THE TOON 1 THE VENKY'S FRIED CHICKEN MOB OF BLACKBORN 1 *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND

Posted just before 'high noon bells' Sunday 6th January 2019

MATT RITCHIE SCORES FROM THE SPOT TO ORN US 

THE REPLAY WE DIDNT WANT!

"THE CUP THAT DOESN'T CHEER!"

It woz 15th in The Premyaa Leegue v 15th in The Championship, but The Premyaa Leegue side looked 'anything but', az we made 8 changes from the previous game, with the same borin' outcome!

It woz so bad in the forst half that 9 year old grandson Jamie said he wanted to gan yem!---but I told him that he must lorn to suffer like the rest of us! (Reminder: Will have to buy a large roll of sticky duct tape to tie him to hiz seat for the next time!)

"IT'S AALL DOON HILL FROM HERE, JAMIE!"

(Jamie borrowed mee mobile!)

We had to vacate wor normal seats on The Balcony of The Milburn Stand az it wasn't open, for seats behind the goal in The Gallowgate End!
There looked to be a much better crowd than aa expected, givin' wor recent form, with loads of young kids in the crowd!---many 'sufferin' for the forst time, ne doubt!

The forst half can be summed up in one word---C**P!

The 2nd half wasn't any better az we attacked the Gallowgate goal and the predicable happened in the 56th minute when 'The Venky's Chicken Mob' took the lead with a heeded goal at The Leazes End!
(The Venky's Chicken *conglomerate own Blackborn!)---(We haven't got a clue wot 'conglomerate' meeenz, but it soonds good!))

There looked 'ne way back' for wor powder puff attack, but a VAR decision went in wor favour with just 5 mins left, when we were awarded a penalty after sub Perez had been fouled in the box---and up stepped Matt Richie to send their goalie the wrang way to give us a replay that nebody wanted!

The thought of havin' to gan to 'Bleak Blackborn' in 9/10 days time for a midweek replay on a freeezin' caad January night, fills me with dread!--I tell yoo! (A place yoo would definatleee sent your 'muthaa in law' te, for a weeks holiday!)
The savin' grace for Jamie iz that he's back at school after the Xmas hols and wont be able to gan! 

Toon team: Woodman, Sterry, Schar, Lejeune, Manquillo, Murphy (Atsu 75), Hayden (Shelvey 57), Langstaff (Perez 80), Kenedy, Ritchie, Joselu

Attendance: 36,440 (2,989 'Venkys' in level 7 of The Leazes End)

*

THE TOON v THE VENKY FRIED CHICKEN MOB OF BLACKBORN *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND *** TOMORROW

Posted '2:59pm bells' Friday 4th January 2019

It's FA Cup weekend with NUFC in action against Blackborn @ '5:30 bells' tomorrow evenin' @ SJP!. The reason the game iz kickin off late iz because its on live telly overseas---but not here in the old UK!

ST. JAMES' PARK (ON THE SKYLINE)
FROM WEST STREET, GATESHEED

In Rafa's press conference he refused point blank to talk aboot incomin' transfors (again!), which iz NOT good news, givin' wor predicament!

The Venky Chicken Mob have sold 3,000 tickets and their manager and ex Smoggie Tony Mobray said enthusiastically that it would be great for their players to run oot in front of 50,000 fans!
He WILL be disappointed, az the very most we can hope for iz a 30,000 plus crowd, which will include their fans!

 Interest in the FA Cup haz wained considerably since aa forst  saw us in cup action in the 1960's----this iz mainly due to the fact that resorve teams now run oot in the competition and the magic haz gone for many, apart of course from lower or non leegue sides, dreamin of a plumb tie against one of the big boys!

In 1969 for example we played 2nd Division Carlisle in the thord roond in front of a 56,000 crowd, when average leegue gates were in the mid 30,000s (Carlisle won 1-0!)
Its now a complete revorse with leegue gates of 50,000 and cup gates of up to 20,000 less!

We need a win for certain to boost players confidence, but it iz very likely that Rafa will opt for a mainly resorve X1 to avoid injuries, az wor next leegue game iz away to Chelski a week tomorrow!

We have NEVER got past January in the FA Cup since 'The Fat Controller' took charge nearly 12 years ago!--a very sorry state of affairs for a club who have played in 13 finals in wor history!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!---But will we be in the 4th roond draw on Munday?

Explanation: The Venky's Fried Chicken conglomerate < (we naa aall the BIG words!) from India, own  Blackborn Rovers and have made an even a bigger mess of it, than wor own absent owner haz! (Which doesn't seem possible!)

Footnote: News that the takeower bid by the Peter Kenyon consortium iz still alive reaches us!

