bladders!) we arrived at wor destination in Bournemooth and hoyed wor bags
intih the hotel. By this time mee poor aad ‘bacon ‘n’ eggs’ were achin’ with
havin’ tih stand aall the way, but at least we were here and ah plonked meesel
doon in bar, aall to ready for the forst ‘liquids’ of the day!
Then it waz
off on the bus again in the direction of Soothampton and we stopped off in a
little village aboot half way between the two places.
After a
(canny!) few ‘gargels’ wih heeded back for the bus, but it was suroonded by the
local ‘Dibble’?
Apparently!---somebody
off the bus had decided tih dee a bit shoppin’ in the local ‘offy’, instead of
gannin’ on the ‘razzle’?---BUT!---the anly trouble waz----they did’nt fancy
payin’ for it!
Az he waz
wearin’ a black ‘n’ white Toon tops, it did’nt tek a brain sorgin tih work oot
that the ‘culprit’ must come from the bus with ‘Newcastle Upon Tyne’ written on
the back!
At forst ah
thought we were aall gannih get ‘collared’ and miss the match! (god forbid!)
but common sense prevailed, and the goods were returned (unopened!) and we were
allowed tih gan on wor way! (complete with a ‘blue light’ escort!)
(Phew!---it
waz a ‘close call’---but yih aalways get ONE! Idiot tih spoil the
party---divvint yih?)
Because we
were nuw late because of the ‘hold up’, wih had tih mek a ‘beeline’ for the
groond az soon az we got tih Soothampton and we (just!) made the kick off with
anly seconds tih spare!
The Dell I’m
afraid waz still the cramped dump that a’d frost visited back in 1969 and with
nee room tih expand their hemmed in groond, it would surely be anly a matter of
time before they moved tih ‘pastures new’ (am ah psychic or what?)
“THE
MATCH!”
Tih cut a
lang story short, the Toon lost this one, one-nowt, in a close fought game.
(There!---howz
that for an ‘in-depth’ match report!?)
After the
match wih headed back tih Bournemooth
tih droon wih sorrows!.
As soon as
wih arrived wih made for the hotel for a quick wash ‘n’ brush up before gannin
straight on the 'hoy'. Sometime later, after several gallons! of the local
'hooch', and some 'Desperate Dan' at the local 'Chingkeez', wih craalled back
tih the hotel for a good neets 'shut eye'.
The next
mornin' was pandemonium!.
One of the
lads knocked on his mates room door, and pretended tih be the hotel manageress,
by speakin' in a (very!) high pitched voice. "YOO HOO, BREAKFAST!",
he caaled oot.
His mate
answered back, "CHEERS PET!, AAL NOT BE A MINUTE!".
He 'hoyed
his gear on', opened the door, and his mate, who was hidin' behind it!, threw a
fire bucket full of waata aall ower him!.
He just
stood there like a drooned rat!, with his hair and clothes, drippin' wet!. The
whole room includin' the bed, was completely soaked!, and before lang 'aal hell
broke loose!, with 'waata fights' gannin on aal ower the place!.
The second
floor landin' carpet soon resembled a 'waaterlogged St. James' Park!', and what
ah can anly describe as lookin' like 'Niagara Falls', (slight exaggeration!)
was cascadin' doon the landin' stairs!.
The hotel
manager, it has tih be said, was'nt ower pleezed! (slight understatement!) and
he caaled the local 'Dibble' tih hoy us oot!
(ah would'nt iv minded, but ah was 'clammin', and ah had'nt even had mee
f***** brekeez!)
Wih got on
the coach and 'Monty' (who was lookin' a bit 'pissed off') took ahaad of the
microphone at the front of the coach, an' blurted oot, "AALREET LADS!,
WHO'S PINCHED THE BED OOT OF ROOM SEVENTEEN!?".
The bus was
in uproar!--- ah meen!--- a'v heard of people thievin' towels, kettles and even
portable tellys! oot of hotel rooms, but never a f*****' bed!. (It's not sommik
that yih could hide up yih 'Toon top'!---is it?)
Apparently,
some 'joker' had 'half inched' the bed oot of his mates room for a laugh, and
had hid it in a 'bog' on the forst floor landin'!!. Just how he managed tih get
the bed into the 'tool shed' is anybody's guess!??.
Anyway!-----the
'Dibble' eventually let us gan when they foond the missin' bed!, and we were
given a police escort back tih the motorway by the Dorset Constabulary, who
were glad tih see the back of us!. (So---nee doubt, was the hotel manager!)
And the
moral of the story is:
NEVER!,
EVER!, gan on a futbaal trip with a bunch of 'Radgies Gadgies' from Byker,
Waalker or Waallsend!
---NOT! if
yih want yih 'brekkeez' in the mornin', that is!!!.