We will beleeeve it when it happens---and not before, after so many false dawns!
Lets hope this time it isnt!

A BEGGIN' LETTER TO 'THE FAT CONTROLLER' FROM DESPERATE TOON FANS!

Posted '3:50pm bells' Thorsday 3rd January 2019

 We at The Geordie Times have a feelin' that this letter will be     crumpled up and hoyed straight into the litter bin'!

THE TOON 0 THE MANC MUppets 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '1:03pm bells' Thorsday 3rd January 2019

"THE HAVES---AND THE HAVE NOTS!"

Reeely, this game, like aall wor games against the so called 'big six' are cup ties, with NUFC bein' the underdogs and the 'big six' bein the slayers!

How can we compete against teams like Man U when they have spent hundreds of millions on players, while we scrap around the bargain basements lookin for on loan players and cheap buys!?

Az long az 'The Fat Controller' owns wor great club we will be fightin' relegation battles til he finally departs----but just when this will be, iz anybodys guess????

Speculation of an imminent takeover have died in the 'waters of Tyne' yet again az the faithful torn up in huge numbers hopin' the 'Tyne tide' will change!

We did well for one hour of the game and even had a few shots on target az well, but az soon az Dubravka spilled Rashford's free kick, multi million poond sub Lukaku pounced to hit in the rebound---and at this point we looked dead and buried!
WE did try and get back on level torms, but a defensive lapse let in Rashford who woz clean through, and with anly Dubravka to beat, he slipped the baall into the net to win it for them!

The MUppets in level 7 of The Leazes Stand slagged Shearer off for the entire match and they must have sang the 'Cheer up Alan Shearer, sad Geordie b*****d', song, at least 30 times durin' the match, rather than cheer on their own team!

No wonder every othaa team in the country hates them, az they have a multitude of insults for Yorkies, Scousers and Cockneys alike, when they travel to these places!

NUFC fans on the othaa hand supported THEIR team and avoided any slaggin' of the opposition, despite the predictable provocations!

With othaa results gannin against us again, we now find worsels just TWO points above the drop zone, with games v Chelski and Man City comin' up, az well az a 'six pointer' at home to Cardiff!

We have now won just 1 game in the last 8 and more worryingly have lost 8 of wor 11 home games this season, scorin' just 7 goals in the process!

Championship side Blackborn are next in the FA Cup this comin' Saturday @ SJP---but who will be the underdogs in this game?, assumin' we play a resorve X1 to try and avoid injuries for wor trip to Chelski in west London a week on Saturday!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Schar (Muto 81), Dummett, Ritchie, Hayden, Diame (Shelvey 53), Atsu, Perez (Kenedy 69), Rondon

Attendance: 52, 217 (3,000 not very friendly and arrogant MUppets!)
*

THE TOON v THE MANC MUppets *** TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '1:14pm bells' New Years Day 2019

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT***THE 'NEW'CASTLE***ST.NIXS CATHEDRAL***

'THE CATHEDRAL ON THE HILL!' (ST. JAMES' PARK!)

AND THE ARCH OF THE TYNE BRIDGE

We enter the new year hopin against hope that 'The Fat Controller' will sell up and "Get oot of Toon!"
If not, then we are in for a nailbitin' 5 months til the end of the season on the 12th of May--away to relegation rivals Fulim.

Meeenwhile there iz the little matter of a home game v 'The Manc MUppets' (formerly 'Moan U' when 'Moan'rinho woz there!)

With 2 of wor rivals at the wrang end of the table playin' today(Fulim away to The Arse and Cardiff at home to Sporz), we must sit in front of the telly hopin that aall the results gan wor way and that we can get sommik from a resurgent visitin' side tomorrow!

We are just 3 points above the 'abyss' az aa write this, az 3 of the bottom sides aall picked up maximum points at the weekend while we dropped 2 at Wotfaad!

The transfor window opens today, but we are NOT confident that we will sign anybody of a pormanent deal by Jan 31st, and 'fink' that anly loan players will come, az we fight for the 'scraps' of rejected players from othaa clubs!

It's desperate times yet again on Tyneside with wor absent owner now approachin' 12 disastrous years in charge at 'NE1'
(When will the misery ever end!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Thorsday

PS: The total 'pageviews' until the end of 2018 reached 343,405

*Updated '7:31pm bells'
Both Fulim and Cardiff lost by 3 goal margins, meenin that NUFC remain in 15th place, with a much better goal difference (for now!)

The bottom of the table---az it stands!

DIBBLE WHAMMY!

Posted '1:39pm bells' New Years Eve 2018

The Northumbria 'Dibble Force' have colluded with the SMBs and decided that for security reasons, NUFC will anly be allowed to bring 2,800 fans to the EFL Trophy game away to the mackems on Tuesday January 8th!
NUFC had requested a forthaa 2,000 tickets but 'The Dibble' have rejected that, even though under competition rules, we were entitled to 10% of the groond capacity (48,000 divided by 10 =4,800)

It's not wot we didn't expect!----This meenz that Toon fans may attempt to get into the home sections of course!

WOTFAAD 1 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th December 2018

OPPORTUNITY MISSED!

The day started at '5:00am bells' when aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of mee 'scratcher' (bed) and heed for 'The Central' (station) to catch the '6:55 bells' train to 'the smoke'! (London)
It woz then onwards to Wotfaad Junction and we made the '11:00 bells' openin' time in The Flag opposite the train station.

THE 75th BAR ON WOR '100 AWAY PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE!

"GET THE FLAGS OOT!"

A few more drinks in the various hostelries on the way to the groond then followed before heedin for the match---not quite naain wot team would take the field!

Atsu and Perez started alang with Rondon who got the green light ower Joselu up front az we ran oot in wor aall light blue away strip. 
 After a slow start we took the lead, az the noisy 2,000 Toon fans gave fantastic backin' to the team, singin' the "We'll support yoo evermore!" song repeatedly

The goal came on the half hour mark when a pinpoint cross from Matt Ritchie foond Rondon's bonce and he heeded into the net at the far end from us!--to send the travellin' contingent crazy!
We managed to haad on til half time with the lead still intact.

The 2nd half woz dour with Rondon missin' a great chance orly on to put us 2-0 up and the heartbreak moment came with just 8 minutes left on the clock, when a virtually identical cross and heeder to Rondon's came when Doucoure heeded past Dubravka in the Toon goal!

A point didn't seem too bad---until we hord that relegation rivals Cardiff and Fulim had both scored stoppage time winners!----Fulim's goal scored by MITROVIC! (remember him?)

The result left us in 15th position in the table (for now!) just 4 points above the dreaded drop zone with 4 more games involvin' wor rivals at the bottom, today!

PS: We were last on MOTD (again!)


Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez (Schar 46), Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie, Hayden (Shelvey 79), Diame, Atsu, Perez, Rondon

Attendance: 20,336 (2,000 Toon fans)

                                       *PUB WATCH!

Named and shamed--⏫--boarded up!

EUSTON, LONDON

THE ELTON JOHN MOB OF WOTFAAD v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '8:50pm bells' Friday 28th December 2018

We are on wor travels again ower the Xmas period, this time to Wotfaad near London, meenin that we will have travelled nearly 1,000 miles this week---by the time we get back! (Liverpool 360) miles roond trip by the time aa dropped everybody off in mee 9 seater 'tranny van' on Boxin' Day!) (Wotfaad 600 plus miles via King's Cross on the train)

NUFC reeely must put in a better performance than we did against The Liverbirds, or else we will come back pointless again!

Hopefully Rondon will be playin 'up front' this time in place of Joselu who played at Anfeeeld and woz ineffective!

Results ower the festive period so far have been fairly kind for us, with Sooothampton losin' to West Ham last neet, meenin' that we are still in 15th place, 5 points above the drop zone!

WE leave on the '5 to 7 bells' train to *KX from *'The Central' and shud arrive in Wotfaad toon centre in plenty of time for a few customary 'gargels' in the various hostelries on the way to Vicarage Road!
NUFC have sold wor full allocation of tickets---don't know how many?

A full Geordie Times match and pub crawl report will appear here sometime on Sunday---and so az per usual---watch this space!

PS: The Geordie Times had the most 'hits' ever in one day yesterday, when we had a total of!----3,040 pageviews !

*KX=King's Cross train station, London   
'The Central'=Newcasil Central train station

HEINZ OR HP? *** TAKE YOUR PICK!

Posted '12:20pm bells' Friday 28th December 2018

Former Toon defender Steve Howey haz apparently caused a frenzy by claimin' that a takeower of wor great club iz 'imminent'!
A 'sauce' haz told him that talks are at an advanced stage and that we will find oot next Wedinzday before we take on Moan U at St. James' Park!

WE have ne idea if the 'sauce' he iz taalkin aboot iz the Heinz tomato ketchup variety or HP broon sauce!




We await with 'baited breath' to find oot!

TEN THOOOSAND TO ONE!

Posted '4:00pm bells' Thorsday 27th December 2018

One of wor number, who shall remain nameless, caalled 'Marzzy' had a bet that NUFC would beat The Liverbirds 3-0 yesterday, with Lascelles scorin' wor forst goal!
The odds he got were 10,000 to 1 for hiz £2 wager and he would have won £20,000 if it had happened!

Mental Health England have been informed of hiz whereaboots!😨